It's been a couple of days since Lemres published her piece about being sexually involved with a minor (allegedly more than one) and to say that it's been a difficult period for some is an understatement. Some people were aware of her as only being adjacent to them in speedrunning and were shocked, some had their misgivings about her and were unsurprised, whilst others had a long personal history with her and were deeply hurt by what happened. I myself fell into the latter camp; I had been friends with her for several years at this point, worked with her as SSC staff, roomed together at GDQ, the whole shebang. All this to say, it was not easy to read everything she posted, or to process it. Some of it I didn't even really comprehend until I read it again some hours later, and it was perhaps more difficult to process, though impossible to ignore.

This had implications relating to my own standing as a Sonic Speedrun Community admin and the position I am duty-bound to take when dealing with these matters, and I know the same is true for others, both those involved with the deliberation process and those not involved. I've seen reactions ranging from utter disgust to sympathy and support, coming from various headspaces. One contentious issue has been her banning in social spaces, where some individuals, particularly initial reactions on Twitter, voiced concern about her being isolated and shunned everywhere in online speedrunning spaces, that such a thing may be overreaching in punishment.

Whilst I understand where these concerns come from due to knowing her past and personality on a personal level, I want to be clear and remind everyone of a simple fact: She has gotten off very easy on this. Anything involving online sanctions is getting off easy when you remember that the actions described constitute criminal offences that people get sent down for. Any outcome where the perpetrator avoids prison time for this is getting off easy. Please do not forget that.

With that said, my concerns have been many over the last couple of days, and only partly around our handling of this case. It seems obvious in retrospect that nobody involved in any moderation positions should have entertained anything less than a total community ban, but hindsight is always 20/20 and as previously mentioned, for many this was not as easy as seeing someone they have no connection to be presented as a threat to community safety, but a huge blow about someone they considered a friend and grappling to process the reality of it.

What has been equally troubling to me throughout this process is the behaviour of various community figures towards each other. As highlighted above, although a consensus was reached and the appropriate actions taken, the initial reactions were not unified, and some people have been suffering as a result of this. I should not have to be investigating harassment of individuals over a difference in perspective, but here we are. Some disagreements have been civil and resulted in apologies, others have involved ableist slurs being thrown around on social media and people retreating into their own smaller communities, and it is this that really concerns me.

I remember a time when "the speedrunning community" had a different meaning than it does now. When meetups and events were not frequent, and online spaces were poorly centralised. This was a time when most involved in speedrunning made active efforts to band together, to gather in spaces where we could communicate and collaborate. Several years ago it was a celebration to have a new person to pull into the Sonic Speedrunning Skype group, to have our number grow by another individual. This model has drastically changed however, and I don't think we're better off for it.

I don't remember this infighting. This cannibalism of figures who worded something badly, this propensity to withdraw into cliques and snipe at each other from closed spaces, without a direct line of communication. I myself have had bitter disagreements with individuals over the years, and have had just as many reconciliations. I've taken beefs to DMs with people who I've vehemently disagreed with and reached a better mutual understanding where we can at least respect each other's positions.

This is not limited to the current goings-on in the Sonic community, I see this across other communities too. Leadership bases fragmenting, community figures going at each other, rumours that somebody has screenshots lined up ready to post on Twitter. I look at this stuff going on and I think to myself "What the FUCK has happened to this community??"

I've been at a bit more of a distance from speedrunning over the past couple of years due to other commitments and activities, and it has given me a new perspective on viewing these interactions. I still have a deep love for speedrunning, relationships with individuals and communities, and a desire to see people do well. But I am also able to view these events through the lens of someone from the outside looking in, and it is not a pretty sight. Some of the things I see make the community borderline unrecognisable.

At some point we've forgotten that we're all ultimately on the same side, working towards the same common purpose. When individuals are judged to be a threat to that cohesion or to the safety of others they lose the privilege of participating in our communities, and that is right. But when people who should be working together to achieve the same goal turn their respective positions in the community and how it affects others in similar positions from collaborative to adverserial, that shit is WRONG.

The way that SSC staff handled this matter is not perfect. But the way that some people have been willing to throw each other under the bus or write people off as enemies simply because they've never had a conversation to understand where they're coming from is also pretty fucking far from perfect. I don't want this to be how things are conducted, I know from personal experience that whilst you can go into a private communication  with the attitude of, "Oh, here we go." with someone whom you're arguing, you can come out of that same interaction feeling better than you thought was possible for having understood each other a little better.

We are all on the same side. It might not be immediately obvious when we only see a facet of the other person in a public chat, but it's true. It's my firm belief that we will be better off if we engage with each other in one-on-one conversations, conducted in good faith where we are genuinely attempting to understand the other person, and it is my hope that people will reflect upon reading this and re-evaluate how they engage with others. Mentally speaking, I've done nothing but ruminate on this issue over these last couple of days and what I could have done differently. There are folks who I have never exchanged a private word with on this topic, or any other serious topic, but my DMs are always open if people have anything they want to say to me, any beef to air or any concerns they want to voice. You only have my word to go on when I say I won't just put you on blast and will hear you out, but that is my word.

If you've read to the end, I appreciate your patience. If you've been affected by the events of the last few days, I hope you can make peace with everything that's happened. If you resent me or my words on this, I welcome any private communication so I can understand more about your grievances or discuss further if you so wish.

- Drako