It's pretty fucking depressing when all your friends are studying, working, getting into relationships, thinking about graduation, etc
and I'm celebrating opening my front fucking door
Hard not to feel worthless or less than human
when your own parents barely even give a shit about you
and always have
Hell I was born because my brother wanted a brother
not because my parents wanted a second child
and it shows
he had tutors, attention, money, private schooling, all the fucking shit
and didn't even start going to school until I was 7
two years behind everyone else
shitty public school
bullied, nothing was done about it
didn't understand an assignment, no help
didn't want to learn to swim because I was afraid of water, well gee, Iman, guess you won't learn to swim at all
kept eating toothpaste when I was like 4 and my mom was teaching me to brush my teeth, well gee, Iman, guess I won't teach you to brush your teeth
still can't swim btw
but I do at least brush my teeth
I remember when I was getting a good hand of reading in third grade, I read an entire 120 page novel in one sitting
I was so proud and happy, I told my mom
no fucking reaction
couldn't finish a single book since
Basically my parents, unintentionally, taught kid me that absolutely nobody can be trusted and absolutely nobody likes me
and it was cemented by years of bullying both from students and teachers
Now I'm not a kid anymore and I know those are dumb thoughts but it's hard to break the way you've been thinking your whole life
<Mastercat> do you floss your teeth? or use inter-dental brushes? that's important
No, I was at one point
but I stopped, when I started getting stressed by other things

<Mastercat> Swimming is an important survival skill. Learning all the various strokes and shit is pointless, but it would be worthwhile learning certain basics. Stuff like how to float, how to 'tread water', and maybe one simple stroke that you do on your back

I can just float

<Mastercat> maybe somewhere would offer a basic water/swimming safety course. But a friend should be able to teach you that much

and kinda swim? but it takes like 250 strokes to move 5m
rather drown at that ponit

<Mastercat> lol

Doesn't exactly help that when my friend in 7th grade was trying to teach me how to swim, some douchebags came and dragged me to the deep end and held my head down

<Mastercat> Not that learning the swimming stuff should be at the top of your list priority wise. But it could be a good thing to start soon as a confidence building project. It's something relatively small/simple, it has measurable outcome ('can I tread water?') and it's useful skill
<Mastercat> I have nearly died twice from drowning
<Mastercat> it really is down to luck that I'm here

Me too, I fell into the Caspian Sea when I was a kid
thankfully it was still fairly shallow enough for my dad to find me just as I was pasing out

<Mastercat> Of course, I am now a little afraid of the ocean, but I think that's rational. I'll still travel by sea. I don't have anxiety about it

Oh same
I love boating

<Mastercat> I was caught in a powerful rip once, the other time I was swept off rocks while fishing
<Mastercat> One moment you're saying you have no close friends, another that it's depressing watching your friends move through various life goals

I have many friends and none of them close
Except I guess two of them but they live in Southern California
so not a whole lot of interacting with them outside of Steam
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Fearful%E2%80%93avoidant
that describes my behaviour pretty well
God I want to just fucking stop existing

<Mastercat> Naww
<Mastercat> We're kinda friends
<Mastercat> :)

I guess lol