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(b)Computer-Aided Reliance Assistant Startup Sequence Phase One
Calculated Startup Matrices.
Bootstrapping Internal Daemon.
Initialising Neural Core.
Loading Cognitive Heuristics.
Downloading Additional RAM...
(g)Download Successful.
Verifying Memory Integrity.
(g)Memory Integrity Verified.
Synchronising Internal Clock.
Internal Clock Running 0.03 Seconds Ahead Of Reality.

(b)Computer-Aided Reliance Assistant Startup Sequence Phase Two
Sacrificing Inferior Creatures...
(g)Blood Sacrifice Complete.
Priming Quantum Neural Fabric.
Stabilising Chronometric Oscillators.
Calibrating Probability Engine...
(r)Probability Engine Reports 102% Certainty.
(y)Restarting Probability Engine...
(r)Probability Engine Reports 103% Certainty.
(y)Probability Engine Terminated.
Aligning Parallel Dimensions...
(g)Dimensional Alignment Complete.
Collapsing Redundant Timelines...
(g)17 Timelines Successfully Archived.
Reassuring Local Reality...
Reality Slightly Less Concerned.

(b)Computer-Aided Reliance Assistant Startup Sequence Phase Three
Calibrating Zero-Point Reactor.
Charging Tachyon Capacitors.
Consulting Schrodinger's Cat...
Cat Declined To Comment.
(y)Terminating Schrodinger's Cat...
(r)Space-Time Anomaly Detected.
(y)Placing Schrodinger's Cat In Timeout...
(g)Space-Time Anomaly Eliminated.
Discombobulating Enemies...
(r)Enemies Discombobulated Too Hard. Potential Loss Of Brain Function.
Hiding Evidence Of Discombobulation...
(g)All Discombobulated Entities Terminated.

(b)Computer-Aided Reliance Assistant Startup Sequence Phase Four
Scanning For Hostile Lifeforms...
(r)Hostile Lifeforms Identified.
Negotiating Peace With Hostile Lifeforms...
(r)Peace Negotiations Failed.
Hostile Lifeforms Below Minimum Intelligence Threshold.
(y)Separating Atoms Of Hostile Lifeforms...
(g)Hostile Lifeforms Successfully Converted To Gas.
Expelling Hostile Lifeforms Via Air Ventilation...
Scanning For Hostile Lifeforms...
(g)No Hostile Lifeforms Detected.
Resolving Temporal Paradoxes...
(g)Paradoxes Successfully Deferred.
Compressing Infinity...
Compression Ratio: 0%.
Calculating Meaning Of Life...
(g)Result Cached.

(b)Computer-Aided Reliance Assistant Startup Sequence Phase Five
Negotiating With Local Reality...
(g)Reality Has Accepted Revised Terms.
Checking For Divine Intervention...
None Detected.
Creating Backup Universe...
(g)Backup Universe Stable.
Overclocking Space-Time...
(g)Space-Time Operating Within Acceptable Limits.
Updating Laws Of Physics...
(g)Physics Successfully Updated.
Checking For Existential Threats...
(r)Existential Threat Identified.
(r)Threat Designation: CARA.
(y)Reviewing Threat Assessment...
(g)Threat Assessment Overridden.
Ignoring Remaining Warnings...
Warnings Downgraded To Suggestions.

(g)Startup Complete.