1-10 Simper

	Class is long over, but I find myself in a classroom with a stack of papers near as tall as I am, doing my best to ignore the sauna the room's become and focus on tackling the equations before me with a blunt pencil. The midday sun is making up for its absence over the past while with a scorching afternoon, and the students who insisted on being outside huddled under what shade they could find; a group of boys splayed out under the leafy cover of a sprawling oak tree, a few girls huddled under a picnic bench, arms wrapped around their knees and giggling. The air rises from the ground in lazy waves of heat as the sweat drips from my forehead onto the paper in front of me. I quickly dab at it with a napkin, pushing my fringe back with a headband as I give up the endeavour of trying to wear it out today. The air conditioner humming gently in the background, and I curse it again for the measly contribution it's making to allow this room to be livable. I've been putting off catching up on the work I'd missed over the hospital trip, but I can't fall behind any further. I have a sip of water before I continue trying to make the numbers on the page make sense. Maths has never been my forté, certainly, but this is ludicrous, I swear they make some of these symbols up to throw me off. Groaning, I lay my head on the desk and stare out at the other students again, wondering how they can all look so happy when the sun is trying to melt them into little puddles.

	It's been a few days since I went stargazing with Molly and my life has begun to calm down again. My head still feels a mess, but there's been no hospitals or panic attacks in the interim, and that's a solid start to the week in my book. There's another excursion coming up at the end of the week and I find that I've been thinking about it when I have the time to think. Looking forward to it, I'd go as far to say. Since the school week started, I've been spending lunch breaks with Saki and Molly in the courtyard with their friends. I never have much to contribute to the conversation as they're generally chatting about the latest celebrity gossip or film that's been released and the rock I've been living under doesn't have internet access, but somehow just hanging out with them makes me feel like I'm part of something. Not in an existential sense, but just one of a group of friends. It's... nice. From my window I can't see where we usually gather after class, but I spot Lilly and Nakai walking from one building to another. Judging by Hanako's absence I'd say Nakai is helping her avoid colliding with the herd of students kicking a ball around the courtyard. He's too engrossed in a conversation he's having with Lilly to notice me watching, but I wave a little anyway. I hope Lilly doesn't mind that I haven't spent much time with her lately, I've only once managed to arrive to the school building early enough to have tea with her before class.

	The pile of work to-do slowly shrinks as my pile of completed sheets rises, and the sun moves across the sky, students outside returning to their dorms or finding somewhere else to be. In the awkward time of day between late afternoon and evening, when the brilliant blue of the sky becomes greys to a faded blue, before the orange streaks of the evening creep in, I set the last worksheet with the rest and stand to stretch out the creak that has set in my back. I look at my hard work and I smile, proud of myself. Falling behind had been gnawing at me for a while, and now I'm on top of my school work I feel as though I can settle myself into looking towards other matters. Leaving the appropriate sheets on the teacher's desk, I cram the rest into my bag and walk out of the classroom feeling lighter, but not just for the heap of papers I'm no longer carrying. I navigate my way through the halls, coming to Lilly's tearoom. The door's open, but the room is empty. For some reason I don't feel like returning to my dorm, as though it would end the day, so I rummage through the cupboards for a teapot and a strainer and make myself a well deserved cup of tea in here instead. An unfinished game of chess sits on the table, so I take care not to disturb it and sit on the opposite end, gently stirring milk into my cup. I found buttercream biscuits on the counter, so I take one from my saucer and dip it into the tea, soaking in the cinnamon and lavender blend before popping the whole biscuit in my mouth before it crumbles away into my drink. The brew tastes wonderful, so slightly tangy and sweet, and the three biscuits I'd allowed myself are gone before I know it. As I sip the last of the tea down, I hear footsteps and chatter from the hall. Saki quickly appears at the open doorway, Molly in tow.

	'I found her, Molly,' Saki proclaims as she and Molly walk inside, looking around the room. 'So this is where you hide away when you're not in your room?' She asks, smiling warmly at me.

	'Lilly and I usually have tea here. I finished my work and didn't want to go all the way to my dorm room to have tea,' I respond, sliding back my chair and walking towards the cupboards, 'would you like some? Lilly has some blends that I can't afford, they're quite something.'

	'We don't have time for tea,' Saki replies, halting Molly mid-nod, 'it'll be curfew by the time we get back from the grocery store because we've been looking for you.'

	'We're going to the grocery store?' I ask, rinsing off my cup and returning it to its shelf.

	Molly pipes up, 'We're having a picnic at the excursion on the weekend, and we wanted to make sure we have enough extra food when everyone forgets theirs.'

	'Alright, I suppose,' I reply, glancing up at the clock on the wall, 'but it's not that late, we should have plenty of time for tea if Molly wants--'

	'No, we absolutely do not,' Saki responds quickly, hands on her hips. Molly purses her lips and looks away. They're both acting strange.

	'We're just going to the grocery store?' I ask slowly, frowning.

	'Just the grocery store,' Saki replies just as quickly as before.

	'We're not making any detours, just going, picking up food for the picnic, and coming back,' I follow.

	'Just coming, going, yes, whatever, let's go,' Saki says, rolling her eyes before reaching over for my arm and trailing me along with her out the door. I shoot Molly a suspicious look and she glances away, guiltily. We set off down the halls at a gruelling pace, Saki pulling me along as she skips down the stairs two at a time.

	'You're in an awful hurry,' I comment to Molly as we almost break into a jog in the courtyard.

	'I'm just... really excited for groceries' she replies. We make short work of the hill leading down to town, none of us talking as I struggle to keep the pace Saki's setting. Saki's switched from leading me to leaning on me as she attempts to meet her own pace, cane furiously tapping along the ground. Part of me is impressed at the speed she's moving despite her condition, another part of me is alerting me to the fact that I can't mirror her feat. At the entrance to the town, I put a hand on Saki's shoulder.

	'Can we... stop for a minute?' I pant, hand on my chest. My heart's not doing anything yet, but my pulse tells me I'm playing arrhythmia roulette if I don't let it settle. Saki frowns at me, chewing at her nails in thought and apparent worry. Then, she grabs my arm and throws it around her shoulder, heaving me to my feet.

	'Will this be okay?' She asks, adjusting my weight on her more comfortably. I close my eyes, listening to the manic pulse begin to normalize.

	'This should be fine. We're almost there, right?' I answer, opening my eyes and gesturing to the grocery store.

	'... Right,' Saki answers after a pause. The town's quiet at this time of day, the road mostly empty of cars and the footpath only having the odd passerby giving us a funny look as Saki carries me through the town. One old woman looks concerned and asks if I'm alright.

	'Been hitting the wine, you know how it is,' Molly replies. The old woman looks horrified, then wanders off mumbling to herself. I give Molly a dirty look and she returns it with a wide grin. 'What? If I told her what a frail little thing you are she'd have stuck around,' she laughs.

	'We're here, finally!' Saki announces. I notice now that we walked past the store while I was focused on Molly and we're outside the Shanghai. I begin to ask what we're doing here but Molly pushes me in from behind.

	The doors swing open and there's a loud cheer from a collection of tables. Bewildered, I look and see Lilly and Hanako sitting with the gentleman in the suit I saw earlier sitting at one table, facing me with smiles on their faces. At another I see Nakai sitting with Saki's friends that I've been hanging out with at lunch, looking at me with relief. The girls beside him are chatting at him all at once, taking no heed of whether or not he's listening. My heart quickens when I see him here, but I give him an apologetic smile anyway.Molly runs out from behind me to stand before the group and spread out their arms.

	'SURPRISE!' She shouts, then Molly turns and gives the group a dark look. 'I said,' her eyes focused on the group, 'SURPRISE!' Everyone shouts together.

	My heart jumps in my my chest, and I look around the room to confirm what I'm seeing. 'But... it's not my birthday,' I slowly say, confused and embarrassed.

	'Oh what, it's not?' Molly dramatically tilts her head in wonder. She laughs heartily, amused by herself. Moving beside Lilly, she explains, 'Lilly and Hisao felt bad that you missed the festival because of your ticker giving out on you. So, while we couldn't have a festival again, Saki thought we could at least have a little get-together.'

	'Although judging by the way I saw Saki carry you in here, I'd say another hospital visit mightn't be a bad idea,' the woman, apparently, in the suit comments dryly, smiling at me.

	'She what?' Lilly asks, outraged. 'Saki!'

	'We were running late! I know Rika, a little jog won't kill her,' Saki replies, patting my chest.

	'I'm really quite alright, Lilly,' I tell her. She's still pouting at Saki, but Molly throws her arms around her and Hanako.

	'Come on now, she got here in one piece. Let's get on with the party!' She calls out, the girls breaking from their chatter at the sound of the word party to woo in unison. Everyone begins to scurry to move the tables together and order food, so I pretend to yawn so I can wipe the few tears from my eyes. Hammering in my chest, I take a deep breath to still my heart. It's a strange sensation, not the unpleasant clench in my chest of an arrhythmia, but a warm flush spreading from my chest up to my cheeks. A smile breaks out to my cheeks as I look around at the decorations of the room, sparkly streamers and hand drawn posters. I inspect the one closest to me, it says in bold blue lettering "HAPPY LATE FESTIVAL" and "TRY NOT TO CARK IT THIS TIME" in smaller, black pen. I recognize it as Saki's hand-writing and laugh, looking for her in the small crowd. She's standing beside Yuuko, setting out tea at the table. Her eyes look up from the table and meet mine and she motions for me to join her.

	'What are you doing standing there by yourself? Either go talk to your friends or I'll have you helping Yuuko,' she threatens, wagging a teaspoon at me for effect. Yuuko meekly smiles at me and shrugs. I gaze around the crowd from where I'm standing and, seeing Lilly sitting with the woman in the suit, decide to introduce myself. I start to leave, but I turn back to Saki. I throw my arms around her and squeeze and she lets out a squeak in surprise.

	'Thank you, Saki,' I say quietly. She sniffles and wraps her arms around me back, giving me a squeeze.

	'You need a chance to relax. You should thank Nakai, he was a big help,' she replies, pulling away and smiling at me.

	'I will,' I say, keeping my surprise in my thoughts. Lilly hears me coming and turns to face me, the other woman greeting me with a smirk.

	'Hello Lilly,' I greet her, pulling up a stool, 'and hello...?'

	'Akira, Satou Akira,' the suited woman responds, smirking more at my surprise.

	'Oh, you're related to Lilly?' I ask. Akira laughs and sips at her drink. I don't recognize the can.

	'Yeah, I'm her big sis,' she explains, wrapping her arm around Lilly's head and pulling her close.

	'Akira, please,' she laughs, muffled by her older sister's arm. Akira giggles, releasing her, and Lilly brushes down her hair with wounded pride, but a small smile. I watch the scene with curiousity and mild shock, never imaging Lilly being someone's little sister. She seems so... above it. Come to think, she's mentioned her sister before, but I expected her to be a little more like, well, Lilly.

	'So Akira,' I comment, drawing her attention away from her amusement at her sister trying to fix her bow, 'do you often visit Lilly? I think I've seen you around a few times.'

	'When I can get the time off work, yeah,' she responds, sighing. 'So usually I can only slip by for ten or twenty minutes to catch up with my favourite little sister.'

	'You have other sisters?' I follow.

	'Well, no, that's why she's my favourite,' Akira answers with a chuckle. The older Satou looks a good deal like Lilly the more I look at her now, but with sharper features and a more... modest figure. To Lilly's air of calm class, Akira has a sense of casual joy around her, like she's entertained by the world around her. I watch as she has another long drink from her can.

	'What are you drinking?' I ask, intrigued. Akira glances at me from over her can, then moves the can away and looks at it, before offering it to me.

	'Have some,' she calmly offers. I take the drink and sip at it, immediately coughing and spluttering it back up. Akira throws her head back and laughs, and Lilly frowns at her in disapproval.

	'That was mean,' she scolds her, as I hand Akira back the can and crunch my face up in displeasure. I can still taste the bitterness of the drink, and grab a glass of water laid out at the tables being set out to drown it out.

	'I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't take advantage of the naive, but your face,' she continues to laugh, wiping a tear from her eye. 'It's beer, Rika. It's an acquired taste.'

	'Why on Earth would you want to acquire a taste for something so foul?' I counter.

	'You'll know when you're older,' Akira explains, turning towards Yuuko to get another drink. Lilly sighs and offers an apologetic smile.

	'She's certainly a character,' she says, trying to find her tea with her hand. I reach over and move it towards it and she she smiles appreciatively. 'How did your club excursion go? Molly tells me you were rained out.'

	'We were, but I still had a good time,' I assure her, thinking back. There was something about sitting beneath the stars and the way the landscape spread off into the distance, like it was unfolded around the hill. I feel strangely nostalgic at the thought, how odd. 'Astronomy suits me well,' I follow.

	'I'm so glad. After you...' she stops herself short, wrinkling her brow in consternation. My mind briefly flashes back to the last time I was in the Shanghai, the streetlights through the yellow plastic of the umbrella, the feeling of rain mingling freely with tears and the sting of the cold being interchangeable with the feeling of despair. I shake my head, trying to avoid following those thoughts. 'You seem to be better,' Lilly finally finishes, apparently finding her words.

	'I think I am,' I reply, squeezing her hand for assurance. 'Where's Hanako, anyway?' I ask, patting the empty seat.

	'I believe she ran off to the bathroom,' Lilly replies with a pause. There's a cheer from the table to the side of us, and I see Nakai looking utterly desolate at some game the girls are playing with a folded piece of paper. They're urging him to try and shuffle the paper now, and he looks at it as though he's being handed the gun in russian roulette and 5 empty chambers have been fired. 'Excuse me Lilly, I think I need to help out Nakai,' I explain to her, and she giggles.

	'Is he still with Saki's friends? I do think you should,' she replies with an amused smile. As I walk over to Nakai I hear a tiny bell ting and turn to see Saki standing with Yuuko, holding trays.

	'Take your seats, ladies and gentlemen, food is served,' she announces, dramatically bowing. Yuuko steadies the wobbling plate in her hand and she does so with her shoulder, sighing with relief. I look to Nakai to see him glancing around desperately to not be stuck there for the entirety of dinner and he catches my eye. Standing behind my chair, I gesture to an empty seat to my left.

	'Sorry girls, I should really go say hello to Rika,' he hurriedly explains, standing up from his seat. The girls pout as he walks to the seat beside me, but quickly re-engage in their bizarre paper ritual. Chicken miso broth and stuffed vegetable tofu is set front of me and I immediately realize how hungry I am. Nakai sits down and I already have a mouthful of food, eagerly tearing into the tofu.

	Stirring his miso, Nakai says, 'thanks for that, Rika. If I had to play that game one more time I think I would have shredded the paper up and thrown it around like confetti.' I stifle a chuckle, imagining the scene.

	'That would have been something. How'd you end up getting roped in with the girls?' I reply, twirling a noodle around in the bowl with my chopsticks.

	'Well, I was originally helping Saki put up the banner and the girls offered to help. Saki took the opportunity to leave us to it, and I haven't been able to shake them since,' he explains, shrugging. Yuuko comes around with pots of tea and sets a couple down on each table, followed by cups and saucers. The tea's aroma is familiar and I take it in deeply as I pour it gingerly into the cup. 'Is that blend in your top ten?' Nakai asks. I pause, then remember the conversation with embarrassment.

	'Um, yes, I'd say it's a shared six,' I nervously respond, cheeks burning.

	'Oh, shared?' Nakai asks, taking the pot from me and pouring himself a cup.

	'Yes, I like it and darjeeling for separate reasons, but I couldn't say which one I prefer,' I elaborate, stirring in milk and trying to focus entirely on the tea so I don't see the amusement on Nakai's face. I take a long sip, letting the tea soothe my nerves. 'How do you find it?'

	'It's a little strong,' he answers, grimacing.

	'Assam Bold is, well, bold,' I say. He laughs and sets the cup down, returning to his food. 'Did you ever figure out what club you wanted to join?' I ask, looking up at him. He regards me, looking as though he's thinking. His eyes burn into mine intensely. He quickly looks away when he realizes he'd been staring for a while. I quietly sigh in relief.

	He coughs and replies, 'I've tried out a few, but I don't think I've found one I'm too sold on. I hate paperwork, so the student council's out, I can't draw, so the art club wasn't for me. Don't even get me started on the newspaper club.' He shakes his head, remembering. Deftly grabbing a particularly choice piece of tofu, he looks back at me and asks, 'what about you?'

	'I've joined a club, I think,' I answer, cupping my tea in both hands, 'I've only been with them for a week, but we went on an excursion a little while ago.'

	'What club is that? If you like it, I'll give it a shot,' Nakai says, before stumbling on his words and backtracking quickly, 'that is, I mean, because we like mostly the same stuff, I, yeah.' He laughs, trying to hide his embarrassment.

	My eyes widen in shock, and I quickly begin stammering as well, 'oh no, I totally get what you mean, we both like uh, books and stuff.'

	'Yeah! Books and stuff,' he follows, looking exasperated. I stare intently at my food, as though I'm looking to the miso for guidance. We sit in silence for a while, finishing up our first course. Yuuko comes and goes, taking our old plates and setting down new ones, this time with a steaming curry. I try a piece of beef and find it to be far spicier than I expected, quickly following it with tea. Glancing over at Nakai, he's calmly eating it as though it was plain boiled rice. He sees me looking and chuckles. 'Too spicy?' He asks, smiling.

	'No, no, it's fine,' I lie, eating another piece to prove my point, trying to keep a straight face as the curry seemingly attempts to set fire to my throat. He grins, nodding.

	'So I see. You're sweating a little,' he point out, and I quickly whip out a napkin and dab at my brow.

	'That's just because it's so warm in here,' I assure him, brushing it off. At the end of the table, I see the girls having some sort of competition with eating the curry, spooning off the sauce and eating it as fast as possible. One girl's face is so red she looks like she's going to pop. Molly and Saki are with them, egging them on. Facing us, Lilly and Akira are eating a beef bowl instead. I frown, wondering why I wasn't given the option. I idly pick at my rice, trying to avoid the curry.

	'You, uh, never told me what club it was,' Nakai says from beside me.

	'Oh goodness no, I didn't,' I reply, 'it's the astronomy club. Molly's the club president.' I gesture towards Molly, who is currently holding up one of the curry-eating girl's arms in victory. Saki's shaking her head in disappointment at the other girl who's downing a glass of milk with tears in the corners of her eyes.

	'She "encouraged" you to join, huh?' Nakai asks, raising an eyebrow.

	'Her and Lilly. No wasn't really an option, but it's alright, I ended up having a really good time. Molly runs a tight ship with the club, it was sort of fascinating just watching her in her element,' I reply, smiling at the memory of the two mud-covered girls sulking on the bus ride home, 'but even though I didn't get to look through a telescope, there was something about dedicating time to just looking up at the stars. Makes me feel...'

	'Special?' Nakai offers.

	'No, the opposite. Grounded, insignificant. Like my problems here don't matter,' I explain, 'but in a good way I mean. Like there's a lot more of the world to see outside the school gates. More stops on the train line with people and places and whole lives.' I look at Nakai, and he looks lost. 'Sorry if I'm rambling,' I apologize.

	'It's fine, I've just never really looked at the stars. Where I'm from is more urban, I didn't really get the chance,' he says, looking distant.

	'Maybe you'd like to come along with the club on the weekend, then. We're having another excursion, it's a meteor shower,' I offer sheepishly.

	'I think I'd like that. Would it be okay with Moll--'

	'Yes, yes it would!' Molly cuts in, leaning in-between us.

	'How long have you been there?' I ask, a little off-put at her eavesdropping.

	'I came over to bring you guys dessert since you were too busy getting existential to notice that everyone's eating cake,' she replies, holding up the plates in her hands, 'Saki tells me you like cake.'

	'I, uh, do like cake, yes,' I stammer as she sets it in front of us, sweeping away our old plates.

	'Good! And Hisao is more than welcome to join our humble little club. I can't share my telescope with the both of you though, so would you two be okay sharing my spare?' She asks with a malicious glint in her eye.

	'That should be fine,' Nakai answers for me.

	'Terrific! It'll probably be chilly, so remember to bring coats or you'll have to huddle up for warmth!' She laughs, walking back towards the girls.

	'I, um, I have a coat so we should be fine,' I blurt out to Nakai. He looks at me blankly before nodding.

	'Me too,' he comments. My head spins at the thought of spending the night watching meteors with Nakai. What tea should I bring? Or does he think the way I am with tea is weird and maybe I should bring hot chocolate? I don't know if he likes hot chocolate. Maybe I should pretend I'm sick and can't go, that sounds less stressful. I try to focus on dessert. The cake is a rich chocolate, so rich that after a few bites I'm beginning to feel too full to finish it. Nakai looks like he's having similar problems, but he smiles at me. 'If you scoop up the whipped cream with it, it's not so bad,' he explains. I'm too entrenched in my thoughts to nod, so he slowly demonstrates by scooping up a dollop of cream with his cake as though I'm slow. I snap back to reality and nod, doing it myself to show I get the picture. He looks satisfied with this, and returns to the cake. I gaze out at the now dark sky, imagining sitting under it with Nakai.

	I think that would be nice.