Cognitive behavioural torment transcript

It's been a little while since our last session, hasn't it? It made me feel so much better, the way that you listened so well. The way that we worked through my thoughts, my feelings. You're such a good therapist, really helping me, you know? Really helping me work through these things. As we said last time, kinda working through that need for control, and you agreed that... it's not a bad thing, that it can be a really good thing. That it is a good thing. It's good that... I take control. That I... like to be in charge, to give instructions, to... provide structure for others. Because I'm helping, because it's just what I'm good at. What I'm meant to be doing, and that's okay. So... I've been feeling really good since then. Really... Really helped me to let go a little, you know, and... I've been seeing the benefits, and... well... a few other people have been seeing the benefits. Aw, but... there's always more to talk through. There's always more to think about. Because if I'm comfortable with being in control, with my desire to control, and I know that you are comfortable with that too, the next question, I guess the next thing that's weighing on me, shall we say, is, what I do with that? Because... it's one thing to have control, isn't it? To... be able to make those choices, to do what's best for someone. And I can see you're listening, so well, you're paying such good attention, you're letting me take that control right now, aren't you? Letting me take control of this discussion. Listening so well, letting my words just wash over you and through you. Because that's what you're meant to do, isn't it? You're listening as a therapist should, and you're also... demonstrating for me, so usefully, so helpfully, what control can look like as you let me just... influence you a little, right? It's so helpful. It really lets me relax, because, as we've said, I'm at my most relaxed, at my best when I'm in charge, and you can accept that, can't you? Yeah. But I guess... the next thing that's been weighing on me just a little, it's not a big thing, but it's just... the kinds of thing I like to do with control. You know? Because, as I said, I think it's best when I'm in control. I think I make things better, right? I give people what they need. I help them to be their best selves. Like, you're listening to me now and helping me develop and grow into the best version of myself. That's what therapy's for, right? Uncovering who you really are, but... At the same time, by letting me be in control, you're allowing me to help you to be the best you can, because the best right now is you to be listening. That's the thing you need to be doing, and so I'm helping you do that. And you're finding it easier and easier, aren't you, as you keep listening and watching? That's right. Yeah, the things... Well, the word that's been used at times to describe me, and... well, I don't know if it's entirely fair, but some people have said I'm a bit of a s*dist, and... I don't think that's fair, really. I just like getting reactions from people, you know? And... if I'm in control, if I'm deciding, and I think it's best for someone to... experience something maybe a little negative, then they should just do that, right? It's for the best. It's what's best for them. That's what we determined, isn't it? That's what we said. That's what I said, and you agreed so well, so... so obediently, was that, well, what I want is what's best. And so if what I want is someone to be struggling a little, is that s*distic? If, say, I want to... hold someone down and just grab hold of their leg, for example, you know, just grab and just squeeze. Not really hard, just until you get that slight look in the eye, you know, the one where someone looks like they're just slightly panicking, where that pain just flashes and they're about to stop you, and then you let go. Is that s*distic? I think it's what's best for them. It's good to have a reminder of what things can feel like, isn't it? Because that way, they can appreciate not being in pain more. So I'm helping, really, but... I think it goes beyond that. And as you're listening so closely, maybe you can understand this. From the other side, some people... seem to like it, seem to enjoy it when I hurt them. When I take those reactions from them. Can you imagine what that might be like? As you listen so well? Can you imagine what it would be like to welcome that pain? Any kind of pain. Can you imagine that... instead of laying here talking to you, I was sitting up with you over my knee, and my hand spanking you, again and again, taking your ass from stinging to warm and red and glowing to maybe further than that. Can you imagine what it would feel like to find such pleasure in that? For my enjoyment of your pain to make you enjoy it too. Some people have told me that that kind of pain, that the way that I inflict it upon them goes beyond just enjoyment. Some of them tell me it turns them on, that it makes them horny, that suffering for me feels good. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine what that would feel like? Course you can, because you're listening so well. Anything I describe is just... settling in that mind, isn't it? Because I'm in control, as you've said, as you've told me is best. And I want you imagining taking my pain, taking whatever suffering I want to inflict on you. Because if someone's enjoying it, if I'm using that control to bring someone pleasure through what I'm doing to them... is that s*dism? If I'm enjoying your yelping, your crying, your screaming, the marks I leave on you, the pain that I bring you, why does the idea of all of that make you squirm right now? As you listen and my words sink deep, as you melt... into that control, why is it so appealing? You know the answer. It's 'cause it's what's best, right? It's best that I... push you. Hurt you. It's best that I bring you that pain, that suffering, because it feels good. Because it's what you need, of course it's what you need, it's what I'm going to give you. Such a good therapist you are. To be listening so well, it's important that you understand where I'm coming from, isn't it? That you pay close attention. That you can put yourself in the shoes of other people, and right now you're imagining what it would be like to be hurt. And for it to feel good. To be suffering and to be begging for more. To see the glee on my face as I bring you pain, and through the tears to be finding yourself dripping wet. Maybe that's a bit... inappropriate... to be talking about in a session like this. I hope that's okay. Of course it's okay. I've decided it's okay. And what I decide, it's what you want. Because I'm in control. Because it's okay for me to be controlling. And it's okay for me to be s*distic, isn't it? It's okay for me to bring people... pain. Suffering. It's okay because it's what's best. It's okay because my enjoyment matters. We all have the right to... pursue what feels good, right? As long as it's not harming anyone else, and as we've acknowledged... you're better off for what I do to you. So... I think that's settled, don't you? My s*dism, if we must call it that, is for the best. Those that take it are lucky to do so. Don't worry. We'll make this an extra long session. I'll help you to be lucky as soon as we finish this conversation. Call it payment for your services. I'm sure you'll consider it more than fair. So, my so helpful therapist. I think that's all I needed to discuss today. Working through these problems one at a time. It's okay. It's good that I'm controlling. And it's good... that I bring you suffering because you delight in it. Well, sorry. It's good that I bring... people suffering because they delight in it. Well, both are true. Let's wrap this up, then. You can stop paying such close attention. Find my words hitting a little less hard, maybe, as we come toward the end. And you can climb over my lap and I'll give you that gift. That payment. In just a moment. Another excellent session, I think. I'm looking forward to what the next one brings there's always more to take off my chest. Until then.