jealo

Do I ever miss you when you're not around? On this, I'll be honest just this once, then you'll have to promise never to ask again. I'll show you if you want, but just this once. I'll let you take one look at the twisted, wretched beast, then never, ever again. I'll tell you about the desolate, wailing throes of a wounded animal, forced, with such indifferent cruelty, to look into the cold face of its own demise... Once is enough. Then consign this ugliness to some far-off place and leave it there. And we'll both be better off...

I can't stand it. That crushing lack that weighs on my lungs. That nebulous ache that reverberates – that persistent dull hum that builds and builds, layer upon layer, until I'm doubled over and gasping to this hurt that pounds within my belly. And it pounds like a low-pitched drum- pounds and echoes and rattles the walls. I can't take it, yet I'm left without a choice- I have to take it- on the jaw and deep into my core. And I cannot show you; you can never know about it... but just this once.

I can't let you know about it because I have no desire to imprison you in any sense; no desire to prevent you from realising your every dream; your every whim. No desire to keep a beautiful butterfly in a jar; a colourful, sprightly songbird in a cage. I want you to flourish, with or without me. I want none of your potential to go to waste... But it can't be helped – this selfish hunger intrudes just the same whether I try to fight it or try to accept it... With the same flaming, dripping tongue, wholly and solely intent on devouring all that I am – undoing a million years of evolution within my mind... Until I see you again and I'm restored- and everything's forgotten until tomorrow.

I can't stand it. You flash a courteous smile at a shopkeeper, a colleague, a bus driver. Nothing more than civility on your part, but... but I know what he's thinking... and I can't help but suspect that you know too. I know because I was that shopkeeper once. I've been that colleague, that... bus driver... I work frantically to get a hold of my thrashing thoughts: a flailing fish plucked from uneasy depths- twisting and writhing and inching from out of my desperate clutches. I try and try and try again to fend off this utter madness, but it's no good... and I'm lead to the brink... the rim of a gaping black hole. Then, dread collapses in upon itself and drags everything in with it...

I step out to walk the streets - yes, maybe that'll clear my head – but in truth, nothing more than a piddling gesture; a weak effort to stifle some vague, encroaching panic... A fledgling morning sunbeam stretches out to illuminate your classic arches... your flawless breasts undulating in soft, soothing rhythm... Dreary eyes, but the smile is vibrant... All the world's natural beauty; all the world's most masterful art is beginning to stir- Wake up, sleepy-head... a face that could launch a thousand ships has sunk me a million times. And I go down with my heart laden and my desire maddening wildly. I go down to draw upon your heavenly nectar, beguiled and stupefied in its warming salubrity... I begin to stiffen as I walk... nonononono... tax forms, mortgages... and my tongue reaches out greedily for another dip into your abounding delight. Swelling ecstasy flows... but, but now is not a good time – uhm, car payments, electricity bills... but your heated phantasm insists, and I am dizzied by ever-stretching hardness- blind and stupid to all but the tender, slick velvet of your luxurious embrace... your stilted breath in my ear now, I take in the faint scent of your smooth neck in its floral subtlety... I'm mesmerised, and there's no resistance as I slide through a measured ellipse... and again – ebbing and flowing within you now... I have to curb my senses because it's too much... I can't look directly into the sun... it's just too much... And the pace quickens... And louder... And louder and faster and madder and madder... I lose more and more of myself as I drive and retreat, drive and retreat... and your heaving breath in my ear, and you moan as I ebb and I flow... driving and retreating... waxing and waning... I grunt and you moan; you gasp, I groan... and I paw, and I pull as my hands feverishly slip over your sublime curves- the architecture of the gods- impeccably sculpted... driving, retreating - sensing rapturous surrender creeping forth as your honey-drenched walls draw me deeper and deeper within you; more and more of my self being delicately coaxed within... and you moan again as I near devastation... I claw at you again and my fingers firmly dig into your ass... that perky, little ass... I drive into you again and hold you there as I buck... ah... and I spurt, then pour into you at the extent of my spasming cock's reach. I release everything –everything- into you. All of my heart, my soul, my strength I offer over to you now... And I am spent. Conquered unquestionably, yet again...

You come home in the evening, and you ask me, "Did you miss me?" And I answer you, "Yeah, sure, babe, whatever..."