So when I quit playing earlier in the year I was at a crossroads in my current life when I started working at the gas station last year I had a goal set forth in my life to see how far I could go in this company in a year of time. And that goal was my only was achieving that goal, and putting all my effort into that. Thankfully this was going on during the tail end of antorus and making sure I was able to be on Tuesday's was my only real goal the rest of the tier since we were full clearing in one night back then. So I had a agreement with my boss to let me always be available on Tuesdays, assuming nothing work related forced me to be there. At the end of the year I was told that I would be getting promoted at the start of the year and with the release of bfa I had some time but not the time that I would need to be able to raid 100% of the time. My training schedule would require me to be at work at 5 am Monday through Friday and with being on the east coast that would mean raid ending at 1 am me trying to sleep for 2.5 to 3 hours and waking back up and going to work for 8 hours, I tried it for a few days and it was just making me sick from the lack of consistent sleep on the days of the week we raided. So my training period should have been from January to the end of February but due to someone getting into a car accident I more or less was told at week 3 of 8 that I would be ending my training at the end of the month and moving locations to a different store. And a month afterward I would be moving again to a different store which was about a 30 min drive each way every day.

After the 3rd store in a year I was kind of in a bad place mentally with a feeling of not belonging and a bad self worth as I thought I was not good enough so I didn't belong in the position I was in so I was looking at my options in pursuing a different career and this was when I started to show up to your guys raids I had` some time but not a ton and a few people really wanted me to raid so I was like fuck it ill try it and see how it feels. And the feeling of uncertainty going on in my personal life it did not feel good and once again like the other times I ended up just not having the time to commit to raiding that I wanted to like every other time I quit with the intention of not coming back and playing again. And the 3rd week of April I found out I would be once again moving to another store and receiving a promotion from assistant manager to lead assistant manager which carried a 10 hour a week increase in work but guaranteed overtime every week, which I was all for since it was more money for not that much more work each week.

And I feel like where I am at now and the store has been the first time in my life at this company where I can say I am honestly is a happy place in my work life and my personal life. I enjoy going to work every day and and who I work with and the bullshit I deal with does not get to me since it just is something that seems to always happen, just because of the location of the store and the demographic of people we have that come in. it has really allowed me to be myself instead of a second person when im at work which has helped my personal mental state a lot. And my overall growth as a person and to truly find who I am and who I want to be going forward. Im finally at a state where I want to play again because I really miss the feeling that raiding gave me. The feeling of trying my best and giving it everything I can to achieve a goal as a collective not as a single person is something that I miss and the feeling that comes with that. And I know that the guild I remember is not the guild that friend zone is anymore and that is something we both can say in honesty. We both have had paths we have walked down and decisions we have made that we regret but much like life those are not things we can change and we can only grow from them.

I want to come back and play with everyone but I am not going to come in and make demands of what I want to do and force you and everyone else to deal with that. That is just something I refuse to let happen, and I would love to tank but I understand what I want is not something that will always happen. I am more or less all in on monk and whatever that brings, be it a raid spot or a more casual raid spot I understand that my wishes don't need to be placated so others suffer. Be it tanking healing or dpsing I am willing to do whatever because as we always said it is not what is best for us but is whats best for the guild and after all this time this is something I still believe to be true. And I know since antorus total and me put everything onto your plate and I feel kinda disgusted by that and my personal actions since then have been really poor and I regret them but I will never think less of my decisions that I made because of my personal beliefs. Kong and sick do what they do for the betterment of the guild and the group as a whole and they want what is best just like total you and me did every single time when Josh and Morgan would make a decision that hurt the guild. I am not going to say what your doing and what you have been doing has been destructive but they really just want whats best for everyone and for there to be a more open line of communication between you and them.  And if that is not something you are currently looking for then maybe discuss that with them so they can better understand where you are coming from since you are not always the easiest book to read.

So to end this seemingly essay I felt was necessary to write to explain my current thought process, I want to say I am wanting to come back and raid and I feel as I always have that I have something to add that may or may not be missing from the current version of friend zone and what I do in the current landscape is something I can be ok with be it raiding or not raiding. I just really want to see everyone succeed in a game that they love playing and I feel like you guys are on the cusp of the friend zone we both remember back in mop and the feeling that we both had all the way back then. So this is where I am going to leave this and we can pick up this line of communication later as it stands I am going to be at blizzcon so we can talk move via text voice or in person I do not mind any of those options. I think you as you always have, are looking out what is best for the guild so continue down your path and hopefully you can find what has been missing from your life for so long once again and you can relive those feelings we both remember so fondly.