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Most Dangerous Lay Shorts 2

Jun 27th, 2017
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  1. Silly Bugg
  2.  
  3. >Still, you figured that maybe some of Cogy's luck would rub off on you and you could convince the changeling queen to come with you and live happily ever after
  4. >Unfortunately for you, your little brother was being a bit of a debby downer
  5. >"We're gonna die. The two of us are going to go in there and she's gonna kill the two of us," Cogy said, in that calm, matter-of-factly way of his
  6. >You looked over at him
  7. "Will you stop your bellyaching? We'll be fine."
  8. >"She's gonna kill us, or lay eggs in our bellies, or turn us into emotion zombies," Cogy said, ignoring you as he shook his head
  9. >You smiled, reaching over and giving his shoulder a light punch
  10. "I'm telling you, we'll be fine. If I can just talk with her I'm sure we'll be able to work something out," you assured
  11. >Cogy looked into the mouth of the cave for several seconds before looking back at you
  12. >"Do we really need to go in there? Like really?" he asked. "There's a couple cute guards that I'd be happy to introduce you to."
  13. "Nope."
  14. "...Are you sure? If you played your cards right I bet you could get two of them to agree to a three-way. And I heard some of those guards are monsters in the sack."
  15. >Your smile dampened just a hair
  16. "Come on, Incognito. Would you say yes to that if the horse you loved was in the cave?"
  17. >"If Celestia was in that cave the only thing we'd have to worry about would be her asking if we had any donuts."
  18. >He pointed at the cave
  19. >"With the bug we have a completely different animal."
  20. >You puffed up a bit, brow furrowing
  21. "She's absolutely no different from Celestia."
  22. >"Anon, Celestia is a sweet old mare that gets up early every morning to make her sister pancakes. Chrysalis is a shapeshifting demon that sucks the emotions out of people."
  23. >You opened your mouth to retort but stopped at the last moment
  24. "...Fuck you."
  25.  
  26. >"No, fuck you," your brother said, poking your sternum with a finger. "Just because you want to have sex with a crazy demon doesn't mean I need to die with you."
  27. "Neither of us are going to die, faggot. I'm telling you, we'll be fine."
  28. >Your brother tried to say something but you raised up a hand
  29. "Look, we're already here, and I want to get her before we have another Luna situation."
  30. >Cogy chuckled to himself
  31. >"I can't believe those stupid fucks let her have her reverse harem..."
  32. "Exactly!" you said, giving his shoulder another punch. "I want this bug all to myself, and the only way I'll get that is if I get to her first So will you please come in and help me?"
  33. >Your brother looked at you out of the corner of his eye before sighing explosively
  34. >"If she is in there she probably already knows we're out here," he said, looking into the cave
  35. >You nodded
  36. "Yeah, probably."
  37. >Cogy sighed again
  38. >"If she kills us Celestia is gonna be pissed off at you, and when she uses her horse powers to bring us back I swear to god I'm beating your ass."
  39. "It'll be fine."
  40. >"Like really beat your ass. The kind of ass whooping that I'll be telling my kids."
  41. >You snorted, pulling off the backpack that you had been lugging around and dropping it onto the ground
  42. "I'm going in there even if you're not."
  43. >Cogy's face contorted
  44. >"I'm going in with you, you fuck," he grumbled. "But that doesn't mean I need to be happy about it."
  45. >Crouching down, you unzipped your backpack and began searching through its contents
  46. "Promise me you're not going try to hurt her."
  47. >"Fuck you."
  48. "Incognito."
  49. >"Fuck. You. If that bug tries to kill us I'm trying to stab her. She might blow me to bits but I'm fucking trying."
  50. "Incognito," you said again, looking into your brother's eyes
  51. >Cogy snorted, looking away from you
  52. >"Fine, fine, fucking fine," he said with a wave of the hand. "Just get up so we can get this shit show over with. I wanna get home before Celestia starts looking for me."
  53.  
  54. >After a bit more fiddling, you finally managed to find what you were looking for
  55. >It was a rose
  56. >But not just any rose, it was a rare black Elder Blaeth
  57. >It had cost you a fortune, and you had to call in a bunch of favors from the guys over in the minotaur lands, but you finally managed to get your hands on one
  58. >One of the rarest, most beautiful roses in the world for the most beautiful creatures that have ever existed
  59. >Cogy, seeing your rose, rolled his eyes
  60. >"You fucking faggot..."
  61. "Celestia fucks all the male guards whenever you leave the castle, you cuck," you replied, adjusting your shirt collar. "Now come on, I got a changeling to woo."
  62. >Ignoring the ball of anxiousness in your stomach, you made your way into the mouth of the cave
  63. >Incognito, watching you for a few moments, shook his head again before following you
  64. >Alrighty...
  65. >Bug queen here you come...
  66. >The cave was, like many caves were, dark and damp
  67. >If you listened very closely, you could hear water dripping off into the distance
  68. >"Hey, did you remember to bring your flashlight?"
  69. "...I thought you were going to bring one?"
  70. >"Why the fuck would I bring one?"
  71. "I brought the rose!"
  72. >"Fuck your rose! We're not finding that changeling in this dark ass cave if we don't have any light."
  73. "Then why don't you just go outside and grab a flashlight? I have one in my--"
  74. >You paused as you felt something brush past you
  75. "What was that?" you asked as your brother, as blind as you were, bumped into you
  76. >"What was what?" he asked
  77. >Eyes narrowing, you tried to see into the darkness, but it was no use
  78. >It was pitch black in this cave; almost unnaturally black in fact
  79. "...I thought I felt something brush past against me--FUCK!"
  80. >All around you, an eerie green glow erupted all around you
  81. >Before you even realized what you were looking at, something grabbed your leg
  82. "MOTHERFUCKER--!"
  83. >"GODDAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK--!"
  84. >In the span of half a second, you found yourself hanging upside down
  85. >...
  86. >Hello!
  87.  
  88. >Disorientated and more than a little dizzy, you looked up at your leg to see that some kind of green, glowing slime was covering it to the upper thigh
  89. >A quick look around the cave showed you that the entire cave itself was also covered in the same slime, from floor to ceiling
  90. >A low, happy noise escaped your throat
  91. >This must have been changeling goo!
  92. >You had been right!
  93. >Fucking AWESOME!
  94. >Incognito, who seemed far less pleased than you, pulled out a knife and began slashing wildly
  95. >"Oh, you motherfucker! Where are you? Come out so I can fucking STAB you, motherfucker!"
  96. >Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a different green glow sparking to life
  97. >It was darker color than the other ones, and seemed to move
  98. >Incognito let out a hiss of surprise as his knife turned cherry red, dropping it a half second later
  99. >"Fucking CUNT! Goddammit that smarts!"
  100. >A laugh rose up out of the silence of the room
  101. >It was quiet at first, so quiet that you had to strain to hear it
  102. >Soon though it was echoing off the walls, mocking you from all sides
  103. >"And who might you two little morsels be?"
  104. >Your heart leapt to your throat
  105. >She sounded exactly like you thought she would...
  106. >Turning your head as best as you could, you watched as a form slowly made her way toward the two of you
  107. >Her movements were regal, measured, graceful beyond repair
  108. >If you listened very carefully, you could hear her hoofsteps
  109. >"I suppose the two of you are these hyoo-mans that I've been hearing so much about, yes?"
  110. >As she grew closer, you began to see her more clearly
  111. >Long, holey legs, a royal face and neck, a curvy, perfect body, two glowing green eyes that pierced the darkness
  112. >Yes...
  113. >YES...
  114. >A smile came to your face as Queen Chrysalis, in all of her glory, stopped a few feet from you
  115. >"So, my little human's," the queen said with a toothy smile. "What are two males doing all the way out here?"
  116. >She leaned forward so close that you could have leaned up and kissed her
  117.  
  118. >"Alone, defenseless, and ready to harvest~?"
  119. >From beside you, Incognito groaned
  120. >"I should have just stayed home and snuggled with my cuddle-slut girlfriend...
  121.  
  122. >The queen perked up at that
  123. >"Oh?" she said, brushing past you and walking toward your brother. "And who is this lucky, lucky mare, my little morsel?"
  124. >She leaned toward him, her nostrils flaring
  125. >Not a second later, she pulled back with a hiss
  126. >"You reek of alicorn!" she snarled, baring her wickedly sharp fangs. "Of that retched sun princess in particular!"
  127. >Your brother frowned
  128. >"And how do you know what an alicorn smells like you big--HA!"
  129. >Reaching into his coat pocket, Cogy pulled out a knife and tried to drive the pointy end through the queen's neck
  130. >Thankfully, Chrysalis stopped the stab at the last moment with a spell
  131. >"Here I thought two morsels had fallen into my lap when they are so much more," she said, with a smile, wrenching the blade out of Cogy's hand and letting it drop to the floor
  132. >Your brother's nose scrunched up
  133. >"It looks like you got me and--HA!"
  134. >Another knife was pulled out, and again it was pulled out of his hand
  135. >"If you don't stop that I'll have to bind your hands," the queen said, looking like she was trying very hard not to cackle
  136. "Incognito! What the FUCK did I say about not hurting her?" you barked
  137. >Your brother looked past the queen at you
  138. >"What? She has us hanging in the air like a couple of pinatas!"
  139. "That doesn't mean you need to go around stabbing her! And where did you even get all of those knives?!"
  140. >"Your fucking ass, that's where I got them you homo."
  141. "Fuck you!"
  142. >"No, fuck YOU!"
  143. >Chrysalis, watching your verbal exchange, snorted
  144. >The two of her horn glowed, and she shut both of your mouths with a spell
  145. >"Usually the air is thick with fear and irritating crying whenever I find myself in the company of stallions," she said, giving Cogy's belly a poke. "But the two of you seem rather odd despite the situation you find yourselves in."
  146.  
  147. >Cogy tried to reach into his back pocket but Chrysalis grabbed his hands with her magic and forced them together
  148. >Some of the goo that was around his leg slid up his body to encase his hands, trapping them together
  149. >Your brother grimaced
  150. >"This feels weird," he said
  151. >Chrysalis's face scrunched up cutely as she bent down, so that her and your brother were face-to-face
  152. >"You do know who I am, don't you little colt?"
  153. >Cogy wiggled, trying to free himself
  154. >"Yeah, I know who the hell you are," he said, his face scrunched up in concentration
  155. >"I suppose you also know what I could do to you if I were so inclined. And I may be inclined since it smells as if you and that weakling Celestia are rather close
  156. >"Hey, don't you call my favorite horse weak, you structurally unsound cunt," Cogy said with a frown
  157. >The queen tittered
  158. >"Ohohoho, the mouth on you, young one! I would watch it however, some mares are more like than not to put a mouthy colt in his place," she said, giving his cheek a pat. "But enough of this banter. I wish to know why you've come here."
  159. >She looked over at her shoulder at you
  160. >A shiver ran up your spine, and you could feel her heartbeat quicken
  161. >God was she pretty...
  162. >"I would also like to know why so many of you humans have been trying to find me," the changeling continued, looking back down at your brother. "So speak, or I will make you speak."
  163. >Cogy looked over at you
  164. >"Go and ask that one right there. He's the reason we're about to be murdered," he said sourly, trying to reach into his jacket again and failing because of the goo stuck to his hands
  165. >Chrysalis looked back at you
  166. >"Oh? So you're the mastermind then?" she said, taking a step toward you. "Interesting..."
  167.  
  168. >You watched her make her way toward you, mesmerized
  169. >Her movements were so graceful...
  170. >She looked so beautiful in the eerie green glow...
  171. >...
  172. >God was she pretty...
  173. >Chrysalis raised an eyebrow
  174. >"What is even stranger is that you seem to be infatuated with me..."
  175. >Cogy grunted
  176. >"Yeah he fucking is," he grumbled. "And because of it we're gonna die..."
  177. >The queen ignored him, not stopping until she was just a few inches from you
  178. >She bent down, her expression softening as she gave your brow a nuzzle
  179. >"Tell me child, why have humans from the minotaur lands to Manehattan been looking for me? Do those alicorns wish me imprisoned? Perhaps my traitorous children wish to see their mother again?"
  180. >Anger and sadness flashed across her face, but as quickly as it appeared it was gone
  181. >"Or do you humans have some plan for this queen? Something that you aren't telling those weak-willed, unquestioning creatures that let hundreds of strange stallions into their lands without a second thought?
  182. >She gave you another nuzzle
  183. >Your toes curled in your shoes, and you had to resist the urge to reach up and wrap your arms around the queen's neck
  184. >"Just fucking tell her, you faggot," Cogy said irritably. "If we're gonna be murdered I want to get it over with. And I'm sick of hanging around upside down like this. All of the blood is rushing to my fucking head..."
  185. "I-I'm going to tell her," you said, tearing your gaze from the beautiful queen and looking at him with a glare. "Now s-shut the fuck up and let me do it!"
  186. >You looked back at Chrysalis, who was looking back at you expectantly, her green eyes dancing
  187. "I... u-um..."
  188. >You looked down at your hand
  189. >Holy shit you still had the rose in your hand and it still looked pretty good!
  190.  
  191. >FUCKING AWESOME!
  192. >A dozen long winded speeches came to mind
  193. >Speeches that you had spent many a night going over and revising
  194. >But, when you opened your mouth to tell Chrysalis, the queen, YOUR queen, how you felt about her, the words just kind of spewed out
  195. >Without thinking, you stuck the flower into the queen's nose
  196. >She bared her fangs and growled, taking a surprised step back, but you barely noticed it
  197. "Your highness I think it's really shitty that your kids did that to you and I think Thorax is a cunt and all of the changelings look like shit right now and I think you deserve someone that wants to take care of you and love you and I don't like the fact that you have to hide in a shitty cave all by yourself and I like you a lot and I wanna know if you'd some to my house so I can make you a really nice spaghetti dinner or whatever else you'd like to eat!"
  198. >The queen blinked as you shoved the rose under her muzzle, a blush exploding across your face
  199. "I-I mean, if you want to. Please say you want to. P-Please."
  200. >An unsure silence swept the cave as you and the queen just kind of looked at each other
  201. >This silence was only broken when Cogy decided to open his big mouth
  202. >"Fucking killed it, Anon," he said, pointing his goo-covered hands at you. "You really brought the heat. I'd clap for you and shit if my hands weren't covered in this shit."
  203. >He looked up at his hands, brow furrowed
  204. >"What even is this shit anyways...?"
  205.  
  206. And then the bug cut them both down and she put a bunch of eggs in Anon's butt. The end.
  207.  
  208.  
  209. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  210.  
  211. No hooves Escapades
  212.  
  213.  
  214. >"Get those asses moving you bunch of sissies! Go, go, go, go! MOVE IT!"
  215. >Be Twilight Sparkle
  216. >The one with teats on your chest
  217. >And hands
  218. >You know...
  219. >For as long as you could remember, you and gym class had never been on the best of terms
  220. >You didn't very much care for all of the running and hoop-balling and kicky-clopping the touchdowns that you had to do while in class
  221. >You much preferred to not run or do anything physical if you could help it
  222. >Since, you know, you were a nerd and all, and training the mind was far more important that being able to kick the ball for a home run or have a six pack
  223. >But today, your once unshakable thoughts on the matters of gym class were beginning to morph
  224. >"Pick those feet up! Nameless, I swear to god if you keep using that inhaler I'm shoving it up your ass! If you ran a little faster you wouldn't need to worry about breathing now, would cha? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THOSE FEET?!"
  225. >Today, Ms. Spitfire had decided to bring all of you out onto the track in the back of the school
  226. >Usually, this would mean forty-five minutes of burning lungs and sweating more water than your body should have in it, but today was refreshingly different
  227. >You didn't have to run, or play soccer, or do any push ups
  228. >In fact, since you had gotten here, you hadn't even done anything remotely considered a physical activity
  229. >You, along with most of the class and Ms. Spitfire herself, were sitting on the fence, watching as about thirty guys jogged around the track
  230. >Thirty sweaty, SHIRTLESS guys
  231. >Some of them tall and lanky, some of them short and thicc, but all of them glistening in the sun in a way that made a girl's knees weak
  232. >And it was, pardon your french, fucking AWESOME
  233. >"Come on boys! Ten more laps to go!" one of the bigger, more muscular guys said, power walking behind a group of panting, exhausted looking men as they struggled forward. "Pick it up, pick it up! If you go any slower I'm gonna start kicking asses!"
  234.  
  235. >You, being a gentlewoman, tried your hardest not to ogle the men
  236. >Your fellow classmates, however, weren't quite so noble
  237. >"Give those buns a little shake, sweetie," Cloudchaser called
  238. >"Why don't you get out of those gym shorts? Give us a real show?" Gilda said, cupping her hands to her mouth so that her voice carried across the entire track
  239. >"P-Please come over here and sit on my face!" Derpy yelled, dabbing her forehead with a handkerchief
  240. >The guys, those that could breath anyway, laughed and flirted with everyone that called out to them
  241. >They also didn't seem too bothered by all of the girls recording them on their phones
  242. >"Girl... I'm gonna bruise my clam slicking off to this later," someone to your left said
  243. >You lifted your gaze from the ground to watch a magnificent specimen run past you as he poured a bottle of water over his head
  244. >W-wew...
  245. >From behind you, you could hear an angry huff
  246. >"Ms.Spitfire! Will you tell these PIGS to stop eye raping those poor guys?"
  247. >Looking over your shoulder--nearly falling off the fence in the process--you saw Flash and a few of the other guys in your class not looking all that happy
  248. >"Fuck off, Flash. We're not doing anything," Rainbow said, taking a few quick snapshots of a guy that ran past her
  249. >"Those men out there are trying to work out and you're all looking at them like they're pieces of MEAT!" Flash cried, his voice shrill and unpleasant.
  250. >"We can take our shirts off too if it';ll make you feel any better," Cloudchaser offered, lifting the front of her shirt a bit to reveal her flat, toned belly. "Will that make you feel any better?"
  251. >This caused many of the girls to watch and Flash's face to contort in rage
  252. >A couple of the guys out on the track, overhearing the girl, stopped and looked at you all with wide eyes and excited expressions
  253.  
  254. >"Hey! What did I tell you about stopping!" the big, muscular guy said, kicking one of the guys on the butt. "Don't pay attention to them! Pay attention to PICKING THOSE FUCKING FEET UP NAMELESS!"
  255. >A few more well placed kicks had the other guys running
  256. >"Yeah! Do that!"
  257. >"Clothes are overrated!"
  258. >"Lets see them tits!"
  259. >"GET MOVING!"
  260. >Once again, the girls on the fence started laughing their asses off
  261. >Even you couldn't help but chuckle
  262. >Flash, meanwhile, gritted his teeth
  263. >"Ms. Spitfire! DO. SOMETHING!"
  264. >Ms. Spitfire, who was sitting next to Rainbow with her sunglasses partially hanging from her nose as she watched the guys run, slowly shook her head
  265. >"No can do, Mr. Sentry," she said, blowing a kiss at a guy that winked at her. "Those men out there aren't students, so I have no jurisdiction over them."
  266. >"Then why don't you call security or something? Get them out of here?" Flash demanded
  267. >The gym teacher shrugged
  268. >"Well... it'll take about ten minutes for me to get down there and find the security guard, and by that time they might be gone."
  269. >"Why don't you call them or something?!"
  270. >Ms. Spitfire looked over her shoulder at him
  271. >"Mr. Sentry, I make sure not to have a cellphone on me during class, not that I'd be able to fit one in these shorts," she said, tugging at her pants
  272. >A few guys running past whistled at the sight, which seemed to make Flash even madder
  273. >"When class is over I'm going RIGHT to the principal's office to report EVERYONE here," he swore, pointing a shaking finger at all of you. "Principal Celestia will--"
  274. >"Wooooo!"
  275. >You all watched as a giant of a man weaved around a group of guys, running at full speed
  276. >Sitting on his shoulders, whooping and hollering, was a very happy, yet frazzled, Principal Celestia
  277. >You watched as Flash's jaw dropped
  278. >"I, um..."
  279. >Looking back at him, Cloudchaser chuckled
  280. >"You know this is why Sunset doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, right?" she asked.
  281.  
  282. >Flash bristled
  283. >"Hey! Screw YOU!" he spat. "And if principal Celestia won't do anything then Ms. Luna wi--"
  284. >"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Mr. Sentry."
  285. >You all looked to your left you saw Ms. Luna holding a professional grade camcorder
  286. >Behind her were two girls from the photography club holding recording equipment
  287. >"You see, there's been a new... law that prohibits us from kicking men off school property."
  288. >Flash opened his mouth to say something, but paused
  289. >"...Really?"
  290. >"Yes, really," Ms. Luna replied, following a cute, smol guy running past her.
  291. >Flash crossed his arms
  292. >"And what's the new "law" called?"
  293. >"The Internship Act of Illegal Aliens from Beyond the Stars," the vice-principal said without skipping a beat. "Now if you'd please be quiet Mr. Sentry I have filming to do."
  294. >Flash's eyes widened and he gritted his teeth
  295. >You flinched, resisting the urge to cover your ears
  296. >Oh here we go...
  297. >"I HATE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!" Flash screamed with a stomp of a hoof. "I HATE IT AND EVERYONE OF YOU PIG-HEADED, MAN DEGRADING CUNTS! IF I HAD MY WAY--"
  298. >"Shut up you big fucking baby. No one wants to hear your belly aching, especially me."
  299. >You watched as Unknown, who looked very tired and had a small notebook tucked under an arm, push past Flash and toward all of you
  300. >Flash stumbled, but caught himself before he fell over
  301. >His head whipped over toward Unknow, and you watched as he turned into the devil himself
  302. >"Hey. HEY! What's your problem, prick?" he shrieked
  303. >"I'm tired, I have to babysit a lot of jackasses, and I have a whiney little bitch screaming at me," Unknow said, stopping a few feet from the fence so that he could look through his pockets. "I could also go for some chocolate, if you care."
  304. >Flash's hands balled up into fist, and he marched over toward Unknown with death in his eyes
  305. >"I don't think you're know who you're dealing with, but I'm not going to take this from some fat, ugly little shank with an attitude pro--"
  306.  
  307. >Cocking a fist back , Flash placed another hand on Unknown's shoulder
  308. >He was about spun him around when, sighing, Unknown slammed an elbow right into Flash's forehead
  309. >"Urk!"
  310. >Some of the girls let out a cheer as Flash went down like a sack of potatoes
  311. >Not you though
  312. >Nope...
  313. >You were a gentlewoman...
  314. >Unknown, shaking his head, looked back at the fallen man
  315. >"You dead there, Flash?"
  316. >He nudged the obviously unconscious man with a foot
  317. >"What a goddamn baby. I barely even hit him," he grumbled, shaking his head as he made his way over toward you. "Hey, make room, I wanna sit down."
  318. >You and the other girls moved so that were was a spot beside you
  319. >Unknown jumped up and sat down without a second thought, grabbing his notebook from under his arm and opening it
  320. >"Hey, Twi, you wouldn't happen to have a pen or something, would ya?"
  321. >You gave yourself a quick pat down
  322. "Um, no, I don't think so."
  323. >Unknown's face scrunched up
  324. >"Dammit. Does anyone got a pen of them then?"
  325. >The other girls patten themselves down
  326. >Ms. Spitfire was the first to come to the rescue, grabbing the pen on her clipboard
  327. >"Here, I got one for ya," she said. "Pass this down, Dash."
  328. >The girls passed the pen down to Unknown who, saying a quick thank you pulled the cap off the pen with his teeth and started writing
  329. >Letting your nosy side get the better of you, you tried to see what he was writing
  330. "So what's that, Unknown? A journal?"
  331. >"Nope, it's used to communicate with my superiors," Unknown said matter-of-factly. "I'm giving them a report about how everything's going on this side for the whole invasion thing."
  332. >He looked up from his notebook, his frown deepening
  333. >"Well, I guess it's more of assimilation than invasion, but they're pretty much the same thing, right?"
  334. >All of the girls sitting on the fence were quiet for a moment
  335. >But then Gilda snorted, Rainbow began laughing, and Aria guffawed
  336. >Soon everyone, yourself included started busting a gut
  337. >Oh...
  338. >What a silly guy...
  339.  
  340. ~_~_~_~_~_~_
  341.  
  342. >Nohooves Rainbow
  343.  
  344. >Be Rainbow Dash
  345. >Not that weird blue dog thing with the wings
  346. >THE Dash
  347. >One hundred percent pure, unadulterated awesomeness!
  348. "Aw yeah... J-Just like that big guy..."
  349. >School was almost over, and since you had a study period you were in the shed near the track field
  350. >Most days you were here, getting a soccer ball to kick around or taking a snooze on a pile of old football jerseys
  351. >But not today
  352. >Today momma was getting some lovin'!
  353. >Your main man Incognito, had, to your surprise, been up for a bit of fun during school hours
  354. >You, not the kind of girl to look a gift horse in the mouth, had asked him if he maybe, possibly, probably, could-if-he-wanted-to have a bit of fun in this particular shed
  355. >And
  356. >He
  357. >FUCKING
  358. >SAID
  359. >YES!
  360. >He didn't demand anything from you or ask that you do something for him
  361. >He just smiled at you, gave your butt a subtle squeeze and told you to pick when to do it!
  362. >THIS...
  363. >This was just another reason why you loved this oddball
  364. >At that moment, your back was pressed up against one of the shed's metal walls
  365. >Your eyes were half closed and you were running your hands through your boyfriend's hair
  366. >Incognito was on his knees, running his hands up and down your sides and legs
  367. >There was almost a look of worship on his face as he touched you, like he was at some famous religious site touching a giant rock or whatever
  368. >You weren't gonna lie
  369. >It was hot
  370. >To less awesome girls, they probably would have busted an ovary at the mere sight
  371. >But you were Rainbow motherfucking Dash!
  372. >Seeing your boyfriend on his knees worshiping your body just got you riled up
  373. >The second that Nito pulled your pants down you'd fuck his brains out
  374. >You'd fuck him so hard that just looking at him would make him pop a stiffy!
  375. "E-Easy with the hands there, hon. I'm--ah~! I'm s-sensitive..."
  376. >Nito, humming a tune to himself, rubbed his face against your cloth-covered shirt
  377. >You twitched when you felt his nose brushing against your belly
  378.  
  379. >You must have made a face as well because Nito chuckled
  380. >"God are you cute," he murmured, kissing your bare stomach where your shirt had balled up
  381. >You opened your mouth to say that The Dash was NOT cute, but all you could do was quietly groan as Nito wiggled his head into your shirt
  382. >You bit your lip as you felt him kissing your abs, body jerking as a bolt of pleasure raced up your spine
  383. >Before you could get used to that, his hands began squeezing your butt
  384. "F-Fuck..." you hissed, back arching
  385. >That's the SHIT right there...
  386. >Since you no longer had Nito's hair to play with, you decided to keep your hands busy by pulling your shirt off
  387. >You did to slowly, savoring the feeling of Nito's soft, supple lips touching your bare flesh
  388. >Nito, the lovely boyfriend that he was, let his kisses move upward as you lifted your shirt
  389. >He kissed and nuzzled your belly, teased your sternum with his tongue, had you laughing when he blew a raspberry on your neck
  390. >You let out a chuckle as you felt him fiddling with your bra
  391. "I-I'm gonna fuck your brains out," you said, pulling your shirt over your head
  392. >Nito, chuckling, leaned in for a kiss, which you happily returned
  393. >"I hope so, cutie," he said as you tossed your shirt away, leaving just a bra to cover the ol' girls. "Now, let's get this thing out of the way..."
  394. >You continued to kiss your boyfriend and nip at his neck as he tried to get your bra off
  395. >Though the big lug as the most affectionate boyfriend that you had ever had, your bras were still a bit tricky for him
  396. >After about a minute of trying and failing to unclasp it, you could see his nose scrunching like it did whenever he got frustrated
  397. >You laughed
  398. "Here, let me show you how it's done, hon," you said, rubbing your nose against him.
  399. >Reaching behind your back, you undid the strap with a flick of the wrist
  400. >Nito, reached down to give your ass a squeeze as you pulled the thing off and tossed it across the shed
  401. >You let out a pleased hum
  402.  
  403. >Goddess did you HATE that fucking thing...
  404. >The second that the girls' were out in the open, Nito's gaze snapped down toward them
  405. >Though they were on the... smaller side, the look your boyfriend had on his face as he looked at your tits really made you smile
  406. >Not the ah-yeah-getting-some-dick-tonight kind of smile either
  407. >You were smiling that happy, I-should-probably-take-this-guy-home-because-my-mom-would-give-me-a-high-five-and-tell-me-how-proud-of-me-she-was kind of smile
  408. >After staring at your boobs for a few seconds, Nito's green eyes flicked up to your face
  409. >You could see a bunch of sappy ass emotions in them, and the sight made your smile grow
  410. >Oh he was SO gonna get it!
  411. >"You ready, hon?" he asked
  412. >Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you got up on your tippy toes and gave his cheek a kiss
  413. "I was born ready, babe," you chirped
  414. >The two of you stared into each other's eyes as Nito unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down
  415. >Your panties were next
  416. >"Do you wanna help me with these clothes, or do you wanna watch me while I take'em off?" Nito asked, his voice barely a whisper
  417. >You hummed thoughtfully, pressing yourself against your boyfriend
  418. "I'm thinkin' the first option, big guy," you said, reaching down to rub your hand against the noticeable bulge in his pants
  419. >Nito shivered, leaning in to kiss you as you began to unbutton his--
  420. >"There you are, you fucking hooved nerd!"
  421. >Ohfuckinggoddessthiswashowyougetexpelled!
  422. >Both you and Nito nearly leapt as someone leapt into the shed with you
  423. >Whipping your heads toward the entrance, you saw that short, weird guy Unknown standing there
  424. >The guy was breathing hard, his eyes wild and his hair all fucked up
  425. >In his hands was an overly large butterfly net
  426. >"Where the FUCK are you Moony?" he said, ignoring the two of you. "Get your furry little ass out here. I'm tired of chasing you all over this damned school!"
  427.  
  428. >...
  429. >Okaaaaaay...
  430. >Both you and Nito looked at each other before looking back at Unknown
  431. >Nito cleared his throat
  432. >"Um, Unknown? What's--"
  433. >Unknown perked up, his head jerking around
  434. >"Shush, shush, shush, shush, shut the fuck up," he said, raising a hand
  435. >Nito's mouth snapped shut, and you both watched as Unknown crotched down low, his head cocked to the side
  436. >For almost a minute the three of you stood there awkwardly listening for... whatever the heck that weirdo was listening for
  437. >Finally, Unknown stood back up to his full height, his eyes narrowed
  438. >"Hey, did the two of you see a three foot tall little marshmallow horse running around?" he asked looking over at you. "She's wearing a ratty sweatshirt, has a big ass glowing amulet around her neck?"
  439. >Both you and Nito once again exchanged glances before shaking your heads
  440. >"Nope."
  441. "Naha."
  442. >"Fuck," Unknown grunted, his nose scrunched up. "If you do see her fucking call me. I don't want someone seeing a unicorn and calling the fucking cops."
  443. >Muttering to himself, he made his way over to the door and threw it open, walking outside before either of you could ask what the hell he was talking about
  444. >A moment later he popped his head back in
  445. >"And stop fucking on school grounds. I keep getting shit for it because none of you fuckers can wait for eight hours to fuck," he grumbled. "And Incognito, shave that shit off your lip. You want to grow a mustache, not have a shitton of pubes on your upper lip."
  446. >He looked over at you, his gaze dipping down to your groin
  447. >"And speaking of pubes, shave your shit Rainbow. I don't mind a little hair of a girl but you got a fucking afro."
  448. >He looked at the two of you before shaking his head
  449. >"Fucking dumb motherfuckers..."
  450. >With that he left, leaving you and your boyfriend alone
  451. >"Well... that cunt really knows how to ruin the mood, huh?" Nito asked
  452. >You grunted, a frown making its way onto your face as you looked at the spot where that jackass had just been
  453.  
  454. >If he weren't a guy you'd run out there and beat his ass...
  455. >Shaking your head, you turned back toward your boyfriend and smiled
  456. "Fuck'em, we'll gonna have our fun whether he wants us to or not," you said, giving him a peck on the lips as you began fiddling with his pants once again. "Now why don't you just sit back and let The Dash take care of..."
  457. >You trailed off when you heard a sound
  458. >The sound of someone writing
  459. >...
  460. >Looking past your boyfriend, you saw a small, furry little dog thing with glasses and a sweater, staring at the two of you intently
  461. >In its hooves/paws/whatever the fuck they were was a piece of paper and a pencil
  462. >"Subjects seem to be looking at something," it murmured, scratching something down on the paper
  463. >Nito slowly looked over his shoulder at the dog thing
  464. >"...Moondancer?"
  465. >The dog thing looked down at itself, its nose scrunching up
  466. >"Horse apples, my invisibility spell needs to be reapplied," it muttered, looking back up at the two of you. "Don't mind me please. I'm just here to watch you copulate for my research. Please continue."
  467. >...
  468. >"No."
  469. "Okay."
  470. >Both you and Nito looked at each other, Nito's eyes narrowing
  471. "...What?"
  472.  
  473. ~_~_~_~_~_~__~
  474.  
  475. Silly Moondancer, Fussy, protective Rararararararara
  476.  
  477. >Be Unknown
  478. "Get back here, Moondancer!"
  479. >"No!"
  480. "Get the fuck back here you pain in the ass little horse!"
  481. >"Buck off!"
  482. >Be having a bad day
  483. >And this wasn't just any normal, regular bad day
  484. >You didn't have to deal with guys wanting a transfer back to horseland
  485. >Or guys that were trying to steal an already taken girl from another unsuspecting guy
  486. >Or making sure you didn't have a fifty-man harem shitshow like with Princess Luna
  487. >It wasn't even the kind of shitty day where the main boss man was giving you shit about your numbers
  488. >...
  489. >It wasn't your fucking fault that you numbers were lower than everyone else's anyway!
  490. >Your guys got sent to this portal FIVE MONTHS after everyone was already getting fucking footholds all over Equestria!
  491. >And EVEN THEN you had the third highest success rate for companionship out of anyone else!
  492. >Fucking politicking nohooves hating cocksuckers...
  493. >Anyway, this day was particularly bad because a code blue had up and dropped into your lap
  494. >A little horse, somehow using the same magic that kept you and all of the other guys from turning into horses or whatever this world's magic would turn you into, had snuck through the portal
  495. >And not only did she sneak through the portal, she had done it in broad daylight, and was proceeding to run around like it was perfectly normal for a three foot tall talking unicorn to be out and about
  496. >And to top ALL of that off it was fucking Moondancer
  497. >The pain in the as little horse that kept trying to poke her nose around in the whole invasion thing you were doing
  498. >...
  499. >Well, not invasion REALLY...
  500. >You don't think it was at least...
  501. >More like you all coming in to make a bunch of superior subspecies of a whole bunch of different races...
  502. >It was complicated
  503. >And you weren't even in the thinking part of this shitshow anyways...
  504. >But fuck that
  505.  
  506. >You had a little horse to catch
  507. >And you weren't very happy about it
  508. "Moony, I swear to god if you don't stop running I'm gonna let this world's police cat--"
  509. >"I'm not leaving until I find out what's going on!"
  510. "We already told you were we--"
  511. >"No! I'm not listening to your horse apple lies! You might have everypony else fooled but I know better! I'm going to find out what's really going on and save Equestria from all of you!"
  512. >You swung your net, trying to capture the unicorn, only for her to jump out of the way at the last moment
  513. >For a sweaty nerd, Moondancer could run like a gryphon running from the poince...
  514. >You cursed, tossing your net away and making a dive at her
  515. "Getthefuckoverhere!"
  516. >Moondancer let out a yelp as you managed to grab her tail
  517. >The tip of her horn glowed, and before you could yank her backward she disappeared with a pop
  518. "Fuckin--omph!"
  519. >You hit the ground hard, getting a mouthful of grass for your troubles and the wind knocked out of you
  520. >Still though, you leapt back to your feet, looking all around you
  521. >You needed to get the unicorn back through the portal quick
  522. >It might have been easy bringing over a couple hundred guys over here, but at least they were human
  523. >If the wrong person saw Moondancer, or someone took a picture and that picture got online you'd have yourself a problem
  524. >The secret-organization-that-takes-you-in-the-dead-of-night-and-tortures-you-for-information kind of problem
  525. "Moon--"
  526. >You coughed, spitting out grass as you tried to force air back into your lungs
  527. "Moon..."
  528. >You saw a flash of red and yellowish grey
  529. >Your head whipped around to see the unicorn charging into the school
  530. >A group of freshmen were watching her with wide eyes, their phones out
  531. >FUCK!
  532. >Though your lungs were still burning, you forced yourself to sprint after the mare
  533. >Before you went inside the school, however, you made sure to grab all of the phones that were out and threw them to the ground, smashing them with your foot
  534.  
  535. >The group of freshmen, of course, didn't take too kindly to this
  536. >"HEY!" one of the girls snarled, getting in your face. "WHAT THE FUCK--OH!"
  537. >Crouching down, you grabbed the girl by her jeans and heaved
  538. >The girl let out a yelp as you lifted her over your shoulder and threw her onto her back
  539. >Before any of her friends could so much as blink you were running again
  540. "Don'ttellanyonewhatyoujustfuckingsaw!" you screamed over your shoulder before throwing open the backdoor of the school and racing through it
  541. >Jumping down a flight of stairs you could see Moondancer racing toward the cafeteria, a piece of parchment and a quill floating beside her
  542. >She was taking notes even as she ran
  543. >The fucking dork...
  544. "Moondancer! I swear to god, MOONDANCER!"
  545. >You took off after the mare, your teeth bared
  546. >Oh was she gonna GET IT when you fucking caught her...
  547. >You had so much shit to do today without dealing with THIS!
  548. "Moondancer!"
  549. >The unicorn looked over her shoulder
  550. >Seeing you, she picked up her speed, cutting into a hallway
  551. >You ran after her, slamming against a row of lockers but managing to keep your feet
  552. >Thankfully, this hallway seemed to be completely empty
  553. >The only exit was the way the two of you had just come, so this little horse wasn't getting away from you this time, magic or not
  554. >Moondancer, seeing this, spun around and tried to weave around you
  555. >You, of course, were quick to block her escape, slowly closing the distance between you
  556. "I swear if I see that horn of yours glowing I'm throwing you off the second floor," you growled
  557. >Moondancer's muzzle scrunched up defiantly
  558. >"I'm going to find out what's going on here," she cried."And when I find out what's going on I'll know what's going on in Equus!"
  559. "There's nothing going on," you lied. "Everything's just a big coincidence, you're worrying about nothing, andgetthefuckoverhere!"
  560. >You tried to lunge at the mare but she hopped backwards
  561.  
  562. >"You're lying. You're all lying," she spat, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. "I don't know exactly what you're doing but as Celestia as my witness I'm going to stop you."
  563. "There's nothing to stop! Now will you quit running and let me--"
  564. >"Oh my goodness. What do we have here?"
  565. >You whipped around to see Ms. Rarity making her way toward you
  566. >Goddammit...
  567. >You bit back a curse, standing to your full height and fixing your shirt as best as you could
  568. "Afternoon, Rarity
  569. >Rarity, ignoring Moondancer completely, marched over toward you and cupped your face with her hands
  570. >"Look at how worked up you've gotten yourself, Unknown dear," she said, tsking. "You're all sweaty, and mercy me LOOK at your hair!"
  571. >You let out a sigh as the fashionista ran her fingers through your messy, sweat-soaked hair
  572. >"No man should be in such a state! Come here, dear, let me save what parts of your image I can."
  573. >You squirmed as Rarity fussed over you like a mother hen
  574. "Come on, Rare. I appreciate you looking after me but--"
  575. >"No butts, mister!" she interrupted, her bright blue eyes narrowed. "I can't stand the thought of a gentlemen like yourself walking out in public looking anything other than your best."
  576. >Her chest puffed out and she frowned
  577. >"Now, tell me what's gotten you in such a tizzy. I'll do everything in my power to help."
  578. "You don't need to--"
  579. >"You're correct, I don't need to," she said, giving your cheek a pat. "But I'm going to anyway, darling."
  580. >...
  581. >Fuck it
  582. >Stepping away from the fussing fashionista, you turned around and pointed at Moondancer, who seemed to trying to hide in a locker
  583. >Rarity blinked
  584. >"Oh my goodness... That's one of those Equestrian ponies isn't it?"
  585. "It is," you replied, pinching the bridge of your nose. "And I need to get her home before someone sees her. Unfortunately she seems against the idea."
  586. >Moony, noticing that the two of you were looking at her, frowned
  587.  
  588. >"I'm not going ANYWHERE until I get my answers!" she said, puffing her cheeks out
  589. "There's NOTHING going on you pain in the ass," you said, closing your eyes.
  590. >Moondancer looked over at Rarity
  591. >"Don't listen to S001-74. He's lying, as are all of the other humans that came through the portal."
  592. >Rarity raised an eyebrow
  593. >"S001-74?"
  594. "Moondancer here gives everyone a code name or something," you explained, feeling a headache coming on
  595. >"It's not a code name, I'm simply categorizing you all in the most efficient way possible."
  596. "We all have names, you know."
  597. >"Yes, but most of you have similar names. If what you call yourselves are even your real names to begin with."
  598. >You groaned
  599. >Oh, you were gonna KILL this horse...
  600. >Rarity, with a small, frown on her face, took a step toward the unicorn
  601. >"Ms. Moondancer was it? I don't think I very much care for what you're insinuating." she said, crossing her arms. "The young men I've met have been nothing but complete gentlemen."
  602. >"That's nothing but a lie," Moondancer insisted. "They're just trying to--"
  603. >"They're trying nothing dear," Rarity interrupted. "These men have made a lot of young ladies here very happy, and I won't have their honor called into question without very good reason."
  604. >One of Rarity's small, soft, perfectly manicured hands grabbed your arm and pulled you toward her
  605. >You, just wanting to lay down and take a nap, allowed her to wrap her arms around you and press your face into her ample bosom
  606. >"Especially poor Unknown here. The dear runs himself ragged trying to make sure that everyone becomes comfortable with each other--without a word of thanks in most cases!"
  607. >Moondancer's frown diminished
  608. >"Ms..."
  609. >"Rarity."
  610. >"Yes, Ms. Rarity. I don't know what you think--"
  611.  
  612. >"Ms. Moondancer, while I don't consider myself a violent woman I shan't listen to your wild accusations any further," Rarity said, glaring at the unicorn as she rocked you back and forth. "This poor boy here only wants to make sure you're safe and you're giving him a hard time over nothing. And if you saw one more word slandering him we shall have more than words."
  613. >"I'm trying to find out what's going on!" Moondancer said, stomping a hoof. "And I'm not going to let that one stop me!"
  614. "If I don't stop you someone's gonna post a picture of you on facebook and you'll spend the rest of your life being dissected," you said, your voice muffled
  615. >"Then that's the price I'm will to pay to save ponykind," the unicorn replied, eyes narrowing down to slits
  616. >Jesus Christ...
  617. >What were you going to do with this horse?
  618. >You let out another sigh as Rarity began to run a hand through your hair
  619. >"...Ms. Moondancer, I believe that I may have a solution."
  620. >Moondancer perked up
  621. >"Oh?"
  622. >"I believe that you just wish to speak with a few girls and record some things, yes?"
  623. >"I'd like to do a few more things than that but that'll be the majority of what I want to do," Moondancer said with a nod
  624. >Rarity smiled
  625. >"Excellent. Even though I nor poor Unknown care for the way you treat gentlemen I'm sure Unknown would allow you to speak to a few students before taking you back home."
  626. >You tried to lift your head from Rarity's breasts
  627. "I can't. I need to get her home before--"
  628. >"Over the past two years this school's seen everything from demons and fish monsters, dear," Rarity said, pushing your face back down. "I'd like to think that we are discreet when we wish to be."
  629. >Moondancer looked behind her before looking back at the fashionista
  630. >"I don't want to have one of THEM following me everywhere I go," she said stubbornly
  631.  
  632. >"Then I'd be happy to ask one of my friends to escort your impolite derriere around the school," Rarity said with sickening sweetness. "Would that be more agreeable to you?"
  633. >Moondancer, though she didn't look convinced, nodded
  634. >"Yes, it would... but I don't want to see a SINGLE human male."
  635. >"Very good," Rarity said, pulling out her phone. "Now just let me make a phone call and we'll have you an escort."
  636. >...
  637. >You know, you should probably stop this...
  638. >...
  639. >Fuck it
  640. >Rarity, keeping a tight grip of you, made her phone call, chatting to Pinkie Pie
  641. >While she did that you pulled out your phone as well, shoot a text to every guy in school as best as you could saying what was going on
  642. >Hopefully they'd be able to keep people from taking pictures
  643. >A lot of the dumb fuckers could barely tie their shoes, so you weren't expecting too much, but you know what?
  644. >FUCK it
  645. >"If you'd be kind enough to make your way out of this hall and make your way toward the library Pinkie will be there to take you wherever you wish to go," Rarity said. "I'd take you there but I believe that I shall be busy soothing Unknown here."
  646. >"Thank you for your help," Moondancer said with a bow of her head. "Because of your actions both of our worlds may yet be saved
  647. >"Yes, I'm sure," the fashionista dryly replied, waving the mare away with a hand. "Now chop, chop, school will be over very soon."
  648. >Giving you a glare, Moondancer quickly trotted past the two of you and out into the main lobby to do lord knows what
  649. >Rarity watched her go, a small frown on her face
  650. >"I can see why so many of you wished to come through the portal, dear,"she said nuzzling the top of your head. "I've never seen such a RUDE creature..."
  651. "Thanks for the help, Rare. Really," you said, giving the girl a hug. "I appreciate it."
  652. >"Oh, I was more than happy to help," Rarity replied
  653. >For about a minute, the two of you just stood in that quiet, empty hallway hugging
  654. >And it was... nice
  655.  
  656. >So nice that you might have hugged the girl for a lot longer, if not for the fact that you still had a lot of shit to do
  657. "Alright, thanks again for the help, but I really need to--"
  658. >You tried to once again lift your face from Rarity's cleavage, only to have the fashionista force your head back where it was
  659. >"Really need to nothing, dear," she said firmly. "I'm going to take you to the home ec room right this instant and make you presentable."
  660. "But--"
  661. >"AND when school is over, I'm going to have to insist that you come with me so that we might take a little tension out of these shoulders of yours."
  662. >You tried to half-heartedly pull away as Rarity gave your shoulders a squeeze, tsking
  663. "I still have a lot of stuff to do today."
  664. >"I'm positive that whatever business you have can be delayed for another day. Now, I insist that you be taken to a spa, to a fine dinner so that you can get something to eat, and perhaps a movie if you'd be so inclined to indulge me...?
  665. >You managed to pick your head up to see the fashionista looking down at you with a hopeful expression
  666. >...
  667. >FUCK. IT.
  668. "...Fine. I'm not going to be happy about it though."
  669. >Rarity giggled, giving you a quick peck on the cheek
  670. >"You will by the time I'm done with you, my dear," she said sweetly. "I promise you that."
  671.  
  672.  
  673. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  674.  
  675.  
  676. More buttbug
  677.  
  678.  
  679. >Be Chrysalis
  680. >Lady of a Thousand Faces
  681. >Bringer of Doom and Destruction
  682. >The once mighty ruler of the changeling horde
  683. >It had been a very trying period since your children had abandoned you
  684. >No one to rule, running from place to place barely one step away from your enemies, with never enough love to properly sustain you
  685. >But no longer
  686. >You now had yourself a king that would supply you with new soldiers and all of the love you needed
  687. >There was no need to hide from your attackers
  688. >You could fight, and not only could you fight you could WIN
  689. >But, while you wouldn't have minded paying your traitor horde and their WORTHLESS "leader" a little visit, you had found yourself with a very delectable hostage
  690. >He was that BLASTED Celestia's colt, and the brother of your king
  691. >You, happy with just having a creature giving you love, and so much of it, you hadn't even considered using him as political leverage
  692. >But your Anon had almost insisted it, saying that the two of you needed to see Celestia but you needed to do it in a position of strength
  693. >It had been both a surprise to you and Incognito, and it had put the first real smile that you had worn in many, many months
  694. >This one was going to be a keeper; you could feel it in your chitin
  695. >So, after getting to know your king, as well as gorging yourself on as much love as you could stand, you prepared yourself
  696. >A plan was drawn up, your hostage was secured, and after two days of the finest feeding that you ever had the pleasure of experiencing, the two of you set off
  697. >There was no hiding, no disguises
  698. >The two of you boarded the nearest train as you were, dragging Incognito behind you sealed in green goo
  699. >Your fellow passengers, of course, did nothing to stop you
  700. >Nor did the ponies at the station in Ponyville when you needed to change trains
  701. >They just stood there, frozen in fear, pathetically praying to whatever god would listen to spare them from your wrath
  702. >It felt good
  703. >Wonderful even
  704.  
  705. >You felt powerful, invincible, like a queen again!
  706. >Like the queen you were!
  707. >So it was that you found yourself standing in the throne room of the celestial sisters many hours later, your head held high and a sneer on your face
  708. >Celestia was sitting aloft on her throne, staring at her stallion while her guards glared at you menacingly
  709. >There must have been two hundred in the room, all of them with their spears readied
  710. >But you couldn't have given a horse apple less
  711. "Good afternoon, Celestia. I hope your day has been well," you said with a sneer
  712. >The princess's purple eyes flicked toward you
  713. >"Hello to you as well, Chrysalis, Anon," she said, a small smile on her face
  714. >Her gaze flicked back to Incognito, and you could taste a bit of worry coming from her
  715. >"Are you alright dear?"
  716. >When Anon had said that he was going to be a hostage, Incognito hadn't taken it very well
  717. >He had nearly brained his own brother with a rock, and stabbed you with another one of his blasted knives
  718. >Even when you had managed to secure him so that he didn't hurt you or himself you still had to be very careful when you got near, so much so that you had decided to encase the angry human up to his neck in goo to save you the headache
  719. >When you had done that Incognito had been beyond angry
  720. >It had drowned out any love that Anon was trying to feed you, and gave you such a horrible stomach ache that you had been forced to leave your cave
  721. >But now you could sense nothing in him
  722. >No anger, no fear, no joy
  723. >You could FEEL a whirlwind of emotions tucked under a thick layer of... something
  724. >What that something was you couldn't quite identify, but it made you nervous
  725. >...
  726. >Just a bit though
  727. >"I could be better hon, how are you?" Incognito asked
  728. >"You know, I was wondering where you had gone off to," Celestia said, rising from her throne, her smile widening just a hair. "I did think that my stallion would become a damsel in distress."
  729. >Incognito's expression soured
  730.  
  731. >"I really didn't expect to either," he grumbled, trying to wiggle. "Hon?"
  732. >"Yes dear?"
  733. >Incognito looked at both you and Anon
  734. >You shivered as you felt a pulse of anger seep through the wall he had around himself
  735. >"I'd really appreciate it if you could please tell your guards to beat Anon to death."
  736. >You king flinched
  737. >"Cogy, come on, is it reall--"
  738. >"I'll do that thing you really like, and rub your hooves whenever you want," Incognito offered, looking up at her hopefully. "They don't even need to do it for that long. Just like for ten minutes."
  739. >The anger flicked again as the human frowned
  740. >"I'm afraid that I can't do that, dear," Celestia said, climbing off her throne and making her way toward the three of you
  741. >Your horn sparked to life, ready to defend yourself, but the princess made no move to attack
  742. >"Chrysalis, I hope that you haven't harmed my coltfriend. It would go very poorly for you if you did," the princess said, an edge coming to her voice
  743. "Your stallion is whole a hearty, princess," you said, puffing your chest you. "I would not harm the brother of my king if I can help it."
  744. >Celestia stopped
  745. >"King?" she said, eyebrow raised
  746. >She looked at you and Anon, brow furrowed
  747. >You extended a wing, wrapping it around Anon and pulling him, close
  748. "Yes, I've selected Anonymous here to rule by my side," you told her. "He shall help me build a new hive and restore the lings to their former glory!"
  749. >You expected a look of shock or anger, but instead you got a smile
  750. >"Very good! I'm glad you found somepony," Celestia said, walking up and placing a hoof on your shoulder.
  751. >...
  752. >Wat?
  753. >Your eyes narrowed
  754. "Excuse me?"
  755. >"I may not be Cadence, but I know how important it is for a mare to find the one that makes them whole," Celestia said, beaming. "So I'm congratulating you. Now, I assume that you wished to talk with me about something?"
  756. >A dozen evil speeches, plans, monologues all fell by the wayside as you stared at the almost giddy alicorn
  757. "...Yes?"
  758.  
  759. >Celestia clapped her hooves together
  760. >"Very good! If you'd to so kind as to release my coltfriend I'd be happy to lead you to a more private location so that we may sit down and talk together."
  761. >...
  762. "Just like that?" you asked suspiciously
  763. >"Just like that," Celestia said, placing a hoof over her heart
  764. >Your eyes narrowed down to slits as you tried your hardest to sense if the princess was trying something
  765. >But you sensed no deceit in her heart
  766. >She was being completely heartfelt and honest
  767. >...
  768. "...If you attempt anything I will not hesitate to rip the fur from your flesh," you hissed, teeth bared
  769. >"Then I'll be sure to be on my best behavior," the princess replied, tittering. "Now, if you'd please..."
  770. >The tip of your horn glowed, and with a spell you freed Incognito from the goo
  771. >He stumbled forward, but managed to catch himself at the last minute
  772. "There. It is done."
  773. >"Thank you," Celestia said with a bow of her head. "Incognito, honey, are you alright?"
  774. >Incognito looked down at his hands
  775. >Standing to his full height, he opened and closed them
  776. >He then looked at you, then Celestia, before his gaze settled on Anon
  777. >And just like that, the barrier around him shattered
  778. >"MOTHERFUCKER!" he roared, charging toward your king
  779. >Anon tried to take a few steps back, his eyes wide in alarm
  780. >"Anon, bro, why don't we just--omph!"
  781. >Roaring like a angry hydra, Incognito tackled his brother to the ground
  782. >"YOU MOTHERFUCKER! MAKE ME INTO A HOSTAGE? I'LL HOSTAGE YOUR ASS!"
  783. >"COGY, I WAS JUST--OW! FUCKING STOP THAT!"
  784. >"FUCK YOU!"
  785. >"DON'T FUCKING BITE--OW!"
  786. >"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP THE ASS WITH MY SHOES, YOU KEK!"
  787. >More than a little alarmed, you took a step toward the two, intent on prying them apart, only for Celestia to stop you with a hoof
  788. >"I'd let the two of them work things out for a little bit if I were you," she said. "Otherwise they'll both be in a bad mood."
  789. >"HOLD STILL!"
  790. >"NO, FUCK YOU, YOU CRAZY BAS--OW!"
  791. >You watched as the two humans rolled around on the marble, biting and kicking, and cursing like a couple of mares
  792. >After about a minute of this Celestia leaned towards you
  793. >"You know, if Incognito and I get serious enough the two of us may be sister-in-laws," she said. "Wouldn't that be something?"
  794.  
  795.  
  796. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  797.  
  798. Even more buttbug, with not-so-evil baby alicorns
  799.  
  800.  
  801. >Be Dawn
  802. >Daughter of Princess Celestia and Prince-Consort Incognito and supervillain in training
  803. >That's right!
  804. >You weren't gonna be some goody two shoes princess!
  805. >You were gonna be evil!
  806. >The evilest mare EVER!
  807. >You'd ban bedtime and give all of your enemies cooties and steal all of the candy from every candy store!
  808. >ESPECIALLY the one near that pizzarea your daddy liked to do to!
  809. >But, like all great supervillians, you needed somepony to train you
  810. >A super-amazing super villain that'd make you the bestest!
  811. >You were lucky; unlike most fillies that wanted a life of super crime you knew a heck of a lot villains
  812. >Unfortunately, all of the villains that you knew weren't very evil anymore
  813. >Auntie Luna was dumb and boring, and she wouldn't turn into Nightmare Moon, even on your birthday!
  814. >That dummy Discord is just as bad, and auntie Twilight and auntie Cadence are as goodie two shoes as could be
  815. >But there was still one mare that you could turn to
  816. >The coolest, most evil pony in the whole wide world
  817. >Your auntie Chryssi!
  818. >She still did a BUNCH of evil things all the time!
  819. >And she had an AWESOME evil laugh, if Genestealer wasn't fibbing around that
  820. >So, in true evil fashion, you decided to sneak out of class during naptime to go find her for some evilly evil classes
  821. >You'd know exactly where she'd be too!
  822. >Mr. Press, the old butt, didn't even notice when you slipped out of the room and scurried out into the hallway
  823. >None of the guards saw you sneaking around either, because of your super sneaky alicorn powers
  824. >This let you get to the roof of the castle without anypony stopping and yelling at you
  825. >When you got outside you saw that it was a really nice, sunny day out
  826. >There was no wind, and no clouds in the sky
  827. >It was the perfect weather to play kickball, or chase your cousins around, or play with Flurry Heart after she came back from big kid school
  828. >But you couldn't concern yourself with any of that horse apples, you had a auntie to find!
  829. "Yessss..."
  830.  
  831. >Crouching down low, you prowled the roof, making sure not to get near the edges like daddy said
  832. >It took like three or four forevers, but you eventually managed to find auntie Chryssi
  833. >She was lying on the flatter part of the roof, her wings extended and her eyes closed
  834. >Your aunt always came up here to sun dry her weird not-fur because it'd get wet for some reason
  835. >After school, she'd usually have all fifty of your cousins up here too with uncle Anon so they could dry off too
  836. >But, for now, you'd have her all to yourself
  837. "Hehehe..."
  838. >Giving your mighty, powerful wings a flap, you slowly made your way to your auntie
  839. >You made sure to be as quiet as possible, watching her ears all the while
  840. >Your auntie was usually really, really, REALLY good at hearing things, but it looked like your super stealth powers were still working pretty good
  841. >Your auntie didn't even twitch as you silently climbed up a doohickey next to her
  842. >Grinning, you gave your bottom a wiggle, ready to pounce
  843. >You were gonna get her this time!
  844. >With a flap of your wings and a mighty cry, you leapt off the doohickey, your hooves spreadeagle
  845. >You were just about to pounce on your aunt, ready to bite her ear to REALLY get her, when the tip of her horn glowed
  846. >Before you could so much as say curd, an invisible force snatched you out of the air and held you up
  847. >...
  848. >Poop
  849. >"And what do we have here?" auntie Chryssi asked, lifting her head up and cracking open an eye to look at you. "A would-be assassin? How unfortunate."
  850. >She smiled as you wiggled and squirmed, trying to get out of her magic
  851. >If you were a big pony like Flurry Heart, you could have used magic to get away
  852. >But, since they didn't teach you any cool magic until the first grade you were out of luck
  853. "Hey! Let me go!"
  854. >Auntie Chryssi didn't let you go
  855. >Instead, she levitated you around to that you were face-to-face with her
  856. >"I hope you know the punishment for trying to assassinate a queen," she said
  857. >Your eyes widened
  858.  
  859. >Double poop
  860. "N-No! Get away from me!" you said, covering yourself with your wings. "Put me down and--HEY!"
  861. >Lying you flat on your back, auntie Chryssi took a deep breath, pressed her lips against your tummy and began to blow
  862. >"Phplupltlpltp!"
  863. >You tried to resist, but you were no match for the most unholy of tortures
  864. >Raspberries
  865. "Hahahah! Stop auntie Chryssi! Hahahah! Stop! Stooooooop!"
  866. >Your aunt, behing the super evil super villain that she was, didn't listen to you
  867. >Instead, she blew on your poor belly even harder
  868. >You let out a shriek, kicking and battering her face with your wings, but it was no use
  869. >She was too strong
  870. >For like a million, bajillion forevers she kept giving you raspberries
  871. >It wasn't until your tummy hurt from laughing and you had tears streaming down your face did she stop
  872. >You left completely senseless, could only lie staring up at the sky, trying to catch your breath
  873. "That... wasn't nice... auntie."
  874. >"I'm not a nice pony," auntie Chryssi said, resting her head on her fore leg. "You should know that my dear."
  875. >...
  876. >Well, she had you there...
  877. >Still, to not lose face, you stuck your tongue out at her
  878. "You're a butt..."
  879. >"And you're supposed to be in class right now," your auntie replied, giving your belly a poke with her snout
  880. >She then sat up, using her magic to levitate you into the air
  881. >"And look at you, all filthy," she murmured. "Have you been rolling around in the garden beds again, young lady?"
  882. "Aha," you said with a nod. "If I don't I'm too white, and ponies will see me when I want to sneak around!"
  883. >"Is that so?" your auntie said. "Well, we can't have that now, can we?"
  884. >Before you could stop her, your auntie began cleaning your fur with her tongue
  885. >You, of course, didn't take too kindly to that
  886. "Hey! Stop it! Stoooop! I wanna be invisible!"
  887. >"Hush. If I don't do it your mother will, and if she does it she'll tell your father, and I don't imagine he'll be too happy with you for diving in rose bushes."
  888.  
  889. >You bopped her nose
  890. "I wasn't diving in the rose bushes," you grumbled
  891. >"You may as well have been. Now hold still, I need to get your mane."
  892. >"Can't you just use magic?"
  893. >"No. I clean the all of your nieces and nephews like this, and if it's good enough for them it's good enough for you, young lady. Now be quiet."
  894. >Though you weren't too happy about it, you floated there quietly with your hooves crossed as your auntie cleaned you
  895. >Momma was a better cleaner, but with her weird, super long tongue your auntie was able to clean you super duper fast
  896. >"There," she said, putting you down. "Now, if I might ask, why are you up here Dawn?"
  897. >You perked up, irritation turning to excitement
  898. >It was your time to shine!
  899. "I want you to teach me to be a supervillain!" you chirped
  900. >"Oh?" your aunt asked, smiling
  901. "Yeah! I wanna do evil, bad things and I wanna defeat my enemies and hear the lam... lamen..."
  902. >"Lamentations of their stallions?" your aunt suggested
  903. "Yeah, that!"
  904. >Your aunt chuckled
  905. >"Well, that's a very big decision for a six year old."
  906. >You puffed up
  907. "Six and a HALF."
  908. >"Six and a half, excuse me," your auntie said, looking you over. "And might I ask what brought this on?"
  909. "Genestealer told me that villains didn't have to go to school or take baths or nothin'" you said. "And I don't want to take baths or go to bed when the sun goes down, so I want to be a villain!"
  910. >Auntie Chryssi chuckled to herself, shaking her head
  911. >She then mumbled something that you couldn't quite catch as she sat you back down onto the ground
  912. >"Well, I can't really argue with that logic," she said. "And I assume you'd like me to teach you then?"
  913. "Yep!" you said with a nod. "I wanna learn how to laugh like an evil pony and--"
  914. >"Dawn! Dawn!"
  915. >Your eyes widened
  916. >Triple poop...
  917. >That was your daddy
  918. >"Dawn Solarie! You better not be up here missy!"
  919. >You looked up at your auntie who grinned
  920.  
  921. >"Why don't we make our escape, then I can give you a proper evil lesson," she said, lifting you onto her back
  922. >You wrapped your hooves around her neck, holding on tight
  923. "...Can we get some ice cream please?"
  924. >Chuckling, your aunt extended her bug wings
  925. >"Of course."
  926.  
  927.  
  928.  
  929. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
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