Most Dangerous Lay Shorts 2

Silly Bugg

>Still, you figured that maybe some of Cogy's luck would rub off on you and you could convince the changeling queen to come with you and live happily ever after
>Unfortunately for you, your little brother was being a bit of a debby downer
>"We're gonna die. The two of us are going to go in there and she's gonna kill the two of us," Cogy said, in that calm, matter-of-factly way of his
>You looked over at him
"Will you stop your bellyaching? We'll be fine."
>"She's gonna kill us, or lay eggs in our bellies, or turn us into emotion zombies," Cogy said, ignoring you as he shook his head
>You smiled, reaching over and giving his shoulder a light punch
"I'm telling you, we'll be fine. If I can just talk with her I'm sure we'll be able to work something out," you assured
>Cogy looked into the mouth of the cave for several seconds before looking back at you
>"Do we really need to go in there? Like really?" he asked. "There's a couple cute guards that I'd be happy to introduce you to."
"Nope."
"...Are you sure? If you played your cards right I bet you could get two of them to agree to a three-way. And I heard some of those guards are monsters in the sack."
>Your smile dampened just a hair
"Come on, Incognito. Would you say yes to that if the horse you loved was in the cave?"
>"If Celestia was in that cave the only thing we'd have to worry about would be her asking if we had any donuts."
>He pointed at the cave
>"With the bug we have a completely different animal."
>You puffed up a bit, brow furrowing
"She's absolutely no different from Celestia."
>"Anon, Celestia is a sweet old mare that gets up early every morning to make her sister pancakes. Chrysalis is a shapeshifting demon that sucks the emotions out of people."
>You opened your mouth to retort but stopped at the last moment
"...Fuck you."

>"No, fuck you," your brother said, poking your sternum with a finger. "Just because you want to have sex with a crazy demon doesn't mean I need to die with you."
"Neither of us are going to die, faggot. I'm telling you, we'll be fine."
>Your brother tried to say something but you raised up a hand
"Look, we're already here, and I want to get her before we have another Luna situation."
>Cogy chuckled to himself
>"I can't believe those stupid fucks let her have her reverse harem..."
"Exactly!" you said, giving his shoulder another punch. "I want this bug all to myself, and the only way I'll get that is if I get to her first So will you please come in and help me?"
>Your brother looked at you out of the corner of his eye before sighing explosively
>"If she is in there she probably already knows we're out here," he said, looking into the cave
>You nodded
"Yeah, probably."
>Cogy sighed again
>"If she kills us Celestia is gonna be pissed off at you, and when she uses her horse powers to bring us back I swear to god I'm beating your ass."
"It'll be fine."
>"Like really beat your ass. The kind of ass whooping that I'll be telling my kids."
>You snorted, pulling off the backpack that you had been lugging around and dropping it onto the ground
"I'm going in there even if you're not."
>Cogy's face contorted
>"I'm going in with you, you fuck," he grumbled. "But that doesn't mean I need to be happy about it."
>Crouching down, you unzipped your backpack and began searching through its contents
"Promise me you're not going try to hurt her."
>"Fuck you."
"Incognito."
>"Fuck. You. If that bug tries to kill us I'm trying to stab her. She might blow me to bits but I'm fucking trying."
"Incognito," you said again, looking into your brother's eyes
>Cogy snorted, looking away from you
>"Fine, fine, fucking fine," he said with a wave of the hand. "Just get up so we can get this shit show over with. I wanna get home before Celestia starts looking for me."

>After a bit more fiddling, you finally managed to find what you were looking for
>It was a rose
>But not just any rose, it was a rare black Elder Blaeth
>It had cost you a fortune, and you had to call in a bunch of favors from the guys over in the minotaur lands, but you finally managed to get your hands on one
>One of the rarest, most beautiful roses in the world for the most beautiful creatures that have ever existed
>Cogy, seeing your rose, rolled his eyes
>"You fucking faggot..."
"Celestia fucks all the male guards whenever you leave the castle, you cuck," you replied, adjusting your shirt collar. "Now come on, I got a changeling to woo."
>Ignoring the ball of anxiousness in your stomach, you made your way into the mouth of the cave
>Incognito, watching you for a few moments, shook his head again before following you
>Alrighty...
>Bug queen here you come...
>The cave was, like many caves were, dark and damp
>If you listened very closely, you could hear water dripping off into the distance
>"Hey, did you remember to bring your flashlight?"
"...I thought you were going to bring one?"
>"Why the fuck would I bring one?"
"I brought the rose!"
>"Fuck your rose! We're not finding that changeling in this dark ass cave if we don't have any light."
"Then why don't you just go outside and grab a flashlight? I have one in my--"
>You paused as you felt something brush past you
"What was that?" you asked as your brother, as blind as you were, bumped into you
>"What was what?" he asked
>Eyes narrowing, you tried to see into the darkness, but it was no use
>It was pitch black in this cave; almost unnaturally black in fact
"...I thought I felt something brush past against me--FUCK!"
>All around you, an eerie green glow erupted all around you
>Before you even realized what you were looking at, something grabbed your leg
"MOTHERFUCKER--!"
>"GODDAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK--!"
>In the span of half a second, you found yourself hanging upside down
>...
>Hello!

>Disorientated and more than a little dizzy, you looked up at your leg to see that some kind of green, glowing slime was covering it to the upper thigh
>A quick look around the cave showed you that the entire cave itself was also covered in the same slime, from floor to ceiling
>A low, happy noise escaped your throat
>This must have been changeling goo!
>You had been right!
>Fucking AWESOME!
>Incognito, who seemed far less pleased than you, pulled out a knife and began slashing wildly
>"Oh, you motherfucker! Where are you? Come out so I can fucking STAB you, motherfucker!"
>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a different green glow sparking to life
>It was darker color than the other ones, and seemed to move
>Incognito let out a hiss of surprise as his knife turned cherry red, dropping it a half second later
>"Fucking CUNT! Goddammit that smarts!"
>A laugh rose up out of the silence of the room
>It was quiet at first, so quiet that you had to strain to hear it
>Soon though it was echoing off the walls, mocking you from all sides
>"And who might you two little morsels be?"
>Your heart leapt to your throat
>She sounded exactly like you thought she would...
>Turning your head as best as you could, you watched as a form slowly made her way toward the two of you
>Her movements were regal, measured, graceful beyond repair
>If you listened very carefully, you could hear her hoofsteps
>"I suppose the two of you are these hyoo-mans that I've been hearing so much about, yes?"
>As she grew closer, you began to see her more clearly
>Long, holey legs, a royal face and neck, a curvy, perfect body, two glowing green eyes that pierced the darkness
>Yes...
>YES...
>A smile came to your face as Queen Chrysalis, in all of her glory, stopped a few feet from you
>"So, my little human's," the queen said with a toothy smile. "What are two males doing all the way out here?"
>She leaned forward so close that you could have leaned up and kissed her

>"Alone, defenseless, and ready to harvest~?"
>From beside you, Incognito groaned
>"I should have just stayed home and snuggled with my cuddle-slut girlfriend...

>The queen perked up at that
>"Oh?" she said, brushing past you and walking toward your brother. "And who is this lucky, lucky mare, my little morsel?"
>She leaned toward him, her nostrils flaring
>Not a second later, she pulled back with a hiss
>"You reek of alicorn!" she snarled, baring her wickedly sharp fangs. "Of that retched sun princess in particular!"
>Your brother frowned
>"And how do you know what an alicorn smells like you big--HA!"
>Reaching into his coat pocket, Cogy pulled out a knife and tried to drive the pointy end through the queen's neck
>Thankfully, Chrysalis stopped the stab at the last moment with a spell
>"Here I thought two morsels had fallen into my lap when they are so much more," she said, with a smile, wrenching the blade out of Cogy's hand and letting it drop to the floor
>Your brother's nose scrunched up
>"It looks like you got me and--HA!"
>Another knife was pulled out, and again it was pulled out of his hand
>"If you don't stop that I'll have to bind your hands," the queen said, looking like she was trying very hard not to cackle
"Incognito! What the FUCK did I say about not hurting her?" you barked
>Your brother looked past the queen at you
>"What? She has us hanging in the air like a couple of pinatas!"
"That doesn't mean you need to go around stabbing her! And where did you even get all of those knives?!"
>"Your fucking ass, that's where I got them you homo."
"Fuck you!"
>"No, fuck YOU!"
>Chrysalis, watching your verbal exchange, snorted
>The two of her horn glowed, and she shut both of your mouths with a spell
>"Usually the air is thick with fear and irritating crying whenever I find myself in the company of stallions," she said, giving Cogy's belly a poke. "But the two of you seem rather odd despite the situation you find yourselves in."

>Cogy tried to reach into his back pocket but Chrysalis grabbed his hands with her magic and forced them together
>Some of the goo that was around his leg slid up his body to encase his hands, trapping them together
>Your brother grimaced
>"This feels weird," he said
>Chrysalis's face scrunched up cutely as she bent down, so that her and your brother were face-to-face
>"You do know who I am, don't you little colt?"
>Cogy wiggled, trying to free himself
>"Yeah, I know who the hell you are," he said, his face scrunched up in concentration
>"I suppose you also know what I could do to you if I were so inclined. And I may be inclined since it smells as if you and that weakling Celestia are rather close
>"Hey, don't you call my favorite horse weak, you structurally unsound cunt," Cogy said with a frown
>The queen tittered
>"Ohohoho, the mouth on you, young one! I would watch it however, some mares are more like than not to put a mouthy colt in his place," she said, giving his cheek a pat. "But enough of this banter. I wish to know why you've come here."
>She looked over at her shoulder at you
>A shiver ran up your spine, and you could feel her heartbeat quicken
>God was she pretty...
>"I would also like to know why so many of you humans have been trying to find me," the changeling continued, looking back down at your brother. "So speak, or I will make you speak."
>Cogy looked over at you
>"Go and ask that one right there. He's the reason we're about to be murdered," he said sourly, trying to reach into his jacket again and failing because of the goo stuck to his hands
>Chrysalis looked back at you
>"Oh? So you're the mastermind then?" she said, taking a step toward you. "Interesting..."

>You watched her make her way toward you, mesmerized
>Her movements were so graceful...
>She looked so beautiful in the eerie green glow...
>...
>God was she pretty...
>Chrysalis raised an eyebrow
>"What is even stranger is that you seem to be infatuated with me..."
>Cogy grunted
>"Yeah he fucking is," he grumbled. "And because of it we're gonna die..."
>The queen ignored him, not stopping until she was just a few inches from you
>She bent down, her expression softening as she gave your brow a nuzzle
>"Tell me child, why have humans from the minotaur lands to Manehattan been looking for me? Do those alicorns wish me imprisoned? Perhaps my traitorous children wish to see their mother again?"
>Anger and sadness flashed across her face, but as quickly as it appeared it was gone
>"Or do you humans have some plan for this queen? Something that you aren't telling those weak-willed, unquestioning creatures that let hundreds of strange stallions into their lands without a second thought?
>She gave you another nuzzle
>Your toes curled in your shoes, and you had to resist the urge to reach up and wrap your arms around the queen's neck
>"Just fucking tell her, you faggot," Cogy said irritably. "If we're gonna be murdered I want to get it over with. And I'm sick of hanging around upside down like this. All of the blood is rushing to my fucking head..."
"I-I'm going to tell her," you said, tearing your gaze from the beautiful queen and looking at him with a glare. "Now s-shut the fuck up and let me do it!"
>You looked back at Chrysalis, who was looking back at you expectantly, her green eyes dancing
"I... u-um..."
>You looked down at your hand
>Holy shit you still had the rose in your hand and it still looked pretty good!

>FUCKING AWESOME!
>A dozen long winded speeches came to mind
>Speeches that you had spent many a night going over and revising
>But, when you opened your mouth to tell Chrysalis, the queen, YOUR queen, how you felt about her, the words just kind of spewed out
>Without thinking, you stuck the flower into the queen's nose
>She bared her fangs and growled, taking a surprised step back, but you barely noticed it
"Your highness I think it's really shitty that your kids did that to you and I think Thorax is a cunt and all of the changelings look like shit right now and I think you deserve someone that wants to take care of you and love you and I don't like the fact that you have to hide in a shitty cave all by yourself and I like you a lot and I wanna know if you'd some to my house so I can make you a really nice spaghetti dinner or whatever else you'd like to eat!"
>The queen blinked as you shoved the rose under her muzzle, a blush exploding across your face
"I-I mean, if you want to. Please say you want to. P-Please."
>An unsure silence swept the cave as you and the queen just kind of looked at each other
>This silence was only broken when Cogy decided to open his big mouth
>"Fucking killed it, Anon," he said, pointing his goo-covered hands at you. "You really brought the heat. I'd clap for you and shit if my hands weren't covered in this shit."
>He looked up at his hands, brow furrowed
>"What even is this shit anyways...?"

And then the bug cut them both down and she put a bunch of eggs in Anon's butt. The end.


~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

No hooves Escapades


>"Get those asses moving you bunch of sissies! Go, go, go, go! MOVE IT!"
>Be Twilight Sparkle
>The one with teats on your chest
>And hands
>You know...
>For as long as you could remember, you and gym class had never been on the best of terms
>You didn't very much care for all of the running and hoop-balling and kicky-clopping the touchdowns that you had to do while in class
>You much preferred to not run or do anything physical if you could help it
>Since, you know, you were a nerd and all, and training the mind was far more important that being able to kick the ball for a home run or have a six pack
>But today, your once unshakable thoughts on the matters of gym class were beginning to morph
>"Pick those feet up! Nameless, I swear to god if you keep using that inhaler I'm shoving it up your ass! If you ran a little faster you wouldn't need to worry about breathing now, would cha? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THOSE FEET?!"
>Today, Ms. Spitfire had decided to bring all of you out onto the track in the back of the school
>Usually, this would mean forty-five minutes of burning lungs and sweating more water than your body should have in it, but today was refreshingly different
>You didn't have to run, or play soccer, or do any push ups
>In fact, since you had gotten here, you hadn't even done anything remotely considered a physical activity
>You, along with most of the class and Ms. Spitfire herself, were sitting on the fence, watching as about thirty guys jogged around the track
>Thirty sweaty, SHIRTLESS guys
>Some of them tall and lanky, some of them short and thicc, but all of them glistening in the sun in a way that made a girl's knees weak
>And it was, pardon your french, fucking AWESOME
>"Come on boys! Ten more laps to go!" one of the bigger, more muscular guys said, power walking behind a group of panting, exhausted looking men as they struggled forward. "Pick it up, pick it up! If you go any slower I'm gonna start kicking asses!"

>You, being a gentlewoman, tried your hardest not to ogle the men
>Your fellow classmates, however, weren't quite so noble
>"Give those buns a little shake, sweetie," Cloudchaser called
>"Why don't you get out of those gym shorts? Give us a real show?" Gilda said, cupping her hands to her mouth so that her voice carried across the entire track
>"P-Please come over here and sit on my face!" Derpy yelled, dabbing her forehead with a handkerchief
>The guys, those that could breath anyway, laughed and flirted with everyone that called out to them
>They also didn't seem too bothered by all of the girls recording them on their phones
>"Girl... I'm gonna bruise my clam slicking off to this later," someone to your left said
>You lifted your gaze from the ground to watch a magnificent specimen run past you as he poured a bottle of water over his head
>W-wew...
>From behind you, you could hear an angry huff
>"Ms.Spitfire! Will you tell these PIGS to stop eye raping those poor guys?"
>Looking over your shoulder--nearly falling off the fence in the process--you saw Flash and a few of the other guys in your class not looking all that happy
>"Fuck off, Flash. We're not doing anything," Rainbow said, taking a few quick snapshots of a guy that ran past her
>"Those men out there are trying to work out and you're all looking at them like they're pieces of MEAT!" Flash cried, his voice shrill and unpleasant.
>"We can take our shirts off too if it';ll make you feel any better," Cloudchaser offered, lifting the front of her shirt a bit to reveal her flat, toned belly. "Will that make you feel any better?"
>This caused many of the girls to watch and Flash's face to contort in rage
>A couple of the guys out on the track, overhearing the girl, stopped and looked at you all with wide eyes and excited expressions

>"Hey! What did I tell you about stopping!" the big, muscular guy said, kicking one of the guys on the butt. "Don't pay attention to them! Pay attention to PICKING THOSE FUCKING FEET UP NAMELESS!"
>A few more well placed kicks had the other guys running
>"Yeah! Do that!"
>"Clothes are overrated!"
>"Lets see them tits!"
>"GET MOVING!"
>Once again, the girls on the fence started laughing their asses off
>Even you couldn't help but chuckle
>Flash, meanwhile, gritted his teeth
>"Ms. Spitfire! DO. SOMETHING!"
>Ms. Spitfire, who was sitting next to Rainbow with her sunglasses partially hanging from her nose as she watched the guys run, slowly shook her head
>"No can do, Mr. Sentry," she said, blowing a kiss at a guy that winked at her. "Those men out there aren't students, so I have no jurisdiction over them."
>"Then why don't you call security or something? Get them out of here?" Flash demanded
>The gym teacher shrugged
>"Well... it'll take about ten minutes for me to get down there and find the security guard, and by that time they might be gone."
>"Why don't you call them or something?!"
>Ms. Spitfire looked over her shoulder at him
>"Mr. Sentry, I make sure not to have a cellphone on me during class, not that I'd be able to fit one in these shorts," she said, tugging at her pants
>A few guys running past whistled at the sight, which seemed to make Flash even madder
>"When class is over I'm going RIGHT to the principal's office to report EVERYONE here," he swore, pointing a shaking finger at all of you. "Principal Celestia will--"
>"Wooooo!"
>You all watched as a giant of a man weaved around a group of guys, running at full speed
>Sitting on his shoulders, whooping and hollering, was a very happy, yet frazzled, Principal Celestia
>You watched as Flash's jaw dropped
>"I, um..."
>Looking back at him, Cloudchaser chuckled
>"You know this is why Sunset doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, right?" she asked.

>Flash bristled
>"Hey! Screw YOU!" he spat. "And if principal Celestia won't do anything then Ms. Luna wi--"
>"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Mr. Sentry."
>You all looked to your left you saw Ms. Luna holding a professional grade camcorder
>Behind her were two girls from the photography club holding recording equipment
>"You see, there's been a new... law that prohibits us from kicking men off school property."
>Flash opened his mouth to say something, but paused
>"...Really?"
>"Yes, really," Ms. Luna replied, following a cute, smol guy running past her.
>Flash crossed his arms
>"And what's the new "law" called?"
>"The Internship Act of Illegal Aliens from Beyond the Stars," the vice-principal said without skipping a beat. "Now if you'd please be quiet Mr. Sentry I have filming to do."
>Flash's eyes widened and he gritted his teeth
>You flinched, resisting the urge to cover your ears
>Oh here we go...
>"I HATE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!" Flash screamed with a stomp of a hoof. "I HATE IT AND EVERYONE OF YOU PIG-HEADED, MAN DEGRADING CUNTS! IF I HAD MY WAY--"
>"Shut up you big fucking baby. No one wants to hear your belly aching, especially me."
>You watched as Unknown, who looked very tired and had a small notebook tucked under an arm, push past Flash and toward all of you
>Flash stumbled, but caught himself before he fell over
>His head whipped over toward Unknow, and you watched as he turned into the devil himself
>"Hey. HEY! What's your problem, prick?" he shrieked
>"I'm tired, I have to babysit a lot of jackasses, and I have a whiney little bitch screaming at me," Unknow said, stopping a few feet from the fence so that he could look through his pockets. "I could also go for some chocolate, if you care."
>Flash's hands balled up into fist, and he marched over toward Unknown with death in his eyes
>"I don't think you're know who you're dealing with, but I'm not going to take this from some fat, ugly little shank with an attitude pro--"

>Cocking a fist back , Flash placed another hand on Unknown's shoulder
>He was about spun him around when, sighing, Unknown slammed an elbow right into Flash's forehead
>"Urk!"
>Some of the girls let out a cheer as Flash went down like a sack of potatoes
>Not you though
>Nope...
>You were a gentlewoman...
>Unknown, shaking his head, looked back at the fallen man
>"You dead there, Flash?"
>He nudged the obviously unconscious man with a foot
>"What a goddamn baby. I barely even hit him," he grumbled, shaking his head as he made his way over toward you. "Hey, make room, I wanna sit down."
>You and the other girls moved so that were was a spot beside you
>Unknown jumped up and sat down without a second thought, grabbing his notebook from under his arm and opening it
>"Hey, Twi, you wouldn't happen to have a pen or something, would ya?"
>You gave yourself a quick pat down
"Um, no, I don't think so."
>Unknown's face scrunched up
>"Dammit. Does anyone got a pen of them then?"
>The other girls patten themselves down
>Ms. Spitfire was the first to come to the rescue, grabbing the pen on her clipboard
>"Here, I got one for ya," she said. "Pass this down, Dash."
>The girls passed the pen down to Unknown who, saying a quick thank you pulled the cap off the pen with his teeth and started writing
>Letting your nosy side get the better of you, you tried to see what he was writing
"So what's that, Unknown? A journal?"
>"Nope, it's used to communicate with my superiors," Unknown said matter-of-factly. "I'm giving them a report about how everything's going on this side for the whole invasion thing."
>He looked up from his notebook, his frown deepening
>"Well, I guess it's more of assimilation than invasion, but they're pretty much the same thing, right?"
>All of the girls sitting on the fence were quiet for a moment
>But then Gilda snorted, Rainbow began laughing, and Aria guffawed
>Soon everyone, yourself included started busting a gut
>Oh...
>What a silly guy...

~_~_~_~_~_~_

>Nohooves Rainbow

>Be Rainbow Dash
>Not that weird blue dog thing with the wings
>THE Dash
>One hundred percent pure, unadulterated awesomeness!
"Aw yeah... J-Just like that big guy..."
>School was almost over, and since you had a study period you were in the shed near the track field
>Most days you were here, getting a soccer ball to kick around or taking a snooze on a pile of old football jerseys
>But not today
>Today momma was getting some lovin'!
>Your main man Incognito, had, to your surprise, been up for a bit of fun during school hours
>You, not the kind of girl to look a gift horse in the mouth, had asked him if he maybe, possibly, probably, could-if-he-wanted-to have a bit of fun in this particular shed
>And
>He
>FUCKING
>SAID
>YES!
>He didn't demand anything from you or ask that you do something for him
>He just smiled at you, gave your butt a subtle squeeze and told you to pick when to do it!
>THIS...
>This was just another reason why you loved this oddball
>At that moment, your back was pressed up against one of the shed's metal walls
>Your eyes were half closed and you were running your hands through your boyfriend's hair
>Incognito was on his knees, running his hands up and down your sides and legs
>There was almost a look of worship on his face as he touched you, like he was at some famous religious site touching a giant rock or whatever
>You weren't gonna lie
>It was hot
>To less awesome girls, they probably would have busted an ovary at the mere sight
>But you were Rainbow motherfucking Dash!
>Seeing your boyfriend on his knees worshiping your body just got you riled up
>The second that Nito pulled your pants down you'd fuck his brains out
>You'd fuck him so hard that just looking at him would make him pop a stiffy!
"E-Easy with the hands there, hon. I'm--ah~! I'm s-sensitive..."
>Nito, humming a tune to himself, rubbed his face against your cloth-covered shirt
>You twitched when you felt his nose brushing against your belly

>You must have made a face as well because Nito chuckled
>"God are you cute," he murmured, kissing your bare stomach where your shirt had balled up
>You opened your mouth to say that The Dash was NOT cute, but all you could do was quietly groan as Nito wiggled his head into your shirt
>You bit your lip as you felt him kissing your abs, body jerking as a bolt of pleasure raced up your spine
>Before you could get used to that, his hands began squeezing your butt
"F-Fuck..." you hissed, back arching
>That's the SHIT right there...
>Since you no longer had Nito's hair to play with, you decided to keep your hands busy by pulling your shirt off
>You did to slowly, savoring the feeling of Nito's soft, supple lips touching your bare flesh
>Nito, the lovely boyfriend that he was, let his kisses move upward as you lifted your shirt
>He kissed and nuzzled your belly, teased your sternum with his tongue, had you laughing when he blew a raspberry on your neck
>You let out a chuckle as you felt him fiddling with your bra
"I-I'm gonna fuck your brains out," you said, pulling your shirt over your head
>Nito, chuckling, leaned in for a kiss, which you happily returned
>"I hope so, cutie," he said as you tossed your shirt away, leaving just a bra to cover the ol' girls. "Now, let's get this thing out of the way..."
>You continued to kiss your boyfriend and nip at his neck as he tried to get your bra off
>Though the big lug as the most affectionate boyfriend that you had ever had, your bras were still a bit tricky for him
>After about a minute of trying and failing to unclasp it, you could see his nose scrunching like it did whenever he got frustrated
>You laughed
"Here, let me show you how it's done, hon," you said, rubbing your nose against him.
>Reaching behind your back, you undid the strap with a flick of the wrist
>Nito, reached down to give your ass a squeeze as you pulled the thing off and tossed it across the shed
>You let out a pleased hum

>Goddess did you HATE that fucking thing...
>The second that the girls' were out in the open, Nito's gaze snapped down toward them
>Though they were on the... smaller side, the look your boyfriend had on his face as he looked at your tits really made you smile
>Not the ah-yeah-getting-some-dick-tonight kind of smile either
>You were smiling that happy, I-should-probably-take-this-guy-home-because-my-mom-would-give-me-a-high-five-and-tell-me-how-proud-of-me-she-was kind of smile
>After staring at your boobs for a few seconds, Nito's green eyes flicked up to your face
>You could see a bunch of sappy ass emotions in them, and the sight made your smile grow
>Oh he was SO gonna get it!
>"You ready, hon?" he asked
>Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you got up on your tippy toes and gave his cheek a kiss
"I was born ready, babe," you chirped
>The two of you stared into each other's eyes as Nito unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down
>Your panties were next
>"Do you wanna help me with these clothes, or do you wanna watch me while I take'em off?" Nito asked, his voice barely a whisper
>You hummed thoughtfully, pressing yourself against your boyfriend
"I'm thinkin' the first option, big guy," you said, reaching down to rub your hand against the noticeable bulge in his pants
>Nito shivered, leaning in to kiss you as you began to unbutton his--
>"There you are, you fucking hooved nerd!"
>Ohfuckinggoddessthiswashowyougetexpelled!
>Both you and Nito nearly leapt as someone leapt into the shed with you
>Whipping your heads toward the entrance, you saw that short, weird guy Unknown standing there
>The guy was breathing hard, his eyes wild and his hair all fucked up
>In his hands was an overly large butterfly net
>"Where the FUCK are you Moony?" he said, ignoring the two of you. "Get your furry little ass out here. I'm tired of chasing you all over this damned school!"

>...
>Okaaaaaay...
>Both you and Nito looked at each other before looking back at Unknown
>Nito cleared his throat
>"Um, Unknown? What's--"
>Unknown perked up, his head jerking around
>"Shush, shush, shush, shush, shut the fuck up," he said, raising a hand
>Nito's mouth snapped shut, and you both watched as Unknown crotched down low, his head cocked to the side
>For almost a minute the three of you stood there awkwardly listening for... whatever the heck that weirdo was listening for
>Finally, Unknown stood back up to his full height, his eyes narrowed
>"Hey, did the two of you see a three foot tall little marshmallow horse running around?" he asked looking over at you. "She's wearing a ratty sweatshirt, has a big ass glowing amulet around her neck?"
>Both you and Nito once again exchanged glances before shaking your heads
>"Nope."
"Naha."
>"Fuck," Unknown grunted, his nose scrunched up. "If you do see her fucking call me. I don't want someone seeing a unicorn and calling the fucking cops."
>Muttering to himself, he made his way over to the door and threw it open, walking outside before either of you could ask what the hell he was talking about
>A moment later he popped his head back in
>"And stop fucking on school grounds. I keep getting shit for it because none of you fuckers can wait for eight hours to fuck," he grumbled. "And Incognito, shave that shit off your lip. You want to grow a mustache, not have a shitton of pubes on your upper lip."
>He looked over at you, his gaze dipping down to your groin
>"And speaking of pubes, shave your shit Rainbow. I don't mind a little hair of a girl but you got a fucking afro."
>He looked at the two of you before shaking his head
>"Fucking dumb motherfuckers..."
>With that he left, leaving you and your boyfriend alone
>"Well... that cunt really knows how to ruin the mood, huh?" Nito asked
>You grunted, a frown making its way onto your face as you looked at the spot where that jackass had just been

>If he weren't a guy you'd run out there and beat his ass...
>Shaking your head, you turned back toward your boyfriend and smiled
"Fuck'em, we'll gonna have our fun whether he wants us to or not," you said, giving him a peck on the lips as you began fiddling with his pants once again. "Now why don't you just sit back and let The Dash take care of..."
>You trailed off when you heard a sound
>The sound of someone writing
>...
>Looking past your boyfriend, you saw a small, furry little dog thing with glasses and a sweater, staring at the two of you intently
>In its hooves/paws/whatever the fuck they were was a piece of paper and a pencil
>"Subjects seem to be looking at something," it murmured, scratching something down on the paper
>Nito slowly looked over his shoulder at the dog thing
>"...Moondancer?"
>The dog thing looked down at itself, its nose scrunching up
>"Horse apples, my invisibility spell needs to be reapplied," it muttered, looking back up at the two of you. "Don't mind me please. I'm just here to watch you copulate for my research. Please continue."
>...
>"No."
"Okay."
>Both you and Nito looked at each other, Nito's eyes narrowing
"...What?"

~_~_~_~_~_~__~

Silly Moondancer, Fussy, protective Rararararararara

>Be Unknown
"Get back here, Moondancer!"
>"No!"
"Get the fuck back here you pain in the ass little horse!"
>"Buck off!"
>Be having a bad day
>And this wasn't just any normal, regular bad day
>You didn't have to deal with guys wanting a transfer back to horseland
>Or guys that were trying to steal an already taken girl from another unsuspecting guy
>Or making sure you didn't have a fifty-man harem shitshow like with Princess Luna
>It wasn't even the kind of shitty day where the main boss man was giving you shit about your numbers
>...
>It wasn't your fucking fault that you numbers were lower than everyone else's anyway!
>Your guys got sent to this portal FIVE MONTHS after everyone was already getting fucking footholds all over Equestria!
>And EVEN THEN you had the third highest success rate for companionship out of anyone else!
>Fucking politicking nohooves hating cocksuckers...
>Anyway, this day was particularly bad because a code blue had up and dropped into your lap
>A little horse, somehow using the same magic that kept you and all of the other guys from turning into horses or whatever this world's magic would turn you into, had snuck through the portal
>And not only did she sneak through the portal, she had done it in broad daylight, and was proceeding to run around like it was perfectly normal for a three foot tall talking unicorn to be out and about
>And to top ALL of that off it was fucking Moondancer
>The pain in the as little horse that kept trying to poke her nose around in the whole invasion thing you were doing
>...
>Well, not invasion REALLY...
>You don't think it was at least...
>More like you all coming in to make a bunch of superior subspecies of a whole bunch of different races...
>It was complicated
>And you weren't even in the thinking part of this shitshow anyways...
>But fuck that

>You had a little horse to catch
>And you weren't very happy about it
"Moony, I swear to god if you don't stop running I'm gonna let this world's police cat--"
>"I'm not leaving until I find out what's going on!"
"We already told you were we--"
>"No! I'm not listening to your horse apple lies! You might have everypony else fooled but I know better! I'm going to find out what's really going on and save Equestria from all of you!"
>You swung your net, trying to capture the unicorn, only for her to jump out of the way at the last moment
>For a sweaty nerd, Moondancer could run like a gryphon running from the poince...
>You cursed, tossing your net away and making a dive at her
"Getthefuckoverhere!"
>Moondancer let out a yelp as you managed to grab her tail
>The tip of her horn glowed, and before you could yank her backward she disappeared with a pop
"Fuckin--omph!"
>You hit the ground hard, getting a mouthful of grass for your troubles and the wind knocked out of you
>Still though, you leapt back to your feet, looking all around you
>You needed to get the unicorn back through the portal quick
>It might have been easy bringing over a couple hundred guys over here, but at least they were human
>If the wrong person saw Moondancer, or someone took a picture and that picture got online you'd have yourself a problem
>The secret-organization-that-takes-you-in-the-dead-of-night-and-tortures-you-for-information kind of problem
"Moon--"
>You coughed, spitting out grass as you tried to force air back into your lungs
"Moon..."
>You saw a flash of red and yellowish grey
>Your head whipped around to see the unicorn charging into the school
>A group of freshmen were watching her with wide eyes, their phones out
>FUCK!
>Though your lungs were still burning, you forced yourself to sprint after the mare
>Before you went inside the school, however, you made sure to grab all of the phones that were out and threw them to the ground, smashing them with your foot

>The group of freshmen, of course, didn't take too kindly to this
>"HEY!" one of the girls snarled, getting in your face. "WHAT THE FUCK--OH!"
>Crouching down, you grabbed the girl by her jeans and heaved
>The girl let out a yelp as you lifted her over your shoulder and threw her onto her back
>Before any of her friends could so much as blink you were running again
"Don'ttellanyonewhatyoujustfuckingsaw!" you screamed over your shoulder before throwing open the backdoor of the school and racing through it
>Jumping down a flight of stairs you could see Moondancer racing toward the cafeteria, a piece of parchment and a quill floating beside her
>She was taking notes even as she ran
>The fucking dork...
"Moondancer! I swear to god, MOONDANCER!"
>You took off after the mare, your teeth bared
>Oh was she gonna GET IT when you fucking caught her...
>You had so much shit to do today without dealing with THIS!
"Moondancer!"
>The unicorn looked over her shoulder
>Seeing you, she picked up her speed, cutting into a hallway
>You ran after her, slamming against a row of lockers but managing to keep your feet
>Thankfully, this hallway seemed to be completely empty
>The only exit was the way the two of you had just come, so this little horse wasn't getting away from you this time, magic or not
>Moondancer, seeing this, spun around and tried to weave around you
>You, of course, were quick to block her escape, slowly closing the distance between you
"I swear if I see that horn of yours glowing I'm throwing you off the second floor," you growled
>Moondancer's muzzle scrunched up defiantly
>"I'm going to find out what's going on here," she cried."And when I find out what's going on I'll know what's going on in Equus!"
"There's nothing going on," you lied. "Everything's just a big coincidence, you're worrying about nothing, andgetthefuckoverhere!"
>You tried to lunge at the mare but she hopped backwards

>"You're lying. You're all lying," she spat, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. "I don't know exactly what you're doing but as Celestia as my witness I'm going to stop you."
"There's nothing to stop! Now will you quit running and let me--"
>"Oh my goodness. What do we have here?"
>You whipped around to see Ms. Rarity making her way toward you
>Goddammit...
>You bit back a curse, standing to your full height and fixing your shirt as best as you could
"Afternoon, Rarity
>Rarity, ignoring Moondancer completely, marched over toward you and cupped your face with her hands
>"Look at how worked up you've gotten yourself, Unknown dear," she said, tsking. "You're all sweaty, and mercy me LOOK at your hair!"
>You let out a sigh as the fashionista ran her fingers through your messy, sweat-soaked hair
>"No man should be in such a state! Come here, dear, let me save what parts of your image I can."
>You squirmed as Rarity fussed over you like a mother hen
"Come on, Rare. I appreciate you looking after me but--"
>"No butts, mister!" she interrupted, her bright blue eyes narrowed. "I can't stand the thought of a gentlemen like yourself walking out in public looking anything other than your best."
>Her chest puffed out and she frowned
>"Now, tell me what's gotten you in such a tizzy. I'll do everything in my power to help."
"You don't need to--"
>"You're correct, I don't need to," she said, giving your cheek a pat. "But I'm going to anyway, darling."
>...
>Fuck it
>Stepping away from the fussing fashionista, you turned around and pointed at Moondancer, who seemed to trying to hide in a locker
>Rarity blinked
>"Oh my goodness... That's one of those Equestrian ponies isn't it?"
"It is," you replied, pinching the bridge of your nose. "And I need to get her home before someone sees her. Unfortunately she seems against the idea."
>Moony, noticing that the two of you were looking at her, frowned

>"I'm not going ANYWHERE until I get my answers!" she said, puffing her cheeks out
"There's NOTHING going on you pain in the ass," you said, closing your eyes.
>Moondancer looked over at Rarity
>"Don't listen to S001-74. He's lying, as are all of the other humans that came through the portal."
>Rarity raised an eyebrow
>"S001-74?"
"Moondancer here gives everyone a code name or something," you explained, feeling a headache coming on
>"It's not a code name, I'm simply categorizing you all in the most efficient way possible."
"We all have names, you know."
>"Yes, but most of you have similar names. If what you call yourselves are even your real names to begin with."
>You groaned
>Oh, you were gonna KILL this horse...
>Rarity, with a small, frown on her face, took a step toward the unicorn
>"Ms. Moondancer was it? I don't think I very much care for what you're insinuating." she said, crossing her arms. "The young men I've met have been nothing but complete gentlemen."
>"That's nothing but a lie," Moondancer insisted. "They're just trying to--"
>"They're trying nothing dear," Rarity interrupted. "These men have made a lot of young ladies here very happy, and I won't have their honor called into question without very good reason."
>One of Rarity's small, soft, perfectly manicured hands grabbed your arm and pulled you toward her
>You, just wanting to lay down and take a nap, allowed her to wrap her arms around you and press your face into her ample bosom
>"Especially poor Unknown here. The dear runs himself ragged trying to make sure that everyone becomes comfortable with each other--without a word of thanks in most cases!"
>Moondancer's frown diminished
>"Ms..."
>"Rarity."
>"Yes, Ms. Rarity. I don't know what you think--"

>"Ms. Moondancer, while I don't consider myself a violent woman I shan't listen to your wild accusations any further," Rarity said, glaring at the unicorn as she rocked you back and forth. "This poor boy here only wants to make sure you're safe and you're giving him a hard time over nothing. And if you saw one more word slandering him we shall have more than words."
>"I'm trying to find out what's going on!" Moondancer said, stomping a hoof. "And I'm not going to let that one stop me!"
"If I don't stop you someone's gonna post a picture of you on facebook and you'll spend the rest of your life being dissected," you said, your voice muffled
>"Then that's the price I'm will to pay to save ponykind," the unicorn replied, eyes narrowing down to slits
>Jesus Christ...
>What were you going to do with this horse?
>You let out another sigh as Rarity began to run a hand through your hair
>"...Ms. Moondancer, I believe that I may have a solution."
>Moondancer perked up
>"Oh?"
>"I believe that you just wish to speak with a few girls and record some things, yes?"
>"I'd like to do a few more things than that but that'll be the majority of what I want to do," Moondancer said with a nod
>Rarity smiled
>"Excellent. Even though I nor poor Unknown care for the way you treat gentlemen I'm sure Unknown would allow you to speak to a few students before taking you back home."
>You tried to lift your head from Rarity's breasts
"I can't. I need to get her home before--"
>"Over the past two years this school's seen everything from demons and fish monsters, dear," Rarity said, pushing your face back down. "I'd like to think that we are discreet when we wish to be."
>Moondancer looked behind her before looking back at the fashionista
>"I don't want to have one of THEM following me everywhere I go," she said stubbornly

>"Then I'd be happy to ask one of my friends to escort your impolite derriere around the school," Rarity said with sickening sweetness. "Would that be more agreeable to you?"
>Moondancer, though she didn't look convinced, nodded
>"Yes, it would... but I don't want to see a SINGLE human male."
>"Very good," Rarity said, pulling out her phone. "Now just let me make a phone call and we'll have you an escort."
>...
>You know, you should probably stop this...
>...
>Fuck it
>Rarity, keeping a tight grip of you, made her phone call, chatting to Pinkie Pie
>While she did that you pulled out your phone as well, shoot a text to every guy in school as best as you could saying what was going on
>Hopefully they'd be able to keep people from taking pictures
>A lot of the dumb fuckers could barely tie their shoes, so you weren't expecting too much, but you know what?
>FUCK it
>"If you'd be kind enough to make your way out of this hall and make your way toward the library Pinkie will be there to take you wherever you wish to go," Rarity said. "I'd take you there but I believe that I shall be busy soothing Unknown here."
>"Thank you for your help," Moondancer said with a bow of her head. "Because of your actions both of our worlds may yet be saved
>"Yes, I'm sure," the fashionista dryly replied, waving the mare away with a hand. "Now chop, chop, school will be over very soon."
>Giving you a glare, Moondancer quickly trotted past the two of you and out into the main lobby to do lord knows what
>Rarity watched her go, a small frown on her face
>"I can see why so many of you wished to come through the portal, dear,"she said nuzzling the top of your head. "I've never seen such a RUDE creature..."
"Thanks for the help, Rare. Really," you said, giving the girl a hug. "I appreciate it."
>"Oh, I was more than happy to help," Rarity replied
>For about a minute, the two of you just stood in that quiet, empty hallway hugging
>And it was... nice

>So nice that you might have hugged the girl for a lot longer, if not for the fact that you still had a lot of shit to do
"Alright, thanks again for the help, but I really need to--"
>You tried to once again lift your face from Rarity's cleavage, only to have the fashionista force your head back where it was
>"Really need to nothing, dear," she said firmly. "I'm going to take you to the home ec room right this instant and make you presentable."
"But--"
>"AND when school is over, I'm going to have to insist that you come with me so that we might take a little tension out of these shoulders of yours."
>You tried to half-heartedly pull away as Rarity gave your shoulders a squeeze, tsking
"I still have a lot of stuff to do today."
>"I'm positive that whatever business you have can be delayed for another day. Now, I insist that you be taken to a spa, to a fine dinner so that you can get something to eat, and perhaps a movie if you'd be so inclined to indulge me...?
>You managed to pick your head up to see the fashionista looking down at you with a hopeful expression
>...
>FUCK. IT.
"...Fine. I'm not going to be happy about it though."
>Rarity giggled, giving you a quick peck on the cheek
>"You will by the time I'm done with you, my dear," she said sweetly. "I promise you that."


~_~_~_~_~_~_~


More buttbug


>Be Chrysalis
>Lady of a Thousand Faces
>Bringer of Doom and Destruction
>The once mighty ruler of the changeling horde
>It had been a very trying period since your children had abandoned you
>No one to rule, running from place to place barely one step away from your enemies, with never enough love to properly sustain you
>But no longer
>You now had yourself a king that would supply you with new soldiers and all of the love you needed
>There was no need to hide from your attackers
>You could fight, and not only could you fight you could WIN
>But, while you wouldn't have minded paying your traitor horde and their WORTHLESS "leader" a little visit, you had found yourself with a very delectable hostage
>He was that BLASTED Celestia's colt, and the brother of your king
>You, happy with just having a creature giving you love, and so much of it, you hadn't even considered using him as political leverage
>But your Anon had almost insisted it, saying that the two of you needed to see Celestia but you needed to do it in a position of strength
>It had been both a surprise to you and Incognito, and it had put the first real smile that you had worn in many, many months
>This one was going to be a keeper; you could feel it in your chitin
>So, after getting to know your king, as well as gorging yourself on as much love as you could stand, you prepared yourself
>A plan was drawn up, your hostage was secured, and after two days of the finest feeding that you ever had the pleasure of experiencing, the two of you set off
>There was no hiding, no disguises
>The two of you boarded the nearest train as you were, dragging Incognito behind you sealed in green goo
>Your fellow passengers, of course, did nothing to stop you
>Nor did the ponies at the station in Ponyville when you needed to change trains
>They just stood there, frozen in fear, pathetically praying to whatever god would listen to spare them from your wrath
>It felt good
>Wonderful even

>You felt powerful, invincible, like a queen again!
>Like the queen you were!
>So it was that you found yourself standing in the throne room of the celestial sisters many hours later, your head held high and a sneer on your face
>Celestia was sitting aloft on her throne, staring at her stallion while her guards glared at you menacingly
>There must have been two hundred in the room, all of them with their spears readied
>But you couldn't have given a horse apple less
"Good afternoon, Celestia. I hope your day has been well," you said with a sneer
>The princess's purple eyes flicked toward you
>"Hello to you as well, Chrysalis, Anon," she said, a small smile on her face
>Her gaze flicked back to Incognito, and you could taste a bit of worry coming from her
>"Are you alright dear?"
>When Anon had said that he was going to be a hostage, Incognito hadn't taken it very well
>He had nearly brained his own brother with a rock, and stabbed you with another one of his blasted knives
>Even when you had managed to secure him so that he didn't hurt you or himself you still had to be very careful when you got near, so much so that you had decided to encase the angry human up to his neck in goo to save you the headache
>When you had done that Incognito had been beyond angry
>It had drowned out any love that Anon was trying to feed you, and gave you such a horrible stomach ache that you had been forced to leave your cave
>But now you could sense nothing in him
>No anger, no fear, no joy
>You could FEEL a whirlwind of emotions tucked under a thick layer of... something
>What that something was you couldn't quite identify, but it made you nervous
>...
>Just a bit though
>"I could be better hon, how are you?" Incognito asked
>"You know, I was wondering where you had gone off to," Celestia said, rising from her throne, her smile widening just a hair. "I did think that my stallion would become a damsel in distress."
>Incognito's expression soured

>"I really didn't expect to either," he grumbled, trying to wiggle. "Hon?"
>"Yes dear?"
>Incognito looked at both you and Anon
>You shivered as you felt a pulse of anger seep through the wall he had around himself
>"I'd really appreciate it if you could please tell your guards to beat Anon to death."
>You king flinched
>"Cogy, come on, is it reall--"
>"I'll do that thing you really like, and rub your hooves whenever you want," Incognito offered, looking up at her hopefully. "They don't even need to do it for that long. Just like for ten minutes."
>The anger flicked again as the human frowned
>"I'm afraid that I can't do that, dear," Celestia said, climbing off her throne and making her way toward the three of you
>Your horn sparked to life, ready to defend yourself, but the princess made no move to attack
>"Chrysalis, I hope that you haven't harmed my coltfriend. It would go very poorly for you if you did," the princess said, an edge coming to her voice
"Your stallion is whole a hearty, princess," you said, puffing your chest you. "I would not harm the brother of my king if I can help it."
>Celestia stopped
>"King?" she said, eyebrow raised
>She looked at you and Anon, brow furrowed
>You extended a wing, wrapping it around Anon and pulling him, close
"Yes, I've selected Anonymous here to rule by my side," you told her. "He shall help me build a new hive and restore the lings to their former glory!"
>You expected a look of shock or anger, but instead you got a smile
>"Very good! I'm glad you found somepony," Celestia said, walking up and placing a hoof on your shoulder.
>...
>Wat?
>Your eyes narrowed
"Excuse me?"
>"I may not be Cadence, but I know how important it is for a mare to find the one that makes them whole," Celestia said, beaming. "So I'm congratulating you. Now, I assume that you wished to talk with me about something?"
>A dozen evil speeches, plans, monologues all fell by the wayside as you stared at the almost giddy alicorn
"...Yes?"

>Celestia clapped her hooves together
>"Very good! If you'd to so kind as to release my coltfriend I'd be happy to lead you to a more private location so that we may sit down and talk together."
>...
"Just like that?" you asked suspiciously
>"Just like that," Celestia said, placing a hoof over her heart
>Your eyes narrowed down to slits as you tried your hardest to sense if the princess was trying something
>But you sensed no deceit in her heart
>She was being completely heartfelt and honest
>...
"...If you attempt anything I will not hesitate to rip the fur from your flesh," you hissed, teeth bared
>"Then I'll be sure to be on my best behavior," the princess replied, tittering. "Now, if you'd please..."
>The tip of your horn glowed, and with a spell you freed Incognito from the goo
>He stumbled forward, but managed to catch himself at the last minute
"There. It is done."
>"Thank you," Celestia said with a bow of her head. "Incognito, honey, are you alright?"
>Incognito looked down at his hands
>Standing to his full height, he opened and closed them
>He then looked at you, then Celestia, before his gaze settled on Anon
>And just like that, the barrier around him shattered
>"MOTHERFUCKER!" he roared, charging toward your king
>Anon tried to take a few steps back, his eyes wide in alarm
>"Anon, bro, why don't we just--omph!"
>Roaring like a angry hydra, Incognito tackled his brother to the ground
>"YOU MOTHERFUCKER! MAKE ME INTO A HOSTAGE? I'LL HOSTAGE YOUR ASS!"
>"COGY, I WAS JUST--OW! FUCKING STOP THAT!"
>"FUCK YOU!"
>"DON'T FUCKING BITE--OW!"
>"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP THE ASS WITH MY SHOES, YOU KEK!"
>More than a little alarmed, you took a step toward the two, intent on prying them apart, only for Celestia to stop you with a hoof
>"I'd let the two of them work things out for a little bit if I were you," she said. "Otherwise they'll both be in a bad mood."
>"HOLD STILL!"
>"NO, FUCK YOU, YOU CRAZY BAS--OW!"
>You watched as the two humans rolled around on the marble, biting and kicking, and cursing like a couple of mares
>After about a minute of this Celestia leaned towards you
>"You know, if Incognito and I get serious enough the two of us may be sister-in-laws," she said. "Wouldn't that be something?"


~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Even more buttbug, with not-so-evil baby alicorns


>Be Dawn
>Daughter of Princess Celestia and Prince-Consort Incognito and supervillain in training
>That's right!
>You weren't gonna be some goody two shoes princess!
>You were gonna be evil!
>The evilest mare EVER!
>You'd ban bedtime and give all of your enemies cooties and steal all of the candy from every candy store!
>ESPECIALLY the one near that pizzarea your daddy liked to do to!
>But, like all great supervillians, you needed somepony to train you
>A super-amazing super villain that'd make you the bestest!
>You were lucky; unlike most fillies that wanted a life of super crime you knew a heck of a lot villains
>Unfortunately, all of the villains that you knew weren't very evil anymore
>Auntie Luna was dumb and boring, and she wouldn't turn into Nightmare Moon, even on your birthday!
>That dummy Discord is just as bad, and auntie Twilight and auntie Cadence are as goodie two shoes as could be
>But there was still one mare that you could turn to
>The coolest, most evil pony in the whole wide world
>Your auntie Chryssi!
>She still did a BUNCH of evil things all the time!
>And she had an AWESOME evil laugh, if Genestealer wasn't fibbing around that
>So, in true evil fashion, you decided to sneak out of class during naptime to go find her for some evilly evil classes
>You'd know exactly where she'd be too!
>Mr. Press, the old butt, didn't even notice when you slipped out of the room and scurried out into the hallway
>None of the guards saw you sneaking around either, because of your super sneaky alicorn powers
>This let you get to the roof of the castle without anypony stopping and yelling at you
>When you got outside you saw that it was a really nice, sunny day out
>There was no wind, and no clouds in the sky
>It was the perfect weather to play kickball, or chase your cousins around, or play with Flurry Heart after she came back from big kid school
>But you couldn't concern yourself with any of that horse apples, you had a auntie to find!
"Yessss..."

>Crouching down low, you prowled the roof, making sure not to get near the edges like daddy said
>It took like three or four forevers, but you eventually managed to find auntie Chryssi
>She was lying on the flatter part of the roof, her wings extended and her eyes closed
>Your aunt always came up here to sun dry her weird not-fur because it'd get wet for some reason
>After school, she'd usually have all fifty of your cousins up here too with uncle Anon so they could dry off too
>But, for now, you'd have her all to yourself
"Hehehe..."
>Giving your mighty, powerful wings a flap, you slowly made your way to your auntie
>You made sure to be as quiet as possible, watching her ears all the while
>Your auntie was usually really, really, REALLY good at hearing things, but it looked like your super stealth powers were still working pretty good
>Your auntie didn't even twitch as you silently climbed up a doohickey next to her
>Grinning, you gave your bottom a wiggle, ready to pounce
>You were gonna get her this time!
>With a flap of your wings and a mighty cry, you leapt off the doohickey, your hooves spreadeagle
>You were just about to pounce on your aunt, ready to bite her ear to REALLY get her, when the tip of her horn glowed
>Before you could so much as say curd, an invisible force snatched you out of the air and held you up
>...
>Poop
>"And what do we have here?" auntie Chryssi asked, lifting her head up and cracking open an eye to look at you. "A would-be assassin? How unfortunate."
>She smiled as you wiggled and squirmed, trying to get out of her magic
>If you were a big pony like Flurry Heart, you could have used magic to get away
>But, since they didn't teach you any cool magic until the first grade you were out of luck
"Hey! Let me go!"
>Auntie Chryssi didn't let you go
>Instead, she levitated you around to that you were face-to-face with her
>"I hope you know the punishment for trying to assassinate a queen," she said
>Your eyes widened

>Double poop
"N-No! Get away from me!" you said, covering yourself with your wings. "Put me down and--HEY!"
>Lying you flat on your back, auntie Chryssi took a deep breath, pressed her lips against your tummy and began to blow
>"Phplupltlpltp!"
>You tried to resist, but you were no match for the most unholy of tortures
>Raspberries
"Hahahah! Stop auntie Chryssi! Hahahah! Stop! Stooooooop!"
>Your aunt, behing the super evil super villain that she was, didn't listen to you
>Instead, she blew on your poor belly even harder
>You let out a shriek, kicking and battering her face with your wings, but it was no use
>She was too strong
>For like a million, bajillion forevers she kept giving you raspberries
>It wasn't until your tummy hurt from laughing and you had tears streaming down your face did she stop
>You left completely senseless, could only lie staring up at the sky, trying to catch your breath
"That... wasn't nice... auntie."
>"I'm not a nice pony," auntie Chryssi said, resting her head on her fore leg. "You should know that my dear."
>...
>Well, she had you there...
>Still, to not lose face, you stuck your tongue out at her
"You're a butt..."
>"And you're supposed to be in class right now," your auntie replied, giving your belly a poke with her snout
>She then sat up, using her magic to levitate you into the air
>"And look at you, all filthy," she murmured. "Have you been rolling around in the garden beds again, young lady?"
"Aha," you said with a nod. "If I don't I'm too white, and ponies will see me when I want to sneak around!"
>"Is that so?" your auntie said. "Well, we can't have that now, can we?"
>Before you could stop her, your auntie began cleaning your fur with her tongue
>You, of course, didn't take too kindly to that
"Hey! Stop it! Stoooop! I wanna be invisible!"
>"Hush. If I don't do it your mother will, and if she does it she'll tell your father, and I don't imagine he'll be too happy with you for diving in rose bushes."

>You bopped her nose
"I wasn't diving in the rose bushes," you grumbled
>"You may as well have been. Now hold still, I need to get your mane."
>"Can't you just use magic?"
>"No. I clean the all of your nieces and nephews like this, and if it's good enough for them it's good enough for you, young lady. Now be quiet."
>Though you weren't too happy about it, you floated there quietly with your hooves crossed as your auntie cleaned you
>Momma was a better cleaner, but with her weird, super long tongue your auntie was able to clean you super duper fast
>"There," she said, putting you down. "Now, if I might ask, why are you up here Dawn?"
>You perked up, irritation turning to excitement
>It was your time to shine!
"I want you to teach me to be a supervillain!" you chirped
>"Oh?" your aunt asked, smiling
"Yeah! I wanna do evil, bad things and I wanna defeat my enemies and hear the lam... lamen..."
>"Lamentations of their stallions?" your aunt suggested
"Yeah, that!"
>Your aunt chuckled
>"Well, that's a very big decision for a six year old."
>You puffed up
"Six and a HALF."
>"Six and a half, excuse me," your auntie said, looking you over. "And might I ask what brought this on?"
"Genestealer told me that villains didn't have to go to school or take baths or nothin'" you said. "And I don't want to take baths or go to bed when the sun goes down, so I want to be a villain!"
>Auntie Chryssi chuckled to herself, shaking her head
>She then mumbled something that you couldn't quite catch as she sat you back down onto the ground
>"Well, I can't really argue with that logic," she said. "And I assume you'd like me to teach you then?"
"Yep!" you said with a nod. "I wanna learn how to laugh like an evil pony and--"
>"Dawn! Dawn!"
>Your eyes widened
>Triple poop...
>That was your daddy
>"Dawn Solarie! You better not be up here missy!"
>You looked up at your auntie who grinned

>"Why don't we make our escape, then I can give you a proper evil lesson," she said, lifting you onto her back
>You wrapped your hooves around her neck, holding on tight
"...Can we get some ice cream please?"
>Chuckling, your aunt extended her bug wings
>"Of course."



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