Apology/ Explanation of my past

Oooooh boy, so originally I wanted to make this as a video, but my mouth is killing me and I don't have the time for a video in the next few days, and I'd rather do this now.

As many who have known me, or about me, for a while knows I used to be a very "epic" "edgy" gamer. This reputation of me I have grown to absolutely despise. This all started back in ye olden days of 2013 when I discovered and started speedrunning. I have always been really in to Mega Man games and in a very obsessive way when I was younger. I'm 18 currently as most know, so if you do the math you'd realize I started when I was 12. At first I just watched pretty much exclusively  sneaks. Which looking back, oof. I started running x4 zero hundo (same category that was accepted into sgdq) in june of 2013 as my first speedgame. But even though I really liked x4 (at the time), I was very interested in almost immediately learning more games. Which is when I found cyber. I was interested in learning x6 all stages in september and found many a youtube video from cyber. Funny enough from the videos I didn't see the dreaded 'cyber chat' coming at all. I was obliterated. Looking back its pretty funny but in general that was my first exposure to the "toxic speed chats". In short over the next 2 years I became a big shit poster pretty fast (not a good shit poster though). I had been speedrunning the whole time, but my computer was (is) trash and could not stream in any universe. So in 2015 I built a new computer and began to stream on twitch. But with my luck the board got fried so I was again out of a computer for the next 6 months of the year. So I never began to actively stream till late 2015. I loved to shit post on twitter and in skype or discord or in cybers chat. But not on my stream because no one watched me at all, pulling a solid 0 viewers all day everyday. Stuff like this and my lack of progression in x6 really discouraged me. But i didn't stop for some dumb reason. In 2016 Erick and me joined the first mmx tourney and shorty after I became friends with crisco and started to find recognizable names in my chat. But overall I'd say my stream was still acceptable. 2017 was a bad year for me and nearly everyone that switched to stream me. Stream me has many less restrictions and rules, so my chat began to become pretty damn bad, the most toxic it ever was and that's as bad as it ever will get. At the time I saw most of the things we said as just shooting the shit in our little niche. But looking back it truly was toxic and do regret my actions. After that in 2018 I switched back to twitch and forced my community to change or leave. Many shitters left and I'm sure a decent bit will now, since I'm doing my best to stay away from this type of content. The problem with these situations is not that I am young necessarily. I do think that I was immature, but the problem was my mindset. In the past year+ I've gotten significantly more into philosophy (I kinda always have been somewhat into it) than before. My main principle that I followed was "as long as its harmless" to "The outward effect is always harmFULL". A friend helped me put this into more specific and relevant phrasing though. To passive racism and active racism. Passive racism could be self deprecating which could be seen as acceptable, but my usage was 'passive' as in as long we didn't mean anything by this. I completely denounce this notion now, because I believe that the second someone on the outside views this it is then active racism. Basically I deny a reality where passive racism even exists because the outcome is always active.

I'm deeply sorry to all those who I've let down over the years. I deserve these repercussions for my behavior and will accept my ban in full.