Bitches be crazy/

so... you all know of the last, and to be honest, i really do use the term loosely with this one, relationship, i was in. so i wont go over the details. those that know me personally know thati am one of the sweetest guys youknow. not as in "give you diabetes" sweet, but close enough. and those that do know me well enough, know that when i cut ties with someone on a personal level, i do my best to make sure those ends never touch again. so what is there to do when one end has another in their sights?

you just keep on trucking. thats really all there is to do at this point. no matter how badly i want to ttry and rekindle whatever nightmarish sickness that drove me to HER, i remindmyself of the utter disappointment ill eventually be getting again.  you see, thereare some people in this world, that all they want is sex. oh sure, theyve got other priorities as well, but in the relationship, all they really wantis sex. or at least, thats how it felt to me.i should be more lenient with this topic, butim just still too pissed over the whole series of dead ended relationships with that person.  but the only way i know how togetover it is just to get into another dating situation. sex REALLY isnt that important to me. i blame the hormonesfor whatever hijinks ensued during that period of time. i really do.

and yes,itdoes take two to tango, and i do wish that at certimes, the dance partner would simply remind me that her dancecards full, and its not a good time to try that move. the question i often think to myself is why? simply just those three letters.
w.
h.
y.


i understand the logic behind.
ive come up with ahundred different reasons for why itdidnt work out... AGAIN.
i day dreamed on THOUSANDS of ways it couldve turned out.

and the one thought that always burned hotter than anything else is, what if she had gotten pregnant? would she still have left me regardless? im not saying that id EVER consider that a basis for ending a relationship, and i would definitely would have stayed with her if that had happened.

but would she have stayed with ME?

but she didnt and she didnt stay with me. i know! it totally bites ass. those thoughts only come up during storms. but ive moved passed it. and as angry and frustrated and tired of the possibility popping back in my head again thatm aybe THIS is the time it might actually work out, we all know it wont. it never does. she doesnt want a relationship. she doesnt want to get married. she doesnt want to move passed whatever it is thaat fucked her up so badly that the very possibility of taking a chance that thenext guy wont be such a fucking monster to her.

but, ce la vie.

By the way? My dog is trolling me hard. hes freaked out because of the thunderstorm, so hes pushing hisway into the space beneath my desk, under my chair, into the closet, just ingeneral, freaking out about some thunder. nervous dog is nervous.