Unexpected Delivery

>wake up at 2pm to a knock on the door. It is derpy with a package
>"I got a muffin for you!" derpy chimes  in a happy voice.
>quickly sign for the package and be thankful the strange pony
>examine the package, it has several air holes in it and upon shaking you hear a small "ouchies" echos from the box
>what the fuck did you order this time?
>alcoholism and credit cards should never mix
>walk into the living room and sit down with your mystery box
>take out your pocket knife and in one deft motion cut the packing tape and open the box
>inside is a small blue fluffy unicorn pony looking up at you with adorable green eyes
>" fweind?" she asks you in what sounds more like an infants babble then actual speech
>notice a small pamphlet in the box next to the fluffy pony
>you lift the her out and she giggles "whee, fwy fwy!" she giggles as you look for somewhere to place her. you decide on placing her on your lap.
>she smiles and wriggles around a bit before getting comfortable. with your new pet contained you reach down and begin to read the Pamplet
>"thank you valued customer for ordering your very own Fluffy pony! We hope you will have many hours of enjoyable time with your new Fluffy pony.First there are some things all  Fluffy pony owners need to know.
 >1.Never leave your  Fluffy pony unattended, not even for a minute,  unless you have placed it in a "safe room or own one of our patented Fluffy pony container! Fluffy ponies are quite "accident prone" and will almost immediately find a way to harm themselves.
>2.At all costs keep your Fluffy pony  away from ANY open source of liquid! Your Fluffy pony does not possess the intelligence to pull it's head out of an open source of liquid should it manages to become submerged and will promptly drown.
>3. your Fluffy pony has the Intelligence of an average two year old and the memory to match. Fluffy ponies also lack any self-preservation instincts. please bear this in mind as you set up a safe room or cage to keep them in when you are unable to watch them. please do not get your fluffy pony toys that have any sort of string or ribbons, they have been known  to strangle themselves with such toys.
>4.During mating season your Fluffy pony will behave strangely unless it has been spayed or neutered. It will wander around your house constantly asking for "huwgs". it is VITAL that you keep your fluffy pony away from a fertile member of the opposite sex unless you desire more fluffy ponies. If you are breeding fluffy ponies the following will give you basic instructions as what to expect.
>4a. Fluffy ponies do not generally have the intelligence to breed on their own, though it has happened on occasion. to Initiate breeding simply take the male fluffy pony (referred to as "MFP" for the rest of this exercise and mount him on the female fluffy pony (referred to as "FFP" for the duration of this Exercise.)
>4b.Gentle begin to rock the MFP back and fourth to simulate the motion of humping, MFP will generally pick up on it at this point.
>4c. After Ejaculation it is common for the MFP to die. Do not be alarmed by this! It is just the beauty of nature.
>4d.Like her counter-part, the FFP gives her life for her offspring. Gestation takes between 7-10 days During this time the FFP will slowly gain mass until she is unable to move under her own power. place her in familiar surroundings to make sure she is calm. When she can grow no more the FFP will often let out a squeal of pain and explode in a shower of Fluff. The offspring will be clinging together crying in the center of the explosion.

>Thank you once again for your purchase your very own Fluffy Pony!

>if your Fluffy pony arrived dead please call us for a replacement within 24hrs at 1-800-wuv-fwuff
> you look down at your lap to pet your new pet which you no longer ignorant of.
>she is not on your lap.
>you hop up quickly panicking looking around your home.
>check each room of the house dread slowly building in you as you think of the myriad of ways the animal you just read about could hurt itself.
>you hear a shrill scream from your bedroom. heart racing you rush in nearly tripping over the rug.
>your new fluffy pony screams once again in excitement at the sight of her own reflection in a full body mirror. she lets out a third scream of joy and begins bouncing up and down
>newh fwend! newh fwend!" she happily chants until you pick her up and she looks around confused, no longer able to see her own reflection she becomes depressive.
>"fwend go?" she asks in a sad voice. you nod and she looks at you
>newh fwend stay?" she now asks, a  tiny tremble in her voice looking up at you
>you can't help yourself you smile. "yes new friend stay"
>"she babbles happily for a moment before drifting off into sleep
>what the fuck did you order this time?