Evo's Enneagram Questionnaire

1.How would an author describe you in a book? Write the paragraph that would introduce you in a novel.


    -As she sits there alone, replaying her life in her head, she knows that she’s subtly denying all the waves of pain that try to surface. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that they matter. Because if they matter that would mean she’s let something get to her. That she’s accepted the fate she so desperately resists. She doesn’t have a “conscious memory” of being whole, complete, perfect, and at peace…These notions are not something she can visualize or anything of the such. But she *knows* beyond a doubt that she *has* experienced them before, she just can't remember. It’s more than just some feeling she carries around though. It’s a deep imprint that was branded on her soul, and all that’s left is a heart that’s torn into two pieces. One piece made of fire, the other of a never-ending ocean. That branding left her feeling angry and outraged that something so wrong and unfair happened. And she knows deep down that the fire from anger grew out of control. She knows that is has and that it will continue to do so. The fire mostly eats away at herself, and she can live with that pain, she doesn’t even feel it anymore really, unless there’s an eruption.
    What she cannot live with, however, is the ever present knowing that she has undoubtedly hurt anyone that’s ever come close to her in her life. The people that give her the most joy, she knows that she has burned them, just by her existing. The flames don’t just stop within her, they spread. And that’s where the second piece of her heart come in, the ocean waves of pain. The waves try to drown out the fire, suppress it, making the environment lighter, in order to carry the others around her. But the blood of her loved ones is forever mixed in that ever-present undercurrent. She ultimately knows that the streams of guilt will never go away, no matter how much she suppresses the fire, or how many times she tries to direct the current. The waves of blue inevitably turn to dark purple, every time. And it feels like this lack of control only serves to perpetuate the entire cycle…


2.Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways other people have annoyed, angered, or otherwise bothered you - any situation where people have done one thing, while you wished they would have done another. Look at each of these instances and answer (you can make a list or make note of general patterns - an example is good):


    -My sister burned a bridge with a close friend of the family, and I find it utterly appalling, immature, unreasonable, and selfish. And the selfishness is what I find pathetic.


a.  How would I characterize the trait that bothered me?
b.  Why did it bother me?


    -These two questions can be combined, it’s more efficient.
    -I’m annoyed that we once had decent relations with this person, and now because of one feeling that my sister felt, the entire foundation of that relationship is compromised. I don’t think that sort of selfishness is called for. I think my sister should suck it up, do the right thing, and compromise with the friend of the family. It’s very wrong for my sister to do this, because this doesn’t just affect her, it also affects the rest of the family. She made a decision that was not hers to make, on behalf of us. That’s careless, tacky, un-poised, and wrong.


c.  How did I react?


    -I reacted by going directly to my dad, the person that actually has the control in this situation, and I asked him what his thoughts on it were. He said he agreed with my sister. So I told them both I disagree, but that I would still support them because unfortunately supporting them is ultimately the right decision in this scenario, even if I don’t agree.


d.  How do I wish I would have reacted?


    -I reacted exactly how I think I should have. Ultimately I will just have to make peace with the fact that my family made the wrong decision, but I love them more than the friend of the family, so it would be uncalled for if I supported the other side.


e.  If there was a discrepancy between c. and d., why did it come up?


    -No real discrepancy. I did nothing wrong, shouldn’t have been involved, and everyone knows that. I just wish that people would be more mature, including my family and friends. It gets old quick being the only one that can make reasonable negotiations and maintain lasting relationships.


3.What holds you back in life? This can be an internal or external force. If that thing were gone, what would be different? What would you do?


    -I hold myself back in life most likely. I refuse to play the social ladder game, and I can be pretty stubborn and get in my own way as well. The other thing that I suppose holds me back in life is that I’m afraid to live so much, that I die, I suppose. What I mean by this is that I don’t take as many chances in life, and I don’t deviate from the plan or my comfort zone much.


4.You are offered one of three gifts: a bottle filled with water from the Fountain of Life, a crown which will give you peaceful dominion over the world's people for your entire (full) lifetime, and a ring which will unite you with your true love and ensure a happy, passionate marriage. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?


    -The Ring. I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m one of that cliche people that believe that with the right person, we could achieve anything together and that we’d only need ourselves and each other to conquer whatever adversity. Basically growing together with someone is what I strive to achieve.


5. Your deepest secret has just been revealed to the person or people from whom you most wished to keep it. How do you feel? How do you react? What are the results on your life?


    -I feel disappointment in myself, and slight regret. I’d react by apologizing to them, and trying to maybe explain my side of the story if they’d be willing to listen. I’d hope they forgive me. I’d feel bad, but at the same time it’s something that I did for a reason, so at that point if I lose them, it is what it is. I can live with it and hope they could move past it. But if they didn’t, I know I would move on. And at least my slate would be clean.


7. You are offered one of three houses. The first is located in a big city and has historic and artistic value: it was designed by a great architect and was owned by interesting people in the past. Owning this house is very prestigious and guarantees you social status and a circle of friends, but it also comes with responsibility - you must keep the house up to code, manage the household, and give parties and events. The second house you may design using your imagination - literally your dream house - it is located in a very secluded location and no one is allowed to visit this house except you and your immediate family. The third house is very nice, but has no particular aesthetic appeal - a McMansion in short. It is in an extremely convenient location and is very secure. It is impossible for thieves to break in and it has no danger of natural disasters. You are guaranteed to be able to sell the house for double the price in twenty years. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?


    -Third house, undeniably. Security is way more important to me than aesthetic.


8. You are offered one of three doors. The first opens to a world that is dangerous and demands mental or physical skill to navigate through, but also has great rewards to be gained: think of the worlds portrayed on the shows Game of Thrones or Supernatural. The second opens to a world that is full of wonders, magic, and knowledge, which can be learned or experienced, but there is little solid resting ground - think of the worlds portrayed in the shows Doctor Who or in the multi-media phenomenon A Hitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The third opens to a world where you may experience a life of peaceful, uneventful poverty - think of the hobbits in the series Lord of the Rings or most of the animals living in Narnia. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?


    -I could live like a hobbit or Narnian forever. Door 3 please, any day.


9. What do you wish people understood about you? Talk about a time you were misunderstood.


    -I wish people gave me the benefit of the doubt. I absolutely hate being treated like other people. And by other people I mean people that don’t actually care. Or people that put in low effort or bare minimum effort. I am the opposite of these people, and to be grouped with them disgusts me.


10. What do you hope people won't notice about you? What are you uncomfortable being teased about?


    -This is difficult to answer. I’m not really sure I have an answer at all. I don’t really try to hide anything about myself. I suppose the only things I can come up with are things that are related to some of my physical features.


11. What's worse - to be seen as caring more than you do or less than you do? Why? Do you think you come across one way or the other? Do you typically pretend to care more or to care less?


    -Probably both, but I think that when people think that I care less than I actually do, that bothers me more. I care about everything all the time. And if I don’t care for something, I speak my mind, and It’s often relaying that I care about fixing it…so I inevitably care still. I don’t know why I would ever fucking come across as less caring than I am. Don’t ask me. I pretend to care less than I actually do because the person that cares less, is in control.


12. Think about a time that someone else tried to control your actions - to tell you what to do, to manipulate you, or influence you. How did you feel and how did you react? What went through your mind?


    -I responded calmly to a heated situation. They didn’t like that. Eventually after about a minute of this, I disengaged, and that infuriated them. I was proud of myself for not feeding into their bullshit. In the moment I felt attacked for absolutely no reason. Whether the point that they were addressing was correct or not, they had no reason to be so aggressive about it. It was uncalled for, and I’m glad I didn’t entertain that, because they’re below me in that regard.


13. When you first meet someone, what are your first thoughts? What judgments do you make and what kinds of considerations do you have? Are you more concerned with what they think of you or what you think of them? If you are preparing to meet someone new, what do you hope about them and what do you fear about them?


    -My first thought is: “Is this person going to be easy to get along with?” I don’t care about either my thoughts or their thoughts, I care about what’s appropriate for the situation. The measurement is not based on mine or their subjectivity of the engagement. It’s based on the objective appropriateness of the situation that they should respect.

    - When I’m preparing to meet someone new, I am hoping that I don’t have to shut myself off to them, or buffer myself from them too much. I don’t want to be around someone pushy, and I don’t want to have to be constantly worried about having to hold my boundaries with someone. That’s not my preferred type of company.


14. Think about the last time you cried (if you've recently lost a loved one or gone through another similarly difficult experience, you can go back further and choose a random instance). What caused this? Who was around? Were you crying out of sadness, joy, frustration, or some other factor? How did you feel afterwards? Did it change anything? Is this typical for you?


    -It was because I felt like I was made to be wrong for just being who I am. I was crying out of hurt.


15. Think about the last time you felt really happy, joyful, or satisfied. What caused this feeling? What was different? What keeps you from feeling this way all the time?


    -I was having a good time with my friends, telling old stories. What keeps me from feeling this way all the time is that not everyone is as funny as them lol. And not everyone is as ready to have a good time like we are.


16. If you were a tragic hero, what would be your fatal flaw? If you were a character in a comedy, what would be your distinguishing trait (i.e. stingy with money, fastidious, shallow, pretentious, etc.) Do you think others would agree with these?


    -A hero that doesn’t know when to let go and give up.


17. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways that you have done badly - by yourself, by others, etc. - any time that you have done something, and wish you would have done better. How would you characterize these instances? What caused you to fail and what was your reaction? Are you more likely to be hard on yourself or to find excuses for yourself?


    -On my tests, on my group assignments. I wish that I was better. I wish that my efforts were enough. I don’t think there’s anything more that I could have done. But I’m still hard on myself. I want to be exceptional, and I don’t always feel that I am.


18. a. Imagine meeting an evil version of yourself - your 'dark side' - and describe this person.


    -Rip. My dark side is probably someone that hurts everyone that I love by being so aggressive and demanding, and eventually that cycle continues long enough to eliminate everyone from my life.


b. Describe your ideal self.


    -I’d be able to have things my way by communicating effectively enough, without compromising my relationships I suppose.


19. What is your experience with and how do you deal with the following:

a. loneliness


    -I have a weird relationship with loneliness. Most of the time I don’t feel it, but I’ve been questioning if I actually am just ignoring it all the time or something. I can’t tell. My physical comfort buffers it, if I am feeling it underneath I guess.


b. doubt


    -I’m always making plans and back up plans because I doubt things will ever work out ideally.


c. boredom?


    -I almost never feel this. I feel like I always have something to do. If I don’t have anything to do, I learn a new skill, or I improve an old one.


d. laziness


    -Hmm, I’m rarely lazy. Sometimes I have lazy days if I’ve overworked myself beforehand. Most of the time I don’t mind putting in effort to complete things though. I kind of enjoy it.


e. temper


    -I’m quick to get annoyed at something. Full on anger or rage it takes me a while to get there, but I am easily tense, frustrated, and feel constricted on a daily basis.


20. Which of the 'seven deadly sins' - pride, wrath, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, avarice - do you relate to most and why? Which do you relate to least and why? Feel free to go into depth about these.


    -Gluttony>wrath>lust>pride>sloth>envy=avarice

    -Gluttony and wrath I relate to pretty easily. The rest are “eh.” I want a buffet in life. I want to have a little bit of everything good all the time. I want to maximize pleasure and happiness, and minimize pain and suffering. I get really angry if anything gets in the way of my peace of mind. I want what I want, and I am really annoyed when things don’t go my way.

    -Envy and avarice are pretty unrelatable. I sometimes get jealous I suppose, but I oftentimes don’t want what other people have. Meh. And I pretty much think greed is the problem that’s ruining the world so I reject any part of this inside me and don’t let myself feel it.


21. Link a song you relate to and explain why.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcHJtgljXEo


Lyrics:

“Am I out of touch?
Am I out of my place?
When I keep saying that I'm looking for an empty space
Oh, I'm wishing you're here
But I'm wishing you're gone
I can't have you and I'm only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I'm going to mess this up
Oh, this is just my luck
Over and over and over again

In the meantime we let it go
At the roadside we used to know
We can let this drift away
Oh, we let this drift away

And there's always time to change your mind
Oh, there's always time to change your mind
Oh, there's always time to change your mind
Oh, love, can you hear me?

I'm sorry for everything
Oh, everything I've done
From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

Am I out of luck?
Am I waiting to break?
When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape
Oh, I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted
I can't help you when I'm only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I'm going to mess this up
Oh, this is just my luck
Over and over and over again

In the meantime we let it go
At the roadside we used to know
We can let this drift away
Oh, we let this drift away

And there's always time to change your mind
Oh, there's always time to change your mind
Oh, there's always time to change your mind
Oh, love, can you hear me?

I'm sorry for everything
Oh, everything I've done
From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved”