sopranos

CHRIS: then the girl calls him onii-chan. that means he's her brother, right?

PAULIE: the girl's bangin her brother?
SILVIO: naww
TONY: who's bangin her brother
PAULIE: girl in chrissy's comic book
SILVIO: it's a manga, and he ain't her brother. it's a honorific

TONY: lemme look at that
SILVIO: wrong way, tone. ya read it back to front, right to left
TONY: right to left, up is down, this broad's bangin her brother *chuckles* the fuck is wrong with japan

PAULIE: *points with cig* whys the guy's nose bleedin
SILVIO: *shrugs* artistic shorthand. means he's pitchin a tent
ALL: OHHHHHH

TONY: you got more of these chrissy
CHRIS: i got one where a girl's head gets cut off. girl grows a new head, head grows a new girl
TONY: what the fuck
CHRIS: hand on the fuckin bible tone
PAULIE: ehhhh. that's unhealthy
SILVIO: it's tomie

FURIO: in italy we do not read these things

CARMELA: what is that
TONY: crazy comic book. from Japan
CARM: ugh. looks like the smut ya son watches on that laptop computer
TONY: ohh, he's MY son when he's watchin hentai?

Morning after the election
Tony KLUMPS into the bing back office
Christopher is playing pool, Paulie and Sil are watching the victory speech
>Paulie: I knew that cocksucker would win, I called it.
>Chrissy: You didn't call shit, you can't even vote.
>Paulie: Oh yea? Who'd you vote for?
>Christopher: None of your business.
>Paulie: I bet you voted for Hillary. She got most of the fag vote hehe.
Sil chuckles as he peels apart a grapefruit.
>Christopher: Fuck you Paulie.
>Paulie: Hey Ton', you hear what I said? I said Chrissy voted for Hillary, she got most of the fag vote hehe.
Tony's mouth is so full of bacon egg and cheese that he can barely breath.
>Paulie: Who'd you vote for, Sil?
>Sil: Ah I didn't vote. The jews pick it months in advance. Hesh told me.
Tony swallows half of the entire sandwich in one bite.
>Christopher: The whole thing is a scam, it don't matter anyways.
Tony turns red with anger.
>Tony: You don't think it's important to vote?
>Christopher: I didn't say that, I just think it don't matter.
Tony is outraged
>Tony: It don't matter? Audie Murphy don't matter? What he fought for?
>Christopher: Audie Murphy? Who the fuck is Audie Murphy?
>Tony: Audie Murphy! The lil' guy, killed like a hundred germans in World War 2! Ah what the fuck.
>Christopher: I'm sorry Ton'.
>Tony: Oh stop it with the sorries.
Bobby comes in the door and drops another breakfast sandwich on Tony's desk. He sits next to Paulie on the couch.
The news reviews the election and Trump's victory, newscaster practically crying.
>Bobby: You know, Quasimodo predicted this.


(Tony enters the Bada Bing office)
PAULIE: I don’t get it.
CHRIS: Sneed’s seed and feed.. formerly... chuck’s.
(Paulie and Silvio look at each other and shrug)
CHRIS: the seed and feed part rhymes with sneed. If you make it rhyme with chuck...
PAULIE: still not following
TONY: chuck’s suck and fuck. Sneed’s seed and feed.
CHRIS: Thank you tone. See? Get it?
(Paulie and Silvio look disturbed)
PAULIE: Chuck’s.. suck and fuck?
SILVIO: And they put this in a cartoon?
PAULIE: disgusting, kids could be watchin dat.
CHRIS: well it’s just, you know, a sight gag. Not actual cartoon suckin and fuckin.
TONY: alright, quit it with the suck and fuck. It’s disgusting and I don’t wanna hear no more.
PAULIE: who the fuck would think of such a thing.
SlLVIO: ehhh you know. It’s kinda funny if you think about it
PAULIE: you too? (Throws hand up in disgust)
(Parisi walks in)
PARISI: what’s goin on, guys?
PAULIE: have you heard about this sneed thing?
PARISI: oh, the suck and fuck thing?
PAULIE: what da fuck? is everyone a goddamned pervert now?
TONY: geez, calm down, Paulie. Maybe you should go see one of the girls.. maybe get a little..
PAULIE: a little what?
(Tony smiles)
TONY: a little seed and feed
PAULIE: what?
(Tony gets mad)
TONY: a little suck and fuck. Get a blowjob and fuck her. Jesus.
PAULIE: oh. heh heh. Good one, tone