22:55	mib_pmzsez	it's me.
22:55	StarMechV	hey
22:56	mib_pmzsez	Going to be honest: this is probably one of the last times I'll be on this, even if I don't quit.
22:56	mib_pmzsez	It's for sake of keeping to myself.
22:56	StarMechV	Look, I just want to resolve things. I know that I'm the biggest reason you feel like you have do this
22:57	StarMechV	but you don't have to
22:57	StarMechV	we can work this out
22:58	StarMechV	when i asked ou to reveal yourself wasn't with a maliceous intent or anger, but rather to have a chat like this. to make sure it was you because you don't have to be hiding. MAny of us would love to have you back
22:58	mib_pmzsez	I just want one thing clear up front: when I go on chats, no matter where, I routinely don't put in a name or announce around this because I'm either trying to talk to one person in a tab about something else, or thinking it's easier than a PM I'm waiting on.
22:58	StarMechV	heck, even ME. That's the silliest thing of it all. Despite all of this, I would love to RP with you again
22:58	StarMechV	fair
22:59	mib_pmzsez	I was doing this long before I left, but you might not remember that.
22:59	StarMechV	it's been a while
22:59	mib_pmzsez	Every single time I go on, if I switch tabs, I lose connection and it resets and I lose the name.
22:59	mib_pmzsez	So I stopped bothering.
22:59	StarMechV	ok
22:59	mib_pmzsez	I know it's been a while.
22:59	StarMechV	i just found it upsetting because, perhaps not eve udner your control, you desappeared añlways the moment i went in
23:00	StarMechV	so it looked like you were desappearing because /I/ was around
23:00	StarMechV	if that's not the reason, then I understand
23:00	mib_pmzsez	I legitimately had no clue because it would die out when I'm not there.
23:00	StarMechV	very well.
23:00	mib_pmzsez	To be honest, though, I have to say I was hesitant to respond to you in general after the answer I saw in the Discord.
23:01	mib_pmzsez	It felt very "do everything or GTFO forever"
23:01	mib_pmzsez	So I was... not happy.
23:01	StarMechV	i can see you saw it in one way, but remember whats written sometimes isn't the intention given
23:01	mib_pmzsez	I'm aware but it was all I could have because you were basically telling me not to contact you there... and I was keeping away from it elsewhere until I was sure if anything was happening.
23:02	StarMechV	as i said, it was just a series of circunstances. You were showing up as a mib a lot around that time, with us puzzled of how you got. And suddenly you give me a pm saying you found out of the forum and that it. While my message came off as as eman spirited
23:02	StarMechV	it was msotly out of a fear because your pm also came off as a bit upsetting
23:02	mib_pmzsez	That's fine.
23:02	mib_pmzsez	I was severely pissed off at some of the people I was asking to keep tabs on you guys while I was in self-imposed exile
23:03	StarMechV	perhaps it wasn't your intention but a pm without even a hello, where the only thing you say is "I know what you did!"
23:03	StarMechV	it can come off as scary
23:03	StarMechV	but that's the thing
23:03	mib_pmzsez	(Coming soon: I Know What You Did Last Winter)
23:03	StarMechV	heh
23:03	StarMechV	but thats the thing. "keeping tabs" also sounds a bit...stalkerish
23:03	StarMechV	even if it wasn't with eman intentions
23:04	StarMechV	we weren't moving out as a way to gate you, we just wanted to try out new thigns and new characters.
23:04	mib_pmzsez	I am aware
23:04	StarMechV	and also because well, i think adri has told you before too, you did come off as somewat limiting despite not wanting to lead
23:05	StarMechV	perhaps it was unconciously,  but you always picked characters that you felt could never work, shot out ideas just cause they weren't moving "the narrative" that muh, and over-listed everything
23:05	StarMechV	it got a bit stale and annoying, and not just for me
23:05	mib_pmzsez	I'm aware of that. Which is why I'm not touching the chats unless absolutely necessary. And perhaps not even then.
23:06	StarMechV	personally i dont think the chat is the problem
23:06	StarMechV	we cbarely talk about the RP most of the time
23:06	StarMechV	it's more on the wilingness to share and work together
23:07	StarMechV	Despite it all, I still consider you a friend, greg. I really do. But you did hurt me. Made me feel like nothing i wrote was of worth
23:07	StarMechV	beause it always felt like your ideas took prescedense over everyone elses
23:07	StarMechV	at least that's how it felt
23:08	StarMechV	but wound CAN heal. people can lear from mistakes. just like i realize i may have come off as angry in the way i spoke to you, the same can be for you
23:08	StarMechV	all we ask is for you to be willing to try out stuff, to just have fun with us.
23:08	mib_pmzsez	(just let me know when you're ready and I have some stuff to say)
23:09	mib_pmzsez	(not that I'm not listening)
23:09	StarMechV	(got it)
23:09	StarMechV	I'll be hoenst. Am i a bit upset? Yeah, but its natural. As i said, you did hurt me. And that is something that won't go away in a single day
23:10	StarMechV	it's why it torments me emotionally. i want to be your friend but im also still hurt for what you did. But i feel that it'd be worth if we don't try to heal those wounds
23:10	StarMechV	(go ahead)
23:14	mib_pmzsez	Okay, so first off: when I was told a long list of things Adri didn't want, it was under the impression that we would be moving on and not repeating... but every time I ask about things it's in the context of what I did wrong before. Not just you. If the idea is moving on and doing new things, continuing to go on about what I did before seems reductive-
23:14	mib_pmzsez	especially when it's the only thing I am told, on and on.
23:15	mib_pmzsez	Second: I had trouble figuring out what to do with people in a new context. I have trouble figuring out what to do with people in general. I have trouble in groups. Et cetera.
23:16	mib_pmzsez	So a large part of why I am NOT going to be on the chat is so that I don't come up with wide sweeping ideas in the first place. On top of having to do job searches and wanting to keep my work here as minimal as possible to avoid it overriding my job.
23:18	mib_pmzsez	Third: People go on about what I've done wrong, about how I want to control everything and everything revolves around me... but then I see the very first argument I run into, by accident, results in me being forced out again.
23:20	mib_pmzsez	That's not evenhanded. At all. And when you couple that with the fact that people around here are at best tolerating me or "willing to give me a chance" instead of welcoming someone in, that's not exactly the warmest greeting either.
23:21	mib_pmzsez	I keep being told about how I need to lt new things happen, but I needed time to even come up with what those are. Hell, I didn't even figure out most of what I had for some of mine until I started watching Critical Role, at which point they all turned out VERY different.
23:22	StarMechV	(i'll wait for my turn btw. im listenin)
23:22	mib_pmzsez	Bottom line: I keep hearing things about how I'm stuck in the past... but through the lens of people who are repeatedly bringing up what I did in the past. Without waiting to see if I actually AM.
23:22	mib_pmzsez	(done)
23:23	StarMechV	I understand
23:24	StarMechV	First, on regard of not knowing what to do. It's udnerstandable. We decided these changes and restart things knowing that'd be the case. We also had the same troubles, heck, we still do. All my planned arcs and character development for my cast had to be completely reqorked, and i have yet to even finish them
23:24	StarMechV	same with adri and everyone else. A lot of what we had had been lose and we have basically started from scratch. it isn't easy, but we felt it was the right thing to do
23:26	StarMechV	On regard of the welcoming back. Yes, i see your point. Coming back to somewhere and be immediatly reminded of the anger is bad. But also i wish you can udnerstand that is because well,a t least on my account as i won't speak for everyone, you hurt me. So a welcome cannot be 100% warm no matter how ahrd i try. But I'm willing to move forward
23:26	StarMechV	i do not know how much the exile has changed you, but it'd be unfair of me to not give you the chance to SHOW me
23:27	StarMechV	and if the way for me to show me is giving you a warmer welcome, then I'm willing to do
23:27	StarMechV	way for you to show me*
23:29	StarMechV	we are willing to help with your characters. So if you feel like you need to hdie from the chat don't be. I'm willing to listen. But in exchange, i wantto make clear that things are different; characters have been picked by other people, concepts have been decided to be changed, and we just want you to adapt to them rather than just reject
23:30	StarMechV	and personally on my side, all i ask is for my work to not be devaluated. for cooperation so ideas don't just sweepover others. nothing is set in stone and that's something we are working on; We feel having stuff a bit mroe loose helps adapt in case stuff just doesn't work out
23:31	StarMechV	in the end, we just want to have fun, to chat around. To enjoy the forum and the chat (the latter seems mostly, we haven't really done much progres anyways)
23:31	StarMechV	So what do you say?Do you wanna give it another go?
23:33	mib_pmzsez	(i'll wait until you're ready again)
23:33	StarMechV	oh sorry, i thought it'd come off as obvious that was my stopping point
23:33	StarMechV	go ahead
23:35	mib_pmzsez	Okay, so one thing up front people forget: 99% of the work on the newer area was in a side chat away from everyone else between you, Z, and Adri, so I couldn't have gotten involved if I tried. As for now... here's a list of my ideas, so you get a taste of what I know about evolving/changing.