"The Neckbeard Life"
By: Anon

You're alone beside your blow up sex doll
(made in a foreign country, probably Asian)
And while your friends are outside and at the mall
You're sitting right here, in front of your battlestation

Midnight Tuesday you waited in line for the next PC phenomenon
Next day, you went on your gaming blog and went on and on and on and on
The gameplay was great!
Short loading screen- no wait, no hate.
But there was a particular flaw that rubbed you raw:
the characters could only grow facial hair above the jaw

You've posted in thousands of threads about your dreads
Your avatar just isn't you without a matching neck-rooted hedge
Orange- to match the color of the cheese puff dredge

Plus, there's this one girl who works at GameStop
and he desperately wishes he could amaze her
But he doesn't understand that he needs to go to a barbershop
or learn to use a mother-fucking razor.

This shouldn't seem weird about the beard.
In your vicinity, people feel negative affinity
This is the cause of your intact virginity,
your untapped downstairs masculinity,
your overly-fapped, sore holy trinity

This is the neckbeard life- no friends, no wife
You ritually cut a "3" on your hand with a knife
and bleed "gaben pls" on your copy of half-life.

Then it gets late and you have that familiar urge you must satiate
Grab a calculator, type "8008"
Then begin to masturbate
Forever lamenting your ongoing wish to fornicate