The Stands of Memory

“Fuck you, Connor! After all these years of friendship, what do you go ahead and do? Make out with my girlfriend behind my back? I can't believe you!”

“Calm down, Matt! So what if I hooked up with her? I have to admit she has one great bod. You definitely have great taste in women, so what's so bad about me hooking up with her? It's not like you own her anyway.”

“Connor, I'm appalled at how you're talking about her, but at the same time, I'm not at all shocked. The fact that you still keep smiling about this whole thing though is just something I can't abide. She has a personality, bro. I didn't pick her just 'cause she looked hot, though I'll admit that did play a part. More to the point though, whatever friendship we had, that's gone, and that's on you, man.”

“Aw, Matt, why'd you have to be like this? Come on—it's not like I raped her or anything—she consented.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better, Connor? Because if so, you failed at that massively. Why the fuck would you think that'd make me feel better? If anything, I'd've been even more upset if that had been the case.”

“Dude, calm the fuck down. You're making a huge deal out of nothing.”

“Calm the fuck down.....(he paces).....CALM THE FUCK DOWN? YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN AFTER YOU BANGED MY GIRLFRIEND? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!”

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, CONNOR. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN.”

“But......but......”

“GET OUT!”

(Connor walks away. He walks and walks, focusing on the road ahead, save for a momentary glance back at the guy who used to be his best friend. Connor stares briefly at that moment, searching for even a hint of sympathy from his former friend. He finds none, then walks away.)

(Matt at this point is in a state where he doesn't know what he even feels in the first place. His body is tense—even slightly jittery—but at the same time, it's not like he could really do a whole lot. After all, he lost two people that day—his girlfriend and his best friend—and that alone would normally break many people. Coupled with betrayal, however, from his best friend, things are not at all working in his favor at that moment. That said, Matt is skeptical of what Connor said, and decides to call his girlfriend in order to get her side of the story.)

(He dials his phone. After a couple of seconds, another voice appeared at the other end of the line.)

“Hello. Who's calling?” said a feminine-sounding voice.

“Um, it's Matt. How've you been doing?”

“Oh. It's you... Well, I'm doing okay enough other than the fact that I have to deal with a spineless ass of a guy who hasn't even bothered to do anything over the last three months. Other than that, yeah, everything's been peachy.”

“Wow. What the hell happened to you, Jessica?”

“I could ask you the same question. Either way, Matt, a girl gets tired of not being taken care of. I'm not a statue—I want your body—and if you can't give that to me, then I'll find someone else who can.”

“Wow. Someone has a whole bunch of issues. Seems like you went with Connor since he could satisfy you better, which is just a dickish move to make.”

“Well, you brought this upon yourself, genius. Maybe if you'd fucked with me more, I'd still be with you, but since you clearly don't seem to care anymore, I found another guy willing to please me back, something which you spineless shell of a man don't have. I'm sick and tired of not having you do anything to me. I'm sick and tired of you moping and boohoo-ing all the time. When you grow some balls, call me back. But for now, I've found a guy who has given me far more pleasure these past few days than what you have given me for this last year. We're through, Matt. Go fuck yourself. Bye.”

“Bye, and go fuck yourself too!”

(A wordless rage formed within him, but it's not like he could do much at that point. That said, he was definitely furious, seeing as how he had been betrayed by two of the people closest to him.)

(Matt decides to walk a while. His home isn't very close by, but he's not planning on heading home, at least not then. He has other things on his mind—racing with thoughts much like the cars heading off, seemingly as fast as the wind permeating the air—and all those things make him not wish to return home until he has calmed down sufficiently.)

(Walking through the streets, a multitude of flavors, smells and scents assaulted him at once. Off in one corner, a hot dog cart ensured that the smell of freshly cooked sausage filled the air with its meaty aroma, while off in another corner, pretzels hung on a rack, their salty, bread-y smell permeating the air. Less pleasant smells, like the sulfurous smell of gas, and some piles of trash also could be noticed, but he kept on walking. Even though the sun had dropped a bit, it was still shining across the sky, but he was undaunted. Matt wanted his caffeine fix, and at that moment, thoughts swirled in his mind about it. Much like the junkie who dreamt of his next high, Matt dreamt of the coffee. After a while more of walking, a tall, brick-laden building with glass windows came up. In a corner of the building was the entrance to the coffee shop. Matt saw it and opened the door, and once inside, closed the door.)

At the front of the coffeeshop, with the smell of burnt coffee grounds permeating the air, stood an elongated table, taken from scraps of wood formed into a rectangular shape, behind which stood the barista. At that moment, Matt approached the barista. The barista was one of those guys who would fit the stereotypical image of a “hipster”—a man with a long, lumberjack-style beard, with clothes purchased at Urban Outfitters—who was skinny but whose sleeves were covered by an assortment of tattoos, and whose smirk could have outclassed that of even the most determined jokester, but at that moment, Matt wasn’t focused on that. Matt wanted his coffee, and so, he approached the barista.

“What’ll you be having today, sir” the barista said cheerfully (a bit too cheerfully for Matt’s taste)

“Just a medium coffee” Matt replied.

“Would you like to put anything on that coffee?” inquired the barista.

“Nope. Just black” replied Matt.

“Ok. One medium black coffee. Your total is $1.25”

(Matt gave the barista $1.50 and then said “keep the change.”)

A sort of dreadful panic then passed over him as he started to grow increasingly mentally anxious. “Now which of these tables could I sit in? That one has a couple of people and I kinda don’t wanna have to deal with a group of people right now, but on the other hand, it’s not like anyone’s really gonna care but I do care, but what’s gonna happen and I honestly don’t even know.”

(He was in a bit of a daze for a couple of minutes, until he finally found a table to sit in. At that moment, he was still in a bit of a daze, and had forgotten about his coffee. He took his seat, took a deep breath, and just sat there.)

The barista, for his part, saw Matt's cup of black coffee as the steam from the heated coffee wafted up in wisps into the air like the incense from a censer. He decided to give the cup of coffee to the customer who ordered it. After all, it's not like a huge amount of customers were inside. Hell, no one was entering at the time, so the barista decided to go ahead and give the coffee back to the guy who ordered it.

Grabbing the cup, the barista, holding the cup in his hands, walked a bit before seeing a guy sitting forlornly in one of the tables. His ebony hair fell in bangs over his forehead, and he looked as though he were uncomfortable. He seemed worn down as well, with bags under his eyes and an expression that though seemingly that of a person who feels secure in the world, hid something greater from the other person.

Seeing the man, the barista approached him, and said “Sir, uh....here's your coffee.”

Matt was still in a bit of a daze, but he snapped out of it rather quickly, and in a slightly embarrassed, yet earnest, tone of voice, was thankful.

“Thanks for the coffee. Thanks so much. I'd forgotten it earlier and you remembered to bring it. Thanks oh so very much.”

“No prob."

After that, there was a slight, awkward stillness in the air, where for a second, it seemed as though the world had come to a stop. Eventually, Matt decided to break the awkward silence when he spoke to the barista.

Nervously, Matt said “Um, would you mind staying here a while? I'm kinda a bit on edge, and it'd be really nice if you could stay here, seeing as how you brought me the coffee when you could've just as easily thrown it away.”

The barista was a bit uncertain, and asked “Are you sure you want me to stay here? That seems a bit too forward from you. After all, we didn't even know each other before this, and now you're asking me to sit with you? Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with doing it, but it seems as though this feels a bit off for some reason.”

(Matt paused a second and thought a while. When finished, he turned back to the barista and began to speak.)

“Look, I know that we didn't know each other before today, but at this point, I could care less about that. Sitting next to someone who has treated me the nicest out of all the people I've dealt with today, especially from people who I used to consider my friends and partners, is something I want to do, since I'd at least feel better. At the end of the day though, who really gives a shit?”

“Sir, uh, okay........” stammered the barista.

“You seem like you’re going through something of a rough patch” said the barista.

“You could say that again” replied Matt.

At this point, the barista realized that this customer wanted someone to lean on. Out of pity, the barista took sympathy on him.

“I need to check on something with a co-worker of mine. I’ll come by here, but I don’t wanna leave her hanging, y’know?”

“Yeah. You’re a good guy, barista. Certainly a better guy than my so-called ‘best friend’ and ‘girlfriend’.”

“Good to know.”

At that point, the barista left Matt by himself. He went to check up on his co-worker, a slim, petite brunette with a mischievous gleam in her deep hazel eyes, and let her know that he would be out for the count.

“Um, one of the customers here needs me. He says he wants me, and I really don’t wanna go against the guy given that he looks almost inconsolable. I have a feeling I’m probably gonna be out for the rest of the day, so would you mind taking the rest of my shift? I hate to do this, but these are some really weird circumstances.”

The brunette paused a moment, almost as if gathering her thoughts and preparing her reaction. Finally, she turned to the barista and said “Sure. I’ll tend the rest of the day. The customers are first, after all”, smirking slightly.

“Thanks” replied the barista with a slight grin on his face.

The barista walked away, approaching Matt’s table. He sat on the chair to the other side of Matt, and took a long, deep exhale.

Turning to Matt, he said “Looks like you’re having a bunch of relationship issues. I can relate to that. I had to deal with my boyfriend walking out on me a few days ago. That definitely sucked, especially since I learned that he’d been having an affair behind my back all this time. Relationships can be real bitches at times, and it certainly was one to me. Seems like the same thing’s the case for you.”

Matt stared at the barista, did a deep exhale of his own, and replied:

“Yep. Relationships are bitches, but so's life as a whole. No matter who we are, we all get fucked over in the end. I just wish that I wouldn't have been fucked over right now given that I've been dealing with a bunch of really raw shit.”

Intrigued, the barista turned to Matt and asked “What kinda stuff have you been dealing with exactly, other than the fact that your best friend and girlfriend wound up being a bunch of assholes?”

Matt stared back at the barista. He took a moment, let out a long, deep breath, and finally spoke.

“I don’t think you’d really want to know, but I just want to get all these fucking things off my chest. To make a long story short, it’s been a rough couple of months. Mom and dad are barely around anymore since both are out on business trips, and along with all this, I have to deal with me not even knowing just who I like.”

The barista looked at Matt and asked “What so you mean exactly?”

Matt replied “Well, I know I've liked girls from an early age, but when I got into high school, I also realized that I kinda had the hots for some of the dudes at my high school. I got to thinking about that, and I honestly think I'm bisexual. I'm struggling to come to grips with this, but I think it's time for me to just accept this as part of my self.”

The barista replied: “It's always hard to define just what your sexuality is; it's never as easy or as clear-cut as it might seem, but in the end, that's kinda what makes it all worthwhile. If sexuality were a simple zero-sum game, there'd be no mystery, no intrigue to it, and it'd just be a simple means to an end, something played just to get one's way. The fact that sexuality isn't clear-cut is what makes it special, because in sexuality, much like in life, things are never quite as they seem.”

“That's actually quite insightful. I take it the breakup with your boyfriend kinda did a number on you seeing as how you're this introspective. I'm already more introspective than usual what with this whole breakup, and it seems like the same is much the case with you." Matt realized at that moment that the loss he had wasn't something that only he faced; it was a loss shared by millions of people around the world who entered a new day with a relationship that shattered into millions of fragments much like the glass that falls onto the pavement.

The barista turned back to Matt and asked him: “Are there any other people who are close friends with you that could meet with?”

Matt thought for a second, then turned back to the barista and said “Oh, crap. In this whole emotional clusterfuck, I’d completely forgotten about Jason. He was my second-closest friend behind Connor, and now that Connor is clearly off-limits, he’s likely my best friend. I should probably call him at this point.”

“You probably should” replied the barista.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna call him.”

Matt picked up his phone and dialed Jason’s number. After a couple minutes, a voice popped up on the other end.

“Who’s calling?” Jason asked.

“Uh, it’s me, Matt.”

“Oh wow! Yo! What’s up?”

“Dealing with a shitload of messy things, but good otherwise.”

“That sucks, man. At least you’re feeling okay though. Is there anything I could do for you?”

“I was wondering if you could pick me up later? I could head back home but I kinda want to crash somewhere else tonight. Going straight back to the house kinda feels like it’d just bring up a ton of things I don’t want to think about right now, you get me?”

“Yeah, I get what you’re feeling. I wasn’t really gonna do anything this evening, so I can pick you up. Is there any time that’d work for you?”

“Hmm.....(Matt stares at his watch to see the time; it turns out that it’s 6:30 pm). It’s 6:30 pm right now, so I think 8:30 pm would be a good time.”

“That works. I’ll see you then. Nice talking to you.”

“It was nice talking to you too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

His call finished, Matt turned to the barista. “Thanks for everything. You really helped me out there. As a favor though, would you mind going outside for a bit? The outdoor seats feel pretty inviting right about now.”

The barista glanced back at Matt, and gave him a quizzical stare.

“You want to go outside in this hot weather? It’s late July for crying out loud! You can go outside and I’ll join you if want me to, but really, dude?”

“Eh.....I kinda want to back into the heat right now, but at this point, I think I’d rather stand. That said, I’m going with or without you, so, what’re you gonna do?””

The barista took a deep exhale. “Fine, I’ll join ya outside.”

Matt opened the door and let the barista exit. Matt then followed and closed the door.

“I swear, you’re gonna be the death of me” the barista chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” grinned Matt back.

Matt leaned back against the coffeeshop walls. He was feeling a bit more on edge than usual, and as a result, wanted a cigarette. He rarely smoked, but at that moment, the nicotine felt like a medicine—something that would heal and rejuvenate him from within—even though he knew full well that was not at all the case.

Due to this, he went to ask the barista: “you have a cig?”

The barista was a bit shocked, but replied flatly: ”No. I don’t smoke.”

Matt was a bit disappointed, but tried to keep a neutral expression on him.

“I understand” Matt said. He tried to keep a straight face, but the stress within him made it hard to keep.

Some time passed by. Matt still leaned against the wall, staring out into the world. He may have been at the outside of the coffee shop physically, but mentally, he was in a completely different world.

The barista noticed this, and decided to once more head to Matt, in the hopes of pulling him out of his reverie.

“Um, earth to you, sir......you’re kinda aloof....”

“Uh, what?” replied Matt slightly groggily.

“You’re in a daze. Get out of it” stated the barista with a forceful tone.

“Fine, fine..” Matt said.

Checking his watch, Matt saw that it was 7:45 pm. He knew that Jason said that he’d arrive at 8:30 pm, so Matt decided to sit on one of the chairs and wait a while.

Before he could do that, however, he wanted to talk to the barista. Now that Matt was close to leaving, he realized that he didn’t really need the barista anymore.

Matt went up to the barista, and told him “Thanks for everything. You really didn’t have to do anything, but you did, and that says a lot about you. You can go back in, and move on with your life like I’ll move along with mine, or we can at least have some contact, even if only in short bursts.”

The barista exhaled a little. He stared a bit, perhaps unsure of what it was that he’d say, but did eventually ready himself mentally. At that moment, he turned to Matt and said “You really are a piece of work, you know that? And yet, I like you ‘cause of it. I hope to see ya ‘round here, dude. Anyway, I want to head back inside, so goodbye.”

Matt replied “That’s understandable. I’ll pass by here every so often. At the very least, thanks for everything today, and good luck.”

“Likewise” said the barista, as he opened the door and entered back inside the coffee shop.

Matt was once more alone, and decided to check his watch to see what time it was. In checking, he saw that it was 8:20 pm. Jason said that he’d be there in ten minutes, and so Matt sat at the table, waiting for Jason to arrive.

Several minutes passed, and Matt tapped his fingers as he patiently waited.

Finally, at 8:45 pm, fifteen minutes after he said he would arrive, Matt’s car rolled in.

The car was a red convertible. Its roof was down, and smiling and waving, Jason said “Hop in, bro! You don’t wanna leave me hanging now, do you?”

Matt’s face lit up for a moment, and he quickly went to the car. Opening the passenger-side door, he quickly sat down, and then closed it. Putting on his seat belt, Matt then turned to Jason.

“Hey, dude. Thanks for coming on such short notice. I know that it’s been a while since the last time we talked, but I do still care a lot about you, and the fact that you were willing to drive here to pick me up is something which I’m very grateful for. I mean, you have no idea.”

Jason turned, and slightly smirking, said “Nah, don’t worry dude. We’ve been friends such a long time that barring some kind of massive screw-up on your part, we’ll likely still be friends. As a matter of fact, you could punch me in the face right now, and we’d probably still be friends. More seriously though, don’t do that.”

“Hah, hah. I wasn’t planning to hit you any time soon, dude. That said, nice car…..Your ride’s definitely gotten a pretty big upgrade.”

“Yeah, it really has. It’s a pretty fantastic car. I’m glad to have gotten it.” replied Jason.

“I can see why” Matt replied.

After that moment, a silence washed over the two men. The car left the coffee shop, and as Jason prepared to take the highway back to his house, the city and its myriad lights shone down, illuminating the dark black sky.

A slight breeze was present in the air, and both Matt and Jason’s hair were tussled by the wind. Some more time passed, and Matt decided to break the silence.

“So how’s your day been? Mine’s been kind of a mess, but I wonder how yours was.”

“To be honest, my day’s been kinda normal. Caught up on homework, fed Max, went to the nearby theatre to watch a jazz recital, then went back home, worked out a bit, and took a nap. Your call woke me up, I answered, and now we’re both here” Jason responded.

“Makes sense” Matt began. “Glad to know that your day went by pretty smoothly; I certainly wouldn’t have minded a day more like yours, after all.”

“I could see that. It’s not every day that a guy ends up being stabbed in the back by people he got close to, so I definitely sympathise. At the same time though, my day today wouldn’t have been particularly special if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had to get involved in your stuff.”

“Well, at least your evening’s gonna be at least somewhat interesting now that you have me to deal with” Matt grinned.

“Yeah, that’s true, but at the same time, it’s not like I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without you present. That said, it will be interesting to see where this evening will take us.”

(As Jason’s voice faded, the car entered the highway, and in the dark starry night kept driving. There were nary any sounds save for some faded music on the radio, the wind, and the motions of the cars on the road.)

“So....” Matt drawled, “How’s your family doing?”

Jason thought for a moment and then responded “My family’s about the same as usual. My older brother’s in college, and my younger sister is staying with some friends of hers, while my mom and dad went to visit some distant relatives of mine.”

“So you’re pretty much home alone” inquired Matt.

“Yeah” replied Jason. He continued “they’ll be back at some point—I’m not at all worried about that. At the same time however, I’m not exactly in a hurry to see them come back soon, if you know what I mean.”

“I get you” replied Matt.

After that, some more time passed by with nary any words spoken between them. A stillness entered into the air—a slight awkwardness between the two of them—even though neither had really done anything to the other that would have merited that stillness otherwise.

The stillness lasted a while until Jason finally exited the highway. At that moment, Matt asked “So this is the exit for your house?”

“Yeah” Jason replied.

“Could you pass by the nearest gas station by any chance? I kinda want to get something” Matt questioned.

“Sure, bro” Jason replied.

They kept on driving for a while, with little more than the streetlights and the glittering signs of fast food chains giving light against the dark night sky.

They drove some more, and finally saw a gas station. It wasn’t the most brightly-lit station around, and it looked kinda sketchy, but they nonetheless saw in it the perfect gas station to stop at.

Jason went and asked Matt “You mind if I fill up my tank with gas? My car’s kinda running low.”

Matt then stared back at Jason and replied “Sure, man. Go ahead.”

They quickly pulled up into the gas station. Matt got out of the car and went to the mini store found inside. The interior was also a tad bit sketchy, but it wasn’t like Matt really cared about that in the first place.

He went up to the counter and saw the clerk. The clerk was a bit shifty, and seemed indifferent with regards his job. With that in mind, Matt went up to the clerk and asked him “I’d like I buy a pack of Marlboro Reds.”

The clerk looked at Matt a second, groaned, and then said “Your total will be $6.21.”

Matt dug into his pockets and opened his wallet, where he pulled out $6.25.

He gave the money to the clerk, who gave him the pack and the four cents that were left. Matt put the pack in his pocket, and walked back, where Jason was finishing the process of filling up his car’s tank.

Matt waved his hand at Jason, who then waved his hand back, and said “Done!”

“Done with what?” Matt asked.

“The car’s tank is full. Let’s get it back on the road!”

Jason sat in the car, and Matt quickly followed. They closed their doors, and before long, drove out of the gas station and back into the road.

From there, Jason kept on driving for a long stretch of time.

Matt yawned. He was starting to get tired, since it had been a long day, and it wasn’t very long before he dozed off and headed into dreamland.

Jason kept on driving with little more than the sound of Matt’s breaths—his inhales and exhales—as he slept reverberating in the air.

Finally, Jason stepped out of the car to open the wooden gate that led to the driveway into his house.

Taking care not to disturb Matt, who was still sleeping, Jason grabbed a small key he had stored in one of his jean pockets, took it out, and unlocked the chain. He then opened the gate, headed back into his car, drove it a bit until it passed the gate, then parked it and headed back to the gate to lock it.

Once he had the gate locked, Jason went back into his car, drove once more, and proceeded to head upwards on the hill a while. Since the house was elevated, he was kind of required to head on up. As he kept driving, Matt slowly stirred himself awake, abandoning the land of dreams to return to the land of reality.

“Uh............uh....where are we?” Matt groaned.

“Heading on up the hill to my house. It’s gonna take a bit of time, but we’ll be at the house soon. In the mean time, keep waiting” Jason replied.

“Sure” Matt said. He exhaled a bit, then settled down, not really saying much.

After driving up the hill for a while, Jason finally reached the part of the hill where his house was at. Entering a bit into the hill in a plateau to where there was enough space for cars to park, Jason parked his car.

Jason stepped out of the car, followed behind by Matt. Once Matt was out, Jason grabbed his key and locked the car.

At that moment, Matt and Jason walked into the house. There, they first passed by the porch. It had a swing on its right side and two rocking chairs with a small table on the left side. An American flag hung from one of the rafters, but the porch offered great sight lines into what was at that moment a pitch black darkness.

Jason checked under one of his pockets, and in it found his set of house keys. Once he found them, he grabbed the keys and opened the door. Flicking on the switch, light bathed the room.

Matt followed in, and then afterwards, Jason closed the door.

Now inside the house, Matt took a gander at the large space inside. The living room had a sofa set with a fireplace. Embedded in the fireplace, though covered, was a television set, Matt later learned. A white rug was on the floor, pairing well against the black sofa set.

Past that, large glass doors marked the exit to the patio.

To the left of the living room was the kitchen. It was a large kitchen, which had all the modern kitchen design conveniences, like granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Towards the end was a space that led into the dining room, which was spartan but nicely appointed.

To the right of the living room was the staircase, which led to the second floor and its four bedrooms. Matt followed Jason into Jason’s room, which was spacious and included a bed made out of black wood, a bookshelf filled with books and games and other assorted knick-knacks, along with a drawer with a television set and a gaming console at the top. Off to the side was a desk with a large gaming PC and a series of papers strewn throughout. To the left of the drawer was a door that led to the room’s bathroom, while on the left wall, to the right of the door, was the closet.

Matt was impressed at the room, and said “Wow! This is a big room! My room was big, but not as big as this!”

Jason replied “I’m not shocked you’d think that, but it seems like you want something, don’t you?”

Matt replied “I do, yeah. I want to head to the porch. I want to get some fresh air. Nothing against you personally, but....”

“I get it, dude. You want your space. I’ll go down with you and open the front door. I’ll be in my room playing Fallout, but if I suspect anything or get worried or if more time than I expect passes, I’ll head on down and check on you. Understood?”

“Yeah” replied Matt.

Before long, both men descended the staircase. Jason opened the front door for Matt, who exited on outside. Once Matt exited, Jason closed the door and grabbed the keys to head back up to his room.

Now outside, Matt sat on the swing set. Grabbing the pack of Marlboros from his pocket, he packed it, opened it, and took one of the cigarettes. Putting it in his mouth, he took out a lighter from one of his pockets and lit the cigarette.

Putting the lighter back in his pocket, Matt took a drag off the cigarette, inhaled it, and kept it in for a while before finally exhaling it.

As he smoked the cigarette while seated on the swing, he stared on out into the darkness of the nighttime sky. A handful of stars shone in the ebony sky, giving fleeting traces of light amidst the enveloping blackness.

Matt began to think.

“Here I am, staring at the horizon. My girlfriend dumped me for my best friend, pretty much everything I know has been turned topsy-turvy except for my friendship with Jason, and I’m here.........just here.

(Matt takes a long drag and inhales).

“My girlfriend and I, we had some great times together. We seemingly had it all, yet she wasn’t happy.”

(Matt exhales).

“And instead of bothering to tell me what she was feeling, she decided to take the easy way out and make out with whatever other guy came her way, which just so happened to be Connor—the guy I had been friends with since kindergarten—the guy who’d been with me through thick and thin—that guy—then goes ahead and stabs me in the back by making out with my girlfriend!”

(Matt took a hit off the cigarette).

“And then he has the gall to try and play up his friendship with me to try and make me look like the hysterical one when he became the biggest jackass at that moment! Clearly, I should have ditched him a long time ago, but I didn’t, and that’s my fault!”

(He exhales. Not much of the cigarette is left by this point).

“What’s the point of all this? Is there some kinda really messed up situation going on elsewhere? After all, these past couple of hours have been nothing more than various fiascos all gathered into a short span of time, so why am I even bothering—why am I even thinking about—these kinds of things? And yet, I have a feeling that it’d probably be even worse if I didn’t think of these things.....”

(He takes one last drag off the cigarette).

“At least it could always be worse. I still have Jason as a friend and I’m still here, but this man—this man—needs something else. I’m already dazed and confused as it is, so if ever there was a time for me to experiment, this’d be it.”

(He exhales. Grabbing another cigarette from the pack, he takes the small burning stub left from the cigarette still in his mouth and uses it to light the second cigarette. Stomping out the previous cigarette, which he throws over the porch railing for it to land on the grass, he takes another long drag).

“I do feel quite a bit better now. The pain of betrayal and loss still stings, but all things considered, things aren’t as bad as they could have otherwise been, so I’d consider that a small victory.”

(Matt exhales. He keeps on smoking the cigarette while staring out at the horizon for a good while longer).

“I guess indifference is as good an attribute to have now as any other, ‘cause if there’s one thing that this day has taught me, it’s that everything can change in a flash. Just last night, everything seemed fine. Now, everything’s been turned upside down, to the point that a random barista I met proved to be a better person than my supposed ‘best friend’ and ‘girlfriend’. That’s the saddest thing about betrayal though—it never comes from your enemies, but instead, from those you’re close to—and that frankly drives me mad. Not in the sense of mad as crazy, but in the sense of mad as filled with fury, since I am absolutely furious that the people I cared for and trusted wound up being a bunch of traitorous, backstabbing pieces of shit.”

“Trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. I learned that lesson well today, since I lost trust in my best friend and girlfriend, and it will be very hard for them to ever regain that trust. That barista, on the other hand, did a ton of effort and so gained my trust, and obviously my trust in Jason has just been reinforced due to this whole situation, where he’s really stepped up his game and treated me incredibly well when my other ‘friends’ backstabbed and deserted me.”

(By this point, little remains of the cigarette. Matt takes a couple more hits off the cigarette and then stomps it out. He then once more flings the cigarette butt over the porch railing, where it lands on the grass).

“Man, I really needed those smokes. That, and the contemplation have really helped me feel better. I should start to head back inside though. Jason mentioned that he’d check up on me if more time than he expected passed, so I ought to head in.”

(Matt gets up from the swing. He walks to the front door, twists the doorknob, and opens the door. He then heads back into the house and closes the door. Once inside the house, he goes up the stairs into Jason’s room. There, Jason is preparing to wrap up his Fallout gaming session).

“And, done! Hah, how’d you like that, you son of a bitch?” Jason responded to his rival.

“No hard feelings though. See you next week” continued Jason.

“For sure, dude” the rival replied.

“What was up with that guy? You were lashing out at the guy one moment and the next you were all buddy-buddy with him? What the hell gives?” Matt incredulously asked.

“Oh, that? Ryan and I have been online friends for a long time. We’re just rivals since it’s more fun that way. Neither of us have any hard feelings towards the other. As a matter of fact, just like I insulted him there, he does the same to me, so it’s really all in good fun. We haven’t met each other since he lives on the other side of the country, but we both do hope to meet each other soon.”

“Huh. Good to know” deadpanned Matt.

“Yeah” replied Jason.

“So, do you by any chance have a pair of boxers? I want to shower and head to sleep since I’m still tired“ Matt said to Jason.

“I get that. Let me find a pair of boxers for you.”

Jason went and looked around a while in the room, checking the drawers a while until he finally found a pair of boxers. He grabbed the pair, and gave the pair to Matt.

“Don’t know if these’ll fit you, but they’re a pair I have. Hope to God that they fit you, since you wouldn’t have a ton of other options otherwise” replied Jason, lacking much emotion.

“Thanks, dude. I’m gonna hit the shower now. One question, though. Just where the hell is it?”

Jason perked up and said “The door is right in front of you, dumbass. It’s just that you’re out of it, dude, and you need to get the fuck into it before you spend the whole night staring at a door.”

“Alright, bossy-pants. Get off your high horse before your ego shoves your mind up your ass” Matt incredulously stated.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Matt” smirked Jason.

“Of course” winked Matt back.

Matt opened the door, entered the bathroom, and then closed it. Once inside the room, Matt grabbed a towel. Stripping himself down, he turned on the shower head, waited for the water to reach a temperature he was comfortable showering in, and then put the boxers somewhere close so he could reach them. Once inside the shower, he closed the glass door and started to wash himself.

After some time had passed and he had fully cleaned himself, Matt turned off the shower head and stepped out of the shower. Grabbing the towel, he dried himself off and put on the pair of boxers that Jason had given him. Much to his surprise, the pair of boxers fit him perfectly.

With the boxers on, he hung the towel out to dry and exited the bathroom.

Now back in Jason’s bedroom, he decided to ask him for two things.

“JASON, DO YOU HAVE A SPARE TOOTHBRUSH AND A PLASTIC BAG? I NEED BOTH THINGS, SO PLEASE BRING THEM” Matt forcefully shouted and questioned.

“Whoa man. Whoa. Calm down. I heard you loud and clear. Ya didn’t need to scream like a lunatic for me to get what you want. Here’s a spare toothbrush and a plastic bag like you asked for. That oughta help” replied Jason.

“It does. Thanks. And sorry about screaming like that. It was a bit too much” Matt spoke.

“Yeah, the screaming was a bit much, but don’t worry, man. It’s all good” chuckled Jason.

Sure enough, after that had happened, Matt went back to the bathroom. Now once more inside the bathroom, he took the pile of dirtied which he had placed off to the side and put it inside the plastic bag.

That thing done, Matt then grabbed the extra toothbrush Jason gave him, put some toothpaste on it, and then brushed his teeth. After about a minute, he rinsed out, passed some water over the toothbrush, and then closed the faucet.

He placed the toothbrush off to the corner, on the opposite end of Jason’s toothbrush so as to not have them confused, and then grabbed the plastic bag. With that, Matt then exited the bathroom and went back to Jason’s room.

Matt then placed the bag of dirtied clothes off to a corner. With the bag of dirtied clothes placed, Matt then said to Jason: “I’m gonna go hit the hay. Good night.”

Jason replied “Good night, Matt.”

Matt headed to the bed, pulled out the covers, snuggled into them, and before long, fell deeply asleep.

In the meantime, as Matt’s breaths (and before long, light snores) reverberated through the air, Jason continued to be on his computer. He watched several shows on Netflix while chatting with Ryan for a while. Time passed by, and before long, it was two in the morning. At that point, Jason, also tired, took a shower, put on his boxers, also pulled out the covers, and crawled into bed.

Several hours passed by, and the sun began to shine overhead. Jason stirred slightly, and Matt, sensing Jason’s stirring, moved himself slightly towards the direction of the where Matt was on the bed. Gently, he murmured.

“Jason….Jason….are you okay? Something wrong there?” asked Matt, with a concerned look on his face.

“Uhm, I’m okay I guess. Just kinda dealing with some things. Don’t worry about me though. Worry about yourself” cautiously replied Jason.

Jason continued: “After all, you’re the one who just got stabbed in the back by people you knew, so I’d think that you’d want to work on those emotions first before you started to head off into anything else.”

“That’s the thing though. I had to deal with betrayal from two of my ‘best’ friends, and you, whom I hadn’t seen in a couple months, stepped up your game, and I honestly find that to be so goddamned remarkable” replied Matt.

“It was really nothing”, Jason replied, though his face slightly blushed.

“You and your fake modesty are so adorable. I don’t know what else to really say or do, really, but…..”

(Matt struggles. He knows that he has fallen in love with Jason after the experiences of the evening, but he is still somewhat reluctant to say that to Jason, since he realizes that Jason may see this as weird. At the same time though, Matt realizes that if he doesn’t say what he feels then, that he will keep it holed up. Better it would be for him to release his emotions then, even if he’s turned down, than it would be for him to hold on to those emotions inside his self, waiting for a next opportunity that might not come. With these thoughts in his mind, Matt ultimately made his decision.)

“Jason…(he exhales deeply)….Jason……I….I…I love you.”

“What?” asked Jason, slightly confused and shocked.

Jason continued “Um, are you alright? Not to rain on your parade or anything, but you can’t blame me if I feel that this seems kinda awkward.”

(Matt lost a slight bit of his passion, but he still was insistent; he refused to give up so easily.)

“I love you Jason: I really do. At the same time though, I don’t want to force myself on you. I totally get if you don’t have the same feelings that I do, though.”

(He pauses a moment, almost as though he were trying to ready himself, and finally heads on back.)

“I love you Jason. I really do. That is all” said Matt, before going silent once more.

(Jason is a bit confused. He did also have bisexual tendencies, but wasn’t sure if he should be in a relationship with Matt, whom he considered to be almost like a brother. That said, Jason did also have feelings for Matt and sympathised with Matt’s desire to experiment since he had a similar feeling as well. After mulling things over a while longer, Jason decided to admit his own feelings to Matt, and so turned himself to face Matt.)

“I really like you too, Matt. I’d like to get to know you better, especially since it’s been such a while since we last time we saw each other. For the meantime though, I don’t want to rush this feeling. All that said though, I’m ready for you, Matt. I really am.”

(Matt at that moment realized that Jason was leading him on, basically giving him permission to do whatever it was that he wished. Seeing this, Matt turned to Jason, staring him in the face, and said “I’m ready too.” Matt then grabbed Jason and kissed him, and it wasn’t long before the both of them fell into a deep embrace.)

“Oh, oh......this is so good, Matt” purred Jason.

“Yeah? Well, there’s more where that came from” said Matt.

(Matt put himself closer to Jason. He placed himself to such a point that he was mere inches apart from Jason. Then, with Matt being so close to Jason’s body, he saw Jason, whose bodily rhythms inhaled and exhaled and inhaled and exhaled like a sweet lullaby sung to a newborn child. In the shining light of the day, Jason’s body was glistened by the morning light, and his face became kissed by the sunlight streaming through the window in the same way that a mother kisses and embraces her child.

That body, exposed by the shining light, aroused Matt, who then began to caress Jason’s body, running his fingers through Jason’s chest. Jason murmured and then reciprocated, caressing Matt’s body. At that moment, Matt turned to Jason and kissed him. Jason was shocked for a second, not really knowing what to do, but before long, he quickly reciprocated and passionately kissed Matt. Before long, both men were snuggled close to each other, caressing each other’s bodies.

Matt removed his boxers, flinging them off to a corner of the room. Fully nude, he turned back to Jason. Jason stared at Matt, who also glistened in the morning light, and felt a slight shiver—a chill of a type he hadn’t really ever had before—descend over him.

Jason was actually aroused, and as a result, turned himself over to Matt, and said “I’m ready”.

Matt heard Jason’s words, and gave him a brief nod. Matt didn’t say anything, but at that moment, he didn’t need to, as his movements and glances conveyed far more information than what a few measly words could provide.

As a result of this, Jason kissed Matt. At that point, they started to pleasure themselves, sinking further and further into each other’s bodies, exploring their own feelings towards one another, and ultimately consummating their love in that most primal and physical of ways.)

Both men ultimately fell asleep once more, tightly enmeshed in each other’s arms as the day outside began to melt away in much the same way as ice cream melts on a hot summer day.

Several more hours passed, and Matt ultimately stirred himself awake. Stretching his arms, he stood up from the bed, grabbed the pair of boxers, put it on, and went to the bathroom.

Glancing at himself in the mirror, Matt saw himself. He felt odd having had sex with Jason, and yet, something about him having had it felt right in his eyes.

It was a queer feeling Matt had. On the one hand, it felt odd having had sexual with a guy, especially since all the previous times he’d ever had sex were with a woman, and the fact that he had it with Jason, whom he had long known and been entwined to as a friend, making it just a bit weirder still. And yet, it also felt so right at the same time.

Even though a part of him was reluctant to fully admit it, Matt at that moment determined that he was indeed bisexual. He may not yet have known specifically which sex he would ultimately spend the rest of his life with, but he felt a strange sense of calm wash over him. Although the past few days weren’t easy for him, at that very moment, any hesitation he had faded away. He was comfortable with himself, and with those thoughts in his mind, he walked out of the bathroom.

Exiting the room, he saw Jason, still asleep in blissful serenity as the sun lowered in the sky. Matt was hungry though, as his appetite, which had left him yesterday, had returned with a vengeance. Therefore, he decided to go to the kitchen to see if he could find anything to eat.