Thread 50: Stories 76-89

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 50AU
>Past Chrysalis
"Past SA"
{SA}
[Chrysalis]
~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...I don't get it. Is this just to drain him some more?

"I really, really don't get it, is it because you're fucking insane?"

>Cause, I mean, I get the draining thing... shot Celestia right in her damn head... that was funny.

"Did we turn to drugs? I feel like we eventually resorted to drugs and this is the end result."

>He's good looking? Is that it? Cause, okay, he's not a five, but still. Not really worth it considering right?

"I am at least an eight."

>Pfft.

"Oh, this coming from you? Rich."

>I can literally change into every number I feel like.

"And yet you default to a three."

>THREE!?

"I'm being generous, I don't want to hurt your feelings."

>The fuck did you say you pasty pile of flab!?

"You're comparing flab when your ass is sagging like that?"

>OH HELL NO YOU DIDN'T!

"I did, what'cha gonna do about it? Pretend to be Cadence some more?"

>Aww, is the poor baby hopeful he'll finally get some action? Pfft, keep dreaming and begging your wife for the hoofy she'll never give because it would scuff her polish.

"At least I have the possibility of getting some!"

>Are we really pretending I couldn't get a guy if I wanted one? While simultaneously pretending there is actually a chance Caddy would make it to the bed before running off to get her hooves done?

"She wouldn't run off!"

>...Future you just got shifty.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

>The fucks you don't get, you mean.

"Fuck you!"


>Again, not retreading that ground. Been there, done you, was not impressed. You're terrible in bed.

"The fact you mind controlled me into doing whatever you wanted and couldn't perform says more about you than me. What's the matter, first time jitters?"

>YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!

"She said, after realizing nobody would willingly go near her without copious amounts of mind control."

>GO CHOKE ON YOUR WIFES HOOF!

"Kinky, but I don't think she'd be into it."

>She's not into anything! A pile of styrofoam once looked at her and said "Damn, she's boring!... And somehow dumber than me!"

"DON'T YOU BADMOUTH MY WIFE!"

>At least some kind of mouth is being used here!

"IT GETS IN HER HAIR!"

>HAH!

"FUCK YOU!"

>FUCK YOU!

"BUG MONSTER!"
>LIMP!
"RAPIST!"
>WORTHLESS!
"DUMBASS!"
>FATASS!
"HOMELESS!"
>FUCK YOU!
"FUCK YOU!"

>"FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

{...Huh.}

[HAH! I have better insults!]

{And you're proud of that?}

[Proud of abilities, not whom I am using them on.]

{Fair enough?}

[Also, I think these guys aren't our past, this doesn't seem like us.]

>I AM NOT BAD IN BED, AND I WILL RUT YOU INTO THE GROUND TO PROVE IT!

{...}

[I stand corrected.]
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 >Reggie
"Past Reggie"

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>"...*chitter*."
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 50AU
>Q
"Past Q"

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>Bump

"TINK!"

>I-I mean tink!

"Tink"

>Tink
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 50AU
>42
"Past SA"
[SA]
{Past 42}
~~

>This was a brilliant idea.

"...Was it? I don't feel like it was-OW!"

>DODGE BETTER!

"This is so much bullshi-OW!"

>Your form is sloppy!

"OW OW OW TIME OUT-OW!"

>THERE IS NO TIMEOUT IN FACEPUNCH!

"MAKE IT STOOOOOP!"

>I hope they're having as much fun as me over there.

~~~~
{STOP TURTLING UNDER THAT SHIELD!}

[Oh, is this bothering you?]

{IT'S BOTHERING ME!}

[It's bothering you?]

{I SAID IT WAS BOTHERING ME!}

[It looks like it is.]

{RAAAAAGGHHH!}

[Well, if you say so.]

{I'M GONNA-WHOA!}

*FWOOP!*

[FACEPUNCH!]

*KA-POW!*

{...}

[You okay?]

{... Huh. Starting to see what she was talking abou-}

[NOTIMEOUTSINFACEPUNCH!]

{OW!}

[REVEEEEENNNNGGGEEEEEE!]
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 50AU
>Cadence
"Past Cadence"
~~

>Okay, you up to speed? You know what you have to do?

"...Oh! Sorry, was I supposed to be listening? I was a little busy, you hair is just a meeeessss!"

>DANGER DOODLES, ME! You need to pay attention! I can warn you about so much stuff from the future!

"I'm trying! But you have split ends!"

>This is more impo-... did you say split ends!?

"Look!"

>Oh no! When did that happen!?

"I don't know!"

>This is a disaster!

"No no, it's okay, you just stay put and I'll have this allllll fixed up!"

>How could this have happened!?

"Stop! If you worry more you'll start getting wrinkles!"

>Don't you even joke about that!?

"Do I look like I would joke about something as serious as wrinkles!?"

>This is a nightmaaaaare! How could this get any worse!?

"..."

>...No.

"I found a... knot. In your hair."

>...NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"I'm so sorry."

>HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN THERE!? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY SOMETHING!? OHHHH I'VE BEEN LOOKING LIKE A BIG DUMB DUMB AND EVERYONE JUST LET IT HAPPEEENNNNN! ABUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Runs off in a flood of noisy tears.*

"That poor, poor thing... I feel so bad for her- wait, was she going to tell me future stuff?... Meh, it couldn't be as important as split ends. SPLIT ENDS!... *shudder*... the horror...
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 >SA
"???"
~~

>...Cuddle senses, TINGLING!

"HAH!"

>Hush, Chrysalis, this is serious business!
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 50 AU Crack

>Past Cadence
"SA"
"'The Doll'''
+Caddy+

~~~

>Oh wow...

"Hmmm?"

>I hadn't noticed before but you've shaped up really nicely!

"Oh, heh. Thanks, I worked really hard for this.

>I can tell how hard you are...

"... uhh..."

>You know... you're still my husband...

"...uhh..."

>Maybe you can show me what the future holds?

"... Hey look over there!... "

>What?... I don't see anything... So... what do you say?

"'..."'

>Well?

~~~~

"Part of me is relieved that it worked... the other wants to cry because of what just transpired..."

+I'll cry if you cry?+

"Thanks dear..."
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 50AU
>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Past Sucker Punch'
-Past 41-

'-FUCK RE-SERIOUSLY!?-'

>What?

'Dude, you haven't beaten the hell out of the changeling yet!?'

-Are you kidding me!? You should be able to squash that little winged so-and-so easy! Changeling strong, remember!?-

"Yeahhh...about that..."

'Dude, come on, you're telling me you couldn't beat him in anything?'

>She's a girl.

'...what?'

"-I'm a girl, you dumbass!-"

'Fuck, my ears!'

>I mean, I guess we can technically count the swim-

THWACK!

>OW!

"We don't talk about that."

>But-

"We. Don't. Talk. About. That."

'Aha! So I did win!'

-Damn it...-

>I don't think that really counts, though.

'WHAT!? WHY NOT!?'

-Listen to you future self, he is wise.-

>Because this whole thing started because we couldn't beat each other in a FIGHT, racing had nothing to do with it.

'-Oh riiiiiiight...-'

-But...shouldn't I win a fight easy? Changeling strong? Hello? 42?-

"As far as I can tell all these draws either mean I suck ass or he's secretly a badass. I choose to believe the latter for the sake of my eggo."

>'Ego.'

"-Gesundheit.-"

>'...'

-So if neither of us can beat the other, what's the point of being around someone you hate?-

>"...yeeeeeah, about THAT too."

'Ha, obviously it's because you don't know when to quit!'

-WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY!?-

'I said you don't know when to quit! You can't accept that there's a guard that can take on a changeling and not get beaten to a pulp!'

-SHUT UP!-

'MAKE ME!'

'-GRRRRR!-'

CLONK!

>...wow, that takes me back.

"Good times, goooood times."

>"...once more for old time's sake? OK!"

CLONK!
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 >Medic
"past Medic"

"You going to help them?"

>Nope. I warned them to stop. If I help them now, they'll never learn.
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 50AU
>Past Bat-mom
"Bat-mom"
~~

>Oh hey! Future me! Neat!

"...Neat? That's all I have to say, really?"

>Hey, quick question, how's this date I'm about to go on going to go?

"..."

>That bad? DAMN IT! I let that bug queen put paperwork in Applejack's desk for this! Ugh... look at me, I must have binged like crazy on the ice cream after this, I'm never going to meet a nice guy..."

"..."

>...What?
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 >Dadling
"Past Dadling"
~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"...Well?"

>WE GET LAAAAIIIID!

"WOOOOOOO!"

>WOOOOOOOO!

>"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
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 >Mr. Foalington
"Past Mr. Foalington"

>*screams of a thousand dying orphans*

"*combine harvester backfiring*"

>*The sounds of erosion*

"*bat wings flutter*

>...

"..."

>"*nine minutes of uninterrupted witch cackling*"
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 50AU
>Rekulk
"Vekir"
'Past Rekulk'
-Past Vekir-

"-Hyaaaaaa!-"

>-and this is the thing which are calling a 'Bit', yes yes?

'Yes yes! Bit.'

"VEKIR IS BIT!"

-HAHA!-

>No, Vekir is not bit, she is Morlock.

"NO! VEKIR BIT VEKIR!"

'...does Rekulk bite the bit?'

>No no, do not bite the bit!

"Do not bite the Vekir either!"

-OW! VELSHALK!-

"Me deserved it!"

>As Rekulk of the past can see, this bit-do not bite!- is one of many bits! If Rekulk has many bits, Rekulk has many friends, and if Rekulk has many friends, the many friends will seek to exchange the bits for to the trading, these are facts?

'These are facts!'

>Hurrah!

'Hurrah! Traad esg verak guhd.'

>Yes yes! Now go, Rekulk! Go and be the trader Rekulk knows Rekulk can be!

'HURRAH!'

"...brother...ow, stop kicking! Brother!"

>What is it, Vekir?

"You instructed past Rekulk to go-OW, IN THE SHIN! BAD VEKIR!-trade with ponies, yes?"

>Yes.

"On the surface."

>Yes.

"Without armor."

>...yes.

"But is it not the day times?"

>...REKULK! COME BACK! REKULK DOES NOT WANT REKULK TO DIIIIIEEEE!
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 Non-canon preview

>Pinkie
~~~~~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WTWPSLVKHw

>Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! I can't believe we've changed so much in 50 threads! It was fun meeting our past selves. Here's to another super-duper 50 more threads! We're going to get super serious now. Cordyceps ends up evolving and mutating, becoming a bigger threat. Rarity jumps to the scene with an arsenal of gems to bludgeon infected with. Diamond Tiara finds out plants don't like salt water and Silver Spoon searches for her best friend in the chaos. Find out what happens next in thread 51: The Haunting Past...and of course, contagious fan service!
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