Making Babies (2019) eng

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1
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-[birds chirping]
-[Katie sighs]

2
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-[bike bell ringing]
-[kids giggling]

3
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,624
Hey, kids.

4
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,763
What's wrong?

5
00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:32,197
Nothing, I just,
I still feel like this

6
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,333
is a lot of house
for two people.

7
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:37,469
Well, who says it only
has to be the two of us.

8
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,438
-[upbeat music]
-Let's get started.

9
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,040
[Katie giggling]

10
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,262
[Katie] John.

11
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Yeah?

12
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,302
Come in here.

13
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:53,172
Okay, be right there.

14
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,322
I think this batch
is contaminated

15
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,623
with a wild yeast infection.

16
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,625
Oh, I'll give you
a wild yeast inf-- no.

17
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,693
I think you did one time.

18
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,197
Here we go.
Come on.

19
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,731
Is this one of these
blue plus things?

20
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,668
No, it's one of
the digital ones.

21
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,336
[test beeping]

22
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,739
[Katie sighs]

23
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,242
It's okay.
It's okay.

24
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,410
It's no big deal.

25
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,245
Look,
we're gonna get pregnant.

26
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,948
I know it.
I can feel it.

27
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:37,549
-I promise you, all right?
-Mm-hmm.

28
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,686
-I love you.
-I love you, too.

29
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,621
And look at the bright side,
you get to get hammered
at the wedding.

30
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,656
-Oh.
-[doorbell ringing]

31
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,458
Yeah, that's almost
exactly the same.

32
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,394
So, tell me the good news.

33
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,696
Negative.

34
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,231
What?

35
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,599
[organ music]

36
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,300
[John] Did you tell
your mother

37
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,768
you're taking
a pregnancy test?

38
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,437
[Katie] She memorized
my ovulation schedule.

39
00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,471
[John] Oh, yeah, sure,
that's normal.

40
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,505
Again?

41
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,341
How is that possible?

42
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,710
Oh, my God, I don't
wanna talk about it.

43
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,780
Are you using the ovulation
strips that I bought you?

44
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,716
Okay, not here.

45
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,584
I just want you to know that

46
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,754
I've been praying to
St. Rita for you both.

47
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,457
Do you know who
St. Rita is, Johnny?

48
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,259
Hm?

49
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,693
No, I don't know who that is.

50
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,630
She's the patron
saint of impotence.

51
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,334
-What now?
-Impotence.

52
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,669
Jeez.

53
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,338
-Okay.
-Bird, I am not impotent.

54
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,641
-Okay.
-Never have been,
I never will be.

55
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:39,344
-Rock hard, every time.
-Oh, take it down, please

56
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,613
That's the problem because
I have to take it down.

57
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,782
-It's always up.
-Okay.
She's my mother and--

58
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,551
-Can you tell her?
-Yeah, rock hard, every time.

59
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:49,755
St. Rita is the patron saint

60
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,823
of infertility, not impotence.

61
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,760
Anyway, just
remember that your dad,
God rest his gentle soul,

62
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:58,597
you know, he died
without ever knowing

63
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,532
if his bloodline would continue.

64
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:03,502
That is a terrible
thing to say.

65
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,671
I just wanna be able to hold a
grandchild

66
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,839
-before I die, that's it.
-Okay, well, look...

67
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:11,810
[organ music]

68
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:19,051
Where does she think she is?

69
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:21,053
[John] Is she chewing gum?

70
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:24,489
Yikers, aye,
what is she wearing?

71
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,326
Oh, a tip I forgot
to give you earlier.

72
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,762
Next time after
you're done, um, performing

73
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:34,833
you should raise
Katie's hips in the air.

74
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,636
That's what I did.
That's how she was conceived,

75
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,839
'cause we raised my hips in
the air and then that way

76
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,809
gravity pulled his semen
right into my uterus.

77
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,544
-All right, thank you, Bird.
-Oh, my God.

78
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,546
We'll just have her do
a handstand, how's that?

79
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,948
Well, it's just helpful.
It's just a helpful thing.

80
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,118
Looks like Uncle
Paulie is going

81
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,786
to kill somebody right now.

82
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:58,390
Actually, I think he's doing
pretty well...

83
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,560
considering her situation.

84
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:05,764
-What situation?
-Come on, you heard.

85
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,600
Young couple, short engagement.

86
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:11,436
[humming]

87
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,772
She's pregnant?!

88
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,148
So now you know.

89
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,950
[upbeat music]

90
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,756
I used to babysit Jill.

91
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,158
Babysit her.

92
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,661
And now she's
pregnant before me.
I just...

93
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:41,733
Oh, forget it.

94
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,568
-Sorry, um.
-No.

95
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,804
Just tell me something good.

96
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:49,841
Well, for one,
you're super hot.

97
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,712
You looked beautiful tonight.

98
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:58,583
And second... I stole three
bottles of champagne

99
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,186
-from the bar.
-Ooh.

100
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,488
[groovy music]

101
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,996
Don't touch my stuff.

102
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,976
What the...

103
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,513
[thudding]

104
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:29,948
Hey, hey.

105
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,753
Could your kids maybe not
break everything in my garage?

106
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,455
Oh. Kids, knock it off.

107
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,857
[speaking Spanish]

108
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,795
What they'd say?

109
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,865
Uh... He said he's very sorry

110
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,768
and she said
she loves her uncle very much.

111
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,770
You have no idea
what they said, do you?

112
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,472
No.

113
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,474
[Maria] I feel terrible.

114
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,576
We're totally invading
your house, aren't we?

115
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,811
-Huh?
-We're ruining
your cozy Sunday.

116
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,481
Oh stop it, we love it
when you guys come visit.

117
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,484
Say, how's the
software update comin'?

118
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,953
That's why you're here,

119
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,955
-you're checking up on me.
-What?

120
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,958
No. Just making small talk
with my little bro

121
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,993
and getting a lot of
heat from the higher ups.

122
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,996
You know, we've presold a lot
of this software John, so.

123
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,799
I got a few more tweaks
to make, and then I'll give
it to you, all right?

124
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,834
All right.

125
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,503
What the hell are you
wearing, by the way?

126
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,705
Right?
My new motorcycle jacket.

127
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,907
-You love it.
-I don't.

128
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,775
-You don't own a motorcycle.
-Not yet.

129
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:32,878
But after this month's
commission check I will.

130
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,548
Gordon, you had training
wheels until you were 13.

131
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,717
John, don't worry
about me, bro.

132
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,785
Huh, I got the best
helmet money can buy

133
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,988
and I gotta take a state
mandated safety course.

134
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,658
You gotta see this hog I got.
Loud pipes save lives.

135
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,561
I hate motorcycles.
I hate everything about them.

136
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,963
I mean, he's really
gonna do that though?

137
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,866
I dunno, I guess.

138
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,036
Didn't he somehow break
a leg playing poker.

139
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:02,641
Last month he found
a gray peepee hair.

140
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,610
Every since, he's been
acting really crazy.

141
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,812
Just wanna back up,
a peepee hair?

142
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,548
Yeah,
let's not talk about it.

143
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,882
This big... oh, I can't.

144
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,884
It's weird that I can
picture that

145
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,619
-more than the
motorcycle riding.
-Yeah, I know.

146
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,021
Look, I'm not trying
to stress you out,

147
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,822
but you're the best
developer we've got, John.

148
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,926
-What is that?
-This is my new India Pale Ale.

149
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,962
Took me a few batches,
but I think I got it.

150
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,964
This IPA is gonna
be the premier beer

151
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,165
when I open up the brewery.

152
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,971
-What do you think?
-No.

153
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,106
What do you mean no?
What's the problem?

154
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,576
The flavor's weak.
How many IBUs is this?

155
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,078
-65.
-Oh.

156
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,781
You look so cute in
your little pink nighty,
like a little baby girl.

157
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,916
It's supposed to be between
80 and 100 IBUs, man.

158
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,985
I'm trying to
make session beers.

159
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,321
I'm trying to make beers that
people can drink and enjoy and

160
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,690
have maybe more than one
without their faces melting off.

161
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,725
People want hoppy IPAs, John.

162
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,760
-West coast style,
that's what sells
-Oh, yeah?

163
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,129
You know what,
those people are morons.

164
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,933
I should be happy
for Jill, but I'm-- I can't,

165
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,702
I'm just, I'm so jealous.

166
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,337
I hate that about myself.

167
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,639
You just need to relax.

168
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:10,809
You're never gonna get pregnant
if you're stressed out.

169
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,144
You need a vacation.

170
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,713
You should go camping.

171
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,148
Camping's pretty stressful.

172
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,683
I mean, that feels like
a really stressful...

173
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,385
Camping.

174
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,087
That's a sleeping bag baby?

175
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,389
Perfect butterfly.

176
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:28,760
-[kids screaming]
-[speaking Spanish]

177
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,931
[Maria groaning]

178
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,766
-Here.
-No, I'm so, I'm so--

179
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,701
-Take it.
-Okay.

180
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,838
-You use hop oil?
-No, I did not use hop oil.

181
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,642
You're kid-- You need
hop oil for an IPA, John.

182
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,877
No, it's against the laws,
everybody knows that.

183
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,946
-Says who?
-The Reinheitsgrebot!

184
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:51,883
Those are 500 year old
German beer laws, who cares?

185
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,386
The laws state
the proper techniques

186
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,388
and ingredients
to ensure quality.

187
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,957
Unless it follows the law,
it's technically not a beer.

188
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,126
Well, you're
technically a dork.

189
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:05,096
I mean, I love you,
but you're a dork.
I'm not drinkin' that.

190
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,098
As a women, this is the
one thing I'm supposed

191
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,434
to be able to do
and I can't do it.

192
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,736
I mean, that need to
nurture, to be a mother.

193
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,972
That is, that's something...
God,

194
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,940
it's something I've
wanted my entire live.

195
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:17,842
Have you thought
about adoption?

196
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,911
Yeah, we're on a list,
but I dunno,

197
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,080
it'll be years before
there's an opening.

198
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,716
And plus, we're just, we're
not ready to stop trying.

199
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,118
Have you seen a
fertility doctor?

200
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,021
Those procedures
seem so... invasive.

201
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,724
You're just afraid of
getting a shot, you big baby.

202
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:36,728
No, that's, that's,
that's very true.
Ew.

203
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,930
So, go see a doctor and
if it doesn't work out,

204
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,433
-I'll give you one of my kids.
-Oh okay.

205
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,768
-She up for grabs?
-Not her,

206
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:46,037
but I could get you
a sweet deal on Dougie.

207
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,473
[kids yelling]

208
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,943
[Katie] Ooh, hard pass.

209
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,049
Whatcha doin'?

210
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,984
[John] Oh, just
finishing up some work.
What's goin' on?

211
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,853
I wanna go to a
fertility doctor.

212
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,157
Oh, now?

213
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,827
-I think they might be closed.
-Okay.

214
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,795
No, I've been doing some
research and I really think

215
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,198
this is the answer
we've been looking for.

216
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,933
Are you serious?

217
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,101
Yeah, I found this doctor

218
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,069
and he's supposed
to be the best.

219
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,739
Well, does our
insurance cover it?

220
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:21,940
Yeah.

221
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,842
-Is it safe?
-Yeah.

222
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,944
I mean, look, I'm not thrilled
about this either,

223
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,278
but we've gotta
face the facts.

224
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,347
What we've been doing,
it's not working.

225
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,217
Do you think we've
been doing it wrong?

226
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,953
You know, we should
try reverse cowgirl.

227
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,222
I think that might help us
and solve all of our problems.

228
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,224
-I'm being serious.
-I am, too.

229
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,526
-Don't you still want a baby?
-Yes, of course I do.

230
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,128
Okay, then I think
this is our last chance.

231
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,964
I'm gonna turn 35
this year and my uterus

232
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,533
is gonna shut down
like Chernobyl.

233
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,068
No, it's not.

234
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,269
We've been trying
to get pregnant

235
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,004
since we got married.
That's--

236
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,272
that's five years
without so much as a blip.

237
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,974
What if there's
something wrong with me?

238
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,108
There's nothing
wrong with you.

239
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,244
You don't know that.

240
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:01,846
Come on, this is
really important to me.

241
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,314
I need you to get on board.

242
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,218
Okay.

243
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,888
-All right.
Make the appointment.
-Okay.

244
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,256
We'll hear what the
doctor has to say.

245
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,792
This amazing doctor.

246
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,127
And then if it
doesn't work we really
need to try reverse cowgirl.

247
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,896
Are you really hung up
on this reverse cowgirl?

248
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,031
-I don't why you
-I think it's great.

249
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,867
You're facing north,
I'm facing north,

250
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,269
but you're going in front of me.

251
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,037
[Katie] I don't wanna
look at your feet.

252
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,572
-[John] Look up.
-[Katie] I can't look up,

253
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,841
I'll lose my focus and I could--
I could hurt you.

254
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,878
As you're both
very much aware,

255
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,280
there are limits
to manual conception.

256
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:38,283
Nature is a capricious,
often times,

257
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,218
perplexing force
that can benefit

258
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,287
from the helping hand
of modern science.

259
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,189
But before I get
into any specifics,

260
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,124
I wanna ask you a question.

261
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,927
It's a question I ask
all my potential patients.

262
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:52,197
Are you both prepared to do
what it takes to have a baby.

263
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,066
-Yeah.
-Mm hm.

264
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,101
[chuckling]

265
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,369
Let me tell you a story.

266
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,605
On his famed March to the Sea,

267
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,974
General William Tecumseh Sherman

268
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:05,577
presented an ultimatum to
the citizens of Savannah.

269
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:08,880
Should I be forced to resort
to assault, he warned them,

270
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,582
I shall then feel
justified in resorting

271
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,884
to the harshest of measures,
and shall make little effort

272
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,119
to restrain my army,
now burning to avenge

273
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:17,589
the national wrong
of dragging our country
into civil war.

274
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:19,324
So I'm gonna ask you both again.

275
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:22,927
Are you prepared to do
what it takes to have a baby?

276
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,864
-Yes.
-Yes, yes.

277
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,132
Great.

278
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,301
Katie, let's talk
about your uterus.

279
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,937
Sure.

280
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:35,106
My 40 plus years of
practicing medicine,

281
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,076
I've seen a wide range
of uteri and yours,

282
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,346
is one of the finest
specimens I've ever seen.

283
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:44,382
Really?

284
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,118
-It's a real showstopper.
-Oh, okay.

285
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,153
-I think I'm blushing.
-I knew that,

286
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,956
I always told her that.

287
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:55,126
So, if it's such
a showstopper,

288
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,095
then why can't I get pregnant?

289
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,663
Well, I think we have
to be open to the option

290
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,099
it may not be you
that's having the problem.

291
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:04,235
John, when did you last
have a sperm analysis?

292
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,204
I'm sorry, what?

293
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,239
You can not use
any lubrication and all

294
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,508
the specimen must make
it into the receptacle.

295
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,179
Wait a minute, I have
to masturbate into this?

296
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,015
You bet you do.

297
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,684
If any of the specimen
is not into the receptacle,

298
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,020
you will have to produce
another, but with others waiting

299
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,122
you'd have to go to
the end of the line.

300
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,257
There's visual aids in there,
I picked 'em out myself.

301
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,393
They're pretty good.

302
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,495
Titty Bonanza.

303
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,364
Gym.

304
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,033
What's the other one?

305
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,402
Oh, one's called Dad.

306
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:44,676
-When you're done, bring the
specimen to the nurse's desk.
-[softly] Come here, come here,

307
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:46,711
-come here, come here.
-[Katie] What, what,
what, what, what?

308
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,346
I have to jack off into
this and I don't know

309
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,114
if I can do it, I don't
know if I can perform.

310
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,449
What do you mean perform,
it's not karaoke.

311
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,151
It's like Tupperware
where you store

312
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,419
like mashed potatoes
or something.

313
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,688
-I can't do this.
-Of course you can.

314
00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:58,022
-I'm not feelin' it
-I don't understand
why you can't do it.

315
00:15:58,024 --> 00:15:59,691
[John] I don't feel sexy.

316
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:01,292
You don't feel-- I'm sorry,
you don't feel sexy?

317
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,727
Just look at all guys
sitting over there.

318
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,295
You're not gonna be
with these guys.

319
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,097
-I know.
-You're going in
a different room,

320
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,332
-they're not gonna be there.
-I just don't know.

321
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,466
It's there,
it's a large opening.

322
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,367
-Is there a problem?
-Hm?

323
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,035
No, no, no, no.

324
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,337
He's just having a little,
[chuckles]

325
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,272
a little case of
the old stage fright.

326
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,107
So...

327
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,176
If it helps, we do
allow wives to assist.

328
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,511
Oh.

329
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,447
Oh.

330
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,182
[latch clicking]

331
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,017
[John] All right,
let's just get this over with

332
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,385
-as soon as possible.
-Oh, I don't know.

333
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,455
This is like the set
of a Saw movie.

334
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:33,257
Oh, oh.

335
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,196
-Yeah, Dad.
-It's there.

336
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,399
-It really is a video called
-Dad. Oh, here we go,
let's just.

337
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,368
Okay, all right,
what do you need from me?

338
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,136
You want me to take my
shirt off or my pants or?

339
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,271
-Give me a hand job.
-Okay, copy that.

340
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:50,341
-Whoa, wait.
-I'm sorry, they're cold.

341
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,011
-Blow in.
-Oh yeah, Mr. Miyagi it.

342
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:56,347
Okay, just make a
fire really quickly.

343
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,216
Camping.

344
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,386
-Okay.
-Oh, yeah.

345
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,160
Can you not look
at me like that.

346
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:12,230
-Like what?
-You look like,
like a Christmas elf.

347
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,499
Like, giving me a hand job,
it's just a little awkward.

348
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,800
Okay, okay.

349
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,235
-[phone ringing]
-All right.

350
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,103
Oh, I'm sorry.
I know, I know.

351
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,105
-You have to be kidding me.
-No, it's work.

352
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,774
I am supposed to be in
a meeting right now.

353
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,208
-Let me just ignore it.
-You are in a meeting.

354
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,077
It's a very important meeting.

355
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,279
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
What can I do to make it...

356
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,314
-Talk dirty to me.
-Talking dirty.

357
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:32,183
-Say somethin' nasty.
-Dirty talking' comin' at ya.

358
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,419
Here we go.
You are doin' such a great job.

359
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,554
I am so proud of you
and you are just--

360
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,322
I'm, you're such a--
you're a good person.

361
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,058
-Thank you, honey.
-A plus.

362
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,459
Thank you for all
the encouragement,

363
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,493
-but I'm not building a deck.
-Is that good?

364
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,795
Okay, I see how it is.

365
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,263
Now say something dirty.

366
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,597
Something nasty.
Call me something.

367
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,533
-Yes, uh, I think I got it.
-Turn me on.

368
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,401
[Irish accent]
You are a mighty steed.

369
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,071
Oh, you got the dirty
leprechaun thing, okay.

370
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,340
Yes, and I am a fertile
mare and I'm just galloping

371
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:59,510
through a wind blown field
and you're comin' up

372
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,412
after me and ya mount me...

373
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,448
-Weird, but...
-...and ya get behind me.

374
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,817
-And you stick it in.
-Oddly effective.

375
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:07,351
-Is that good or is it bad?
-I kinda liked it.

376
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:08,586
-Yeah, it's good.
-Okay, we're going tighter.

377
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,221
-We're going a little tighter.
-Oh.

378
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,256
-Okay, we good, we got it.
-Oh, oh.

379
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,558
-You're the stead.
-Oh.

380
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,293
-Plant your seed.
-Oh, oh.

381
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,261
Nasty little leprechaun.

382
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,630
-I'm comin' for my pot of gold.
-[John moaning]

383
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,100
Get it in the Tupperware.

384
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,457
Oh, hey, Danica, could I get
your help with something?

385
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,326
Uh, yes, very quickly,
I'm late for a meeting.

386
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,228
Okay, I'm just new to
this accounting software,

387
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,462
-so I was just wondering
-What do you need?

388
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,164
-Our payables.
-Oh yeah,

389
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,500
if you just search
by invoice date,

390
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,468
then you can just tab through.

391
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,337
-Oh, okay, yeah, that is easy.
-It's easy.

392
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,638
Great.

393
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,640
Ah, sorry, one more thing.

394
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,409
Do we always wait 30 days
to pay our invoices?

395
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,578
-Yes, always.
-Huh, whose dumb idea was that?

396
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,481
-[stutters]
-Uh, mine.
We wanna show as much

397
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,316
cash on the books
as possible.

398
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,684
Yes, it's just that, um,

399
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,652
the vendors give us
a 2% discount

400
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,621
if we pay in 10 days.

401
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,157
I mean, that's like lending
money at 36% a year.

402
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,458
No, that can't be right.

403
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,627
Well, yeah,
it's 36.7 to be exact,

404
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,529
but what are our
210 Net 30 payables?

405
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,364
-For which time period?
-This month.

406
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,366
Company wide,
about 4.6 million.

407
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,302
So, if we actually
paid 20 days early,

408
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,238
then we would be saving
$92,000 a month, which would

409
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,409
then turn out to roughly,
like, $1.1 million a year.

410
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,678
-You're new here, right?
-I am first week.

411
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,381
Great, well,
I appreciate your enthusiasm,

412
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,349
but let's not try to
reinvent the wheel, okay?

413
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,285
Yeah, copy that.

414
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,253
You're the CFO,
I'm just the controller.

415
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:50,655
[Danica] Sounds like
we're on the same page then.

416
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,623
That's great.

417
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,761
I'm smarter than she is.
That's fine.

418
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,704
Dude, dude, where have
you been, I've been lookin'
for you all morning.

419
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,273
I know, I know.
The code blew up the
entire system in testing,

420
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,542
-but I'm gonna fix it
-No, no, no, that's not it.

421
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,544
They sold the company.

422
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,512
What? Who? When?

423
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,713
Over the weekend.

424
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,715
And that's not all.

425
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,750
I got a promotion.

426
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,286
-Yeah.
-Wow, that's great.

427
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:26,257
But, uh, they let the
entire IT department go.

428
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,825
What?

429
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,761
That's your department.

430
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,563
-Yeah, I know dickhead.
-Oh, okay.

431
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:36,434
So, anyway, you're fired,
but that's not my call.

432
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,236
It's not my call.

433
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:41,739
You quit your job?

434
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,774
Oh, no, no, no, no,
even better.

435
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,576
I got fired.

436
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,612
Ah, and what about Gordon?

437
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,380
They made him VP of sales.

438
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,748
Katie, do you see
how wonderful this is?

439
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,483
They gave me
a severance package.

440
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,452
That combined with
what I've been saving,

441
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,420
I can focus all of my
energy on the brewery.

442
00:20:56,422 --> 00:21:00,791
[stutters] I'm very,
I'm very happy for you.

443
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:04,629
What, what is it?
What's wrong?

444
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,465
I'm not, I don't, okay,
I don't wanna be like

445
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:10,334
a wet blanket here,
but we are barely making ends
meet with two incomes.

446
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:13,671
I mean, we've got
credit card debt and
mortgage and car payments.

447
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,741
I'm not saying that you can't
open the brewery,

448
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,743
-but, I mean...
-But?

449
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,745
We need another income.

450
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:23,681
Oh, Katie, I cannot
get another IT job.

451
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:27,518
I mean, this brewery is
gonna take all my time.
It's a full time gig.

452
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,455
Okay, I'm not even saying you
need to get like a job, job.

453
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,557
But just something part time,

454
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:35,526
something to keep our
heads above water.

455
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,495
Like what?

456
00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:42,700
Honda?

457
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,702
You my driver?

458
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:47,371
Yeah, that's me,
I'm your driver.

459
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:48,773
Sweet.

460
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,641
Didn't think it was gonna
be a piece of shit Honda.

461
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,843
I apologize.

462
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:56,847
All right, dude,
flip a bitch, hop on the 10,

463
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:59,817
get off on Lincoln, I'll give
ya a holler when we get there.

464
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,753
-All right, what's the address?
-I wanna go home.

465
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:05,389
-What? You don't wanna go home.
-No, I wanna go home.

466
00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:07,325
-What are you talkin' about?
-What's her address?

467
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,527
-She wants to go home.
What's her address?
-What?

468
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,462
Don't worry,
it's my girlfriend, bro,
she does this all the time.

469
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,597
You're comin' to my house.
We're goin' to my house.

470
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,633
Get on the 10,
what did I-- hey, whoa.

471
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,101
She's your girlfriend, huh?

472
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,470
[man] Yeah, my girlfriend.

473
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:20,805
Yeah, what's her last name?

474
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:26,677
All right,
I'm gonna take her home.
You get outa my car.

475
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,412
I'm not gettin'
outta your car, dude.

476
00:22:28,414 --> 00:22:30,381
Step on the gas.
Hang on.

477
00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:31,682
Come on, dude,
we're gonna have a...

478
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,684
God, here we go again.

479
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,387
-Listen, who pays the bills?
-Get out.

480
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:37,755
-I pay them.
-Get outta my car.

481
00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:39,423
Now he's getting mad at me.

482
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:40,558
We're still goin'
to Tera and Bucks.

483
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,626
Just give me a second.

484
00:22:44,097 --> 00:22:46,430
-Oh!
-[chuckling]

485
00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:47,765
Let's go, bro.

486
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:50,434
I'll whoop your
fuckin' ass, dude.

487
00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:51,669
You think you're big.

488
00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:53,637
Let's go, big man, come on.

489
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:13,124
Hello. [laughs]

490
00:23:13,126 --> 00:23:14,658
All right.

491
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,861
Oh, big day.

492
00:23:16,863 --> 00:23:19,797
[humming]

493
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:25,836
Don't mind if I do.
Twice.

494
00:23:25,838 --> 00:23:27,538
Katie, what are you doing?

495
00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:30,174
Just getting a little snack.

496
00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:32,710
Sorry, maybe nobody told you.

497
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,812
This is the Working Moms lunch.

498
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:37,481
We meet the first
Wednesday of every month.

499
00:23:37,483 --> 00:23:39,750
Oh, that's... exclusive.

500
00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:41,552
-Hi.
-Hi there.

501
00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:43,154
Do you have children?

502
00:23:43,156 --> 00:23:44,622
How's that now?

503
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:46,857
This is the
Working Moms lunch.

504
00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:48,559
Do you have a child?

505
00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:50,494
[stammers] I... yes.

506
00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:52,963
-So blessed.
-Oh, a girl, boy?

507
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:55,900
Boy.

508
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,701
Oh, how old is he?

509
00:23:57,703 --> 00:23:59,470
Three.

510
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:01,005
What's his name?

511
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:03,941
Plate... Plato,

512
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:07,445
like the old philosopher.

513
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:10,648
You don't have a child do you?

514
00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,850
Or do I?

515
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,852
I don't.

516
00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,587
-I do not, I do not.
-Well, then,

517
00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:18,689
maybe you just
wanna leave us to it.

518
00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:20,891
Yeah, I'll leave you
workin' moms to it.

519
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:23,561
Good for you.
Working. Being mothers.

520
00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:24,862
Look at that, huh.

521
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,597
-Well, screw you, 1950s.
-Thanks, Katie.

522
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:27,731
-Okay.
-Thank you.

523
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,501
Hey, Rich, Pam.

524
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:31,635
-Hey, hey, hey.
-What's happening?

525
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,571
[Rich] Good to see ya.

526
00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:35,673
-Who are they?
-Oh, you wouldn't know 'em.

527
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:36,807
Some of my bike friends.

528
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:38,542
Oh, they're your bike friends?

529
00:24:38,544 --> 00:24:40,211
[Gordon] Yeah.

530
00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:41,946
So what's this important news
you gotta tell me?

531
00:24:41,948 --> 00:24:43,948
Mm. Okay.

532
00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:47,651
I'm gonna quit job, I'm gonna
help you open the brewery.

533
00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:48,686
I'm gonna be your partner.

534
00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:51,655
-No.
-Why not?

535
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,824
'Cause you do this
every single time.

536
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:55,860
Every time I start
something new,

537
00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:57,962
-you come in and
stomp all over it.
-Name one time.

538
00:24:57,964 --> 00:25:00,698
Uh, my landscaping
business in college.

539
00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:01,966
Genghis Lawns?

540
00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:03,834
Come on, your
overhead was insane.

541
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:05,870
No, look, I've got
it all figured out.

542
00:25:05,872 --> 00:25:07,872
You're gonna brew the beer,
I'm gonna run the business.

543
00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:09,840
-We'll make a million bucks.
-No.

544
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:11,842
Look, I've got money.
Okay, with me,

545
00:25:11,844 --> 00:25:13,277
we can be up
and running in two months.

546
00:25:13,279 --> 00:25:14,578
Oh yeah, you have
that kinda money?

547
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:16,614
Yeah, my 401K. My IRA,

548
00:25:16,616 --> 00:25:18,015
-I can sell company stock.
-What are you talking about?

549
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,950
You don't wanna sell that,
that's blood money.

550
00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:22,019
You just got promoted,
why would you wanna do this?

551
00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,654
I don't wanna sell software

552
00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,589
for the rest of my life,
John, all right?

553
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,892
I don't wanna look back and
think I never took a risk.

554
00:25:27,894 --> 00:25:29,593
I mean, this is important.
What is it?

555
00:25:29,595 --> 00:25:31,595
-I think I know that guy.
-Who?

556
00:25:31,597 --> 00:25:34,298
-Is that Dr. Remis?
-Who's Dr. Remis?

557
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:36,267
Hey, John Kelly,
good to see ya.

558
00:25:36,269 --> 00:25:38,002
Hey, Doctor, how are ya?

559
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:39,870
This is my brother, Gordon.

560
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:42,773
General, that's quite an
outfit you got on, I like it.

561
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:45,009
Oh, I teach American History
at the local community college.

562
00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:46,944
Today we're studying
the Battle of the Bulge.

563
00:25:46,946 --> 00:25:49,280
Germany's last feudal
offense on the western front.

564
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:51,782
-My favorite battle.
-Well, you probably
have to get back.

565
00:25:51,784 --> 00:25:53,784
-Good to see ya.
-No, no, I'm glad
I ran into you.

566
00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:55,786
We just got the results back
from your semen analysis.

567
00:25:55,788 --> 00:25:58,822
-Oh.
-No, doc.
Can we talk about this later?

568
00:25:58,824 --> 00:26:00,324
No, no, it's not
all bad news though,

569
00:26:00,326 --> 00:26:01,859
even though your
sperm count is low.

570
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:04,061
-Low.
-Please not now.

571
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:06,030
Let me ask you something.
What kinda underslacks
do you wear?

572
00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:07,865
Boxers or briefs?

573
00:26:12,004 --> 00:26:13,771
Briefs, I wear briefs.

574
00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:15,039
-There you go.
-Oh, briefs.

575
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:16,974
You're wearing Underoos,
little bro?

576
00:26:16,976 --> 00:26:19,677
Come on, everyone knows
you gotta wear boxers.

577
00:26:19,679 --> 00:26:21,579
He's right, in order to
produce a sufficient amount

578
00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:23,681
of sperm, the temperature
of the testicles

579
00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:24,949
needs to be lower than
the body temperature.

580
00:26:24,951 --> 00:26:27,318
The briefs keep
the testicles warm.

581
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,119
You gotta cool those off.
Then what's the good news, doc,

582
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,854
you said there was
some good news.

583
00:26:30,856 --> 00:26:32,656
Even though his
sperm count is low,

584
00:26:32,658 --> 00:26:34,024
the sperm he does have
are excellent swimmers.

585
00:26:34,026 --> 00:26:35,059
So there's nothing to
be ashamed of, mister.

586
00:26:35,061 --> 00:26:36,860
I beg to differ.

587
00:26:36,862 --> 00:26:38,629
Anyways, I gotta run.
Give me a call,

588
00:26:38,631 --> 00:26:40,598
we'll decide
what our next steps are.

589
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,733
-Gordon, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you, Doctor.

590
00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:45,069
I like him.

591
00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:46,971
Wonder what kinda bike he rides.

592
00:26:46,973 --> 00:26:49,873
-[Dr. Remis] Ducati.
-Oh man,

593
00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:52,743
Ducati, that's an
Italian bike, I know that much.

594
00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:55,079
Hey, here's to some
strong swimmers, huh?

595
00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:58,349
[Dr. Remis] Okay, there are two
ways that we can go here.

596
00:26:58,351 --> 00:27:01,118
The first is
ovulation stimulation

597
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,821
through medical regiment
of injectable hormones.

598
00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:06,056
-Oh.
-Hmm.

599
00:27:06,058 --> 00:27:07,891
Katie's afraid of needles.

600
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:09,960
She has tattoos, but
she's scared of needles.

601
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:11,829
It's different.
It's so different.

602
00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:13,697
One is like this and
the other is like this.

603
00:27:13,699 --> 00:27:15,833
-It's different.
-At the time of ovulation

604
00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:18,802
-we would perform an IUI.
-What is that,
what's an IUI?

605
00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:20,004
It's when they take the sperm

606
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,072
and they implant
it into the uterus.

607
00:27:22,074 --> 00:27:23,774
-Oh.
-Exactly, and the
health of the sperm

608
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:25,776
and the ovaries is
essential to the process.

609
00:27:25,778 --> 00:27:27,711
So I have to recommend
you abstain from alcohol,

610
00:27:27,713 --> 00:27:29,380
tobacco and recreational drugs.

611
00:27:29,382 --> 00:27:31,015
But that's just a
recommendation though, right?

612
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:33,017
You also have to refrain
from manual intercourse.

613
00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:35,719
That's not just a
recommendation, that's an order.

614
00:27:35,721 --> 00:27:38,856
I'm sorry, that, abstain?

615
00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:40,124
He said, uh, that no sex.

616
00:27:40,126 --> 00:27:42,059
It's a very delicate
process, John.

617
00:27:42,061 --> 00:27:43,794
We can't have you
messin' up the works.

618
00:27:43,796 --> 00:27:45,729
How long can't
we have sex for?

619
00:27:45,731 --> 00:27:47,731
-Between one and six months.
-What?

620
00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:50,134
Now, what's the
success rate of IUI?

621
00:27:50,136 --> 00:27:51,935
Statistics indicate
it'll increase

622
00:27:51,937 --> 00:27:54,738
the chance of
conception by 10 to 15%.

623
00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:57,941
-[John] Six months,
is there another option?
-In vitro fertilization.

624
00:27:57,943 --> 00:28:00,044
We fertilize the egg
with a sperm in a lab

625
00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:02,212
and implant the fertilized
egg into the uterus.

626
00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:04,081
Okay, what's the
probability of IVF?

627
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,016
-Hm, fifty-fifty.
-Fantastic.

628
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:07,985
IVF, we can have sex
during that, right?

629
00:28:07,987 --> 00:28:09,987
No way. And it's not
as simple as picking

630
00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:11,755
one procedure over the other.

631
00:28:11,757 --> 00:28:13,757
IVF while effective,
is very expensive.

632
00:28:13,759 --> 00:28:15,926
Insurance usually
refuses to pay unless

633
00:28:15,928 --> 00:28:18,762
you've gone through three
rounds of Clomid and IUI.

634
00:28:18,764 --> 00:28:21,165
Well, how expensive
is expensive?
Like, ballpark.

635
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,801
Ballpark? Talkin' 25.

636
00:28:23,803 --> 00:28:26,770
25, 2,500, that's doable.

637
00:28:26,772 --> 00:28:28,238
25,000.

638
00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:33,243
Okay, so if we wanted
to do IVF right now,

639
00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:34,812
we'd have to pay out of pocket?

640
00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:37,047
[John chuckling]

641
00:28:37,049 --> 00:28:39,450
All right, Mr. Mumbles,
what's goin' on?

642
00:28:39,452 --> 00:28:43,454
I just, you know, I mean,
six months without sex?

643
00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:47,057
-$25,000 dollars. No beer.
-What are you, in college?

644
00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:49,193
I have to drink beer,
it's part of my business.

645
00:28:49,195 --> 00:28:51,762
-[Katie] Are you a
professional booze bag now?
-Also sex is part

646
00:28:51,764 --> 00:28:53,931
of my lifeblood too.
I am a man.

647
00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:55,766
No, you don't have to
do anything,
I gotta do all the work.

648
00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,868
All you have to do is
just jack off into a jar.

649
00:28:57,870 --> 00:28:59,837
-Jack off into a jar?
-You have to jack off
into a jar.

650
00:28:59,839 --> 00:29:01,505
Oh, like it's that easy.

651
00:29:01,507 --> 00:29:03,073
-It is that easy, just fuckin'.
-[fist thudding]

652
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:04,942
-Listen to me.
-Mm-hmm.

653
00:29:04,944 --> 00:29:06,276
I'm not just some run
of the mill doctor here

654
00:29:06,278 --> 00:29:09,046
to give you the means to an end.

655
00:29:09,048 --> 00:29:11,148
Think of me as an emancipator.

656
00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:13,517
I invade the male and
female reproductive organs,

657
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:16,153
liberating children into
the world and I'm very good

658
00:29:16,155 --> 00:29:17,955
at what I do, but the
one thing I can tell you

659
00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:21,225
for certain, a house
divided cannot stand.

660
00:29:23,229 --> 00:29:25,295
-[light dramatic music]
-If this works,

661
00:29:25,297 --> 00:29:27,197
we'll have a baby.

662
00:29:32,872 --> 00:29:34,505
Okay.

663
00:29:34,507 --> 00:29:35,806
Let's do it.

664
00:29:35,808 --> 00:29:38,142
Did you guys rob a pharmacy?

665
00:29:38,144 --> 00:29:42,146
Provera, Clomiphene.

666
00:29:42,148 --> 00:29:47,050
Letrozole and Toxi--
Tamoxifen.

667
00:29:47,052 --> 00:29:49,119
-Exactly.
-Tamoxifen, okay.

668
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:50,988
All right.

669
00:29:50,990 --> 00:29:53,056
-Who me?
-Here you go.

670
00:29:53,058 --> 00:29:54,892
She's your wife.

671
00:29:54,894 --> 00:29:57,127
You're the strongest,
you gotta get through this.

672
00:29:57,129 --> 00:29:59,263
All right, think
you can handle this?

673
00:29:59,265 --> 00:30:03,867
Yes, I just, as long as
I don't see the needle
I am good to go.

674
00:30:03,869 --> 00:30:06,003
Just don't tell me
when you're gonna do it,
just do it.

675
00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:07,538
No, tell me when
you're gonna do it.

676
00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:08,939
Don't tell when
you're gonna do it.

677
00:30:08,941 --> 00:30:10,340
No, tell me when
you're gonna do it.

678
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,109
Don't tell--
ah yeah, there it is.

679
00:30:12,111 --> 00:30:14,144
-I did it.
-Yeah, no, I know.

680
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:16,814
-[Maria] It's good,
you're doin' good.
-Thank you.

681
00:30:16,816 --> 00:30:19,550
It's worth it, it's worth it,
it's worth it, it's worth it.

682
00:30:19,552 --> 00:30:21,051
-Katie.
-Yeah?

683
00:30:21,053 --> 00:30:22,953
-Your mother's here.
-What?

684
00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:25,122
-What the hell
is she doing here?
-[Katie groaning]

685
00:30:25,124 --> 00:30:27,558
Farts. I told her
that I would look at
a mole on her back.

686
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,960
-[John] Oh.
-Ah, okay.

687
00:30:29,962 --> 00:30:31,962
Wait, why are we
freaking out though?

688
00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:33,997
Because she cannot see
any of this, this is a sin.

689
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:37,201
-[John] What's a sin?
-The church only
condones procedures

690
00:30:37,203 --> 00:30:38,969
that assist conception.

691
00:30:38,971 --> 00:30:40,971
-Yeah, it's gotta be natural.
-Yeah.

692
00:30:40,973 --> 00:30:42,873
-What about the IUI?
-[Katie] No, IUI's okay.

693
00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:44,174
-Hello?
-[Katie] No, it's not.

694
00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:45,943
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, Vatican says.

695
00:30:46,912 --> 00:30:48,245
Anybody?

696
00:30:48,247 --> 00:30:50,113
-Hi.
-Hi.

697
00:30:51,584 --> 00:30:53,884
Hi, what's goin' on?

698
00:30:53,886 --> 00:30:55,853
Ah, why?

699
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:02,960
[Katie sighs]

700
00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:04,261
Hello, hello.

701
00:31:04,263 --> 00:31:06,196
[clears throat]
Hello, hello.

702
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,931
No, no, no, no, okay.

703
00:31:07,933 --> 00:31:08,932
[knocking on door]

704
00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:10,901
Come in.

705
00:31:12,104 --> 00:31:14,371
-Hi.
-Hi, listen, I just wanted

706
00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:17,608
to apologize for jumping down
your throat the other day.

707
00:31:17,610 --> 00:31:19,209
Oh, no, that was--

708
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:21,111
Sometimes my mamma bear
instincts come out

709
00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:22,379
-and watch out.
You know what I mean?
-Yeah.

710
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:24,014
Well, you will if
you ever have kids.

711
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:26,416
But I do wanna
make it up to you.

712
00:31:26,418 --> 00:31:29,019
You know, it's funny you
say that about the kids thing,

713
00:31:29,021 --> 00:31:31,388
because my husband and I are
about to start a round of IUI.

714
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:33,390
We've been trying to get
pregnant for a really long time,

715
00:31:33,392 --> 00:31:35,626
hasn't really been
going our way.
So, we're gonna do this.

716
00:31:35,628 --> 00:31:37,961
I don't know why I'm
telling you all this.

717
00:31:37,963 --> 00:31:39,663
When I get nervous I tend to
blather a little bit, and...

718
00:31:39,665 --> 00:31:43,200
Okay, great story,
Katie, thank you.

719
00:31:43,202 --> 00:31:45,936
The reason I called you in
is because the executive level

720
00:31:45,938 --> 00:31:48,372
-wants to hear more about
those vendor discounts.
-What, really?

721
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:50,674
That would be the breast,
best.

722
00:31:50,676 --> 00:31:54,111
-I need you to make a
complete presentation on it.
-Mm-hmm.

723
00:31:54,113 --> 00:31:56,280
The C-level, they're
hearing good things about you

724
00:31:56,282 --> 00:31:58,916
and this is your chance to
prove what you are made of.

725
00:31:58,918 --> 00:32:01,451
-If you're up for it.
-Yeah, oh, my God.
I'm pumped.

726
00:32:01,453 --> 00:32:03,654
Katie, look at me,
I need you to focus here.

727
00:32:03,656 --> 00:32:05,989
Normally, this is something
that I would take on for myself.

728
00:32:05,991 --> 00:32:08,659
-Of course.
-But with Jimothy
starting Montessori

729
00:32:08,661 --> 00:32:11,128
and Higgins is just, like,
flying back and forth
to Vienna for her recitals

730
00:32:11,130 --> 00:32:13,130
-and I just have no time.
-I don't even know
what that means.

731
00:32:13,132 --> 00:32:14,665
And because you don't
have kids, I just thought that,

732
00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:16,199
you know, maybe you would have
the bandwidth

733
00:32:16,201 --> 00:32:17,968
to do a decent job.

734
00:32:17,970 --> 00:32:19,336
Right, yeah.

735
00:32:19,338 --> 00:32:22,372
Oh, and good luck with
the whole IUI thing.

736
00:32:22,374 --> 00:32:26,209
Yeah, okay, Mamma Bear.

737
00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:30,213
So, anyway, just
give you some privacy.

738
00:32:30,215 --> 00:32:31,982
Oh, no, you can leave
that open, it's fine.

739
00:32:31,984 --> 00:32:34,718
-Really, okay.
-Yeah, thank you.

740
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,020
[phone ringing]

741
00:32:37,022 --> 00:32:38,288
Dr. Remis.

742
00:32:38,290 --> 00:32:40,324
Hey, Dr. Remis, John Kelly.

743
00:32:40,326 --> 00:32:42,225
[Dr. Remis] What can
I help you with, John?

744
00:32:42,227 --> 00:32:45,028
Well, um, I think Katie
might be experiencing

745
00:32:45,030 --> 00:32:47,197
some side effects from the
drugs you prescribed her.

746
00:32:47,199 --> 00:32:49,266
What sort of side effects?

747
00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:51,335
Like, she threatened
to leave me if I didn't

748
00:32:51,337 --> 00:32:53,303
stop overloading the
dishwasher kinda side effects.

749
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:56,306
That's the Clomid,
it can trigger mood swings.

750
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,108
Any erratic behavior?

751
00:33:01,213 --> 00:33:03,246
What?

752
00:33:03,248 --> 00:33:05,749
-You could say that.
-[Katie] Don't look at me!

753
00:33:05,751 --> 00:33:08,719
The effect of these chemicals
can best be described
as PMS on steroids.

754
00:33:08,721 --> 00:33:10,420
Eventually her chemistry
is gonna balance out,

755
00:33:10,422 --> 00:33:12,155
it's just gonna take some time.

756
00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:14,191
All right, whatever
you say, Doc, thank you.

757
00:33:14,193 --> 00:33:15,726
-John,
-[gasps]

758
00:33:15,728 --> 00:33:17,060
I need you to go to
the store and I need you

759
00:33:17,062 --> 00:33:18,729
to get me a pressure washer.

760
00:33:18,731 --> 00:33:24,134
-A pressure washer?
-A pressure... yeah!

761
00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:25,736
-Okay, I'm gonna go.
-Yeah, you're gonna go

762
00:33:25,738 --> 00:33:28,472
'cause I asked you to go.

763
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:31,742
[Katie groaning]

764
00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:33,510
[light music]

765
00:33:37,783 --> 00:33:39,516
[Katie sighing]

766
00:33:52,431 --> 00:33:56,333
[Katie, with an accent] You're a
pirate and you're on your vessel

767
00:33:56,335 --> 00:34:00,170
and it's full steam
ahead to fertile island.

768
00:34:02,107 --> 00:34:05,108
[Dr. Remis] I've got a
good feeling about this.

769
00:34:33,305 --> 00:34:35,472
[Katie] You roll up
in your Camaro

770
00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:37,574
and you're wearing
a top hat...

771
00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:39,276
-[groans]
-...and I'm wearing

772
00:34:39,278 --> 00:34:42,546
a wedding dress,
even though it's prom.

773
00:34:42,548 --> 00:34:44,614
-[phone ringing]
-Oh, oh.

774
00:34:46,285 --> 00:34:47,818
-Just one second.
-Are you serious?

775
00:34:47,820 --> 00:34:50,153
Hey.
No, no, I'm not busy.

776
00:34:50,155 --> 00:34:53,090
[Dr. Remis] I've got a
great feeling about this.

777
00:35:25,657 --> 00:35:27,591
The spinning's
making me dizzy.

778
00:35:27,593 --> 00:35:29,526
[woman] We have others that
need this room, please hurry.

779
00:35:29,528 --> 00:35:32,329
You know what,
we need the room.

780
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,669
[Dr. Remis] This is
the one, I just know it.

781
00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:56,419
[Maria]
Look at it this way,

782
00:35:56,421 --> 00:35:58,455
at least now you
can try IVF, right?

783
00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:02,425
Oh, God no. I don't think
I can, um...

784
00:36:02,427 --> 00:36:05,162
-Do we like this angle?
-[Maria] Yeah.

785
00:36:05,164 --> 00:36:07,364
-Just kinda shows
what it can do.
-[Maria] Yeah, it's sexy.

786
00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:10,634
-Great.
-Yeah, I don't think I can
do anymore of those treatments.

787
00:36:10,636 --> 00:36:16,206
I just don't think...
physically or emotionally
my body can take it.

788
00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:18,375
I need to apologize to you.

789
00:36:18,377 --> 00:36:19,943
For what?

790
00:36:19,945 --> 00:36:21,711
I thought you not
getting pregnant

791
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:23,713
was just something in your head.

792
00:36:23,715 --> 00:36:27,651
Oh no, don't. Please, I can't
expect you to understand.

793
00:36:27,653 --> 00:36:29,553
I mean,
kids came easy for you.

794
00:36:29,555 --> 00:36:31,188
Too easy.

795
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:32,589
Hmm.

796
00:36:32,591 --> 00:36:35,192
But I gotta say,
being a parent to those kids

797
00:36:35,194 --> 00:36:38,562
is somehow the hardest
and the most wonderful thing
we'll ever do.

798
00:36:38,564 --> 00:36:43,633
-Mm.
-What I'm saying is that what
you're trying for is good.

799
00:36:45,270 --> 00:36:47,971
And I wanna do anything
I can to help you get there.

800
00:36:47,973 --> 00:36:51,675
Aw, thank you.
Still not gonna take Dougie.

801
00:36:51,677 --> 00:36:54,344
[motorcycle rumbling]

802
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:15,966
I don't suppose
you're into this,

803
00:37:15,968 --> 00:37:18,668
but have you ever thought
of alternative methods?

804
00:37:18,670 --> 00:37:20,470
I feel like
I've tried everything.

805
00:37:20,472 --> 00:37:22,305
What about quantum healing?

806
00:37:22,307 --> 00:37:24,507
[Gordon] Honey,
the boss is home.

807
00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:26,610
-We're in here.
-Does he really come
himself The Boss?

808
00:37:26,612 --> 00:37:28,311
-Yeah, no.
-I kinda, okay.

809
00:37:28,313 --> 00:37:29,379
I don't know.

810
00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:30,714
What's up, Katie?

811
00:37:30,716 --> 00:37:32,983
-Where have you been?
-Gordon.

812
00:37:32,985 --> 00:37:35,285
What I was just sparing
at the dojo with Sifu Kevin.

813
00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:37,554
Is that your... what are you
showing us, what is that?

814
00:37:37,556 --> 00:37:39,689
-[laughs]
-This, oh, my tri's.

815
00:37:39,691 --> 00:37:41,758
-Where are the kids?
-Watching TV.

816
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,493
Oh.

817
00:37:43,495 --> 00:37:46,263
Doin', uh,
doin' some karate, huh?

818
00:37:46,265 --> 00:37:48,398
No, Katie,
I'm not doing karate.

819
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,001
I'm studying the ancient
Chinese art of kung fu.

820
00:37:51,003 --> 00:37:52,669
I did karate as a kid.

821
00:37:52,671 --> 00:37:54,471
-I was a blue belt.
-[Katie] Really?

822
00:37:54,473 --> 00:37:57,474
Yeah, I could like
break boards and stuff.

823
00:37:57,476 --> 00:37:59,476
-Yeah, it was easy.
-Gordon's a white belt.

824
00:37:59,478 --> 00:38:01,011
Well, everyone
knows the colors

825
00:38:01,013 --> 00:38:02,679
are different in
kung fu and karate, so.

826
00:38:02,681 --> 00:38:05,482
Do they?
'Cause I don't know if that's...

827
00:38:05,484 --> 00:38:08,051
I feel like white's still
pretty much like the lowest.

828
00:38:08,053 --> 00:38:10,387
You know what,
kung fu's way more badass,

829
00:38:10,389 --> 00:38:12,622
so white belt in kung fu is
like a blue belt in karate.

830
00:38:12,624 --> 00:38:15,025
-Ah.
-But can you break a board?

831
00:38:15,027 --> 00:38:16,693
I can probably break,
like, six boards.

832
00:38:16,695 --> 00:38:18,428
What are you guys
doing on my sculpt lab?

833
00:38:18,430 --> 00:38:21,031
I'm going to sell this
hunk of shit online.

834
00:38:21,033 --> 00:38:22,799
-And I'm helping by modeling.
-Yes.

835
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:25,035
-No, I use that.
-You never use this thing.

836
00:38:25,037 --> 00:38:26,636
-[Katie] It's covered in dust.
-What are you talkin'--

837
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:27,771
How do you think
I get this, man?

838
00:38:27,773 --> 00:38:29,606
[Katie] Beer and nachos?

839
00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:32,042
When was the last time
you used that?

840
00:38:32,044 --> 00:38:34,311
Seriously, give me a date.

841
00:38:34,313 --> 00:38:36,446
Okay, I'm gonna get
my exercise journal,

842
00:38:36,448 --> 00:38:39,449
I'm gonna show you.
Check that out.

843
00:38:41,386 --> 00:38:43,753
So, quantum,
what is it, healing?

844
00:38:43,755 --> 00:38:45,555
Yeah.

845
00:38:45,557 --> 00:38:46,756
Right after I had
the baby I started getting

846
00:38:46,758 --> 00:38:48,491
these terrible panic attacks.

847
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,393
You never told me that.

848
00:38:50,395 --> 00:38:52,829
I was almost catatonic,
I could barely get out of bed.

849
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:56,466
My doctor was no help,
so my yoga instructor

850
00:38:56,468 --> 00:38:58,501
put me in touch with
this holistic healer.

851
00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:01,338
-And it helped?
-Like you wouldn't believe.

852
00:39:01,340 --> 00:39:03,740
I know this sounds crazy,
but it changed my life.

853
00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:05,709
So, you think he could
help me get pregnant?

854
00:39:05,711 --> 00:39:08,345
It can't hurt to try, right?

855
00:39:09,548 --> 00:39:11,614
But I have to warn you,
he's a little weird.

856
00:39:11,616 --> 00:39:13,083
Weird how?

857
00:39:13,085 --> 00:39:15,685
It's hard to explain.

858
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:18,688
-Honey.
-[Gordon grunting]

859
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,457
How would you describe Caesar?

860
00:39:20,459 --> 00:39:23,360
-Oh, the holistic guy?
-Yeah.

861
00:39:23,362 --> 00:39:25,428
Yeah, he's a fuckin' creep.

862
00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:27,530
-He's perfect for Katie.
Ha ha, burn.
-You know what?

863
00:39:27,532 --> 00:39:30,100
Boom, boo-ba, bang.

864
00:39:30,102 --> 00:39:32,135
[Katie] Is he a white belt?

865
00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:33,703
Namaste.

866
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,839
Are you currently
experiencing physical,

867
00:39:35,841 --> 00:39:37,707
mental or spiritual anguish?

868
00:39:37,709 --> 00:39:39,876
How about lower back pain,
IBS, or suicidal thoughts?

869
00:39:39,878 --> 00:39:41,711
Have you grown weary
of western medicine's

870
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,781
profit driven approach
to your well being?

871
00:39:44,783 --> 00:39:47,684
[TV] Then join me at
Caesar's Healing Palace,

872
00:39:47,686 --> 00:39:49,452
the San Fernando Valley's

873
00:39:49,454 --> 00:39:52,555
most trusted holistic
healing center.

874
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:56,126
If it weren't for Caesar,
I'd be dead, and that's a fact.

875
00:39:56,128 --> 00:40:00,630
Yes, it is.
Together we can start
treating causes not symptoms.

876
00:40:00,632 --> 00:40:02,732
Give me a call, I'm Caesar.

877
00:40:04,136 --> 00:40:05,869
Give Caesar a call.

878
00:40:05,871 --> 00:40:09,706
[TV] Namaste, are you currently
experiencing physical,

879
00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:11,808
mental or spiritual anguish?

880
00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:13,910
How about lower back pain,
IBS, or suicidal thoughts?

881
00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:16,446
Have you grown weary
of western medicine's

882
00:40:16,448 --> 00:40:18,782
profit driven approach
to your well being?

883
00:40:18,784 --> 00:40:21,484
Then join me at
Caesar's Healing Palace,

884
00:40:21,486 --> 00:40:24,921
San Fernando Valley's most
trusted holistic healing center.

885
00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:27,824
[man] If it weren't
for Caesar, I'd be dead.

886
00:40:27,826 --> 00:40:29,526
Oh, you gotta be
fuckin' kidding me.

887
00:40:29,528 --> 00:40:32,195
Okay, can you please
try to keep an open mind?

888
00:40:32,197 --> 00:40:34,597
-Keep an open mind?
-[TV] Give me a call.

889
00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:35,932
That's society's
polite way of saying

890
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:38,435
"get ready to hear
some serious bullshit."

891
00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:40,870
[Caesar humming]

892
00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,818
-What is he doing?
-I don't...

893
00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:59,222
Hi, I'm Katie,
this is John, and...

894
00:40:59,224 --> 00:41:01,624
I just, I don't think
that he's...

895
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:04,727
-Can I just...
-[snapping]

896
00:41:04,729 --> 00:41:07,831
-[Caesar screaming]
-[gasping]

897
00:41:07,833 --> 00:41:09,632
Dammit! I was this close
to total enlightenment
and then you came in.

898
00:41:09,634 --> 00:41:11,201
I'm so sorry, I didn't
know you were in a thing.

899
00:41:11,203 --> 00:41:13,570
I didn't, we didn't,
I'm so sorry.

900
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:17,207
You'll be pleased
to know I was joking.

901
00:41:17,209 --> 00:41:19,476
-Uh-huh, uh-huh.
-You actually can't break

902
00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:21,644
my concentration,
it's impossible.

903
00:41:21,646 --> 00:41:26,516
About two years ago I was lost
in the deserts of New Mexico.

904
00:41:26,518 --> 00:41:29,219
I found my way out
by taking handful

905
00:41:29,221 --> 00:41:31,554
-after handful of peyote.
-Oh.

906
00:41:31,556 --> 00:41:34,858
I road the snake all the
way back to civilization.

907
00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:37,660
When they found me I was
naked, running through

908
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,863
a turquoise
jewelry market in Taos.

909
00:41:39,865 --> 00:41:41,931
-Wow.
-Every since then
I've been living

910
00:41:41,933 --> 00:41:45,568
in an inescapable state
of total awareness.

911
00:41:45,570 --> 00:41:47,537
Oh, how fun for you.

912
00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:49,606
So, I imagine you're here
for the weight loss program?

913
00:41:49,608 --> 00:41:51,708
The what-- what?
No, no, no.

914
00:41:51,710 --> 00:41:53,543
Sorry, I was just
looking at your thighs.

915
00:41:53,545 --> 00:41:55,778
-Oh, no, I'm, no.
-Skin rejuvenation?

916
00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:57,847
No, wait,
do you do that here?

917
00:41:57,849 --> 00:41:59,983
We're here because
we're trying to get pregnant.

918
00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:01,985
Yes, we really
wanna have a baby.

919
00:42:01,987 --> 00:42:03,853
Ah, kudos.

920
00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:07,090
Oh, didn't know there
was a liquid "u" in kudos.

921
00:42:07,893 --> 00:42:09,692
Oh.

922
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:10,727
Feeling your energy.

923
00:42:10,729 --> 00:42:12,962
[Katie] Feel away.

924
00:42:12,964 --> 00:42:15,665
[sniffing]

925
00:42:15,667 --> 00:42:17,967
-You're ovulating.
-[Katie] I don't-- okay.

926
00:42:17,969 --> 00:42:21,271
When strippers ovulate,
they make more money

927
00:42:21,273 --> 00:42:24,007
at the strip club because of the
pheromones they're giving off.

928
00:42:24,009 --> 00:42:25,708
Isn't that interesting?

929
00:42:25,710 --> 00:42:27,710
[Katie] Do you think
I'm a stripper?

930
00:42:27,712 --> 00:42:28,978
So if you were a stripper
right now at a strip club,

931
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:31,080
you'd be making
it rain hardcore.

932
00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:32,715
You'd be covered in cash.

933
00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:34,617
-Good to know.
-Covered in cash.

934
00:42:34,619 --> 00:42:36,619
Okay, uh-huh.

935
00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:38,087
Let's...

936
00:42:38,089 --> 00:42:40,290
The good news is,
I can get you pregnant.

937
00:42:40,292 --> 00:42:41,691
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.

938
00:42:41,693 --> 00:42:42,892
You can get us pregnant,
right?

939
00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:44,027
But first I have
to get inside you.

940
00:42:44,029 --> 00:42:45,662
-Oh.
-Excuse me?

941
00:42:45,664 --> 00:42:47,630
-Okay, I mean...
-Herbally.

942
00:42:47,632 --> 00:42:49,832
Right, yes, of course,
of course, herbally, herbally.

943
00:42:49,834 --> 00:42:53,069
He needs to herbally
be inside me, okay.

944
00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:55,071
It'll be easy,
so long as you haven't done

945
00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:58,041
-any fertility treatments.
-[groans]

946
00:42:58,043 --> 00:43:00,310
Let me guess.

947
00:43:00,312 --> 00:43:02,912
You went to some
fertility specialist

948
00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:06,316
who put you on a grueling
three month program
of poisonous hormones

949
00:43:06,318 --> 00:43:09,819
and invasive treatments.
And then when that didn't work,

950
00:43:09,821 --> 00:43:12,722
-because it never works.
-Yeah, that's now
exactly how it...

951
00:43:12,724 --> 00:43:16,893
They sold you on some pie
in the sky in vitro treatment.

952
00:43:16,895 --> 00:43:19,095
Right? Am I right?

953
00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:22,131
Have you ever thought
for even one moment

954
00:43:22,133 --> 00:43:23,800
that they don't want
you to get healthy.

955
00:43:23,802 --> 00:43:25,335
They wanna keep you sick

956
00:43:25,337 --> 00:43:27,904
so they can make
that filthy lucre.

957
00:43:27,906 --> 00:43:30,873
It's all about the cash, baby.

958
00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:33,343
You stay sick, they get rich.

959
00:43:33,345 --> 00:43:34,777
Think about it?

960
00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:36,346
Who would ever suggest to anyone

961
00:43:36,348 --> 00:43:37,947
that you could have a baby
without having sex.

962
00:43:37,949 --> 00:43:39,949
Yes, exactly.

963
00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:41,951
That's what they did, right?
They told you not to bone.

964
00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:44,387
They told us not to bone
for like a month to six months.

965
00:43:44,389 --> 00:43:46,923
I want you to bone.

966
00:43:46,925 --> 00:43:49,125
-I want you to slam.
-Are you hearing this?

967
00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:51,127
-I want you to smash.
-Smash.

968
00:43:51,129 --> 00:43:54,364
-Jackhammer, jackhammer.
-Nobody likes that.

969
00:43:54,366 --> 00:43:55,365
-That's too fast.
-Yeah, well.

970
00:43:55,367 --> 00:43:56,366
[humming]

971
00:43:56,368 --> 00:43:57,934
No, nobody likes that.

972
00:43:57,936 --> 00:44:00,103
-I like it.
-You gotta bone down

973
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:03,840
all night long till
the break of god damn dawn.

974
00:44:03,842 --> 00:44:06,075
I feel like
I'm gonna be in a lot...

975
00:44:06,077 --> 00:44:08,077
-I feel I'll be very sore.
-[John] No.

976
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:09,712
-[Caesar] Ideally, yes.
-Oh.

977
00:44:09,714 --> 00:44:11,881
You need to start
a detox program.

978
00:44:11,883 --> 00:44:13,850
Just her or both of us?

979
00:44:13,852 --> 00:44:15,652
It's for both of you, yes.

980
00:44:15,654 --> 00:44:17,387
Tabby, get in here.

981
00:44:17,389 --> 00:44:18,988
-Tabby.
-Tabby!

982
00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:20,723
Is this a cat?

983
00:44:20,725 --> 00:44:22,392
We also need to get
you started on FRP.

984
00:44:22,394 --> 00:44:23,893
-I'm sorry, what now?
-For?

985
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:25,995
Fertility
revitalization program.

986
00:44:25,997 --> 00:44:29,065
It's an all natural,
GMO free, virility remedy.

987
00:44:29,067 --> 00:44:31,668
It's kind of like the
dick pills you can get

988
00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:34,003
at a truck stop if the
tuck stop was in ancient China.

989
00:44:34,005 --> 00:44:36,939
Okay, um, and what does
the package include?

990
00:44:36,941 --> 00:44:38,141
Just the basics.

991
00:44:38,143 --> 00:44:40,410
Nano acupressure,
wellness formula,

992
00:44:40,412 --> 00:44:41,911
a lunar fornication calendar.

993
00:44:41,913 --> 00:44:43,780
I'm sorry,
what was that last part?

994
00:44:43,782 --> 00:44:45,148
It's a calendar based
on the cycles of the moon

995
00:44:45,150 --> 00:44:47,016
that tells you exactly
when you need to fuck.

996
00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,952
-Yes, I like that a lot.
-Okay...

997
00:44:49,954 --> 00:44:51,921
You guys are gonna
love this part.

998
00:44:51,923 --> 00:44:53,222
It's an app.

999
00:44:53,224 --> 00:44:55,224
Sounds an alarm
when it's time to smash.

1000
00:44:55,226 --> 00:44:58,795
-[dogs barking and howling]
-I'm in, we're in.

1001
00:44:58,797 --> 00:45:00,129
-Can you change the alarm?
-Take our money.

1002
00:45:00,131 --> 00:45:01,764
-Sound or?
-Take our money.

1003
00:45:01,766 --> 00:45:02,832
-Oh, yeah.
-That gets you going?

1004
00:45:02,834 --> 00:45:04,200
That gets me going.

1005
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:06,836
Having a lunar,
you know, calendar.

1006
00:45:06,838 --> 00:45:08,838
I have a lunar calendar.

1007
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,940
Every woman does,
but that's fine.

1008
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:12,842
-Oh, hello.
-Tabby, be a lamb

1009
00:45:12,844 --> 00:45:14,777
and please
set these two souls up

1010
00:45:14,779 --> 00:45:17,447
with a two week supply of
Caesar's detoxifying tea blend.

1011
00:45:17,449 --> 00:45:20,917
-Wrong way.
-Thank you, Tabby, oh.

1012
00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:24,187
[Caesar] Thank you.

1013
00:45:24,189 --> 00:45:26,189
Is she okay?

1014
00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:46,275
-[upbeat music]
-[kettle whistling]

1015
00:45:53,118 --> 00:45:55,151
-Yeah? Okay.
-Mm.

1016
00:45:55,153 --> 00:45:56,953
Okay.

1017
00:45:59,991 --> 00:46:01,858
Oh, my God.

1018
00:46:01,860 --> 00:46:04,961
Oh, it's like,
it's like a little bit lumpy.

1019
00:46:04,963 --> 00:46:06,229
Yeah, I lied, it's terrible.

1020
00:46:06,231 --> 00:46:07,830
It's a little bit
lumpy going down.

1021
00:46:18,243 --> 00:46:19,776
Tabby!

1022
00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:22,345
[trippy music]

1023
00:46:27,018 --> 00:46:30,119
[giggling] John.

1024
00:46:30,121 --> 00:46:32,188
Yeah?

1025
00:46:33,825 --> 00:46:36,092
There's something
wrong with the clock.

1026
00:46:44,936 --> 00:46:46,536
John, John.

1027
00:46:46,538 --> 00:46:49,539
Oh, where'd you go?

1028
00:46:49,541 --> 00:46:51,140
-[Bird's voice] Impotence.
-[numerous voices]

1029
00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:53,543
-Use hop oil?
-[woman's voice] Dad.

1030
00:46:53,545 --> 00:46:55,845
[Gordon]
Those are 500 year old
German beer laws, who cares?

1031
00:46:55,847 --> 00:46:57,113
[woman]
Titty bonanza.

1032
00:46:57,115 --> 00:46:58,314
[Dr. Remis]
It's a real show stopper.

1033
00:46:58,316 --> 00:46:59,549
[Caesar] Filthy lucres.

1034
00:46:59,551 --> 00:47:01,350
-Sperm count low.
-Slam.

1035
00:47:01,352 --> 00:47:03,352
-[Gordon]
Loud pipes save lives.
-[motorcycle rumbling]

1036
00:47:05,356 --> 00:47:07,990
[light music]

1037
00:47:07,992 --> 00:47:10,560
[cooing]

1038
00:47:10,562 --> 00:47:12,895
Hi.

1039
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:22,371
Thank you, kind sir.

1040
00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:27,577
She's beautiful.

1041
00:47:27,579 --> 00:47:29,278
Built like John.

1042
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:34,917
-Thank you, love her.
-[children giggling]

1043
00:47:34,919 --> 00:47:37,954
[Dr. Remis] Let me tell you
a little story.

1044
00:47:37,956 --> 00:47:40,323
After the first day of fighting
at the Battle of Shiloh,

1045
00:47:40,325 --> 00:47:43,326
Will T. Sherman saw General
Grant sitting under a tree,

1046
00:47:43,328 --> 00:47:46,229
contemplating the devastating
losses of the day.

1047
00:47:46,231 --> 00:47:48,197
Sherman said to
his friend, "Well, Grant,

1048
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:50,933
you've had the
devil's own day, haven't we?"

1049
00:47:50,935 --> 00:47:54,337
Grant concurred and said,
"Lick 'em tomorrow, though."

1050
00:47:54,339 --> 00:47:58,274
-Lick?
-The next day Grant
routed the enemy and won.

1051
00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:01,043
Do you know what he did to win?

1052
00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:02,245
[Katie] Hm?

1053
00:48:02,247 --> 00:48:04,180
Well, I tell you
what he didn't do.

1054
00:48:04,182 --> 00:48:06,015
He didn't go on a
magical mystery tour

1055
00:48:06,017 --> 00:48:08,384
with a god damn witch doctor,
that's what he didn't do.

1056
00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:11,220
He won because he didn't
have the option to lose.

1057
00:48:11,222 --> 00:48:13,923
He had that fire within him
and superior artillery

1058
00:48:13,925 --> 00:48:15,925
on his right flank,
but a fire just the same.

1059
00:48:15,927 --> 00:48:18,094
It's that fire, that desire
to win that I need from you.

1060
00:48:18,096 --> 00:48:20,096
Do you know why IUI
didn't work for you?

1061
00:48:20,098 --> 00:48:24,667
Uh, poor egg quality,
bad fallopian tubes, poor sperm.

1062
00:48:24,669 --> 00:48:26,335
No. John, tell her why.

1063
00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:28,037
'Cause we didn't
have that fire.

1064
00:48:28,039 --> 00:48:30,940
Bingo. Now I know
you've had a rough go of it.

1065
00:48:30,942 --> 00:48:33,009
Years of passionless
manual conception,

1066
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:34,343
followed by three rounds of IUI

1067
00:48:34,345 --> 00:48:36,112
is enough to make
anybody wanna quit,

1068
00:48:36,114 --> 00:48:38,047
and I know that's
what you're thinkin',

1069
00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:40,116
"Let's quit, we weren't
meant to have a baby."

1070
00:48:40,118 --> 00:48:42,318
But we need to rise above that.
We need that fire.

1071
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:43,986
I'm gonna ask you a
question right now,

1072
00:48:43,988 --> 00:48:46,122
are you ready for
in vitro fertilization?

1073
00:48:46,124 --> 00:48:48,457
Yeah, ready.

1074
00:48:48,459 --> 00:48:50,393
God damn it, I'll give
you everything I've got,

1075
00:48:50,395 --> 00:48:52,361
but if you're not willing
to give me everything

1076
00:48:52,363 --> 00:48:54,096
you've got then I'll climb
the steps to Appomattox

1077
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:55,398
and I'll surrender right now.

1078
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,133
I'm gonna ask you again,

1079
00:48:57,135 --> 00:48:58,935
are you ready for
in vitro fertilization?

1080
00:48:58,937 --> 00:49:00,169
-Yes.
-Ready to go.

1081
00:49:00,171 --> 00:49:01,270
Do you have the
fire within you?

1082
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:02,471
Are you ready to procreate?

1083
00:49:02,473 --> 00:49:04,407
-Yes.
-Yes, I'm on fire.

1084
00:49:04,409 --> 00:49:07,009
-Ready, I've got fire.
-I'm on fire, yes!

1085
00:49:07,011 --> 00:49:09,679
-Back draft, put a baby in me.
-[Dr. Remis]
John, are you ready?

1086
00:49:09,681 --> 00:49:11,981
-Say it with...
-[John] I'm ready to procreate.

1087
00:49:11,983 --> 00:49:13,249
[nurse] Ugh, again.

1088
00:49:37,408 --> 00:49:39,375
Father Callahan,
how are you?

1089
00:49:39,377 --> 00:49:41,310
-Hey.
-Hey, what's up?

1090
00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:43,245
-What do you got there?
-What?

1091
00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:44,714
-Cake.
-Cake, I got cake,
that's right.

1092
00:49:44,716 --> 00:49:46,082
[Maria] Oh, you
want me to take it?

1093
00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,416
No, no, no, no, I got it.

1094
00:49:47,418 --> 00:49:48,451
I'm just gonna put
it in the kitchen.

1095
00:49:48,453 --> 00:49:49,518
Special cake I guess, okay.

1096
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,220
Why you acting weird?

1097
00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:52,521
-Shut up.
-Okay.

1098
00:49:54,392 --> 00:49:56,359
I need to have sex right now.

1099
00:49:56,361 --> 00:49:58,227
-What is-- oh my--
-I need to have sex right now.

1100
00:49:58,229 --> 00:50:00,129
God, you need to
put that thing away.

1101
00:50:00,131 --> 00:50:01,464
That is gonna hurt somebody.

1102
00:50:01,466 --> 00:50:05,301
Okay, okay,
no, no, no, stop it.

1103
00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:08,170
This is a child's
first communion party.

1104
00:50:08,172 --> 00:50:09,338
Oh, who cares,
I don't care about them.

1105
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,073
Let's go upstairs really fast.

1106
00:50:11,075 --> 00:50:12,308
-I can be really fast.
-I know you can,

1107
00:50:12,310 --> 00:50:14,243
I'm fully aware it'll be fast,

1108
00:50:14,245 --> 00:50:16,112
-but I-- No, we can't,
we can't, we can't.
-Why?

1109
00:50:16,114 --> 00:50:18,180
I just started a whole
new round of drugs for the IVF,

1110
00:50:18,182 --> 00:50:20,516
my body is
way too volatile
to handle all of that.

1111
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:23,185
One time won't hurt, right?
One time.

1112
00:50:23,187 --> 00:50:25,554
Just one quick time.

1113
00:50:25,556 --> 00:50:27,256
Don't make me
be the bad guy here.

1114
00:50:27,258 --> 00:50:29,558
-Okay, I will give you.
-Oh, wow.

1115
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:34,764
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
-20, 40, 50... 5, 56, 57.

1116
00:50:34,766 --> 00:50:37,767
-$57, I will give you $57
-Honey, honey, honey.

1117
00:50:37,769 --> 00:50:39,368
-and a receipt,
-And a receipt.

1118
00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,037
if you have sex
with me right now. Please.

1119
00:50:41,039 --> 00:50:42,371
You can go get a mani-pedi.

1120
00:50:42,373 --> 00:50:44,373
You're gonna pay
your wife for sex?

1121
00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:47,510
That's just, that's a
whole other level of wrong.

1122
00:50:47,512 --> 00:50:49,445
-It's a turn on, right?
-You need to go upstairs,

1123
00:50:49,447 --> 00:50:51,447
you need to get changed.
I'm sorry.

1124
00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:54,283
-Oh, God.
-I'm sorry, just go.

1125
00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:55,584
-Get rid of that, okay?
-All right,

1126
00:50:55,586 --> 00:50:58,087
but it's
gonna take me a little time

1127
00:50:58,089 --> 00:50:59,822
'cause I have to...
unload the weapon.

1128
00:50:59,824 --> 00:51:02,491
All right, just fire off
a couple rounds.

1129
00:51:02,493 --> 00:51:04,326
-I'm gonna fire it off.
-Okay.

1130
00:51:04,328 --> 00:51:06,128
I'm gonna hit it everywhere.

1131
00:51:06,130 --> 00:51:07,329
Oh...

1132
00:51:07,331 --> 00:51:10,599
[John] Oh hey kids, hey guys.

1133
00:51:11,602 --> 00:51:16,205
-[mumbles]
-[woman moaning]

1134
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,547
-[music stops]
-We brought a cake.

1135
00:51:24,549 --> 00:51:26,582
-What happened to the music?
-[Bluetooth speaker beeps]

1136
00:51:26,584 --> 00:51:29,118
-[woman moaning]
-[hand pounding]

1137
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,820
-[woman] Oh, that's disgusting.
-Oh, my God.

1138
00:51:30,822 --> 00:51:32,621
-That's gotta be John, right?
-How is this happening?

1139
00:51:32,623 --> 00:51:34,623
This is not, this is
not what you think it is.

1140
00:51:34,625 --> 00:51:37,093
-It sounds a lot...
-[Maria] Do something.

1141
00:51:37,095 --> 00:51:39,161
[woman] You better grab
that child right now.

1142
00:51:39,163 --> 00:51:41,564
-[Katie] Kids, sing a song.
-Come here, come here,
come here.

1143
00:51:41,566 --> 00:51:44,400
Come here!
Cover those ears.

1144
00:51:46,404 --> 00:51:49,205
John, John, everyone
can hear you jacking off.

1145
00:51:49,207 --> 00:51:51,507
[moaning]

1146
00:51:54,479 --> 00:51:57,113
Well, if you drove
across the lawn

1147
00:51:57,115 --> 00:51:59,582
then you have to
pay for damages.

1148
00:51:59,584 --> 00:52:02,351
Yeah,
that's kinda how it works.

1149
00:52:02,353 --> 00:52:06,555
Because you drove across
the lawn, which means you...

1150
00:52:06,557 --> 00:52:09,625
I can't, you know what,
I gotta go, Mom, I gotta go.

1151
00:52:15,266 --> 00:52:16,599
Oh.

1152
00:52:16,601 --> 00:52:19,268
WTF is right, Katie.

1153
00:52:19,270 --> 00:52:21,203
Have you talked to
the insurance company?

1154
00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:23,672
Yeah, of course.
I mean, we're over our limit.

1155
00:52:23,674 --> 00:52:26,375
Any other infertility treatments
will be out of pocket.

1156
00:52:26,377 --> 00:52:29,178
But they wanted us
to do the IUI first.

1157
00:52:29,180 --> 00:52:30,613
We wanted to go straight
to the IVF remember?

1158
00:52:30,615 --> 00:52:33,349
I know, I know, I don't
know what to tell you.

1159
00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:35,451
Well, that's it,
no IVF for us.

1160
00:52:35,453 --> 00:52:36,886
What, why?

1161
00:52:36,888 --> 00:52:38,654
Where are we gonna
get $30,000 from?

1162
00:52:38,656 --> 00:52:40,456
We could use
the brewery money.

1163
00:52:40,458 --> 00:52:42,224
You're kidding.

1164
00:52:43,161 --> 00:52:44,560
That would set me back years,

1165
00:52:44,562 --> 00:52:45,928
I'd have to start
all over again.

1166
00:52:45,930 --> 00:52:47,329
Well, you could
ask your brother.

1167
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:50,399
-Bam, problem solved.
-I can't.

1168
00:52:50,401 --> 00:52:51,934
You mean, you won't.
He has the money and
he wants to help.

1169
00:52:51,936 --> 00:52:53,669
It's too much to ask of him.

1170
00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:56,205
He's got his family,
he's got his job.

1171
00:52:56,207 --> 00:52:58,407
-I can't ask.
-John, we are so close.

1172
00:52:58,409 --> 00:53:00,910
-We've scheduled the retrieval.
-Then cancel it.

1173
00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:03,612
Why can't you
compromise on this?

1174
00:53:03,614 --> 00:53:05,915
Do you-- do you
want a baby or not?

1175
00:53:05,917 --> 00:53:07,516
We have been saving
that money for years.

1176
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:08,918
I don't wanna roll
the dice with it.

1177
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:10,619
Oh, my God, we're not
rolling the dice,

1178
00:53:10,621 --> 00:53:12,922
we're not gambling.
We're having a baby.

1179
00:53:12,924 --> 00:53:14,256
What if it doesn't work?

1180
00:53:14,258 --> 00:53:15,658
It will.

1181
00:53:15,660 --> 00:53:17,493
You don't know that.

1182
00:53:17,495 --> 00:53:19,695
What if the IVF fails?
Then what?

1183
00:53:19,697 --> 00:53:21,397
We're out the 30 grand and then

1184
00:53:21,399 --> 00:53:22,631
we have to start all over again.

1185
00:53:22,633 --> 00:53:24,300
Have you even considered that?

1186
00:53:24,302 --> 00:53:25,935
Oh, my God, you're
being such a D head.

1187
00:53:25,937 --> 00:53:28,737
You know, the brewery
is not a sure thing either.

1188
00:53:28,739 --> 00:53:30,606
Oh hey, you know what, I just
thought of a great name

1189
00:53:30,608 --> 00:53:33,642
for your IPA, how about:
My Husband is a Selfish Prick

1190
00:53:33,644 --> 00:53:36,278
Who Only Cares About Himself,
IPA?

1191
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:37,546
That sounds really good.

1192
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:38,747
I actually like that name,

1193
00:53:38,749 --> 00:53:40,482
but it won't sell as well as:

1194
00:53:40,484 --> 00:53:41,750
My Wife is
Completely Irrational

1195
00:53:41,752 --> 00:53:43,719
and
Financially Reckless, Pale Ale.

1196
00:53:43,721 --> 00:53:45,487
[Katie] How about this,
you should call your pilsner

1197
00:53:45,489 --> 00:53:47,289
My Husband Is
a Massive D Hole

1198
00:53:47,291 --> 00:53:49,291
Who Never Follows Through
With His Promises.

1199
00:53:49,293 --> 00:53:50,726
That's the one.
That's the one,
I like that better.

1200
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:52,528
You know what, I'm gonna
get that started right now.

1201
00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:54,430
[Katie] Yeah, well,
don't forget the hop oil.

1202
00:53:54,432 --> 00:53:57,366
[John] Okay.

1203
00:54:00,705 --> 00:54:02,538
Oh.

1204
00:54:09,313 --> 00:54:10,679
Hi, I'm your driver.

1205
00:54:10,681 --> 00:54:12,281
I need you to take me
to the hospital.

1206
00:54:12,283 --> 00:54:13,782
Oh, my gosh, are you okay?

1207
00:54:13,784 --> 00:54:15,985
Holy shit,
this is so much pain.

1208
00:54:15,987 --> 00:54:18,020
Are you in labor?

1209
00:54:18,022 --> 00:54:20,589
-Oh, are you a
fucking detective?
-Congratulations.

1210
00:54:20,591 --> 00:54:24,293
-You know, my wife and I--
-Shut up!
Just take me to the hospital.

1211
00:54:24,295 --> 00:54:26,729
I'm gonna lose my window
to get an epidural.
Just get me there.

1212
00:54:26,731 --> 00:54:29,498
You want me to take the
freeways or side streets?

1213
00:54:29,500 --> 00:54:31,000
Just drive, fuck face!

1214
00:54:31,002 --> 00:54:32,735
Side streets it is.

1215
00:54:32,737 --> 00:54:35,571
Go-- in the go!
Why are the belts like this?

1216
00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:38,507
You're pulling it too fast.
You need to just
pull it slowly

1217
00:54:38,509 --> 00:54:41,410
-and then it'll--
-Okay, I'm getting it on now.

1218
00:54:44,382 --> 00:54:45,814
Um, are you hungry?

1219
00:54:45,816 --> 00:54:47,716
I have a half eaten
protein bar up here.

1220
00:54:47,718 --> 00:54:49,418
Can I give you an Altoid?
I have Altoids.

1221
00:54:49,420 --> 00:54:51,487
-No, I need you to pull over.
-Pull over?

1222
00:54:51,489 --> 00:54:53,289
I thought you wanted me
to take you to the hospital.

1223
00:54:53,291 --> 00:54:54,690
I'm gonna have another
contraction,

1224
00:54:54,692 --> 00:54:56,292
and your driving
is making it worse.

1225
00:54:56,294 --> 00:54:57,493
I'm sorry, I can't pull over,

1226
00:54:57,495 --> 00:54:58,761
it's the middle of
an intersection.

1227
00:54:58,763 --> 00:55:00,329
Stop the car or I will
choke you out

1228
00:55:00,331 --> 00:55:02,731
with your seatbelt.
Oh, fuck!

1229
00:55:02,733 --> 00:55:04,566
-[cars honking]
-Oh, my God,

1230
00:55:04,568 --> 00:55:07,369
I'd rather die
than get another.

1231
00:55:07,371 --> 00:55:08,470
Oh.

1232
00:55:08,472 --> 00:55:10,372
Are you okay?

1233
00:55:10,374 --> 00:55:12,041
-Yeah.
-You're good?

1234
00:55:12,043 --> 00:55:15,377
-Uh-huh.
-Okay, okay.

1235
00:55:15,379 --> 00:55:17,579
We gotta get you
to the hospital.

1236
00:55:17,581 --> 00:55:18,814
Hold on to your shit.

1237
00:55:20,785 --> 00:55:24,386
Everybody, make way,
woman in labor comin' through.

1238
00:55:24,388 --> 00:55:26,622
-Oh, it hurts.
-Meg, honey, oh, are you okay?

1239
00:55:26,624 --> 00:55:28,757
-[John] Who is this guy?
-[Meg] My husband, Brad.

1240
00:55:28,759 --> 00:55:30,726
-Oh, well, thanks
for showing up, Brad.
-Are you okay?

1241
00:55:30,728 --> 00:55:32,795
-How do you feel?
-Like I'm gonna explode.

1242
00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:34,563
Your wife's contractions
are five minutes apart,

1243
00:55:34,565 --> 00:55:36,498
we need to prep her
for anesthesia.

1244
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,367
-Nurse!
-Anesthesia?
You mean like an epidural?

1245
00:55:38,369 --> 00:55:39,468
Look, Brad, I know it
wasn't part of the birth plan,

1246
00:55:39,470 --> 00:55:40,769
but your wife wants the juice

1247
00:55:40,771 --> 00:55:42,471
and I'm gonna make
sure she gets it.

1248
00:55:42,473 --> 00:55:43,572
-Nurse.
-Hold on, are you the doctor?

1249
00:55:43,574 --> 00:55:44,840
-Stop.
-Brad, stand back,

1250
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:46,408
she's having another
contraction.

1251
00:55:46,410 --> 00:55:48,344
-Breathe.
-Okay listen, you breathe.

1252
00:55:48,346 --> 00:55:50,412
Okay, listen, thank you
for getting me here,

1253
00:55:50,414 --> 00:55:52,681
-but we have it.
-Are you sure?

1254
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:54,083
-Yeah.
-You want me to with you?

1255
00:55:54,085 --> 00:55:55,584
I'll stay with you
the whole way.

1256
00:55:55,586 --> 00:55:56,819
I don't think
that's appropriate.

1257
00:55:56,821 --> 00:55:59,822
-Yeah, all right.
-Okay.

1258
00:55:59,824 --> 00:56:01,390
I gotta have a baby now, okay?

1259
00:56:01,392 --> 00:56:03,092
-Who are you?
-I'm the driver.

1260
00:56:03,094 --> 00:56:04,660
Yeah, he's the driver.

1261
00:56:04,662 --> 00:56:07,396
All right,
we're havin' a baby.

1262
00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:09,365
[Meg] Yeah!

1263
00:56:09,367 --> 00:56:11,467
I really like the
names Blaze and Plum.

1264
00:56:11,469 --> 00:56:13,869
[Meg] I like Plum,
I don't like Blaze.

1265
00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:16,505
[light dramatic music]

1266
00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:23,779
I've got something
to show you, come on.

1267
00:56:23,781 --> 00:56:26,682
I'm not a fan of
not being in control.

1268
00:56:26,684 --> 00:56:27,850
I have a surprise for you.

1269
00:56:27,852 --> 00:56:30,486
-Ready?
-Uh-huh.

1270
00:56:31,655 --> 00:56:32,921
What is that?

1271
00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:34,857
What does it look like?
It's a crib.

1272
00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:37,126
Took me almost three hours
to put this together.

1273
00:56:37,128 --> 00:56:39,128
[sighs]

1274
00:56:39,130 --> 00:56:40,863
I wanna do IVF.

1275
00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:42,731
No, but what
about the brewery?

1276
00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:44,166
I'll save more money.

1277
00:56:44,168 --> 00:56:45,634
I wanna have a baby.

1278
00:56:45,636 --> 00:56:47,736
All right, but what if
it doesn't work?

1279
00:56:47,738 --> 00:56:49,171
-What if--
-It will work.
Katie, it's gonna work.

1280
00:56:49,173 --> 00:56:51,407
No matter what,
we're gonna make it work.

1281
00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:56,612
[Katie giggling]

1282
00:56:57,882 --> 00:57:00,149
That's a pretty sweet crib.

1283
00:57:00,151 --> 00:57:02,751
Yeah, it took me almost seven
hours to put this together.

1284
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,921
That doesn't match
what you said earlier.

1285
00:57:06,824 --> 00:57:08,657
Now we just have to fill it.

1286
00:57:13,631 --> 00:57:15,464
Let me ask you something.

1287
00:57:15,466 --> 00:57:17,933
Did you are Maria

1288
00:57:17,935 --> 00:57:21,637
ever have problems
getting pregnant
when you first started out?

1289
00:57:21,639 --> 00:57:24,740
No, no, we had the
exact opposite problem.

1290
00:57:24,742 --> 00:57:27,709
I mean, look, first kid, bliss.

1291
00:57:27,711 --> 00:57:30,179
Second kid, game changer.

1292
00:57:30,181 --> 00:57:34,583
And then we had, um...
the third one.

1293
00:57:34,585 --> 00:57:36,985
-Lisa.
-Yeah, I wept.

1294
00:57:36,987 --> 00:57:40,522
-Tears of joy.
-Fear.

1295
00:57:40,524 --> 00:57:42,458
I had a massive anxiety attack.

1296
00:57:42,460 --> 00:57:44,593
I'll tell ya this,
I'm never going camping again.

1297
00:57:44,595 --> 00:57:46,795
It's just so weird, I mean,
we're trying all these things

1298
00:57:46,797 --> 00:57:49,231
and nothing's working
and I'm pumping Katie up

1299
00:57:49,233 --> 00:57:51,667
with all these drugs
like she's some race horse.

1300
00:57:52,870 --> 00:57:55,671
I'm sorry, man.

1301
00:57:55,673 --> 00:57:58,540
I'm sorry you're
goin' through that.

1302
00:57:58,542 --> 00:58:00,909
Look, I'm gonna
tell you something

1303
00:58:00,911 --> 00:58:03,745
somebody told me
a long time ago.

1304
00:58:03,747 --> 00:58:08,584
You take the good
and you take the bad.

1305
00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:12,554
You take it all and there
you have the facts of life.

1306
00:58:12,556 --> 00:58:14,623
Is that the theme song
to the Facts of Life?

1307
00:58:14,625 --> 00:58:17,860
-[Gordon] No.
-That could be the worst
advice I've ever gotten.

1308
00:58:17,862 --> 00:58:20,696
We're giving you a grandchild,
Mom, that's what you want.

1309
00:58:20,698 --> 00:58:22,631
But not like this.

1310
00:58:22,633 --> 00:58:25,868
A life isn't something
that should be ordered

1311
00:58:25,870 --> 00:58:27,903
from a catalog like a sweater.

1312
00:58:27,905 --> 00:58:31,607
Those treatments,
they dehumanize life.

1313
00:58:31,609 --> 00:58:33,242
It's not like that, Mom.

1314
00:58:33,244 --> 00:58:35,744
A life is something
that you earn.

1315
00:58:35,746 --> 00:58:38,580
Everyone, even the best
of us, has to earn that.

1316
00:58:38,582 --> 00:58:39,982
This is why
we didn't wanna tell you,

1317
00:58:39,984 --> 00:58:42,618
because some how you have
managed to make creating

1318
00:58:42,620 --> 00:58:44,720
a life something
I should be ashamed of.

1319
00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:46,555
Why can't you two just have

1320
00:58:46,557 --> 00:58:48,991
normal sex like everybody else?

1321
00:58:48,993 --> 00:58:51,727
Honey, nothing in
life is fair, okay?

1322
00:58:51,729 --> 00:58:53,629
And sometimes
we just have to realize

1323
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:54,997
we're not gonna get what we want

1324
00:58:54,999 --> 00:58:57,299
and we accept it
in order to move forward.

1325
00:58:57,301 --> 00:59:00,002
-What are you saying?
-I am saying
that maybe right now

1326
00:59:00,004 --> 00:59:01,737
you are not meant to have kids.

1327
00:59:01,739 --> 00:59:03,839
I'm actually not
looking for your approval,

1328
00:59:03,841 --> 00:59:05,674
so you can either hop on board

1329
00:59:05,676 --> 00:59:08,677
or you can just
leave us the hell alone.

1330
00:59:09,813 --> 00:59:11,547
Honey...

1331
00:59:30,034 --> 00:59:31,633
Oh, good morning.

1332
00:59:31,635 --> 00:59:32,868
Morning, tiger.

1333
00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:35,971
You ready to be a father?

1334
00:59:35,973 --> 00:59:38,307
-You want this now?
-No,

1335
00:59:38,309 --> 00:59:41,710
what I need you to do,
is I need you to fill it up

1336
00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:45,080
and bring it to the
hospital, 11:00 a.m..

1337
00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:47,316
Why the hospital?

1338
00:59:47,318 --> 00:59:50,319
Well, because Remis has
to physically remove my eggs

1339
00:59:50,321 --> 00:59:52,354
and implant your sperm
directly into 'em.

1340
00:59:52,356 --> 00:59:54,790
-Sounds sexy.
-Mmm.

1341
00:59:54,792 --> 00:59:57,659
I mean, it's technically
a surgical procedure so...

1342
00:59:57,661 --> 00:59:59,995
It's gotta be done at
the hospital, I got it.
11:00 a.m..

1343
00:59:59,997 --> 01:00:02,631
No, no, no, okay, that's
not all, that's not all.
You can't--

1344
01:00:02,633 --> 01:00:06,935
-Honey, you can't even be
a second late with the specimen.
-[John] Why?

1345
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:08,837
Well, because then we're gonna
have to reschedule for next week

1346
01:00:08,839 --> 01:00:11,607
and we do not
have the money to do that.

1347
01:00:13,677 --> 01:00:16,778
Okay, great, so no pressure.

1348
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:19,815
All right, 11:00 a.m.,
hospital, I'll be there.

1349
01:00:19,817 --> 01:00:22,818
-Okay.
-[phone ringing]

1350
01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:25,954
-Hey, babe.
-[Katie] I'm checking into
the hospital, are you close?

1351
01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:28,090
Oh, babe, you don't
have to worry about me,

1352
01:00:28,092 --> 01:00:29,992
-I am currently in route.
-[Katie] That's wonderful.

1353
01:00:29,994 --> 01:00:31,960
I even had time to
pick up a passenger.

1354
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:34,096
[Katie]
You picked up a passenger?

1355
01:00:34,098 --> 01:00:36,365
Oh yeah, taking him to the
hospital to see his mother.

1356
01:00:36,367 --> 01:00:38,767
-Grandmother.
-Oh, grandmother.

1357
01:00:38,769 --> 01:00:39,968
[Katie]
Do you have your specimen.

1358
01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:41,703
-You know I do.
-Great.

1359
01:00:41,705 --> 01:00:43,805
Oh, hey, did you remember
not to use any lube?

1360
01:00:45,109 --> 01:00:46,742
What?

1361
01:00:46,744 --> 01:00:48,110
[Katie]
You can't use any lube.

1362
01:00:48,112 --> 01:00:50,912
Remember, it contaminates
the entire sample.

1363
01:00:52,116 --> 01:00:56,118
-You used lube, didn't you?
-No, I-- yes.

1364
01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,987
[Katie] Shit, John.
You're gonna need to
produce another sample.

1365
01:00:58,989 --> 01:01:02,057
Oh, come on.

1366
01:01:02,059 --> 01:01:04,660
You want me to go again,
what am I, 17?

1367
01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:07,396
[Katie] John, we're
gonna need a new sample.
You have 37 minutes, handle it.

1368
01:01:07,398 --> 01:01:09,865
-Okay.
-[laughs]
Did you hear what I said?

1369
01:01:09,867 --> 01:01:12,434
-Handle it.
-Bye bye.

1370
01:01:12,436 --> 01:01:14,803
Hey, I'm gonna have to
make a really quick stop.

1371
01:01:14,805 --> 01:01:17,005
It's gonna be about five,
10 minutes. It's gonna be
really fast, all right?

1372
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:19,441
So you just sit tight.
You can play with
the radio if you want.

1373
01:01:19,443 --> 01:01:22,010
Leave the engine running and
I'll be right back, okay?

1374
01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:24,946
[man] But, but what?

1375
01:01:48,772 --> 01:01:50,172
Do you have a bathroom?

1376
01:02:00,818 --> 01:02:02,718
It's over here,
come on, honey.

1377
01:02:05,756 --> 01:02:10,192
Oh, oh!
Oh, my God!

1378
01:02:10,194 --> 01:02:11,893
Oh!

1379
01:02:11,895 --> 01:02:13,762
[John groaning]

1380
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:23,805
A man, look, there he is!

1381
01:02:23,807 --> 01:02:26,508
That's the sick pig right here.

1382
01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:29,111
-He was masturbating.
-No.

1383
01:02:29,113 --> 01:02:31,813
No, no, no,
you got it all wrong.

1384
01:02:31,815 --> 01:02:34,082
[officer] Don't resist.

1385
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,017
[John]
It's not what you think.

1386
01:02:37,521 --> 01:02:39,488
-[thudding]
-[John groaning]

1387
01:02:39,490 --> 01:02:41,056
-Hi.
-Hi.

1388
01:02:41,058 --> 01:02:43,759
-Ah. How ya feelin'?
-Pretty good.

1389
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:45,160
-How ya doin'?
-Oh, good, thank you.

1390
01:02:45,162 --> 01:02:46,895
-Like, do you feel comfortable?
-I do.

1391
01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:49,831
Do you feel anxious,
a little nervous maybe?

1392
01:02:49,833 --> 01:02:52,167
What I like to do is
I take deep breaths,

1393
01:02:52,169 --> 01:02:54,069
-you know, when I feel anxious.
-Okay, sure, yeah.

1394
01:02:54,071 --> 01:02:55,504
I can tell,
your eyes are kinda

1395
01:02:55,506 --> 01:02:57,506
darting back and
forth and stuff.

1396
01:02:57,508 --> 01:02:59,841
-I don't think I--
-That's not gonna make a baby.

1397
01:02:59,843 --> 01:03:02,844
-Oh, okay, thank you so--
-You know, visualization
helps a lot.

1398
01:03:02,846 --> 01:03:05,514
Let's make you look real
pretty for the doctor, okay?

1399
01:03:05,516 --> 01:03:07,149
-Oh, okay.
-All right, you feelin' good?

1400
01:03:07,151 --> 01:03:08,884
-Yeah, pretty good.
-Okay good.

1401
01:03:08,886 --> 01:03:10,952
-Is my husband here?
-No.

1402
01:03:10,954 --> 01:03:16,291
[groaning]
Officer, officer, this is
really a misunderstanding.

1403
01:03:16,293 --> 01:03:19,861
[officer] A big boy like you,
shoulda filled up that jar.

1404
01:03:19,863 --> 01:03:23,064
-You guys today.
-Grab that bottle please.

1405
01:03:23,066 --> 01:03:25,267
Your diets,
what are you vegan?

1406
01:03:25,269 --> 01:03:27,102
He'll be here, he's...

1407
01:03:27,104 --> 01:03:31,373
-Sure, I'm sure he will.
-Okay.

1408
01:03:33,110 --> 01:03:35,877
Well, I can't blame
you for tryin' to run.

1409
01:03:35,879 --> 01:03:38,013
I can't imagine this is gonna be
an easy thing to
explain to the wife.

1410
01:03:38,015 --> 01:03:40,282
Officer, I am so sorry
that I ran,

1411
01:03:40,284 --> 01:03:42,217
but hey, you have
to listen to me.
I have to get to the hospital.

1412
01:03:42,219 --> 01:03:44,586
You know, most cops
hate it when perps run,

1413
01:03:44,588 --> 01:03:47,255
but I actually like it,
I encourage it.
I enjoy that brisk cardio blast

1414
01:03:47,257 --> 01:03:50,025
-of a foot race,
there's nothing like it.
-Sir, you have to let me go.

1415
01:03:50,027 --> 01:03:52,060
When I'm in the vehicle
sometimes I do isometrics.

1416
01:03:52,062 --> 01:03:54,162
I'm always on, off,
on, off, on, off,

1417
01:03:54,164 --> 01:03:57,232
-but like 2-300 of 'em.
-This is just a huge
misunderstanding.

1418
01:03:57,234 --> 01:03:59,901
My legs are super strong.
It's genetics or something.

1419
01:03:59,903 --> 01:04:01,303
I don't know, the Irish
or the Scots in me.

1420
01:04:01,305 --> 01:04:03,004
I need one of those, you know,

1421
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:04,906
those DNA tests
where you swab yourself,

1422
01:04:04,908 --> 01:04:06,608
you send it in for $99
and you see what happens.

1423
01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:08,176
But that gets weird because
the test comes back,

1424
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:10,178
I don't know,
what are you, Native American?

1425
01:04:10,180 --> 01:04:12,080
Then you have to go out and
buy all new clothes

1426
01:04:12,082 --> 01:04:13,248
-and stuff.
-The doctor was
gonna use that sample

1427
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:15,050
to fertilize my wife's eggs.

1428
01:04:15,052 --> 01:04:17,586
Wait a minute,
you're saying right here,

1429
01:04:17,588 --> 01:04:20,055
this is for what,
fertility treatment.

1430
01:04:20,057 --> 01:04:23,024
Yes, yes,
that's exactly what I'm saying.

1431
01:04:23,026 --> 01:04:25,227
Is it IUI or is it in vitro?

1432
01:04:25,229 --> 01:04:27,162
IVF.

1433
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:29,865
Huh, did your insurance
company make you

1434
01:04:29,867 --> 01:04:31,933
go through three rounds
of IUI before the IVF?

1435
01:04:31,935 --> 01:04:33,335
-Yeah.
-Because I'm tellin' you

1436
01:04:33,337 --> 01:04:35,070
right now, my wife
and I were on the phone

1437
01:04:35,072 --> 01:04:37,205
for hours and hours,
hell I was gonna fly down

1438
01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:38,907
to Costa Rica, get a kid,
put it in a box

1439
01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:40,375
and then bring it back here.

1440
01:04:40,377 --> 01:04:42,077
Which is weird and probably
wrong but anything--

1441
01:04:42,079 --> 01:04:43,311
-Sir, sir, sir.
-to keep Debbie happy.

1442
01:04:43,313 --> 01:04:44,946
-I don't wanna be rude,
-Huh?

1443
01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,348
but the life
of my potential child

1444
01:04:46,350 --> 01:04:48,216
is sitting on your
dashboard and if I am not

1445
01:04:48,218 --> 01:04:50,418
at the hospital in the next
seven minutes all is lost.

1446
01:04:50,420 --> 01:04:52,621
Well, son,
I got some news for ya,

1447
01:04:52,623 --> 01:04:55,223
the hospital is 15 minutes away.

1448
01:04:57,427 --> 01:04:59,261
All right,
hold on to your shit.

1449
01:04:59,263 --> 01:05:01,897
-I'll get you there in five.
-[sirens wailing]

1450
01:05:04,167 --> 01:05:06,167
[tires screeching]

1451
01:05:08,038 --> 01:05:10,005
Thank you, sir.

1452
01:05:18,015 --> 01:05:20,148
Yeah, yeah, okay.

1453
01:05:20,951 --> 01:05:22,384
Oh, come on.

1454
01:05:24,988 --> 01:05:26,254
Make way, comin' through.

1455
01:05:26,256 --> 01:05:29,157
Hi, hi, I'm John Kelly.

1456
01:05:29,159 --> 01:05:31,326
This is my semen.

1457
01:05:33,030 --> 01:05:37,265
Sorry, Mr. Kelly,
you're too late.

1458
01:05:37,267 --> 01:05:39,434
-What?
-Mm-hm.

1459
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:41,670
Missed it by about
two minutes.

1460
01:05:41,672 --> 01:05:46,341
-No, no.
-[nurse laughing]

1461
01:05:47,477 --> 01:05:50,011
I'm just kidding, you fine.

1462
01:05:50,013 --> 01:05:51,446
Look at your face.

1463
01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:54,316
It was like, oh...

1464
01:05:54,318 --> 01:05:56,418
Where's my wife?

1465
01:05:56,420 --> 01:05:58,453
Oh, they puttin'
her under right now.

1466
01:05:58,455 --> 01:05:59,988
I wanna be with her.

1467
01:05:59,990 --> 01:06:01,423
Oh, well,
you'll have to wait here.

1468
01:06:01,425 --> 01:06:03,124
The doctor will be out
with you when he's done.

1469
01:06:03,126 --> 01:06:04,426
It won't be too long.

1470
01:06:04,428 --> 01:06:06,361
[light dramatic music]

1471
01:06:10,067 --> 01:06:11,433
John.

1472
01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:13,301
Doctor, how is she,
is everything okay?

1473
01:06:13,303 --> 01:06:15,136
We need to talk.

1474
01:06:15,138 --> 01:06:17,205
[John]
Is something wrong?

1475
01:06:17,207 --> 01:06:18,740
Have a seat.

1476
01:06:18,742 --> 01:06:21,710
I have some
hard things to tell you.

1477
01:06:21,712 --> 01:06:23,311
And I'm not gonna
sugar coat it for ya.

1478
01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:25,513
What is it,
what's the matter?

1479
01:06:25,515 --> 01:06:27,482
It's about your IPA.

1480
01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:29,117
What?

1481
01:06:29,119 --> 01:06:30,518
My wife and I had
the pleasure of indulging

1482
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,253
in the beer sample
you sent over,

1483
01:06:32,255 --> 01:06:34,155
-you're truly an artist, John.
-Thank you,

1484
01:06:34,157 --> 01:06:36,458
-but how's Katie?
-I don't normally
enjoy a wheat beer,

1485
01:06:36,460 --> 01:06:39,761
but that Hefeweizen was a true
delight, it was apple crisp.

1486
01:06:39,763 --> 01:06:42,163
That's wonderful,
but how is Katie.

1487
01:06:42,165 --> 01:06:44,733
-The surgery, is she okay?
-Oh, that couldn't
have gone smoother.

1488
01:06:44,735 --> 01:06:47,435
-She's vibrant and
strong as ever.
-Oh, thank god.

1489
01:06:47,437 --> 01:06:50,071
Wish I could say the same
about your India Pale Ale.

1490
01:06:50,073 --> 01:06:53,174
It lacked the customary boldness
I've come to expect in an IPA.

1491
01:06:53,176 --> 01:06:54,509
Weak as a kitten's meow.

1492
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:57,145
Noted.

1493
01:06:57,147 --> 01:06:59,481
Anyway,
Katie's eggs have been sent
to the lab for fertilization.

1494
01:06:59,483 --> 01:07:01,349
Once they're ready,
we'll bring her back in,

1495
01:07:01,351 --> 01:07:03,084
implant them in her uterus.

1496
01:07:03,086 --> 01:07:04,352
Shouldn't take more
than a couple days.

1497
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:05,487
In the meantime,
you should consider

1498
01:07:05,489 --> 01:07:07,422
using a more potent hop oil.

1499
01:07:09,259 --> 01:07:12,427
There's-there's laws that...

1500
01:07:12,429 --> 01:07:14,763
I don't use a hop oil.

1501
01:07:14,765 --> 01:07:17,332
Add that hop,
make it pop, baby.

1502
01:07:17,334 --> 01:07:19,234
[chuckles]

1503
01:07:24,441 --> 01:07:27,275
[light dramatic music]

1504
01:07:27,277 --> 01:07:29,444
[Katie sighs]

1505
01:07:29,446 --> 01:07:31,112
Tell me something good.

1506
01:07:31,114 --> 01:07:33,181
Katie, we're ready for ya.

1507
01:07:33,183 --> 01:07:34,549
John, why don't
you wait outside?

1508
01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:36,351
No, I wanna stay with Katie.

1509
01:07:36,353 --> 01:07:38,253
It won't be long.
Have a seat in the lobby.

1510
01:07:38,255 --> 01:07:43,358
Doctor, I'm not gonna
leave Katie's side.

1511
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:44,793
I'm gonna stay with her.

1512
01:07:44,795 --> 01:07:47,829
[Dr. Remis]
Very well, Mr. Kelly.

1513
01:07:47,831 --> 01:07:49,531
Put your gown on.

1514
01:08:27,571 --> 01:08:31,573
Okay, there you go.

1515
01:08:34,845 --> 01:08:36,478
How long till
we get the results.

1516
01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:38,446
Just a couple of minutes.

1517
01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:40,582
The doctor will
tell you in his office.

1518
01:08:40,584 --> 01:08:42,350
Fingers crossed.

1519
01:08:42,352 --> 01:08:44,185
Thanks.

1520
01:08:47,858 --> 01:08:50,258
[light dramatic music]

1521
01:09:10,881 --> 01:09:13,581
[somber music]

1522
01:09:39,576 --> 01:09:41,209
You haven't really said anything

1523
01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:43,311
since we left Remis's office.

1524
01:09:43,313 --> 01:09:44,445
Taste it.

1525
01:09:48,652 --> 01:09:51,486
Oh, my God,
that is so good.

1526
01:09:51,488 --> 01:09:53,555
You did it.

1527
01:09:53,557 --> 01:09:57,525
A west coast IPA,
it's what everybody likes.

1528
01:09:57,527 --> 01:09:59,727
And I gotta admit,
it's pretty good.

1529
01:09:59,729 --> 01:10:01,729
You should be really proud.

1530
01:10:01,731 --> 01:10:03,364
You worked hard.

1531
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:05,333
We should celebrate.

1532
01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:10,538
-We can save more money.
-Oh, God,

1533
01:10:10,540 --> 01:10:12,607
I don't wanna
talk about that now.

1534
01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:14,676
Okay, you're upset.

1535
01:10:14,678 --> 01:10:16,411
No, I'm not upset.

1536
01:10:16,413 --> 01:10:21,416
I'm just-- I'm just...
I'm disappointed.

1537
01:10:21,418 --> 01:10:23,751
Well, in me?

1538
01:10:23,753 --> 01:10:26,955
No, not in you,
in the situation.

1539
01:10:26,957 --> 01:10:29,457
-What does that mean?
-[sighs] Look, I just had

1540
01:10:29,459 --> 01:10:32,493
everything taken away from me
that I've been working for
for all these years,

1541
01:10:32,495 --> 01:10:34,562
I think I'm allowed to
be disappointed, right?

1542
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,631
And it's my fault,
you think it's my fault?

1543
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:39,367
I didn't wanna do this.

1544
01:10:39,369 --> 01:10:41,836
I didn't wanna take all
of our money and put it...

1545
01:10:42,973 --> 01:10:44,973
Whatever.

1546
01:10:44,975 --> 01:10:48,309
-You know what, fuck it, okay?
-No, no, you can't do this.

1547
01:10:48,311 --> 01:10:51,412
Because we both chose,
we both chose this.

1548
01:10:51,414 --> 01:10:52,780
Okay, you're right,
you're absolutely right,

1549
01:10:52,782 --> 01:10:55,583
and I want to have kids,
I do, but I didn't know

1550
01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:59,554
that having babies with you
meant not having sex with you.

1551
01:10:59,556 --> 01:11:02,590
Or it meant getting hand jobs
in Trent Reznor's kill room

1552
01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:05,426
or taking Mescaline or
getting fucking arrested.

1553
01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:07,328
No, I don't believe any of
this, because you know what?

1554
01:11:07,330 --> 01:11:09,597
You actually never cared
about having this

1555
01:11:09,599 --> 01:11:11,466
-That's bullshit.
-All you cared about,

1556
01:11:11,468 --> 01:11:13,001
now you're trying to
make me feel like shit.

1557
01:11:13,003 --> 01:11:14,636
Okay, you keep
tellin' yourself that.

1558
01:11:14,638 --> 01:11:17,605
It's true, I have had to
drag you through every step

1559
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:20,341
of this and now you're just
using your dumb brewery

1560
01:11:20,343 --> 01:11:23,344
as something to make me, I don't
know, somehow I'm wrong now.

1561
01:11:23,346 --> 01:11:25,280
You know what, I'm really
happy that this all happened

1562
01:11:25,282 --> 01:11:27,315
because I learned
something about myself.

1563
01:11:27,317 --> 01:11:29,317
What, that you're a
shitty fucking beer maker?

1564
01:11:29,319 --> 01:11:32,487
No, that I can't be with
a woman who can't have kids.

1565
01:11:39,029 --> 01:11:40,628
[Katie groans]

1566
01:11:44,367 --> 01:11:46,034
Shit.

1567
01:11:46,036 --> 01:11:47,468
[door closes]

1568
01:11:53,643 --> 01:11:55,543
[John sighs]

1569
01:12:02,852 --> 01:12:05,553
Katie, please let me in.

1570
01:12:22,339 --> 01:12:25,606
Hey, I need you
to come pick me up.

1571
01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:34,682
Hey, little bro,
how you doin'?

1572
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:38,519
Yeah, never been better.

1573
01:12:38,521 --> 01:12:40,121
Yeah, looks like it.

1574
01:12:40,123 --> 01:12:41,522
You're supposed to
be wearin' boxers.

1575
01:12:41,524 --> 01:12:43,591
It doesn't matter anymore.

1576
01:12:43,593 --> 01:12:45,393
Hey, wanna play some ping pong?

1577
01:12:45,395 --> 01:12:46,561
No, no, I'm good.

1578
01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,563
Uh... Listen,

1579
01:12:48,565 --> 01:12:51,099
Maria and I have
some people comin' over,
new CFO from work.

1580
01:12:51,101 --> 01:12:54,769
Love to get ya to come inside
and clean ya up a little bit.

1581
01:12:56,706 --> 01:12:58,106
You're ashamed of me.

1582
01:12:58,108 --> 01:12:59,841
I could never be
ashamed of you, Bro,

1583
01:12:59,843 --> 01:13:01,909
Maria is ashamed of you,
but you're fine.

1584
01:13:01,911 --> 01:13:03,878
[Maria] Gordon, tell him
to put his pants on.

1585
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,647
Well, I'm ashamed of myself.

1586
01:13:06,649 --> 01:13:09,617
I said things
that cannot be unsaid.

1587
01:13:09,619 --> 01:13:12,120
[Gordon] That's not true,
everything can be unsaid.

1588
01:13:12,122 --> 01:13:14,856
-That doesn't make any sense.
-[Gordon] I know.

1589
01:13:14,858 --> 01:13:16,591
Why don't we get you
inside and clean you up.

1590
01:13:16,593 --> 01:13:18,593
-[Maria] Gordon, now!
-I'm bringing him inside!

1591
01:13:18,595 --> 01:13:21,696
Sorry.
I'll be right down.

1592
01:13:21,698 --> 01:13:23,865
[John] All right,
bring your paddle.

1593
01:13:23,867 --> 01:13:26,768
We'll play some ping pong.

1594
01:13:32,442 --> 01:13:34,409
[crashing]

1595
01:13:35,145 --> 01:13:36,878
[Danica]
So I put baby corn,

1596
01:13:36,880 --> 01:13:38,846
baby carrots, baby peaches,

1597
01:13:38,848 --> 01:13:41,749
baby potatoes and he was like,
"This is the strangest dinner

1598
01:13:41,751 --> 01:13:43,518
I've ever had," and
I said, "Darling,

1599
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:44,886
I have something to tell you..."

1600
01:13:44,888 --> 01:13:47,188
-Hey.
-Oh.

1601
01:13:47,190 --> 01:13:49,490
What's, uh, what's all this?

1602
01:13:49,492 --> 01:13:52,794
Oh, I'm pregnant.

1603
01:13:52,796 --> 01:13:55,430
[voice distorting] We weren't
even trying, it just happened.

1604
01:13:55,432 --> 01:13:56,564
Can you believe it?

1605
01:13:58,802 --> 01:14:01,903
Fuck you and your
fucking fertile face!

1606
01:14:01,905 --> 01:14:03,738
[screaming]

1607
01:14:03,740 --> 01:14:06,507
Aren't you happy
for me, Katie.

1608
01:14:06,509 --> 01:14:09,677
I have never been more happy

1609
01:14:09,679 --> 01:14:11,813
than I am
in this moment right now.

1610
01:14:11,815 --> 01:14:13,648
It's so great.

1611
01:14:13,650 --> 01:14:15,716
If it's a boy
we're thinking that

1612
01:14:15,718 --> 01:14:19,454
we're gonna name him Brendo
and if it's a girl, Talc.

1613
01:14:19,456 --> 01:14:20,788
-So cute.
-Yeah.

1614
01:14:20,790 --> 01:14:24,725
Talc, like the powder Talc,
like Talc powder?

1615
01:14:24,727 --> 01:14:26,561
Um, it's spelled the same way,

1616
01:14:26,563 --> 01:14:31,199
but it actually means song
in Portuguese, I think.

1617
01:14:31,201 --> 01:14:32,667
Oh.

1618
01:14:34,204 --> 01:14:35,803
[sighs]

1619
01:14:35,805 --> 01:14:37,772
I don't wanna fight.

1620
01:14:39,943 --> 01:14:42,543
Bad timing, Mom.

1621
01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:43,978
Johnny told me what happened.

1622
01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:47,682
Yeah, well, you were right,
I'm not...

1623
01:14:47,684 --> 01:14:48,916
I'm not meant
to have kids.

1624
01:14:48,918 --> 01:14:51,552
No, I'm sorry I said that.

1625
01:14:51,554 --> 01:14:54,622
I just, I want you
to know, honey,

1626
01:14:54,624 --> 01:14:56,891
that I really do
understand the pain

1627
01:14:56,893 --> 01:14:58,226
that you're going through.

1628
01:14:58,228 --> 01:15:00,228
No, you don't know how I feel.

1629
01:15:00,230 --> 01:15:02,763
-You have no idea.
-Yeah, I do, Katie.

1630
01:15:02,765 --> 01:15:07,268
I mean, after Dad and I
got married we tried forever.

1631
01:15:07,270 --> 01:15:10,671
I mean, God, it was
years to get pregnant.

1632
01:15:10,673 --> 01:15:12,673
Right, but that was
different because dad wanted

1633
01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:14,242
to wait till he was out of
the service to have kids.

1634
01:15:14,244 --> 01:15:15,910
No, no, that is
what we told people,

1635
01:15:15,912 --> 01:15:17,812
but it wasn't the truth, okay?

1636
01:15:17,814 --> 01:15:21,516
We tried for years
before you came along

1637
01:15:21,518 --> 01:15:22,583
and it was really hard.

1638
01:15:22,585 --> 01:15:24,285
I mean, it tore us apart.

1639
01:15:24,287 --> 01:15:26,087
Mm...

1640
01:15:27,257 --> 01:15:29,891
Oh, Mom, I don't
know what to do.

1641
01:15:29,893 --> 01:15:32,727
-[light dramatic music]
-I don't wanna feel like this.

1642
01:15:33,530 --> 01:15:36,864
I know, I'm sorry.

1643
01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:42,904
You know, I love you so much
and I'll always be here.

1644
01:15:49,312 --> 01:15:51,746
-Are you gonna kick it?
-No, just warmin' up.

1645
01:15:51,748 --> 01:15:53,748
-You are gonna kick it?
-Nope.

1646
01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:55,283
You can't get higher than
here, so I gotta put it down--

1647
01:15:55,285 --> 01:15:56,751
I'm not kickin' it, man.

1648
01:15:56,753 --> 01:15:58,319
Gordon, stop,
what are you doing?

1649
01:15:58,321 --> 01:15:59,987
Oh hey, Maria, if you
got your camera phone,

1650
01:15:59,989 --> 01:16:01,923
you're just in time to
watch me break this board.

1651
01:16:01,925 --> 01:16:04,559
-You're gonna break your hand.
-I'm not gonna punch it.

1652
01:16:04,561 --> 01:16:05,993
He's not gonna punch it,
it's way too thick to punch.

1653
01:16:05,995 --> 01:16:08,029
Yeah, I'm gonna use
my forehead. Titanium.

1654
01:16:08,031 --> 01:16:09,764
-Yeah, his forehead.
-No, no, no,

1655
01:16:09,766 --> 01:16:11,832
stop trying to
kill yourself, you dumbass.

1656
01:16:11,834 --> 01:16:15,770
Listen to me, you're a great
dad, you're a great husband.

1657
01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:19,674
You have three healthy kids,
a great wife that loves you.

1658
01:16:19,676 --> 01:16:22,109
You have everything a
man could ever ask for,

1659
01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:24,679
and you're taking
it for granted.

1660
01:16:24,681 --> 01:16:27,782
Maria, I hear
what you're saying.

1661
01:16:27,784 --> 01:16:30,685
You're an amazing wife,
a wonderful mother,
kids love you,

1662
01:16:30,687 --> 01:16:32,653
I love them to death,
I love you to death,

1663
01:16:32,655 --> 01:16:34,121
which is why I need you
to move out of the way

1664
01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:35,690
and let me break this
board with my face.

1665
01:16:35,692 --> 01:16:37,692
Okay, all right,
wait, wait, wait.

1666
01:16:39,062 --> 01:16:41,062
If I let you do that,

1667
01:16:41,064 --> 01:16:43,731
will you take back
that stupid bike?

1668
01:16:43,733 --> 01:16:45,633
Okay, fine.

1669
01:16:45,635 --> 01:16:47,068
If you guys don't want me
to have bike, I don't care.

1670
01:16:47,070 --> 01:16:49,604
I'm doin' this.

1671
01:16:49,606 --> 01:16:51,872
-Go for it.
-[grunting]

1672
01:16:53,676 --> 01:16:55,142
-[yells]
-[board snapping]

1673
01:16:56,813 --> 01:16:59,614
-That's what I'm talkin' about.
-[thudding]

1674
01:17:01,884 --> 01:17:04,051
Ha ha,
told you I could do it.

1675
01:17:04,053 --> 01:17:06,854
Who looks stupid now?
Not me.

1676
01:17:06,856 --> 01:17:08,889
[Gordon chuckling]

1677
01:17:08,891 --> 01:17:10,891
-I'm gonna get you new ice.
-Okay.

1678
01:17:10,893 --> 01:17:13,661
-[Maria] John,
you need anything?
-No, I'm good thanks.

1679
01:17:13,663 --> 01:17:15,696
-I'm gonna take off pretty soon.
-Oh, you're leaving?

1680
01:17:15,698 --> 01:17:19,033
Yeah, I gotta go home.

1681
01:17:19,035 --> 01:17:21,836
Beg Katie for forgiveness.

1682
01:17:22,905 --> 01:17:24,972
That's a good idea.

1683
01:17:24,974 --> 01:17:26,707
I'll see ya later, man.

1684
01:17:26,709 --> 01:17:29,176
Hey, um...

1685
01:17:31,014 --> 01:17:32,947
I'm lookin' for a partner.

1686
01:17:32,949 --> 01:17:35,683
Someone with a keen business
sense, somebody that's gonna

1687
01:17:35,685 --> 01:17:37,118
help me get this
brewery off the ground.

1688
01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:39,387
So, if you know anybody,
can you let me know?

1689
01:17:39,389 --> 01:17:41,656
[chuckles]
I see where you're going.

1690
01:17:41,658 --> 01:17:43,724
Yeah, I think I do somebody
and I think he's available.

1691
01:17:43,726 --> 01:17:44,925
Good, have him give me a call,
all right?

1692
01:17:44,927 --> 01:17:47,194
-I will do that.
-And you know,

1693
01:17:47,196 --> 01:17:50,898
Maria's right,
you are a lucky guy.

1694
01:17:51,734 --> 01:17:53,234
Makes two of us.

1695
01:17:54,103 --> 01:17:55,202
[John] All right.

1696
01:18:02,912 --> 01:18:04,945
[light dramatic music]

1697
01:18:45,021 --> 01:18:46,854
We never, uh...

1698
01:18:47,890 --> 01:18:52,827
we never discussed... Cobra.

1699
01:18:56,232 --> 01:18:58,866
Thought it'd be cool
if a boy was named Cobra,

1700
01:18:58,868 --> 01:19:00,868
-or a girl.
-[chuckles]

1701
01:19:03,873 --> 01:19:08,042
Katie, I am so sorry.

1702
01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:11,212
I did not mean any of
those things I said.

1703
01:19:11,214 --> 01:19:14,749
-I am so sorry.
-No, I didn't either.

1704
01:19:14,751 --> 01:19:17,151
I want you to
understand something.

1705
01:19:19,021 --> 01:19:21,522
I'm okay if it
doesn't happen for us.

1706
01:19:21,524 --> 01:19:24,492
-You don't mean that.
-Yes, I do.

1707
01:19:24,494 --> 01:19:28,162
Baby or no baby, it does not
matter if I don't have you.

1708
01:19:31,768 --> 01:19:35,970
Okay, we need to make
a rule, like a law,

1709
01:19:35,972 --> 01:19:38,939
that we never let this
come between us again.

1710
01:19:38,941 --> 01:19:42,209
Yeah, absolutely, and then
the penalty is what, like...

1711
01:19:42,211 --> 01:19:43,911
It's like five to 10.

1712
01:19:43,913 --> 01:19:45,513
-Five to 10 years.
-Like in the hole.

1713
01:19:45,515 --> 01:19:48,783
[John] In the hole with
no possibility of parole.

1714
01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:50,885
Yeah.

1715
01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,257
Tell me something good.

1716
01:19:58,561 --> 01:20:00,227
I wanna keep trying.

1717
01:20:03,900 --> 01:20:05,933
I wanna keep trying.

1718
01:20:18,548 --> 01:20:20,948
[grunts]

1719
01:20:25,822 --> 01:20:29,223
Hey Jeff, I still need that
light bulb fixed in the office.

1720
01:20:29,225 --> 01:20:30,891
Coleman, can you
help him with that?

1721
01:20:30,893 --> 01:20:32,026
He doesn't know
anything about lighting.

1722
01:20:32,028 --> 01:20:33,828
[Coleman] Got it.

1723
01:20:34,897 --> 01:20:36,263
[Gordon]
Oh, did you want your own?

1724
01:20:36,265 --> 01:20:37,832
This is mine.
I can get you one.

1725
01:20:37,834 --> 01:20:39,166
-Gordon.
-Mm-hmm?

1726
01:20:39,168 --> 01:20:41,168
Can you put this
in the fridge for me?

1727
01:20:41,170 --> 01:20:43,037
Are you serving the beer or
are you drinking all of it?

1728
01:20:43,039 --> 01:20:44,205
-I'm drinking.
-You have a
customer at the bar.

1729
01:20:44,207 --> 01:20:45,873
What is this, I don't do this.

1730
01:20:45,875 --> 01:20:47,174
-Hey, what can we get you?
-Hi.

1731
01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:50,144
-[phone ringing]
-Oh I'm sorry, one second.

1732
01:20:50,146 --> 01:20:52,146
Hey, where are you?
We're busy as hell

1733
01:20:52,148 --> 01:20:54,248
and I need help
getting a shipment out.

1734
01:20:55,384 --> 01:20:57,885
I'm gonna release you, because

1735
01:20:57,887 --> 01:21:00,588
-I really believe
that this is fine
-Oh, my God, John, I'm dying.

1736
01:21:00,590 --> 01:21:02,990
-She's not dying.
-[John] What is goin' on?

1737
01:21:02,992 --> 01:21:06,160
It could be Malaria,
it could be Dysentery.

1738
01:21:06,162 --> 01:21:07,862
-No.
-We're not sure.

1739
01:21:07,864 --> 01:21:09,897
She's got a mild case
of diarrhea.

1740
01:21:09,899 --> 01:21:13,901
Hey, hey, hey, if this is it,
you go on without me, okay?

1741
01:21:13,903 --> 01:21:15,269
Maybe you don't get remarried,

1742
01:21:15,271 --> 01:21:17,037
maybe you just get,
like, a studio

1743
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:19,106
in, like, Van Nuys or something.

1744
01:21:19,108 --> 01:21:21,308
Be a lone wolf out on the range.

1745
01:21:21,310 --> 01:21:23,210
You just roam.

1746
01:21:23,212 --> 01:21:25,346
So, go ahead and
give her some Kaopectate

1747
01:21:25,348 --> 01:21:27,214
and she should be
fine by the morning.

1748
01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:28,382
-No, no, wait, wait, wait,
-Feel better, honey.

1749
01:21:28,384 --> 01:21:29,617
I don't ever have
digestive issues.

1750
01:21:29,619 --> 01:21:31,252
Something's really wrong.

1751
01:21:31,254 --> 01:21:32,620
That's true,
she can eat like a goat.

1752
01:21:32,622 --> 01:21:34,622
-[man screaming]
-Mm-hm,

1753
01:21:34,624 --> 01:21:36,423
honey, do you hear
that man screaming?

1754
01:21:36,425 --> 01:21:38,993
He's got a magicians dart stuck

1755
01:21:38,995 --> 01:21:41,395
in his eyeball and
he really needs this room.

1756
01:21:41,397 --> 01:21:43,097
But, why is this
happening to me?

1757
01:21:43,099 --> 01:21:44,632
-Oh, my--
-I don't know, sweetheart.

1758
01:21:44,634 --> 01:21:47,268
-Maybe you're pregnant.
-[groaning]

1759
01:21:51,007 --> 01:21:53,173
[tires screeching]

1760
01:21:57,380 --> 01:21:59,313
[uplifting music]

1761
01:22:01,284 --> 01:22:03,350
[Katie] Jackpot.

1762
01:22:03,352 --> 01:22:05,319
Here, here, take one more.

1763
01:22:05,321 --> 01:22:07,321
Just do both.

1764
01:22:19,335 --> 01:22:21,201
Are you okay?

1765
01:22:25,141 --> 01:22:29,009
Okay, we have to promise
that no matter what

1766
01:22:29,011 --> 01:22:31,412
-this result is that we can't--
-No, absolutely.

1767
01:22:31,414 --> 01:22:35,015
We can never do that
to each other again.

1768
01:22:37,453 --> 01:22:40,354
-Something's coming up on mine.
-Yeah, mine too.

1769
01:22:42,692 --> 01:22:45,092
[test beeping]

1770
01:22:51,701 --> 01:22:54,068
-[test beeping]
-[giggling]

1771
01:23:04,447 --> 01:23:08,015
[light folksy music]