Chapter 36

“Are you excited, Anon?” asked Decara.

“No.”

“Come ooonnn! You have to be a LITTLE enthused about the competition.”

“Not even remotely.” You said slurping up another bite of oatmeal. “I hope whoever wins that potion spills it.”

“You’re just anxious someone you hate will win.” Said the smugcubuss.

“That’s not saying much. Not like I have anyone to root for…”

“What about that sweet demon girl?” asked the motherly succubus.

“Which one?” you asked.

“The one with the knives.”

“Her name’s Voso.” Said Decara.

You shook your head. “No.”

“Really? Why not?” asked the dumb succ.

“She’s always so cordial when she talks to us.” Said the motherly succ.

“I didn’t really get a rapist vibe from her, and I should know.” Said Brez.

“Really? ‘Cause I got a rapist vibe when she tried to charm me in broad daylight.” You said.

The succubi groaned.

“What a baby. I’d like to know where humans in your world get off complaining about being seduced by a beautiful woman.” Said the smug succubus brandishing her spoon at you.

“Voso is a nice girl, Anon. I think you could do a lot worse than to marry her.”

“She really cares about you, you know.”

“How do you all know so much about her? Just how much does she talk to you lot anyways?” you said.

They shifted uncomfortably.

“Not TOO often. She chats with us every few days.”

“She’s never overstepped her bounds, either. Never asks about anything nefarious if you were worried.”

“I don’t mind things like that. If she was asking all sorts of personal questions about me, then I’d be worried.” You said.

“Oh! She does! Where you hang out, what your hobbies are, what books you like to read, your favorite foods… Hah! You could probably write a biography with all the stuff we’ve told her.” Chuckled the dumb succubus.

You stared at her. A gob of oats slid off your spoon and into your bowl.

“Shit… Here it comes.” Muttered the smug one, resting her face on her hand.

“You’ve been feeding information to Voso? The monster who’s come closest to raping me?” you asked slowly.

“I told you, it was nothing bad! You’re the one who’s always going on about how you want a relationship based on ‘mutual affection.’ Now you’re getting pissy because we tried to help Voso court you in a traditional human way.” Said the motherly succ.

She had you there. You had actually been going considering the girls at the Academy in case the worst came to pass. No way in hell you were going to be caught by Rhodon and her lackeys if you could help it, and there weren’t many other monsters that had caught your interest. Demoto was a touch sporadic, but at least she appreciated you. Voso was up there at the top, even in spite of her attempt on your penis. She HAD hucked a knife into Rhodon, which more than absolved her in your eyes. If you were going down, you were going down tenderly. You grinned at the thought of Rhodon bursting into your room, only to find you snuggling with Voso. That would show them.

“We’re talking about the person who I’ll be spending the rest of my life with.” You retorted. “I can’t just rush this.”

“See, there you go thinking like a human again.” Said the smug one. “I’ve never heard of a man who didn’t love his wife. Not in mamono territory at least. Order territory is a different story.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is!” insisted the motherly succ.

“Not to me it isn’t!” you snapped back. “I’m going to class.”

Ignoring the indignant huffs of the succubi, you strode out into the hall and began talking down the amazon that was trying to buy your hand in marriage for a dowry of cows. Again…

~~~~~~

“That man! I just don’t understand him…” said the motherly succ, watching Anon leave.

“With that attitude? Sometimes I wonder what the others see in him…” said Decara.

“Oh ho ho! I’ll tell you what I see: primo rape-bait. It’s like an atlach-nacha got reincarnated as a guy! You ask me, he’s doing all this on purpose. Just WAITING for someone strong enough to put him in his place.” Said the smug succubus.

“He’s clearly waiting for someone…” Said Decara.

“Or something.” Chimed the dumb succ.

“SomeTHING? Like what?” asked the motherly succ.

“Uh… I don’t know, a human thing I suppose. If he isn’t interested in anyone here, he must be interested in something else!” said the dumb one.
“Unless he’s interested in someone who ISN’T here.” Said Brez.

“What do you mean?” asked Decara.

“Call it a hunch, but I think he’s weighing his options. The other day he asked me a couple of questions about the world, and a few species. If I’d ever seen an ushi-oni, how far away was Zipangu, was the Mist Continent really as savage as he had heard… I think he’s trying to sus out a wedding venue, if you catch my drift.”

“You think he’s trying to narrow down his candidates by species?” asked the smug succ in a hushed tone.”

Brez looked solemnly at his plate. “I think he already has.”

~~~~~

“…Which led to the passing of the treaty and the union of the two empires. Not that any of you care…” Said Raigill putting down her chalk.

The normally rambunctious class was now absolutely obstreperous. Everyone was talking about the tournament. Some of it was conjecture over who would win, but only the more magic savvy monsters were actually formulating theories for determining the victor instead of rooting for their friends. A few others were discussing the implications of the win, and if the champion would claim you or not.
And the vast majority was betting. Slips of paper were being passed back and forth across a jeering circle at an alarming rate. From the sound of it, everything from money to favors were being put up. This was even more worrisome than the betting itself. There were only a select few mamono of noble decent that actually had the capital to back these bets up. Most of the Academy spent any money they came across on food just as quickly as they earned it. And promises to complete another person’s homework was a tantalizing proposition at face value, until you remembered that half the class was incapable of completing their work under NORMAL circumstances. Surely the impending bet-debt-bubble and grade-crash would cause more drama than the competition itself.

Your mouth creased involuntarily as you overheard a goblin bet a semester’s worth of homework with an imp. Times like these made you REALLY miss Admaz…

“Hey Anon, do YOU want to make a bet?~” asked Voso.

“With what stakes?” you asked.

“A date!” exclaimed Voso clasping her hands together.

“A date.”

“Yeah! Come on, it’ll be fun!” insisted Voso.

You decided to humor her. “And what exactly are you betting on?”

“I bet that I’m going to win the competition today.” Declared Voso.

Hah! Easy money. Voso was strong, but she couldn’t hold a candle to the other competitors.

“Alright, but if you don’t win, I get fifty gold.” You said.

“Deal!” She said thrusting her hand towards you. She really was picking up on Earth customs.

Her willingness to accept your terms was a bit foreboding. Where was all this confidence coming from?

 “When you say date, I hope you know that means no sex or marriage.” You said.

Voso rolled her eyes and gave a sharp tut. “Fine. But I am groping you a bit.”

“Voso.”

“You won’t change my mind about that.” Said Voso sternly. Whatever. You really needed that gold. Poverty fucking sucks. Relenting to her intransigence, you shook her hand. A wisp of purple flame enveloped your hands for a second before traveling up your arms into your bodies. You shivered. Somehow you knew that whatever magic was used to form the contract had wormed its way into your very soul.

“I hope you have something nice to wear~” said Voso licking her lips.

“NOT FAIR!” shouted Demoto, pounding her desk. “I WANT TO make a contract too, you know.” Said the chimera with a pout.

“You can have the same deal.” You said.

“YEAH! I’LL KILL ‘EL ALL! Gently. Just for you, Anon~” said Demoto with a wry smile. Her handshake was less magical than Voso’s, but she did take extra care to caress every inch of your hand with her fluffy paw.

Maybe this competition wouldn’t be so bad after all. Kick back, relax, do some homework while these yahoos slugged it out, and collect your winnings tomorrow morning. Easy.

“Anon! Make a bet with me too!”

You looked at the lamia behind you. “No.”

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t know who you are. Wait a minute, are you even IN the magic class?”

“Err… Technically no, but we can still bet anyways! I’ll bet on Voso as well. If you’re already expecting to win the bet with her, it makes sense to let me make a bet on the same circumstances, yeah?” said the lamia.

Typical rouge with her fast-talking bullshit.

“True, I may be betting against Voso, but I’m guessing that you’re not going to wager a date with her.” You said.

“This is actually a better deal for you than a whole date. Real quick, no pain, no marriage either.” Said the lamia.

“Spit it out.” You said.

“If Voso wins, just let me squeeze you a little bit.” Said the lamia. She wiggled her tail for emphasis.

“Pass.”

“It’ll feel good! I promise! Just a few minutes! I’ll even cut the time in half if you moan and squirm a bit while you’re in there!” pleaded the lamia. “It doesn’t even have to be a minute! A pitiful face looking up at me and a little bit of mewling is all I ask!”

You hunched over your notes and desperately tried to ignore the snake tantrum behind you. Voso’s tail was swishing back and forth listlessly as she stared into space.

~~~~~

“Anon, can I come in?”

You scrambled to stow your work away in your desk before you remembered that none of the mamono could read it anyways. Tossing the chalk into a drawer, you kicked your floor rug over a half finished magic circle and opened the door.

“There you are!” said Maranth. I was wondering where you had run off to. Come on, the competition is starting soon.” Said the valkyrie grabbing your hand and dragging you away.

“I can watch from my window.” You said.

“Nonsense! Not when you’re so “invested” already! And hurry up! I want to make sure the costume fits you.”

“Costume?!”

“I had an arachne weave you something.” Said Maranth. She was practically running now. You had never seen her so excited.

“I think I’ll stick to what I’m wearing.” You panted.

She squeezed your wrist and gave you an admonitory leer. “I PAID for those shorts, and you ARE going to wear them.”

“Shorts?!” you wheezed.

Maranth dragged you towards one of the arenas. There were a few scattered throughout the training field, but all of them were much shorter than the Colosseum. Hauling you inside and down the stairs to the male dressing room, Maranth ignored the cries of the other men and opened a locker.

“Here you go, put this on.” Said Maranth pulling your clothes out of the locker.

Your mouth inadvertently hung open in shock.

“No.” you said recoiling from the outfit.

Maranth’s jubilation subsided a little bit. “Anon, I’ve pulled a LOT of strings to keep you safe and to get you into Valisias Academy in the first place. I know it may seem like I’m asking too much of you, but this is the most fun I’ve had in years. If you could just wear this, just for today, it would mean so much to me.”

She gave you the same collected and confident grin she had given you when she finally accepted you into the Academy.

“Maranth…” you said quietly.

She nodded and handed you the clothes.

“There’s no way I’m wearing that.” You said shoving the uniform back at her.

Maranth’s eye twitched. Her hand shot out and latched onto your collar before you could react. “Either you wear this, or I cut your clothes off and send you up their naked.” She said.

Her free hand slowly reached down to the pommel of her sword.

“Fine! You, crazy bitch.” You said pushing away from her. Seizing the bundle of cloth out of her hand, you did your best to ignore her smug smile as you marched into one of the changing stalls.

~~~~~

“Maranth, where’s the rest of it?” you asked.

“Hmm?”

“This is only the underwear, where’s the rest of the costume?” you asked.

“You’re wearing the shorts and the top?” asked Maranth with feigned apathy. She was trying hard not to laugh.

“Yes.”

“That’s it. Now come out, let me see!” said Maranth.

You swore and crept out of the stall. Short shorts and a tank-top that only reached the bottom of your sternum, both EXTREMELY snug. The inseam on the shorts was so tight that you had to walk with your toes out to prevent your junk from being smothered. The ass of the shorts had been embroidered with Common symbols that roughly translated into “up for grabs”. The double entendre still held up even in this world it would seem.

“Oh… My… Eros…” said Maranth softly. She thrust a finger at you and collapsed onto a nearby bench in a fit of hysterics.

“Ahhahahaha! Oh, it’s PERFECT! It came out even better than I expected!” she wheezed. You glared at her.

After Maranth had collected herself a bit she sat up on the bench and wiped one of her eyes.

“Did the back” she snickered and held up a hand to pause the conversation while she laughed again. Taking a deep breath she looked up at you. “Did the back come out alright?”

You started to turn, but Maranth swiveled you around by your hips. The dark valkyrie shrieked with laughter again and gently pushed you away.

“Oh it’s too GOOD! Gods, what an investment! She really outdid herself.” Said Maranth wiping her nose and eyes.

“PLEASE tell me that I’m not going to be a {cheerleader} for this circus.” You said.

Maranth chuckled and stood up. “I’m not sure what that is, but you’re going to be some eye candy that comes out between rounds and announces the next contenders, maybe give a few advertisements, and generally do anything I tell you while shaking your ass.”

“So I’m a {ring girl}”

“You can be whatever you want, as long as it’s sexy.” Said Maranth ruffling your hair. She pulled out an herb cigarette and lit it. Blowing the smoke your way, she chuckled to herself one last time and shook her head. “They are going to RUIN you during the Dash. Come on, let’s go to the box.” Said Maranth waving you to follow.

No sense in arguing with her. Maranth was not the type of person to make idle threats. Practically naked was better than naked after all.

“I’ll get through the Dash just fine.” You said.

“Uh huh.” Grunted Maranth.

“I’m not as fragile as you think.” You said.

“That’s not saying much.” Said Maranth.

You grit your teeth. “I may not be able to stand up to all of them, but if I do have to fight them you’d better believe that I’ll give as good as I get.”

“That’s a terrible choice of words. You really haven’t learned a thing have you? Still strutting around, trying to pick fights you can’t win. Damn!” You jolted as Maranth pounded a fist onto her palm. “I messed up. I should have put “I bite” on the ass instead. Now THAT would have been funny.”

Maranth led you up a final flight of stairs into the sunlight. Unlike the rest of the seating in the arena, the spectator’s box you were in had a cloth awning for shade and proper seats. Maranth’s husband was already seated in one of the chairs. Maranth kissed him and sat down next to him on the loveseat. You looked around at the other couples in the box. Raigill and her husband were here too. Zara and her husband were sitting quietly in their own loveseat; her sitting on his lap with his dick resting inside her.

“Sit anywhere you like, Anon. Just don’t get too comfy. You’ll be down in the dust after every round to hold up the match cards.” Said Maranth. “That staircase on your left goes down to the field. I got a leana sidhe and her husband from town to paint as the competition goes on. All you have to do is walk out there, wiggle your ass a bit while you wave whatever the fairy hands you, and come back here. If you do a good job, I’ll even buy you snacks from the vendor.”

“How magnanimous of you…” you muttered, taking a seat on one of the stone chairs.

The arena was filling up fast. It looked like most of the student body was here. Some townies as well, but they were relegated to certain sections. Some vendors were already haggling with the eager spectators over the price of their delicious, artery clogging commodities.

“Anon, take one.” Said Maranth handing you a slip of paper.

“A roster of everyone who entered. And the odds for them winning.”

“How many people entered this thing?!” you asked.

“About five-hundred.” Said Maranth.

“Five-hundred?! We’ll be here for a month!” you said.

“Don’t worry.” Said Maranth with a dismissive wave. “The Academy’s staff have trained these kids long enough to know who stands to win this and who’s just showing up for the sake of saying they entered. The first events are fifty on fifty battles that only the weaklings take part in.”

“Team fights, huh? That doesn’t sound like the one-on-one combat that I’ve come to expect from Valisias. And fifty at a time? That’s still going to take ages.”

“Ahh, but that’s where you’re wrong! You see, if you get taken out in one of these preliminary rounds, you’re out no matter what team you were on.” Said Maranth.

“If you go down, you’re out?” you said.

“Mm hmm.”

“What if there’s friendly fire?” you asked.

Maranth sneered. “What if indeed Anon…”

You frowned. “That’s just a free-for-all!” you said.

“No, the competitors coincidentally betray each other every time. It’s THEIR fault, not mine. I guess team spirit is lacking in Valisias…” said Maranth with an exaggerated pout.

Oh well, at least it would be an impressive opening act.

“This mess will be sorted out in a few rounds, then we get to the REAL competition.” Said Maranth. She waved over a vendor and bought some kind of kebab and a cup of wine. “Do you want any?”

“I’ll take some food, sure.” you said. It looked safe enough.

The salamander vendor handed you a kebab. It was perfectly cooked, but a little too spicy for your taste. The crowds continued to pour in until the arena was filled.

“Looks like we’re about ready to start. Go find the leana.” Said Maranth.

You pushed open a waist-high gate in the side of the booth and descended the private staircase that led to the arena’s floor. Sure enough, a man and a fairy were busy painting the first sign of the day.

“Hello, Anon!” exclaimed the tiny woman. “Here’s the first card, what do you think?”

It looked like a normal title card to you. ROUND 1: TEAM ELIMINATION.

“Looks great.” You said taking the sign.

The fairy sighed in relief. “I’m so glad you love it! I really think that the red paint catches the eye. Hubby here wanted to go with an eggshell background, but it’s a good thing I was here to convince him cream was the right way to go.”

“Eggshell is a FAR more refined shade.” Said the man.

“CREAM is a more PASSIONATE shade. And this is a PASSIONATE event.” Said the tiny woman, jabbing his cheek with the butt of her paint brush.

“Monsters and humans!” boomed a voice above you. Maranth had started to address the audience. “Today we gather to bear witness to the proud sorceresses of Valisias Academy as they do battle for fame, prestige, and this bottle of a mysterious human’s refined essence!”
The monsters in the audience cheered.

“So go forth, you young apprentices! Give your all and leave nothing behind! Even an once of repressed effort will lead to regret!” said Maranth. “And for those of you who find magical battles tedious, for those of you who are of the martial mindset, I have taken special care to entertain even you! Feast your eyes on the man who made all this possible: Anon!”

The roar of the crowd was so loud that it shook the walls of the stadium. Feet stomped in appreciation and anticipation.

“That’s your cue, Anon!” said the leana.

“Huh?”

Before you could explain to the fairy that you were only here to lift a few signs, she flew over to the gate leading to the arena and undid the latch. Her husband shoved you from behind and you staggered out into the dusty circle of death.

Shrill whistles and whooping hoots echoed through the stadium, accompanied by raucous laughter. You could tell that most monsters were cat-calling or mocking you. Thankfully, you couldn’t make out what anyone was saying over the din.

“There he is folks! Isn’t he a treat? Still single, just so you all know.” Said Maranth, now amplifying her voice with magic.

You glared up at her. It was impossible to prevent yourself from blushing. The shame of it all! Touted around like this. Maranth giggled and waggled her fingers at you.

“And now, Anon will commence the tournament!” said Maranth.

The monsters quickly hushed. Sweat started to form on your brow. What the hell was Maranth talking about?! Why was everyone so quiet now?

“That means you just say something like “let the tournament begin!”, Anon.” said Maranth.

The crowd chuckled.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “L-let the competition begin!”

The monsters renewed their chorus of yawps and hollers. You kept your eyes down (making eye contact tended to send the wrong message in Valisias) and slunk back into the staircase.

“That was wonderful, Anon! Very cute! I’m sure you’ll attract a wife in no time wearing that!” said the leana.

You just grunted and climbed back up to the box with Maranth and the rest.

“Don’t get too comfy. First event starts in less than a minute.” Said Maranth as you approached your chair.

You sighed.

“Great work out there, champ! Too mad you’re one for one with botched lines.”

You almost fell over the stone chair you were standing behind as Pacolo appeared behind you. She snickered and took another bite of one of the many snacks she was carrying. It looks like she had visited every vendor in the stadium already. No wonder she was so broke…

“What the hell are you doing here?!” you demanded.

“Just chilling. This is the only place with shade, you know.” Said Colo taking a sip of wine from a small bottle.

“This is a private box! Maranth, get her out of here!” you said.

“Nah.” Said the valk.

“What?!”

“She’s not bothering anyone. Besides you, that is. Which is pretty entertaining. You’re not after Anon, right?” said Maranth.

“Nah.” Said Colo with a burp.

“See? She’s harmless. Now get down there, first match starts soon.” Said Maranth waving you down the stairs. You grumbled and started back down the steps.

“Anon, wait!” shouted Colo.

You looked back at her.

“Make sure you pull those shorts out of your asscrack. We can’t read the words when you have a wedgie.”

Colo vanished as you blasted the space where she had just been with magic. A few monsters screamed as the bolt seared a hole in the awning. Whoops…

“Here you go, Anon!” said the leana. Her husband handed you the sign for the first round and you stepped out into the arena again.
The two teams had assembled at either end of the ovular battlefield. Red team on one side, blue on the other. Dozens of monsters comprising dozens of species all eyed their opponents with steely intent. You nervously walked out into center of the arena and held up your sign. Swiveling around once, you made sure that everyone got a glimpse of the text and hurried back to your safe-haven. A centaur dumped her bucket of popcorn on you from above as you were about to enter the stairs.

“Smile damnit! Boys are cutest when they smile!”

“Swing your hips when you walk, too! Eros gave you those hips for a reason.” interjected a werewolf. The rest of her pack cackled and nodded in agreement.

You kept your disgust hidden as best you could and ditched the sign on the ground next to the artists. Adjusting your shorts a bit, you plopped down into your seat. Seriously, did that spider make these ride up so much on purpose? Maranth was standing at the front of the box.

“BEGIN!” she bellowed.

Both teams wasted no time launching the first barrage of magic towards each other. Maranth’s hair flew back as the shockwave threatened to tear the awning off the box. You shielded your eyes from the wind and dust. Screams and zaps echoed through the stadium as the crowd cheered. Coughing, you used your magic to clear the air around your face. What the hell was even happening down there?

Chaos.

You had expected an organized, tactic oriented fight that would devolve into a free-for-all AFTER one team had come out on top. Instead, each team had broken into dozens of small groups that were picking off individual members of the other team. You watched as an amazon from the red team flattened a blue succubus with a punch, only to be laid out by two other blue team monsters. Wait, weren’t martial arts banned? Apparently not, given how many monsters were brawling each other without any inkling of magic. You doubted that Maranth really cared either way. And it wasn’t as if there were any referees to stop the fight.

The whole round took two minutes. Tops. Most of the monsters had been flattened against the wall in the initial blast. All the remaining monsters settled the actual fight in a matter of moments. The magical disparity was painfully obvious at this point; magically gifted mamono easily crushed any resistance with a wave of their hand. Once there were only a dozen monsters still in the ring, the friendly fire began in earnest. A lamia from the red team tried to blast one of her ghoul comrades in the back, but was quickly countered and subdued. On the red team, a high orc decided to shake things up a little by supplexing one of her teammates as they lined up a shot.

“ROUND!” shouted Maranth.

The four remaining monsters on the blue team stopped their infighting. Medical staff and students from the pharmacomancy discipline sallied forth to start clearing away the unconscious or concussed fighters as the crowd cheered for the victors.

“Savages.” Said Raigill. “I’ve seen Order priests use better combat magic.”

“You’ve never seen an Order priest in your life.” Said Maranth as she returned to her seat. “What did you think, Anon?”

“It was something alright.” You said. Looks like this whole ordeal take as long as you had anticipated.

“You should see what the REAL fights are like. I always love to see the way professionals dule. So elegant! None of this ‘one spell and I’ll switch to my fists’ nonsense.” Said Maranth.

“Mm hmm.” You hummed as you watched a succubus and a unicorn straining to roll an oni onto a stretcher.

“Anyways, you should get down there. The next round begins soon.” Said Maranth.

With a sigh, you flopped off the seat and walked back down to the leana and her husband.

“Voila! A new masterpiece just for you!” said the fairy proudly as her husband handed you the sign.

ROUND 2: TEAM ELIMINATION

“Looks great.” you said. Opening the door, you stepped back out into the arena. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Seeing these fights was more entertaining than you expected. It would also be the first chance you had to see a real high-level magical duel. Aside from the outfit, this was shaping out to be a pretty good day.

~~~~~~

Things were peachy for the first couple of fights. The magic was flying, the monsters were dropping, you were snacking, and everyone was having a grand old time. But as the competition rolled on, so did the general level of intoxication in the crowd. The wine and ale vendors must have been pulling form casks somewhere, because they NEVER seemed to run out. You watched as a satyros handed a shit-faced gang of orcs another few bottles of wine. The pigs cheered and began guzzling, falling over themselves in a fit of laughter.

Getting drunk at a sports event was nothing you weren’t familiar with; it happened all the time on Earth. But on Earth, you weren’t forced to wear a glorified cheerleading outfit and attract the attention of hundreds of inebriated rapists. Maranth’s insistence that you ‘do a human dance’ for the crowd at intermission didn’t help either. You’d like to think that your dancing wasn’t THAT bad, but the crowd was apparently insulted by your weak attempts to work your body. For your troubles, the monsters doused you with water when you tried to go back up to the box. Pelting you with kebab skewers and empty cups, they demanded that you ‘shake yourself dry’ for their amusement. A drunken hellhound had unexpectedly come to your rescue after she started crying about how you were being abused. This started a row between the monsters who thought that you didn’t deserve the vitriol and those that just wanted to see your dick through your wet shorts. Colo had come to your rescue, blinking you into the box as a fight broke out.

“Thish is greatd!” said Maranth through a mouthful of pastry. She was starting to get a little tipsy too. One of her hands was down her husbands pants, gently stroking him while he reclined on her chest.

“How many more rounds are there?” you said, ignoring her flagrant ministrations.

“Only a few more. This is the quarter finals.” Said Colo.

{Ahnon, do you hneed a uhhh…} what’s the word for ‘towel’ in your language?” asked Raigill in English.

“Towel.” You said.

{Doa you hneed a towvel?} said Raigill. That accent was so cute.

“No, I’m fine. These things don’t take that long to dry.” You said tugging at your shirt and shorts.

“I wonder if they’ll shrink?” said Colo with a grin.

“I don’t think they could get any tighter.” You grumbled.

“Quit bitching Anon. Look! That cute demon you like is about to fight.” Said Raigill.

Indeed she was; though you weren’t sure about the ‘like’ part. Voso strutted out into the arena and waved to the crowd. She had been cleaning house so far. Most of the monsters weren’t able to touch her. Since Voso was more roguish than the average mage, she was able to use her acrobatics and endurance to outmaneuver most spells that were slung her way.

She was the only one you recognized, besides the ignis from your magic class. The other two were upperclassmen you didn’t recognize. Voso was going up against one of the seniors, a mantis who specialized in short-range teleportation. Probably the end of the line for Voso, if you had to guess. Speed was the only thing that had kept her alive so far, and the mantis was bound to be MUCH faster.

Colo handed you another cup of wine. You shouldn’t be drinking so much given your circumstances, but the stuff was too damn good. It also made slutting it up more tolerable.

“I know her! She’sh the one who was asking about you.” Said Colo, gesturing at Voso and sloshing her own cup.

“She was asking about me?” you said.

“Yeah. Wanted to know what I was doing with you.” The cheshire’s face shifted into a narrowed eyed glare as she did her best Voso impression. “I don’t know who you are, but Anon is MINE. Huh? You were doing what with him? Oh! How sweet! I hope Brez understands how you feel.”

Colo laughed. “First time in a while I actually felt scared of something.”

“Other than Brez?” you sneered.

Colo smacked you. “Shut up! Go say hi to your wife, you slut.”

Sounds like a good idea to you!

“Woooo! Go Voso!” you shouted, waving at the demon.

Voso’s jaw dropped. Beaming, she frantically waved back at you. Her azure skin turned to a deep purple as she blew you a kiss.
The monsters around the box went wild. Some were cheering her on, telling her to win for her husband. Others got jealous and screeched at her to go fuck herself. You just laughed and reclined in your seat. Fuck, this was good wine.

“That’s so CUTE Anon.” said Raigill. “Voso’z such a good girl.”

“Get down there, Anon. I’m not paying you to sit around.” Said Maranth.

“You’re not paying me at all, bitch.” You said.

“Oh yeah…”

By now you were used to the routine. With the blind confidence that could only be found in an intoxicated stupor, you strutted back out into the arena with the latest sign.

VOSO vs. AFFINIS: SINGLE ELIMINATION

The mantis was seemingly indifferent to your presence. She just stared past you at Voso. Voso on the other hand, was clearly trying not to lose her cool composure. She offered you a small wave when you swung the sign in her direction. Unfortunately for her, the knife she was clutching to her chest in the other hand made the affectionate gesture more threatening than intended. Just like a yandere from one of your Laotian claymations.

 You made your way back to the box and collapsed into your seat with a sigh. Sipping your booze, you waited for Maranth to kick things off.

“BEGIN!”

Affinis surged forward. She crossed the entirety of the arena in a few seconds. Most of her matches so far had ended with the first strike.

“How is she able to do that?” you asked Colo.

“Theriomancy is a hell of a school. The Academy usually frowns on it since acting like an animal in a dungeon full of traps and monsters will usually get you killed, but they make special exceptions for monsters with good control.” Said Colo.

Voso stepped back as Affinis began to cleave at her with her scythes. There was a flash of magic as Voso enchanted her daggers and desperately tried to parry the incoming blows. In a flash, Affinis scored two shallow slashes on Voso’s arm and stomach. Voso screamed and blinked away with a short teleportation spell.

Reappearing a few yards away, Voso unleashed a barrage of mana shots at Affinis. Affinis artfully dodged the incoming magic and continued her pursuit. Biding her time, Voso waited for the mantis to leap before launching her next attack. Affinis twisted midair to avoid being hit, and skidded off to Voso’s side.

“Looks like your blushing bride is out.” Said Colo.

“Voso will be fine. Now that she’s got some distance, there’s no way she’ll lose.” You said.

“Not if this fight lasts much longer.”

Endurance did appear to be the deciding factor in this fight. Affinis looked just as strong now as she had when the match began. Conversely, Voso looked like she was nearing her limit. Her chest was heaving, and the mana shots were coming less and less frequently. Lashing out at Affinis with magic, she tried to grab the insect woman. Affinis effortlessly warded against the incoming spell and tackled Voso. The demon had just enough time to teleport away before Affinis’s claws came down.

Gasping, Voso leaned against an arena wall. Clutching her stomach, she looked up at you.

“Come on, you can do it. I know you can. You’ve always got something planned…” you muttered.

Voso clenched her teeth and prepared to face Affinis again. This time, she made no attempt to halt the mantis’s advance as she closed in. When Affinis made her first slash, Voso used her magic to twist the scythe away from her and down into the dirt. Lunging at Affinis, Voso pressed her palm into the girl’s chest. Affinis swung at Voso with her free arm, but faltered halfway through. The swipe connected but with only an ounce of the force intended. Her face reddened. Taking a deep breath, Voso formed an o with her thumb and fingers and blew a pink haze in the face of the stunned mantis.

Affinis shuddered and swayed. Voso wasted no time stabbing her with one of her daggers as Affinis teetered away from her. Pulling the knife free, Voso let Affinis collapse into the dirt. Her body twitched as the insect woman soaked her panties and was still.
You cheered with the crowd. Raigill was out of her seat pumping her fist and squealing.

“What kind of magic was that?” you asked Colo.

“That was a combination of spells.” Said Zara. “Voso knew that breaking the beast boost spell would only last a moment. So instead of counter-attacking, she used the spellbreak to get through Affinis’s ward and cast succubus instant. Since beast boost is an unconscious spell, it was guaranteed to backfire once succubus instant was cast. After that, Voso used breath of ecstasy to finish her off. A bit heavy-handed, but if she hadn’t used the breath Affinis may have come to her senses before Voso could stab her.”

“Neat.” You said. It was so interesting to see what these mages could do with practice. You really needed to work on your spells; if this tournament had taught you anything it was that one trick ponies don’t last long.

“Holy shit Anon. Your wife is cool.” Said Colo.

“Yeah, she’s pretty strong.” You conceded.

Voso was waving at you with one hand while the other clenched her belly. Stop that! Go find a doctor, you dork! You smiled and waved back at her. Voso squealed and did a little shimmy. She winced when she accidentally put pressure on the wound and shuffled off towards the medical staff with a goofy grin on her face.

“Impressive.” Sniffed Maranth. High praise indeed from the dark valkyrie.

“Do you think she’ll win?” said Colo giving you a nudge with her elbow.

“I don’t know. Winner of the next fight goes up against her in the finals.” You said.

“You know what this DOES mean?”

You cocked your eyebrow.

“MORE WINE!” said Colo pulling another two cups out of the air.

“Hell yeah.” You said toasting her.

~~~~~~

The next round ended quickly, with the ignis from your magic class being defeated by a dark mage. No matter how much the elemental tried to immolate her foe, the flames just washed over the mage’s ward until the ignis got caught in a counter offensive.

“You nervous Anon, looks like you’re goin on tha date.” Said Colo hanging off your shoulders. Her breath reeked of wine.

“I’m not going NOWHERE.” You said jabbing a finger into her tit. “I made a BET, and I’m getting PAID.”

“You’re getting LAAAIIIDDD!” said Colo collapsing onto the ground in a fit of laughter.

“Anon, pull your drunkard ass together and get out there.” Said Maranth.

“I’m going.” You said.

Taking the final sign of the day, you strutted out into the arena for the last time. By now you were beyond giving a fuck.
FINAL ROUND: VOSO vs. MADOLOTIS

Spin, pose, hip swing and… done. Back to the booth. You thanked the leana and her husband for all the signs and returned to your seat. You sighed in contentment as the cheap wine coursed through your veins. The world wobbled around you as you draped one of your arms over your eyes.

“Pay attention! They’re about to do the thing!” said Colo.

Indeed they were. The dark mage and Voso were already sizing each other up.

“Before we begin this final match, I would ask that the audience give a round of applause for our two competitors who have made it so far, and all the other contenders that fought so valiantly before them!”

Monsters around the stadium stood and applauded.

“Contenders at the ready, START!”

Maranth’s hand fell and the match began. Neither Voso nor Madolotis moved. The crowd murmured as the seconds dragged on.

“Why aren’t they moving?” you whispered to Colo.

“I don’t know. I think something important is about to happen.” Said Colo.

“Like wha-“

“Shh!” Colo stuffed a furry hand into your face.

“You look tired, dear. Why not spare yourself the humiliation of defeat and forfeit? I’m sure you could ask the human to bandage all those wounds.” Said the dark mage.

The crowd hushed at the sweet, sweet sound of banter. As much as the denizens of Valisias loved to fight, they loved shit-talking even more. It was almost a sport in and of itself. Every tough-bitch monster had her own personal repertoire of insults and comebacks.
“Me? I’m a demon, I’ve got energy to spare! I’d be more concerned with your OWN wellbeing; it isn’t safe for a HUMAN like yourself to be wandering through monster territory.” Said Voso.

“Oh ho! Some ‘demon’ you are. I’ve never heard of one of the Demon Lord’s finest being carved up by a BUG before.” Said Madolotis.
“And I’VE never heard of a man who would want a flat-chested, narrow-hipped, SPINSTER like yourself.” Said Voso.

Uh oh. She said it. The ‘s’ word. That not-so-sinister word in your language, but one of the worst insults a monster could conjure against another mamono. To call a monster a spinster was to imply that they had failed at the one thing they all wanted to accomplish in life, despite having the assets to claim a man.

Madolotis’s hair wafted as she fired the first bolt of magic at Voso. Voso flapped her wings and shot to the side.

“Maybe if you spent more time working on that attitude and less time with your nose in a book, you’d have a husband~” chided Voso.

The blows came heavy and fast as Voso skirted around the edge of the arena towards Madolotis. The dark mage said nothing, fully set on expressing her indignation with violence rather than witty retorts.

Voso winged away from the wall and towards Madolotis. As the mage fired her next shot, Voso teleported to her flank and thrust her knife at Madolotis’s exposed side. The dagger stopped just short of connecting with the woman, and Voso had to drop the knife and roll away to avoid the blast of energy Madolotis released.

“Enough! This ends now!” snarled Madolotis.

Before Voso could regain her balance, Madolotis was bearing down on her with telekinesis. Voso raised her hands and put up her wards just in time to prevent herself from being crushed. You watched intently as the dim light around her hands began to flicker.

“Oh fuck…” said Colo.

“What?” you asked.

“Madolotis is trying to wrap things up in a hurry. See how Voso’s barrier is pulsing like that? Madolotis keeps breaking her wards as fast as she can put them up. That’s a huge strain on mana, for both of them. This might go on until one of them is dry…” said Colo.
Both monster’s faces were contorted with strain. Sweat was pouring down Voso’s brow into her cleavage. You prayed that your boner went away before you had to stand up again.

“SUBMIT!” shouted Madolotis.

Voso lowered one of her hands and whipped a knife at Madolotis. Madolotis swatted Voso into a wall and deflected the knife with a wave of her hand.

“Pathetic! Did you think that trick would save you? You’ve only bought yourself an extra second of time!” said Madolotis.

Voso’s legs wobbled fiercely as she stood. She smiled at the dark mage. “A second is all I need.”

She slapped the wall beside her. The stone wall of the arena seemed to shake, and a few trickles of dust came free. The crowd hollered in astonishment. An intricate network of lines and runes formed a potent magic circle of unknown purpose.

“I took the liberty of using my teletomancy skills to carve this out a few days ago. I was tempted to reveal it during the last fight, but I’m glad I saved it.” Panted Voso. “This fight was over before it began.”

Her palm flared. Nothing happened. Voso froze and stared at her carving.

“Over before it began, hmm? THAT we can agree on.” Said Madolotis. She lashed out and seized Voso by the throat. Holding the demon against the wall, she casually approached her foe while inspecting her nails. “Ahh, but one thing bothers me… You said: “I carved this out” but what you meant to say was, “I carved THESE out,” right?”

 Madolotis reached the wall and slammed her fist into the stone. Like a ripple through a pond, streams of stone and dust fell away to reveal a dozen other magic circles engraved into the walls.

“I can see that you were quite busy!” said Madolotis inspecting Voso’s handiwork. “Ingenious to use a smaller sub-circle to power the concealment spell of each major circle. If I were any other species, I imagine you could have blown me away with ANY of these.”
She grabbed Voso’s jaw with one of her hands. “But we see MUCH more than any of you~ I notched all the circles over the course of my matches. With all the mana pouring out of them, they may as well have been bonfires to me.”

“What kind of spell did she use to see all those?” you asked.

“None. She’s got one of those spirit things.” Said Colo.

“What?”

Colo let out a drunken burp. “You know, she’s one of those Zipangu gals with the fox ghost in ‘em.”

“A kitsune-tsuki?!” you asked.

“Yeah, sumthin’ like that.” Said Colo lounging on one of the empty seats.

Oh shiiiiittt…

Madolotis blasted Voso point blank with a mana shot. Voso screamed and bounced off the wall, landing in a heap at Madolotis’s feet. The tsuki stepped away from Voso for a second and raised her hands in triumph.

The crowd lost it. Fans poured onto the field to hoist Madolotis onto their shoulders. Food and trash was heaved over the wall down into the pit. Gamblers who had lost their money swore and cursed at Madolotis as she was carried away by the mob of drunken hooligans.

Maranth watched the chaos unfolding below. “Tsk! I didn’t even get to give her the prize! Oh well, I’ll track her down eventually. Anon, I was going to have you hand her the potion, but it looks like you’re off the hook. I’d tell you that you did a good job out there today but…” she put a hand on your shoulder. “That was some of the worst dancing I’ve ever seen. Please, for the sake of your future wife, find an apsara and get some lessons.”

You nodded. Yeah, whatever. All you cared about now was going home and getting some sleep. There was too much wine and too many carbs in you right now to think of anything else.

Teetering back to your dorm, you flopped down face-first onto your bed and passed out.