makotoh and urianger (emeto; shadowbringers spoilers)

most everyone was asleep, so makotoh left her room at the pendants to venture outside. she was grateful the concierge wasn’t currently at his podium. his kind eyes displayed too much pity and concern as of late.

makotoh had not expected to meet anyone up here, least of all urianger. she noticed his presence before she saw his silhouette. even with her painfully bleached vision, she could make him out easily.

a soft sound escaped his lips, and the pause that followed it immediately caused her senses to flare defensively with anger. she hasn’t spoken to urianger in quite some time, nor did she intend on doing so any time soon.

she can feel the tension that her presence has caused within him. “Lady Makotoh,” he speaks hesitantly, “Methinks it would be wise of you to use these early hours for rest.” urianger offers, avoiding asking why she was awake at this time or making a direct comment about the state of the light within her. it just makes her angrier. his presence alone was enough to rustle up feelings of discomfort, but the feeling of him speaking to her like this isn’t something easily pushed down and molded into feigned politeness.

“Shut up. Stop talking.” she heard herself say before she acknowledged having spoken at all. the expression on urianger’s face shifted at the sharp bite in her tone, giving way to the guilt he’s been holding so closely for so long.

“Forgive me, t’was not intended as an order by any means—“ makotoh’s voice cut through his with calculated aggression.

“I’m tired of hearing you.” she’s desperately biting back all of the words she wants to unleash upon him, though the glittering iridescence at the corners of makotoh’s mouth tells her story better than words ever could. she’s dying; her body is filled with poison. it’s urianger’s fault. that’s the short version, anyway.

he stays silent and still, respecting her wishes.

makotoh is about to address him again when a rush of metallic bile rises in her throat and into her mouth, staining her tongue with the scorch of her insides. her knees shaking, she gives in to the lurch of her stomach and quickly turns away to empty her guts of whatever toxic light just couldn’t wait to get out. the vomiting was occurring more frequently lately and makotoh suspects that her organs are likely becoming corroded by it. she assumes that her body is making a last-ditch effort to reject it all. it collects at her feet, thick and coagulated. rotten like old blood.

makotoh can feel urianger’s presence at her side and his hand at the small of her back as she violently coughs and wheezes, nearly choking on the remnants in her throat. she whips back around on unsteady feet to shove his hands off of her. “Don’t touch me! You did this!”

her true feelings. saying them should have been cathartic in any normal situation. here, all it’s done is give way to a torrent of angry, hateful thoughts given a voice.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Almost everything went according to your plan to use me… to use my body as a receptacle for this…” she’s taking deep, labored breaths as she drags her forearm over her mouth. “You planned for this to happen to me.”

for someone who never wanted the echo; never wanted to be a scion… definitely never wanted to be a warrior of light or darkness or whatever, a death like this was unforgivable.

urianger very obviously wishes to speak, but instead, he continues to listen. of course, the circumstances that got them to this place were unfathomable and the decisions he made were not done so lightly, but here he can plainly see that his guilt and sorrow have done nothing to soothe makotoh. he never expected it to, but he had been so caught up in the matters of the first and grappling with his own feelings regarding his betrayal that he had failed to take the time to address makotoh personally and in private so that she could air these grievances.

makotoh’s frustration is palpable. sparkling tears fall from her eyes— reddened, puffy eyelids and inflamed tear ducts overcome with burning, stinging pain. struggling, she rips the wrap covering her left eye to scrub at her face almost violently; a scream dying behind cracked lips and clenched teeth.

“I wish I’d never met any of you.” her voice is quivering, betraying her words. “I can’t believe I thought that you cared about me!”

makotoh standing before him like this was a vision that urianger would not soon forget. the last dregs of her composure had been chewed up and spit out, leaving her unsound mind at war with her failing body.

makotoh intends to haunt him. he isn’t allowed to forget about what he let her become.

again, urianger looks overcome with the need to use his voice but forces himself to comply with what could be her last wishes. he’s caught completely off guard, however, when her clenched fist connects with his chest. he meets makotoh’s bewildered stare and is unable to keep himself from showing his anguish.

she hits him again. physically, it doesn’t really hurt. not as much as either of them wishes it did, but the emotional damage of each weakened punch from her felt like dying from guilt over and over again.

after hitting him several times, makotoh doubles over in a coughing fit, thickened remnants of liquid light crackling in her lungs. it leaves her lightheaded and falling forward against urianger, who quickly and dutifully holds her up. growling, she hits him again, weaker than before. not wanting her to use any more energy on him, he gently places his hand on the top of her head. a single pet and a silent plea for her to rest.

instantly, her shoulders tighten and shake. she covers her mouth with both hands. urianger thinks she may need to vomit again but is surprised to hear a quiet sob instead.

makotoh’s persona is always so finely tuned that one would never see her express vulnerability, much less cry. urianger realizes in this moment that the world around her has likely forgotten that even the strongest are capable of tears. he had as well.

his arms wrap around her and bring her close. makotoh cries harder. loud and undignified. her despair perfectly communicated. she’s not trying to get away; she isn’t trying to strike him now. she is taking advantage of this comfort being offered to her, even if it’s from the person that has hurt her the most. urianger is more than willing to give it. there are many things he would give to her, were it that he could. for now, this was all he had to offer her.

he is so sorry.
she’s sorry too.