1. Have You Had Sex? (Nope! I'm still a virgin in real life, and am damn proud of it.)
2. Have You Bought Condoms? (Nope! I have been forced to learn how they work on wooden penises, though. It was very awkward and uncomfortable.)
3. Have You Gotten Pregnant? (Nope! That's not really possible for me anyway, for obvious reasons.)
4. Have You Failed A Class? (Nope! I wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I mostly got all A's and B's on my report cards.)
5. Have You Kissed A Boy? (Nope! Most of the boys I've seen are either fat, retarded, or just plain creepy anyway.)
6. Have You Kissed A Girl? (Nope! Unless you count my mother, my cat, my long-gone step-sister, and this girl from high school. But, all of those kisses were on the cheek.)
7. Have You Had A Job? (Yep! Sadly, I did have a few, but I lost each of them due to selfish assholes mistreating me, not paying me, or lying about my work ethics.)
8. Have You Left The House Without Your Wallet? (Yep! No one is perfect, and each of us can get scatterbrained at times. It happens to the best of us.)
9. Have You Bullied Someone On The Internet? (Nope! A lot of people may think that I have, but they're wrong. There's a difference between bullying and standing up for yourself.)
10. Have You Sexted? (Yep! I didn't really like it, though. Not because it wasn't hot. It was because I'm not very good at texting, and I had to make sure I typed everything perfectly.)
11. Have You Had Sex In Public? (Nope! Whoever has done this needs to be thrown in jail for indecent public exposure and disturbing the peace anyway. Sickos.)
12. Have You Smoked Weed? (Nope! Never have, never will. Those who do drugs are pathetic losers who have no life and will die at an early age due to health problems.)
13. Have You Smoked Cigarettes? (Nope! Basically the same deal as with #12. Seriously, if you're stressed out, go play a video game or something! Don't ruin your lungs, you idiots!)
14. Have You Smoked A Cigar? (Nope! I'm not a father, so I've never had a reason to. I never would anyway, since they're the same as nasty cigarettes.)
15. Have You Drank Alcohol? (Nope! Once again, those who drink alcohol of any kind are complete losers and will die early due to health problems. Grab a Mountain Dew instead, you dingbats!)
16. Have You Been To A Wedding? (Yep! I'll never get those three hours of my life back, either. Good God I was so bored. I think I fell asleep a dozen times during it!)
17. Have You Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? (Yep! More like 24 hours straight at one point. Hey, when you have depression like me, the computer is one thing that brings you joy!)
18. Have You Watched TV For 5 Hours Straight? (Yep! Again, try more like 24 hours. TV is my life, as is my computer. No one knows more about either one than me, that's for sure.)
19. Have You Been Late To School? (Yep! Several times, but that's because the stupid bus driver came too early and my mother had to drive me. Boy was she mad, since obviously it was all MY fault.)
20. Have You Kissed In The Rain? (Nope! I did have a dream once of kissing Miles Prower in the rain, though. It was very romantic, until I woke up and realized I needed to use the bathroom.)
21. Have You Showered With Someone Else? (Yep! My cat and my three poodles all love to take baths with me. Well, technically not my cat, but that's just splitting hairs.)
22. Have You Been Outside Your Home Country? (Nope! Never even been out of Montana, my home STATE. Hey, I don't have money, so what do you want from me? Shut up.)
23. Have You Been On A Road Trip For Longer Than 5 Hours? (Yep! We traveled once in a car around a few cities in Montana, which lasted several hours. It was fun.)
24. Have You Had Lice? (Nope! I take good care of my body, for the most part. I'm sexy and I know it.)
25. Have You Gotten Your Heart Broken? (Yep! Every single time the Philadelphia Eagles don't make it to the Super Bowl. They deserve to win it more than any other team, yet they never have.)
26. Have You Had A Credit Card? (Nope! My mother says credit cards are awful and should never be used, and I've listened to this advice my whole life. It's worked wonders, too.)
27. Have You Been To A Professional Sports Game? (Yep! Sports are awesome and anyone who doesn't like at LEAST one sport is a deadbeat loser. I love almost every sport in some way!)
28. Have You Broken A Bone? (Nope! I'm not stupid enough to get myself severely injured. The worst I've done is sprained my right ankle and had to move around in a walking boot.)
29. Have You Been Unhappy About Your Weight? (Nope! I'm 155 pounds and I'm 5'11'', which is perfect to me! Anyone who weighs more than 200 pounds needs to go on a diet. Quickly.)
30. Have You Won A Trophy? (Yep! I have trophies for spelling bee wins, for playing middle school basketball, for being top student many times in high school, and for just being me.)
31. Have You Cut Yourself? (Yep! I've cut myself a few times while trying to open a can of spaghetti and meatballs. Stupid sharp lids. My blood does taste good though when I lick my wounds.)
32. Have You Been On A Diet? (Nope! Never had a reason to. I've weighed between 150 and 160 pounds for over 10 years now, and it's the perfect weight in my eyes.)
33. Have You Rode In A Taxi? (Yep! Found a quarter in the seat, too. I also stole the driver's gloves when he wasn't looking, since I needed them more than he did. He smelled bad anyway.)
34. Have You Stayed Up For 24 Hours Or More? (Yep! I'm pretty sure most normal human beings have, though. Sure, I love sleeping and sometimes hoping I never wake up, but I've stayed up for days before!)
35. Have You Been To A Concert? (Yep! Went to go see the legendary Elton John, and also saw Keith Urban one time. I really want to see Toby Keith, Queen, or Weird Al Yankovic, though.)
36. Have You Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex? (Yep! We all have; those who say they haven't is a liar. It's just something we all think about one time or another. We're only human.)
37. Have You Had Braces? (Nope! My teeth are perfect! I mean, I do have some wisdom teeth, and I did have a cavity once, but that was when I was young. Never needed braces.)
38. Have You Wore Make-Up? (Nope! I scold my mother constantly for putting some on sometimes, since I don't think females need it; they're pretty the way they are! And males...yeah, don't go there.)
39. Have You Lost Your Virginity Before You Were 16? (Nope! I still have my virginity, you stupid question. And anyone who would have sex before they're 18 is a sick, disturbed individual anyway.)
40. Have You Kissed Someone Of A Different Race Than Yourself? (Nope! My mother thinks it's wrong for...colored people...to be with white people anyway. I vehemently disagree, but...yeah, never have.)
41. Have You Snuck Out Of The House? (Yep! Hey, if I need to go somewhere, I'm damn well going! Sure, I got yelled at and berated for it later, but I have no regrets.)
42. Have You Had Oral Sex? (Nope! Your mouth shouldn't be used for that anyway. If you want something long in your mouth, eat a hot dog or a banana. Or a taco, if you're a straight male.)
43. Have You Dyed Your Hair? (Nope! Honestly wouldn't mind having purple hair, but my black hair has stayed the way it has for all 22 years of my life, and I look damn good with it.)
44. Have You Met Someone Famous? (Yep! I've met Marc Mariani. If you don't know who he is, just look him up. I'm not going to explain every single sports player to you dumdums.)
45. Have You Been On Vacation? (Nope! Really wish I could go on vacation to Mobius or Equestria or Kanto a lot of the time, though. Sadly, it'll probably never happen.)
46. Have You Been On A Boat? (Yep! I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good, hard look at this mother-bucking boat! I'm a boat, mother-bucker, take a look at me!)
47. Have You Been On An Airplane? (Nope! My mother is terrified of airplanes, and since she wrongly controls my life a lot of the time, she refuses to let me ride one. I can't stand her sometimes.)
48. Have You Prank Called Someone? (Yep! I love pranking others. One time I called my mother's best friend and pretended I was a gangster asking for "the stuff". I was told to "fuck off" and was hung up on.)
49. Have You Taken A Pregnancy Test? (Nope! The colors are so droll anyway. I mean, pink and blue? Pink is negative and blue is positive, right? Or...is the other way around? Anyway, I'm a freaking male!)
50. Have You Been Suspended From School? (Nope! Well, technically I did, but I simply served three days worth of constant detention IN the school itself due to fighting a bully. I was proud of myself.)

So, 21 of the 50 questions I answered yes to. That means: 21 x 2 = 42, and 100 - 42 = 58. Ouch. Well, what can I say? I've had a difficult, hard life. But, at least I'm still on the good side of the line instead of the bad side. We all have yin and yang inside of us, so at least my yang is better than my yin. That makes me happy.