Thread 100: Stories 91-103

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>Faustmom
"OldFaustmom"
~~~

"...No luck?"

>I HATE THEM SO MUCH

"Damn... do we at least-"

>No, and now he's so busy trying to find the impossibly powerful superbeing that it never happens either.

"DAMN!"

>We still take it out on our daughter.

"...We have issues."

>That we do.

"So, godsex?"

>...Nah.

"Yeah... I'm not feeling it either..."

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'PSA'
[PChrysalis]
~~~~

'ARE YOU SERIOUS!?'

[No, fuck that, are YOU serious!? This had better be a plot to get to the Heart, or I am going to be... wait, is it? FUCK! I take it back!... fuck it, I know I said no mindzotzing, but I'm mindzotzing.]

'ACK!'

"No."

TINK!

[YOU FUCKING ZOTZBLOCKER! I've been zotzblocked by ME! That's...]

flipflipflip

[...Fuck it, going with the classic, THAT'S BULLSHIT!]

'No yeah, keep giving me that look, totally unreasonable I'm worried you're standing next to our brain controlling RAPIST!'

[You weren't even that good! You're shit in bed!]

'WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING ZOMBIEFIED!'

[Not excused, fucko!]

>...We were loud.

"Yeah, kinda loud back in the day."

'I'm setting fire to that ballroom when I get back!'

[TRY IT ASSHOLE! Then go back to crying like a little bitch because NO WINGS!]

'YOU TAKE THAT BACK!'

BIFF PAFF ZOW!

"How are you doing so much damage to me?'

>Well, what the heck did you eat and charge on before me?

"...Fair enough, I'd be pretty low right there. "

'I WILL SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT!'

[NOT BEFORE I EAT YOUR HEART!]

>...Chrysalis?

"Hm?"

>I'm glad we hang out.

"...mmm..."

>...

"..."

>...heh.

['DIEEEEEEEE!']

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>Chitania
"PChitania"
'13'
~~~

>BOOM BITCH!

THOOOOM!

>HA HA!

"How are you stronger than me?"

>I HAVE A HOOKER!

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Wait... that came out wrong, let me try this again-

"OH LOVE I'VE BECOME MY MOTHER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>It's not that-

"I DON'T WANT MY EYE SIGHT TO GO BAD!"

'...Wait what.'

>Our eyesight is fine!

"STOP LYING TO US! We're going, just like her! Soon we won't be able to see anything and we'll be with mares all the time!'

>It's not like that!

'Are you fucking serious.'

"I DON'T WANT TO GO BLIIIIIND!"

>IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!

THOOM!

>I just needed food.

"...ohhh. Okay."

'...You seriously think your mom just couldn't see?'

>Well duh.

"Obviously."

'...See, this is how we met twice and you still missed me...'

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[Celestia]
>Twilight
*Mootilda*
-Herald-

[Now Twilight what ever you do, do not stare at the ambassador's teats, it can be seen as offensive.]

>"Why would I sta-"

-Introducing her Boviness, from the country of Cowetia, Ambassador Mootilda!"-

>"Holy you."

[Precisely, just don't stare.]

>"But their just so...big, and round!"

[Don't stare!]

>"How can I not stare it's impossible not t- Hello Mootilda, how are you today?"

*Oh heavens me, I'm doing quite well my dear, you wouldn't beilve the amount of pot holes we had stumbled across. Yourself?"

>"Udderly."

[Oh me...]

*Excuse me?*

>"Uh, Wonderfully! Wonderfully here in Equestria of course, so shall we get started on the trade agreements can't wait to get started, yep yep yep!"

*Dearie, if you were just wanting a drink you could have just asked y'know.*

[Here we go...]

>"What!?"

*Well since your mind is so focused on my teats I imagine you'd like to sample some of my country's wears before agreeing to a trade proposal, after all Dear Celestia has done so before.*

>"Wh-what?"

[...]

>"Um...if...if you say so..."

>Uncomfortable noises.

[Snrk...]

*Heheh...*

>"Phwah! There, it's good, can we get started?"

[*BUWHAHAHAHAHA!*]

>"Why are you laughing?!"

*Oh dearie me she actually did it, I can't beileve you said she would!*

[T-Twilight has always been known to h-help a friend in n-nee hehehehahah!"

>"Is there even a trade agreement to discuss!?"

*Of course, there is dearie, but it's just a bit of fun is all.*

[Do you know how often Mootilda get's a chance to pull that prank?! It's priceless to see the new ambassadors fret over it, snrk ahahha oh but your face was the best of them all my precious student.]


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 >AJ
"Past AJ"
~~~~~

"So, yer' really not gonna tell me what happens next?"

>Nope.

"But Ah' just ended Nightmare Night, and after that there fight Ah'm kinda worried."

>Ya'll should be, bad things are gonna happen one after the other.

"So, why can't Ah' stop it?"

>Cause iffin' ya' stop it, it don't never happen.

"...That would be the point, yeah."

>Sorry, me, but some o' these things... they gotta happen.

"...Why?"

>Cause things got a whole lot worse... but fer' some fellas, things got more better than they ever had a hope fer' bein' otherwise. Who knows, maybe Ah'll talk ta' future me sometime soon, and things'll get a whole lot worse. Or maybe Ah'll talk ta' future me, and things got a whole lot better. Point is, Ah' can't, or shouldn't, change the past. What happened, happened. And what comes next... well, that's up ta' me.

"...That sounds like a whole load o' excuses cause ya' don't wanna get wiped out from existence."

>Well, at least Ah' know mahself.

BUCK!

"THIS IS STUPIIiiiidddd-"

DING!

>... Nah... Ah've been stupid fer' a long time. Round here is when Ah' finally started learnin'... whelp! Future ain't gonna write itself!

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NCOMAKE!
>Discord
"Pinkie'
~~~

>Wait, what the fuck does that say?

"Why... how... ALL OF THIS IS NON-CANON!"

>What fucking difference does that make!

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

>And she hears herself talk all the time!"

"...Wow. Wow, just... wow. Needlessly hurtful. We're bros in these, Discord, stick t the script."

>Ah ha, but little do you realize that I am in fact... CANON DISCORDDDDD!

"GASP! NO WAY! You mean you were Discord under that Discord mask the whole time!? BETRAYAL!"

>MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"B-but wait, where's the REAL not-real Discord!?"

>...I dunno.

"What?"

>I dunno, he wandered off up there. I don't know what he's doing.

"Huh... so you didn't kill him or something?"

>WHAT!? The fuck is wrong with you!?

"It's non-canon! It wouldn't count!"

>Still offensive! Oh, that is it and I can't take anymore! GOOD DAY, PINKIE-OOF... what in the... why... why can't I leave!?"

"Uh oh."

>Did NC Discord... did he take my place!?

"Ohhhh boy."

>NOOOOOOO! I'M TRAPPED IN THE LAND OF NON-CANON! THIS IS THE WORST!"

"...it's actually great for my screentime."

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Drama Queen."

>I don't care if I have to destroy this entire universe, EVERYTHING DIES!

"Wait what!?"

>HUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

"Discord no!"

>UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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NCOMAKE!
>SA
"AJ"
~~~~

>... Wait, what does that say-"

>GGGHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"HOLY SHIT!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

>...What the fuck was that!?

>T'was I, DISCORD! DESTROYING THE UNIVERSE!

"What in tarnation!?"

"Oh crap, DISCORD! You broke the damn wall over here! We crossed over stories!"

>Well I don't see how that's my fault.

>YOU DID IT!

>Still, prince whiteass.

"The fuck is talkin'!?"

"Oh see, look what you did!? They can't tell who's who! They're simple readers Discord, THEY GET CONFUSED!"

>Very.

>Well I'm not giving up my top spot-HEY! Why am I below you! Oh no no no! Pinkie, say something!

"Shiny has a nice booty."

>Thanks!

>That he do- OH FUCK YOU! Just... shut up for a bit!

>What?

>SHUT UP I SAID!... Applejack, say something!

"Ya'll are stupid."

>There.

"...now what?"

>I think he's waiting for something?

>DAMN IT PINKIE! NO! YOU! BUBBLETHING! SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS!

"..."

"..."

>....That was three-

>YOU SHUT UP AND SOMEONE ELSE SAY SOMETHING!

"Fine, there, Ah' said somethin'."

>NOW you talk!

....

>PUT THE FUCKING MARK THERE THEY WON'T KNOW IT'S HIM!

"Cause that's all of us starin."

>Yeah, Discord, this is really silly.

>I'VE HAD ENOUGH... oh fuck it. I'm blowing everything up again.

"DISCORD NO! This gag only works once, if you do it again then the premise will be so thin it will break!"

>...DAMN! She's right!

"Sooooo-"

>So there's only one way to fix this... reset!

"How?"

>I think he wants me to do my thing.

>Do the thing!

>Alright... Pinkie, wanna help?

"Okiley dokely!"

>Wait a minute, I just realized I'm on top up there! I just need to end this!

"End it how?"

>"CUT TO BL
>N

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OMUKU!
>AJ
"Celly"
~~~~

>Hey, Tia? Got a question

"Go for it."

>Bout them there Yaks... are they related ta' the buffalo?

"Applejack! That is so racist!'

>Ah'm just askin'!

"You're offending is what you're doing!"

>Ah... shoot, yer' right, Ah' need ta' learn ta' be more tolerant and not say stuff like that so offensively.

"Well, I'm glad we're continuing to learn and grow."

>Cause growin's always better with friends!

*Laughter*

~Don't you know you're all my very best friiiiiiiends!~

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OMAKE!
>Rarity
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>....

"..."

>...

"....A-CHO!"

>Bless you.

"Oh, thank you."

>...

"..."

>....More tea?

"Yes please."

>....

"...This is nice."

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OMAKE!
>Cadence
"SA"
~~~~

>Honey? I'm in the mooooood.

"Not now, Cadence, I'm assembling my Hyperspace Hyperwars figures from most effective with a three-pronged buffer maneuver to least effective!"

>Oh... um, are you sure? We could always-

"OH NO! My HHW con is starting! OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP gotta go honey I'll be back in a couple hours!"

>But what about the paperwork!?

"Yeah that looks like a lotta work... BYE!"

SLAM!

>...Just you and me again, washing machine...

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OMAKE!
>Zecora
"Trixie"
~~~~

>So then I found in my very bed. You wouldn't believe it, a horses head!

"HOLY SHIT!"

>My sentiments exactly, and I said much the same! It seemed he was just so keen on giving his niece fame.

"That's just... wow."

>But have no fear, he got his few pieces of silver. So no worries to me, I.... I...

"..."

>...Oh fuck.

"W-what?"

>Oh shit, SHIT! You know now!

"I... did you just not rhyme? Is that an option for you."

>Okay, hold still and look into the light.

"I really don't want to-"

FLASH!

>...

"...Hi Zecora! How are you doing today?"

>...SHIT! It didn't work!

"How did you know!?"

>Because you just told me.

"Oh... ohhh, okay, look, I'm not going to tell anyone-"

BRRRRRNNGGGGGGNNGNGNGGNGGGGGG!

"WHERE DID YOU GET A CHAINSAW?!... No... NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO

~~~~

>No my dear friends, I'm afraid I haven't seen the unicorn of our group. Now, tell me, would any of you like another serving of my mother's famous soup?

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Omake
>AJ
"Twilight"
~~

>...

"...MAGIC FIIIIIGHT!"

>NO FAIR!

BOOM!

>Oh, ya' want a piece of this, do ya'!? Well, let's see how ya' like it when Ah'-

~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ah' am so sorry.

"I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE SO."

>It's just... Ah' forgot we were in Non-Canon territory, and it has been ninety nine threads since Ah' did it.

"NOT BETTER!"

>Ah' promise not ta' do it again.

"THAT'S NOT FUCKING BETTER EITHER!"

>...

"...'

>...Ya' want help gettin' the vines outta yer'-

"YES."

>Yeah... Shiny didn't like 'em either...

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OMAKE!
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~

>...

"...it's just going to get crazier from here, isn't it?"

>They want ta' have the giant formless flame thing surf on Centitrain, the train that is a centipede, and they're prolly gonna make it happen.

"I see... suicide pact?"

>No.

"Now, before you get too hasty, I mean suicide by cake."

>...okay. Fine.

"Yay! To the next thread, and all of the insanity that will bring!"

>And then we kill ourselves with cake.

"Then we kill ourselves with cake, yeah."

>...Can we at least fix Equestria first?"

"No."

>Awwww....

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