Let's see.

I played through all of CODMW2 in a night, which is what I was expecting. I didn't buy it, so I didn't feel gypped on the deal. But what I did get angry at was the entire plot.

Here I was, actually kinda getting into it. "Oh wow, here' a plausible way for Russia to declare war on the US, with no nation being truly at fault." Great gameplay, great storyline (and in the shadow of the first one at that), great visuals, not many glitches. An all around 9.5, about as close as you can get to being perfect.

So I start the mission "Wolverines", yeah my inner critic was going "Hey, these Russians just landed a whole army using air units, and is nearing the US capital" but I was into this game. I was looking to tear some Rooskie ass UP" to hell with plausibility.

Then the worst piece of dialogue ever to be written in the history of Military Fiction, be it gaming, literature, movies, you name it, the following is worse. I'm even including Wargames' portrayal of the DEFCON system going from "1 to 5, 1 being peace, 5 being NUCLEAR WAR". They said.

And I'm quoting.

"All our air support is currently engaged."

I was at my friend's house, and that was the ONLY REASON why I didn't hurl the controller at the fucking wall. The United States of America, whatever your fucking retarded "LOL AMERKA IS GAY AND SUX" mind says, has an Air Force that is twenty years ahead of the next most advanced.

TWENTY YEARS

And the next best isn't even the fucking Russians, it's the British. WHO ARE OUR ALLIES in the fucking game. Even if the Russians hacked our control systems, they wouldn't be able to ground our flights. I mean, when the fucker said it I was looking at a goddamned prop troop transport get blown out of the sky. Here is the bottom line. If any, any, even many combined, nations attacked the United States capital, they would be blown out of the sky.

And it's not just technology, it's the US's familiarity with it. The Russians are developing a fifth generation fighter, but the US has trained against other fifth gens in mock battles. Here's a quote direct from wikipedia "Currently the only developed fifth generation jet fighters are the F-22 Raptor and the F-35 Lightning II." THE ONLY ONES.

A whole bunch of SU-27s fly up the Eastern Seaboard. I mean at least 50 planes in formation. Does anyone know how many fucking F-22s it would take to kill them all?

Round about 3. Alone. With no outside support. They would be able to kill a quarter to half their planes before any of the F-22s are spotted. They'd get the scream of "missile lock" coming from missiles fired so far away that the planes are obscured by the curve of the Earth.

So I stand up. Stop playing, I just turn of the xbox and watch a football game. For about an hour and a half.

So I pick up the game with a Russian army in such an overwhelming position that the US decides to evacuate the city. This army was brought over exclusively by airdrop. Otherwise the ACS module wouldn't have fucking mattered at all. There is no force on Earth that could move that many men by air. Not even America's overwhelming air power could do it. Airdrops are meant for spec-ops or supplies. You can't effectively bring anything over a platoon sized force with just planes.

But fuck it. I AM SAVING AMERICA!!!

And holy shit, Price is back.

Wait. Why are you nuking America?

To end this war? How will that work? That'll just escalate things!

Hey guys, maybe we shouldn't listen to the guy who was in a gulag for five years!

Really? Just let him walk to the sub and launch it? I mean he basically said "IMMA LAUNCH THESE NUKES KK LOL" and then we all get surprised.

And then the worst thing in a video game I have ever seen. Like, worse than the human/hedgehog romance in Sonic 2006. The International Space Station is destroyed by a nuclear weapon.

Let's think this one through!

Yay.

The ISS orbits at an average of 340 kilometers above the Earth. At the time of the cutscene it was over the Caribbean Sea. The bomb blew up over DC. That's more than a three thousand miles. The Tsar Bomba, a Soviet nuke that was 50 megatons, was the largest nuke in history. It's area of destruction was 35 kilometers. I mean we're talking a bomb at least a hundred times more powerful than the Tsar Bomba, a five THOUSAND megaton bomb. Five gigatons would not just destroy Washingon DC, even at the altitude it was detonated at, but would melt the Earth down to bedrock, flash-boil the Potomac, and cause the atmosphere itself to be so disrupted that a person in China would feel pain and weather would be disrupted for decades. I mean, full on trade winds being disrupted.

So I stopped again, watched more football, etc..

I pick up the game again and then everyone gets fucking freaked the fuck out when Shepherd "betrays" Taskforce 141.

I mean, here's a guy who lost most of his army in a previous war, then he sees the capital get functionally destroyed, and Price is not only surprised by his actions, he is shocked at them. PRICE GAVE SHEPHERD EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED.

Price attacked America with a nuke, Shepherd acts like a patriot. And I was expected to sympathize with Price. I never wanted to side with the bad guys in a FPS before. They're supposed to be simple. THE BAD GUYS ARE EVIL KILL THEM. Wham, bam, BOSS FIGHT, CONGRADULATION YOU AM WIN.

This game is so bad. So cosmically poorly written that it's multiplayer didn't make up for it. All the maps are too big, the streak powers are way out of whack, the weapons still feel the same. The light machine guns still have the same range as sniper rifles. The game is broken in every sense. I couldn't be more emphatic in my disapproval. This is as bad as a playing experience as I had with Sonic 2006, played straight through. This thing deserves no better than a 20%. If I ran a magazine I would have given it a fucking 15%.

It is pure and complete shit. This is a waste of money, a waste of time, a waste of development costs, a waste of goddamned harddrive space, a waste of a perfectly good disk, a waste of plastic, a waste of ink used to make the instruction manual, and a waste of three hours of my life I WILL NEVER GET BACK.

FUCK