Band Geeks full

MHS BAND GEEKS
(Scene: EMILY'S HOUSE)

(Emily is in her living room playing her clarinet. It doesn't sound great.)
 Doctor: (knocks on door) Um, excuse me, but I'm with the pet hospital down the road. Is there a wounded animal in there?
Emily: No! (Slams door; grumbles to herself) Stupid critic. (Phone rings, picks it up) Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Leave a message after the- (blows clarinet into the phone)
Joey: (from other end of line) Sounds like you have a wounded animal on their other side, old pal.
Emily: (gasps) Joey Calvo from high school?!
Joey: I hear you play the cash register at BJs now.
Emily: (nervously) Sometimes. How's your stomach scars?
Joey: Beloved, especially after I told people that I got them after fighting a bear. Anyway, I'm calling to brag about my insanely talented band. We sold out the past three shows AND we're supposed to play the Super Bowl next week.
Emily: The su-su-su! The Super Bowl?!
Joey: Yep. Unfortunately, we'll be out of town that week, so we won't be able to play. So, I was hoping that your band could perform instead.
Emily: (nervous) Um...well...
Joey: Hah! I knew it! You don't have a band like I do! Well then, I'll just let you get back the retail industry.
Emily: (angry) Hold it! It just so happens that I DO have a band! And WE WILL play the Super Bowl! How do you like that, Joey Boy?
Joey: Good luck next Sunday! But after hearing your band, the audience will be begging for ear plugs. (Snickers, hangs up phone)
Emily: (gulps; to herself) I'm gonna need to drum up a marching band fast! (Chuckles) Heh, drum. Band humor.

(Cuts to people reading a flyer that Emily posted throughout town)
Camila: (reading flyer posted on club board) Looking for a purpose for your dull meaningless life?
Ryan: (reading flyer while flexing in front of a mirror) Then come be a part of the greatest band that ever lived.
Bella: (reading while typing bible quotes on Snap) And be adored by thousands of people who you don't know!
Marc: (reading while on toilet) Not to mention, free food!
Andrew: (reading while showering) Practice begins tonight at 8:30 sharp.

(Cuts to later that night, where Emily is riding to the practice hall she rented out with a plethora of instruments she rented stuffed in her car. She looks down at her phone, which reads 8:35)
Emily: (to herself) Stupid rental guy made me late! That moron wouldn't know the difference between an oboe and an elbow! (Chuckles) Heh. More band humor.
(Cuts to inside, where everyone is sitting in chairs and talking to each other. Emily goes to the front of the room )
Emily: Ok, everyone! Shut up! (Everyone quiets down) Now, how many of you have played an instrument before?
Ryan: (raises hand while inexplicably holding a battle axe) Do instruments of...persuasion count?
Emily: (disturbed) Uh...no.
Jake: (Raises hand) Is the moon an instrument?
Emily: (sighing) No, Jake. The moon isn't an instrument. (Jake raises hand again) And a candlestick is not an instrument either! (Jake lowers hand) That's fine, none of you have experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you! (Laughs. Continues to laugh until she realizes that no one else is laughing)
Marc: (calls out) When do we get the free food?!
Emily: (ignores him) Ok, now repeat after me! (Plays six notes on clarinet) Brass section, go! (Jayden, Kenny, Andrew, Kaylee, Stephanie and Shannon all repeat the notes on their instruments) Now, the wind section! (Gina, Alex, Brianna Gregory, Anthony and Bella repeat the notes) And the drum section! (Ryan, Jake, Luke, Dylan and Lyle misinterpret her directions and try to blow on the sticks, resulting in the sticks being launched and pinning Emily to the wall; with a sigh) Too bad that didn't kill me.

(Cuts to later in practice)
Emily: Let's just try stepping in rhythm! Now, I want everyone to get up and stand in straight rows of five.
Stephanie: Is this where we all start kicking?
Emily: No, Steph, you're thinking of a chorus line.
Jake: Kicking? I want to do some kicking! (Turns to Camilla and kicks her in the shins)
Jake: Oww! Why I oughta- (Camilla chases Jake outside, where one can hear a bunch of crashing, then a long scream from Jake. Everyone's eyes are widened)
Jake: (sticks head out of door) Whoever owns the green bike, your front tire is deflated. (Steps out, where we can see that a trumpet has been wrapped around his throat. He calmly walks back to his seat. When he sits down, he emits a honk)

(Day Two)
(The band is marching down the street, all playing their instruments. In front of them, Kaylee and Jared are twirling flags)
Vince: (conducting the band as they all march) Guys, really twirl those flags! (Kaylee and Jared start to twirl the flags faster) Boerner! Schwartz! Spin them faster, damnit! (Kaylee and Jared spin the flags so fast, they become airborne. They fly up and crash into a nearby billboard and explode. Everyone gasps. Andrew plays “Taps” on the trumpet while everyone bows their heads in respect. Meanwhile, Emily lies on the floor and curls herself into a ball.

(Day three)
(Everyone is back in the practice center)
Emily: How's that harmonica solo coming, Ryan?
Ryan: It's tremendous! Let me show you! (Drags Emily over to his harmonica, which is as big as a bus!)
Emily: Where did you even get this?!
Ryan: I know some people...here we go! (Blows the first note. Runs to the other side and blows other note. Runs to where he started and plays three notes in one breath. Exhausted, Ryan pants as he runs to the other side once more, where he blows the last note until he passes out from exhaustion)

(Day Four)
Emily: Ok, everyone, this is our last night of rehearsal before the show. And I know we haven’t improved much since we began. (Everyone looks at Jake, who has his head stuck in a tuba) But, I have a theory! People talk loudly when they want to act smart, right?
Ryan: (shouting) CORRECT!!!
Emily: So, if we play extremely loudly, people might think we’re good! Everyone ready? (Everyone picks up their instruments) And-a-one, two, three four! (The ensuing noise from the band causes all the windows in the practice hall to shatter. Emily is even knocked to the floor from the sound blast; picks herself up) Okay, new theory: maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Kenny: Well, maybe we wouldn’t so bad if (turns to Marc) SOME PEOPLE didn’t try playing with big meaty fingers!
Marc: (pokes Kenny in the chest) What did you say, ass?
Kenny: Big! Meaty! Fingers!
Marc: Well, these fingers aren’t just for attracting babes!
Kenny: Bring it on, Marc! Bring it on!
Stephanie: (stepping between the two of them) No, people. Let’s be smart and bring it off.
Gina: Oh, so now Glinda the Good Witch is gonna preach to us?! (Everyone starts to argue with one another)
Emily: (shouting over the crowd) Guys! Wait! I know tensions are high, but-(everyone starts brawling with one another. Alex and Jayden are arguing with each other.  Lyle sneaks up behind and bashes Jayden over the head with a drum mallet) There’s a deposit on that equipment! (Kenny and Marc charge towards each other with flutes, only to be smashed together with a pair of cymbals by Bella.) Settle down, please! (Camilla knocks a tuba out of Ryan's hands and kicks him in the groin. Jake comes up to Camilla and kicks her. Camilla grabs a trumpet and chases Jake with it. Everyone continues to brawl until the clock hits 10. Everyone stops.)
Dylan: Hey! Practice is over. (Everyone cheers. Everyone turns to leave, only for Emily to be in front of the door)
Emily: Well, you did it. You took my chance of happiness and you crushed it. Crushed it into tiny, bite-sized pieces. I truly expected better of you people. I guess I’m a loser for thinking that! Don’t bother showing up tomorrow! I’ll just say that you all died in a marching accident. So thanks! Thanks for nothing! (Walks out the door sadly)
Jake: You’re welcome.
Stephanie: What kind of animals are we?! That poor woman turned to us in her hour of need, and we failed her. Emily has always been there for us when it was convenient for her! (Turns to Jared) Jared! When your backpack was locked in your science class, who helped you get it back?
Jared: A janitor.
Stephanie: And Andrew! When you passed out after that wrestling match, who revived you?
Andrew: Some guy in an ambulance.
Stephanie: Right! So if we all pretended that Emily was a janitor or some guy in an ambulance, then I’m sure that we pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band!
Kenny: Yea, for the janitor! (Everyone cheers in agreement)
Stephanie: Now let’s make Emily proud! (Prepares to conduct everyone) A-one! A-two! A-skiddly diddly do!

(Cuts to the next day where Emily is entering the stadium)
Emily: (forlorn) I knew that this would happen. I guess they’ll have to find another band. I just hope that-(Sees Joey. Joey gives her a smug wave; screaming in a panic) JOEY DOESN’T FIND OUT! JOEY! AGH! What are you doing here?
Joey: (laughs smugly) I came to watch you bomb! So, where’s your band?
Emily: (nervously) Umm, they couldn’t come. They...uh...died.
Joey: Oh? Then (points behind Emily) who are they?
Emily: (turns around and sees her band behind her; panicky) AGH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!
Stephanie: (eagerly) We’re ready to perform, Emily!
Joey: Well, Emily, this is exactly how I pictured this band would look. (points to Stephanie, who's dancing around with her tongue out)
Emily: Uh, that's her...eager face (sighs. She, the band and Joey go onto the platform that rises the band onto the stadium field)
Emily: (depressed) I guess this will be the last time I ever go out in public.
Stephanie: (cheerfully) That's the spirit, Emily! (The platform rises up and brings the band into to the stadium
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the MacArthur High School Superband! (crowd cheers)
Stephanie: (looking at crowd)These are some real ugly-looking people.
Jake: Maybe we’re near one of those toxic waste dumps.
Marc: (clutching stomach) I think I'm gonna be sick!
Emily: (sighing deeply) Ok, everyone...(looks back at Joey, who’s smirking at her)...let’s get this over with. One...two three...(closes eyes and looks away, bracing for the worst. However, instead of a blast of horrible music, she hears a great-sounding trumpet piece. Ryan plays a great piano solo. He and everyone step to the side to reveal Stephanie holding a microphone)
Stephanie: (singing with a manly voice) The winner takes all, it's the thrill of one more kill.
The last one to fall will never sacrifice their will.
(Jake plays a drum solo. Everyone in the band rocks out on their instrument)
Don't ever look back on the world closin' in.
Be on the attack with your wings on the wind.
Oh, the games will begin. (Joey stares in shock, Emily gives him a smug grin and throws her baton away and uses her arms for conducting.)
Stephanie: And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah.
And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight! (Joey clutched his chest, faints and gets carried away on a stretcher by two paramedics. Emily waves a smug goodbye to him and runs to the middle of the stage as pyrotechnics go off.)
Stephanie: And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. And the one who's last to fall. We will have sweet, sweet victory... (Emily jumps in the air)

The end