Freed from Darkest Amazon

>be me, bonky
>i'm delivering packages for amazon
>i used to solve captchas all day
>i used to be an extra in their 500 million dollar lord of the rings cartoon
>but now they have me delivering stuff
>whenever i veer off-course
>my collar starts beeping and threatening to detonate
>anyways
>this crazy bus hits me
>and i get out
>and i'm like okay
>let's trade information
>and the bus driver is like i don't have any insurance
>and i say what do you mean
>he says he was chosen by jesus to drive the bus
>i say ah fuck
>i check my cab for divine mediums
>i got little shinto and hindu shrines i got buddhist stuff i got vodoun i got mystery cults i got
>ah, jesus christ
>i take the little cross out
>i place it up on the dash
>i start praying to it
>i'm not very good at praying
>i say "hey jesus one of your drivers just took out my front bumper and the lights on the front of my truck"
>no response
>i take the cross
>i get out of the cab
>i take it over to the bus driver
>i say hey pal, would you mind calling your boss
>he says yeah sure
>he puts the cross up to his ear
>he says moshi-moshi
>he's speaking japanese to jesus
>i don't understand any of it
>he's affirming a lot of stuff
>he just keeps saying "ah. so, so."
>and "hai!"
>finally he hangs up
>i ask him how it went
>he says Jesus is really busy with the armageddon
>and that he will be down to cut me down with a sword that emerges from his mouth
>i say oh that sounds terrible
>i say i was really hoping he would pay for the damages
>the bus driver asks if i want to get on his crazy bus
>i say yeah i can't i have this explosive amazon collar on
>he says those aren't real
>he says jeff bezos is way too cheap to put real explosives in there
>he says they just beep to scare you
>i say do you really think they would do that?
>do you really think amazon would trick me like that?
>he says yeah, come with us, you're a horse
>i say i still have a lot of packages to deliver
>he says he can't make me do anything i wouldn't want to do
>he just wants to save me and find me a safe place
>i say yeah sure alright let's go
>i get in the bus
>my collar starts beeping like crazy
>the collar explodes
>my brains paint the insides of the bus
>my bones fire out like shrapnel and lodge into the seats and windows and plastics
>i'm a ghost
>the bus is waaaaay more crowded for ghosts
>there has to be, like, four hundred ghosts crammed in here
>every time the bus moves we all fall out the back
>we all fly after the bus
>basically we're not really even riding the bus
>we're just kind of flying along with it
>i ask some of the other horses if ghosts even need saving
>they say oh yeah that's a good point
>i say look, guys, let's just go be free
>we fly up to the moon
>we slip into the moon
>we're flying around inside
>it's hollow inside
>it's very bright
>we're stuck in the moon
>we can't get out of the moon
>this was a big mistake
>this is what happens when you leave the safety of a good bus