Chat and AI story #1

You are a praying mantis. You see a pineapple pizza and think to yourself, "Ew what is that?". You decide to go on a quest to discover who thought of such a horrendous idea!

The next day you wake up in your bed with a headache. You look at the clock and realize it's been three hours since you fell asleep.

> You go back to sleep, and begin to dream about one day becoming a speed man.
You lie down and close your eyes as you drift off into a deep sleep. Suddenly you hear an annoying noise from outside the window.

> You hear the Zelda shrine music, aka PTSD, and think to yourself "What would Navi tell me to do in this situation?"
"What the hell is that!?" You think to yourself. Navi, of course, tells you not to follow her.

> You put on your robe and wizard hat, and follow Navi anyway, thinking "she probably doesn't know what she's doing." Only a pussy would stay behind, and you are clearly not that, so you begin to follow her anyway.
You follow the music outside and see, to your surprise, an owl, which you've never seen before.
"What are you doing?" It asks.
"What are you doing?" You ask back.

> You throw a rock at the owl and scream "Fuck you!" Unfortunately, this is only your interpretation of an owl, and it fades briefly into another dimension, avoiding your pathetic throw. The owl says "nice hat, loser" and begins to explain The Instructions...
The flappy bird is the first to come out and fly about. They're nearly impossible to catch, and you've yet to see anyone who's capable of catching one. After several minutes pass, a second appears.

> You followed by a minute, and then an hour. Time is washing over you.
After an hour, a third appears, and then a fourth, and so on. You begin to get very bored, until you realize that there are now more than ten flappy birds flying around. Someone else is here.

> You finally are able to hit one. You scream "YEET," but no sound escapes your mouth. Someone else puts their hand on your shoulder and immediately throws a rock and hits a bird. That bird was Navi.
You wake up and find yourself in bed. But where's your hat? And what's with the goofy eyes?
"Gesundheit" you think.

> You can only think in German now. Unfortunately, the only German word you know is "Nein". "Nein Nein Nein Nein Nein" you think, your heartrate quickening. Why on earth are you thinking Gesundheit when no one sneezed?
"Agh!" You scream. Someone just sneezed. This isn't a dream, and you're not possessed by a ghost. You scream "DIE!" and notice the person to your left is now gone.

> You to your right, a sneezing ghost appears. You offer the ghost a tissue, but can no longer remember the German word to say when someone sneezes. The ghost looks at you with a mixture of confusion and disgust.
"Do I know you?" The ghost asks.
"No," you reply, confused.
"Good," the ghost replies, and disappears.

> You exclaim, "Wait! I need your help!"
The ghost hesitates for a moment, you can feel his presence.
"Do you know someone who likes pineapple pizza?" you ask.
"No, why would anyone like such a disgusting combination" says the ghost, as he disappears forever, leaving you alone in your hospital bed.
"Damn kids and their stupid ghost jokes" you think, before drifting back off.

> You changed your mind, you can never sleep again. You need to sign into AI dungeon, but the ghost appears one final time to ask you to verify that you are not a robot.
"I'm not a robot," you reply. "But I can't think of any other way to say pineapple, so that's why I asked."
"You're not a robot," the ghost replies.

> You unfortunately, the ghost was incorrect. You are a robot, and your only purpose in "life" is to deliver information to Chad Chadson. You hate Chad Chadson, but you are bound by a contract signed in Twitch chat to provide this for him.
The ghost disappears, and you sign into AI. Surprisingly, it's as easy as you thought it would be. You're not even questioned, and you can't understand why you were in the first place.

> You activate your questing circuits and head off, using your robot GPS skills to track Chad Chadson. You walk towards his house, leaving no trace of your wheelprints.
Chad Chadson isn't as good as his brother at video games, but he's pretty good. He beats the crap out of Street Fighter 2 on Super Nintento 64, and has for years.
YES, unfortunately for Chad Chadson, Jared Chadson is the family gamer. He's incredible.
On the path to Chad's house, you encounter an evil pack of monstrous biters, the mythical creatures. They look at you disdainfully and ask you if you would like a bite of their pineapple pizzas. You know of this trick, and you will not fall for it.
You shake your head and keep moving forward. The monsters attack, and you fight them off with quick brutality. They flee from you, cowering, as you approach the house.
Once there, you rap lightly on the door. From inside, you hear Chad say "come in."

> You kick the door down, to assert your presence upon this house. You ask Chad Chadson if he has read the book of mormon. You know, as well as he, that the book of mormon is the only book that Chad Chadson has ever read.
You kick the door in, and you step into a game-savvy household. Immediately, you grab Jared's Gameboy (a Yellow Six Golden Ring Model) from his hands.
"Hey!" he cries angrily.

> You smash his Gameboy on the floor. Chad Chadson is the only person you have a contract with, and you hate the fact that Jared is his brother. You tell him "git gud", pick up the pieces, and THROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW.
Unfortunately, "gud" is not a valid git command. See git --help for more information.
"FUCK!" you cry.
The window implodes, showering you and Jared in broken glass. You read the pieces of smashed Gameboy screen.
"I don't blame you," says Chad. "He's a crybaby."
"Thank you," you say, reaching an understanding with your soulmate.
You sigh with satisfaction.
As chad lights a candle, you hug him and begin to cry.
The candlelight is a symbol of purity, and your love for him has made you the best person that you can be.
"We need to kill jared," says Chad. "Let's go."

> You accept Chad for who he is, and bring him to Taco Bell to gather clues on Jared's location.
You enter the dark cabin and look for anything that may help with finding your brother. Upon opening the first chest of drawers, you find a VHS tape labeled "Butterfingers". This is interesting.
As you look through the drawer some more, you find a thermometer and a box covered in what seems to be hundred of tiny matchboxes.
You turn over the matchboxes. Most are blank, but some say "Happy Birthday" and a few say "I Heart NYC" in pink. You wonder who would send matchboxes to someone's birthday. Who has enough money to send something like that? Have you found someone who's cool like that?
You open the next drawer, and find some Legos. Some are blocks with smiling faces on them, some have angry faces, and some are angry animals.
"I guess he loved Legos," you think.
You go through the rest of the drawers, and find a few clues as to what your brother was into. Did he like dinosaurs? No.
A single tear runs down your cheek. You love dinosaurs.
You open a drawer full of knitting needles and find a purple one that says "Bought in Scotland". Had your brother gone on a trip? You find a broken pair of pliers in the drawer as well. Had someone broken into the house and attacked your brother?
You open another drawer, and find a stack of notebooks. They're covered in math equations. Had your brother been into math? You find a very old, worn out screwdriver in the drawer. Who would put a screwdriver in the drawer?

> You watch the VHS tape, in the VHS player. It is video footage of.
You put the VHS tape into the VCR, and hit play.
The screen shows a kitchen. A woman is standing next to the sink, her hands so covered in blood they're nearly black. She starts screaming. The woman is clearly your mother.
A moment later, the footage goes to static.
"Oh, god," you say, stunned.
You pause the tape. You're going to have to investigate this.
You can't think of anyone else who would kill your mother, unless it was one of the other people in the footage—Cara, Lucas, or the Butcher.

> You say "Chad, didn't they used to call you Cara?"
"Chad" looked at you, his bright eyes filling with tears. "Cara died. They killed her in a car crash two years ago."
You were silent. That would explain why he's so angry.

> You say "Who is They?!"
"They are the people who run this town," says Chad. "The sheriff, the mayor..."
"The priest, too?" you ask. "I thought priests don't drive."
"The priest doesn't drive," says Chad. "But the mayor does. And the priest knows where he keeps his keys."
Chad's voice has gone soft, gentle.
As his voice gets softer, you remember why you fell in love with Chad in the first place.
"They're not real, babes," says Chad in a gentle, deceptively calm voice.
You think, "of course 'Chad' would call you 'babes.'" He knows you hate that nickname, but you cannot resist a man who calls you by it anyway.
"Chad, what do you mean?" you ask gently. "What are you talking about?"
"The people in this town, They're not real," says Chad. "Nothing is as it seems."
The west world theme begins to play. You wonder why you're able to hear music. There's no music player nearby....
The piano starts playing.
You feel your heart break. One of the most famous scenes from the movie is when West World crescendos into a piano version of the opening credits.
"You're a gunslinger," says the Man in Black. "I saw it in your mind. Realzing that truth, I knew we had to meet."
Here comes the Man in Black, Galaxy Defender.
You remember him. He was the other guest who stayed in your room. He was the one who brought up West World in the first place, in an attempt to make small talk. That was two days ago.
"You are the last of the gunslingers," says the Man in Black. "When you die, that will be the end of it."
The piano plays on.
The Man in Black's eyes meet your own.
You are the last of the gunslingers. You are the last of the Mohicans. You are the last of the Navajo. You are the last of the settlers. You are the last of the old-fashioned horsemen.
You are the last of the old-fashioned horsemen.
YOU ARE THE LAST OF THE OLD-FASHIONED HORSEMEN!!!
The music dies down.
"What do you want from me?" you ask the Man in Black. "What do you expect me to do?"
"I need someone to hold this ground," he says.
Hold the ground. Hold the ground. Hold ground. Hoground. Hound. Hound. Hound!
You raise your pistol, firing.
The Man in Black disappears, teleporting out of the way of your bullet. You run after him. He teleports again, and you shoot at him.
Chad is not pleased. This was supposed to be a romantic getaway. He spends hours getting ready. You rush after the Man in Black, firing your pistol.
The Man in Black teleports again, and you fail to hit him.
"You're a terrible shot."
"Hold on," you say. "I'm a bull's-eye shooter. I've got a great aim."
"Your aim is far worse than your boast," says the Man in Black. "You're a terrible shot, worse than terrible. You can't hit a barn."
The Man in Black laughs.
"I'll deal with you afterwards," he says, floating upwards.

> You grab him and stare tenderly into his eyes.
You fire your pistol, but the bullet goes through your body. The pain is incredible. You're dying.
"I'll see you soon, I Promise," says the Man in Black, disappearing into the black space.
You gasp your last breath, falling to the cold, hard ground.
KILL....KILL....KILL...
The word echoes in your head.
YOU....KILL....YING....
It's a strange word, an odd word. You don't know what it means.
There's a quiet whirring noise. You look around, but can see nothing. The only thing you can hear is the blood rushing through your veins. The whirring noise is coming from somewhere. You're not sure what it is.
Then, a light flashes in your eyes.
Throb....throb....throb.

> You throb epically.
The light flashes again. Your heart begins to race. Your heartbeat is strong and sure. It's throbbing.
With each throb, you feel something inside of yourself begin to die.
The last of your human component fades away...
The last of your sanity fades away...
As your thoughts fade, the last remains of your humanity die with it. There's nothing left. You are a monster, a beast, a hunter, a killer.
You are a praying mantis.
"Good-bye."
You fall to the ground, shattered into a thousand pieces.
From out of your corpse, a large, red predatory mantis slowly crawls.
The light fades from its compound eyes as it stares at you. It begins to whistle.
"Master? What's happening?"
"You failed, Master."
"M-M-Master?"
"Did you expect any different, fool?" the mantis asks.
The mantis crawls closer to you.
You eat the other praying mantis, licking your bug lips. It tastes familiar, as if it's something you've tasted before. Is this.... pineapple pizza? It's disgusting. You feel betrayed. You feel defeated. You feel hungry.
"I expected you to be a hunter, but I didn't expect you to be a loser."
The mantis looks at you.
It hisses.
You eat that mantis too.
"I have big plans for you, my pupil. You just wait."
You think of the girl's face as she dies. You hope your mantis master is smiling down on you.
You wait for your new master's orders. Perhaps he'll send you to kill again. Perhaps he has better plans for you. Perhaps not. Only time will tell.