pastebin monday: *screaming*

COSPLAY

my paula dress came in!!!!!! i practically tore it out of the package and put it on. ITS SO COMFY OMG i could legit wear this on the regular but ahahaha no. anime boston is this coming weekend and i'm!! HYPE!!!!!!!!! and nervous but MOSTLY HYPE! last year was such garbage and like... this year has to be better

(tldr version of anime boston 2016: too many costumes, not enough done, life happened, spent 1/2 the con in a hotel room trying to finish costumes and getting stressed and snippy and not having fun)

IRL

saturday saw piff the magic dragon. had a good time! wish it was longer, though. more piff, less not piff, but francis and jade were A+ too.

work is going! great!!!!!!!! holy fuck i actually love my job and the people i work for and

i realized my problem. my problem with speed and cosplay and work and. life.

MY PROBLEM:

I want perfection. I expect to pick up something new for the first time and do it to perfection right away. I expect to be handed a paintbrush and be able to paint the next Michaelangelo. And when I don't achieve that level of perfection, I wonder what the fucking point is and never pick up a paintbrush again.

I want to pick up my controller and -- not even hit world record but -- hit my goal time the first time i play FF7 again, with no derusting. I want to set up my sewing machine and whip out a beautiful costume first thing. I want the results. I don't have the diligence to... you know, get them. If i don't get them right away, I stop trying.

I'm trying to be better.

My supervisor, Stacey, is known to say "Did you go to school for customer service? Did you go to college? No? Then it's okay to not know what the fuck you're doing. You're gonna mess up. But we can catch you when you do." Or something like that. I'm learning that it's okay to fail. I'm learning that it's okay to learn. I'm learning that everything is a process, and I'm getting there. Bit by bit.

I want to pick up FF7 again. Maybe next weekend. Who knows. For the first time in what feels like ever, I'm full of life and energy. I feel like I can actually... DO things. Like I can make plans and maybe follow up on them. Like... like things are okay.

I like this feeling.