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GreentextSavant - Fuck marriage and fuck parenthood :^))))))

Oct 25th, 2016
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  1. >You have known Sunset ever since High School.
  2. >Occasionally conversed with her during classes, never really gave her much though. She was pretty much one of those girls whom you knew but never thought about going further than the boundary of friendship with.
  3. >But she came up to you one day.
  4. >With a puppy dog look in her eyes, lilies in her hand and a question to ask.
  5. >She wanted to be your girlfriend.
  6. >You said yes, grateful for the offer and not wanting to end up like that guy in that... other story.
  7. >Date her for a few weeks; everything was going swell. In fact... REALLY swell.
  8. >You were always warmer with her, and you felt better the more you were around her.
  9. >The relationship lasts past High School, and spans into college.
  10. >Times get tough, but you and Sunset stick together through the tough times and keep eachother happy.
  11. >Spending occasional special night together to relieve the stress and sprinkle a little bit of happiness back into your lives.
  12. >She was there when you needed her, and you were there when she needed you.
  13. >The relationship bloomed into something that... simply got you through the day.
  14. >There was not the slightest hint in your mind: you LOVED this girl.
  15. >And you still do, just as infinitely much as before.
  16. >The two of you are now happily married, living together. Just the two of you so far. Life is great when you have eachother.
  17. >She comes up to you with another question.
  18. >It's about having kids.
  19. >She wants to give it a try.
  20. >You have never been entirely sure regarding whether or not you could handle supporting a child. You've heard storied from other parents about how much time and work it takes.
  21. >Sunset has heard about it too, and she wants to hear your input on the subject to form a conclusion of her own.
  22. >You two discuss it while taking a long vacation to the beach; the money from your combined jobs helped with that.
  23. >She tells you that she sees nothing wrong with settling down and having kids. It's not like you can't go out and see the world anymore once you have kids.
  24. >You can just take them with you... as long as you find a way to do it.
  25. >But you and Sunset are ambitious about this, and eventually come to a consensus that having kids wouldn't really be a setback at all.
  26. >In fact, it will make your lives even better. The two of you have have living embodiments of the love you share. Children that each represent both you and Sunset.
  27. >As long as it gives Sunset a lifetime of joy and fulfillment, you're happy. It's okay to put your loving wife first.
  28. >It's totally worth it- no... it's more than worth it.
  29. >Sunset wanting kids is making you want kids just as much as she does.
  30. >Gotta make Sunny happy, Anon.
  31. >If anything, being a stay-home father would be relaxing, and then you could be an adventure dad whenever the family goes on vacation and gets enthusiastic about seeing the world.
  32. >You not only want to make Sunset's life perfect, but make your children glad they were born and got to experience life. The must not miss out on this, not when you and Sunset are already so happy together.
  33. >Adding kids can't possibly make you less able to do things. You'll find a way. You'll... you just will. And that's the bottom line.
  34. >On the last night of the vacation, you and Sunset put the pills and condoms aside when you get into bed together.
  35. >Going ALL the way.
  36. >...
  37. >Oh yeah... this was totally worth it.
  38. >...
  39. >Guess what happens 9 months later?
  40. >Sunset holds tightly onto your hand as she lies in her hospital bed.
  41. >She shuts her eyes and lets nature do what it has done so many times before for mothers.
  42. >Minutes later, you get a chance to hold the baby in your arms.
  43. >It's a girl.
  44. >She's so light and... so precious.
  45. >This was a good idea.
  46. >This WAS a GOOD idea.
  47. >After you two take the baby, Amber, home... your first instinct is to spend all day with your newborn child.
  48. >A lot of your friends has helped chip in for the baby shower. And you already have a crib and so many other supplies you needed.
  49. >Days pass, and you're feeling like you're getting used to this.
  50. >Amber is mommy and daddy's little baby girl.
  51. >And the two of you couldn't be happier. Sure, Amber would wake up some nights crying, and you've lost a lot of sleep, and had to pay for more baby food, diapers and a few other things, but Sunset helped you. Working together as a team is what marriage is all about anyway.
  52. >That and the love that you and Sunset still unconditionally share.
  53. >Many more months pass, and you've had to change your diet and sleeping patters quite a bit to fit your new lifestyle.
  54. >It turns out that babies need attention. And a lot of it.
  55. >But you still have that date on the calendar marked for that vacation to Europe next summer.
  56. >Going through all of this stress now will just make the payoff feel even better.
  57. >Gotta save up for a budget to be able to do it, though.
  58. >And as it turns out, having a child is costing you more money than you thought; you really wish you had considered the long term aspect of this.
  59. >You're in this for 18 years. And even though it's not THAT hard, you're starting to see a little bit of a pot belly forming on your abdomen.
  60. >But no worries, that will go away after FAMILY ADVENTURE TIME starts. You're just being a stay home dad in the meantime... aside during the week when you have to go to work to be able to afford more food, rent, gas money, toys, and a few other things.
  61. >You can't remember them off the top of your head; it's easier to remember by taking a look at the long list on the bill at the end of every month... as you're paying your taxes.
  62. >But Sunset is in the same boat, and the two of you work together to make Amber's life perfect and warm and cozy. If anything, the empathy you and your wife share make you feel... a little better?
  63. >Maybe, your mind tries not to be wishy washy about it. Don't want to convince yourself that you're greedy or anything, because that's not you.
  64. >And that's not your loving wife either.
  65. >Just work through this. Don't let what other parents warned you about scare you. They didn't word things correctly.
  66. >This IS a happy life. Now go play with Amber for a couple of hours, sit down and watch TV for a bit but don't forget to get up early for work tomorrow.
  67. >The times of having to do things makes the fun time feel better, but once your focus has to shift more towards work, the effect starts working in the opposite direction.
  68. >Fun time is just... a little bit of a tease now.
  69. >Tantalizing with with a solemn goodbye to fun and games as you head out the door with a bagel hanging from your mouth.
  70. >Don't wanna be late.
  71. >Get those TPS reports done on time.
  72. >Do it for Sunset. You can't stop. Not with how much you love her.
  73. >You love your family too much to give up.
  74. >Oh wait...
  75. >You completely forgot about the trip to Europe.
  76. >It's not like it was your fault, it's just that you got so caught up in everything with being so busy and... life happened.
  77. >Now you understand why people use the word "life" the way they sometimes do.
  78. >But it's okay, you'll just postpone it until all the things alight just the right way and the family can go to Europe without it getting in the way of anything.
  79. >This growing pot belly is going to disappear like a magic act once you start exercising again.
  80. >Maybe you can save up for a treadmill.
  81. >Walking around the neighborhood takes too much time out of the day, and you often need to get things done.
  82. >As it turns out, Sunset is going through the exact same thing as you. Holding onto her job, doing her part, while still spending time with now 3 year old Amber.
  83. >That was a fun birthday party. The decorations didn't cost much.
  84. >But the stress just... marches on. It's one new thing after the next.
  85. >You do honestly miss the days when you didn't have as many responsibilities, but remember, you're doing it for Sunset.
  86. >She's the girl, woman and mother you've loved ever since you've known her. Everything's going to be fine as long as she's around.
  87. >Now... how do you make these bags under your eyes go away?
  88. >Without getting more sleep, of course; ain't nobody got time for that.
  89. >But overall, your life isn't TOO bad. But it's not too good either.
  90. >However, it's a bit selfish to expect your life to be perfectly the way you wanted it to be just because you imagined things with the colors drawn slightly outside of the lines of reality.
  91. >Good thing it was only slightly, otherwise ,you would have lost your mind by now -- after 4 whole years of this.
  92. >Only 14 more to go. Which is the time you've spent so far, plus another 10.
  93. >You've got this. Anyone can see how things will go over a decade into the future if they love their family enough.
  94. >You always knew you could handle this. It's not just because you know that you have to do it no matter what.
  95. >Everything will be fine. Happiness is relative. Find things that make you happy. And... things that make Sunset and Amber happy too, of course.
  96. >Gotta think about the people you love too. The world doesn't revolve around you.
  97. >But living in this world would be easier if you didn't have as much stuff to d-
  98. >Back, selfish thoughts! Back!
  99. >But then... a lonely night of nothing but work, work and more work, Sunset wants to give you a bit of a surprise.
  100. >Both of you are so stressed out, and you just want a night to take the two of you back to the good old days.
  101. >Yes, you can now call them the good old days. No need to kid yourself.
  102. >But that doesn't mean things won't get better.
  103. >This special night Sunset has planned for you will be the ultimate turning point of your lives.
  104. >You're going to commit toEVERYTHING. And power through it like the superhero you are to your daughter.
  105. >It's almost like a ceremonial thing, in a weird way. Something to convince you to REALLY promise.
  106. >You draw an EXTRA circle on the new vacation date on the calendar this time. And three more, so you engrave it into your head that this will make up for the four other circles on the calendar that went unfulfilled.
  107. >The four pairs of pants you don't fit well into anymore.
  108. >The 400 dollars of credit card debt you still need to get rid of, but that part's nowhere near as bad as it was a month ago.
  109. >You've hit a clear patch in that forest.
  110. >This is gonna be done right this time.
  111. >...
  112. >9 months later, your second child is born.
  113. >It's a boy; Sonny. Clever name. He's your son, and his named of the names Sunset and Nonny (Sunset likes to call you that a lot now to lighten up the mood whenever you're stressed out).
  114. >Maybe you'll be a bit happier spending time with this one, he's (going to be) a guy like you.
  115. >Of course, the costs for things double when it comes to kid stuff.
  116. >But you're going to fully indulge yourself into this life and just... get used to it already.
  117. >That way, you'll be more able to make time for things. Adapting.
  118. >It's a good thing you set that vacation date over a year away.
  119. >Because boy, have you been getting busy.
  120. >Money isn't the easiest thing to balance, you you and Sunset manage.
  121. >Stick to you jobs, very luckily not being affected by a few layoffs that have been happening.
  122. >Birthday parties, furniture, a second car, and many other things have been battling the figures of your budget.
  123. >It's starting to become an uphill battle at times, but those don't tend to last long. You'll pull through.
  124. >For Sunset, and Amber, and Sonny. You promised, not that it was necessary to do so or anything.
  125. >Like, who wouldn't want kids anyway? Your life is great! Much better than how it was without kids.
  126. >Working hard is just part of life; you've always been told that. And that is completely unavoidable, even though you technically could have chosen not to have kids.
  127. >But then life would have noticed and deliberately found another way to make you go through this kind of thing, right?
  128. >Eh, makes more sense when you want it to be true. Your tired but racing mind can be at ease that you made the right choice.
  129. >This WAS worth it. Sunset is happy, and your kids are happy.
  130. >And you all love eachother; a big happy family. Just like in the storybooks and whatnot.
  131. >You would have probably been lonely otherwise anyway.
  132. >Continue to make ends meet, jumping through hoops left and right.
  133. >Time passes, and you eventually notice the circled date drawing closer.
  134. >Gotta plan this time.
  135. >Make time and rearrange things in your schedule, pull a few strings and make a sacrifice or two.
  136. >But hey... YOU DID IT!
  137. >Four tickets for a flight to Europe are bought, you, your wife and your two kids.
  138. >You decide to have a big party night over the whole thing; this feels SO good to have achieved. One big vacation.
  139. >A taste of how you lived before. It's sublime, isn't it?
  140. >You got to PROVE your love and loyalty to Sunset's happiness and also still have good times in your life.
  141. >As a married couple, you and Sunset had never chosen designated roles, as both of you were very versatile individuals and could both alternate work and staying with the kids.
  142. >You can (kind) of still do that with ease today.
  143. >It's not like either of you were bad parents. You and Sunset did everything right, stayed on the ball and got the rewards for it, and it only costed a fraction of your freedom to do whatever you want. But not all of it, and that's all that matters.
  144. >You still have this one vacation that you've looked forward to. It motivated you to try harder.
  145. >...
  146. >Finally! A break from the growing dullness in your life.
  147. >Walk around with your family, Sonny in a stroller and all.
  148. >Casually walk around and go sightseeing.
  149. >Take tons of pictures... and bathroom breaks for Amber and Sonny.
  150. >But them some things... souvenirs. Didn't cost much. Hell, even this stroller costed more than that.
  151. >Amber throws a temper tantrum over... little things. But hey, kids do that all the time. It's fine.
  152. >Can't stay out after the sun goes down; back to the hotel room.
  153. >Eat at restaurants, and have to pay for more than just two people. But that's fine too, you saved up for this trip.
  154. >It's your treat. And everyone else's treat too, of course.
  155. >Finish up the vacation after a few more days in Europe and go home.
  156. >Couldn't run around too too much, but you got all the fun and silliness out of your system.
  157. >It was nice. You have pictures to prove it.
  158. >Pictures that will last in to your future ahead.
  159. >...
  160. >Back to life.
  161. >Just like the times when you woke up on Monday morning after watching TV and spending time with the kids, you bat away that tantalizing feeling of "ohh, it's all over now! back to work!".
  162. >But like, just... just get over it, man.
  163. >Stop being a baby, that's Sonny's job for the next year or so.
  164. >And it's your job to be the daddy, as well as finish more TPS reports at your job job if you want to keep supporting the baby, and your daughter, and your wife who's working just as hard as you are.
  165. >Help keep a roof over your heads.
  166. >Can't look at the pictures; they take you back to a time when you were more relaxed.
  167. >And they distract you from getting things done.
  168. >Don't doze off into space. You have a family to support.
  169. >You can relax later after taking care of the kids and cleaning up the house.
  170. >Like, watch TV or something. But not for too long. Getting up early tomorrow too.
  171. >Even the summers are like this.
  172. >But you love your family. Love them enough to support them no mater what. Unconditionally.
  173. >Years go by, and your day to day life becomes repetitive.
  174. >The bags under your eyes haven't gone away, and you notice them under Sunset's eyes as well.
  175. >You'd be heartbroken if she's feeling the way you're feeling. You want her to be happy all the time.
  176. >But then again, what's life if you're not happy 100% of the time? Gotta feel different way somet-... well...
  177. >Maybe you'd like to just be relaxed and have fun a little bit more often.
  178. >The kids grow older, and you end up buying more furniture, different toys, different food, and so on and so on.
  179. >That whole thing. They're happy, though.
  180. >At least they can thank you and mommy for letting them experience life.
  181. >Little do they know that you're not experiencing life they way you used t-
  182. >Back, selfish thoughts! Back! The world doesn't revolve around you, remember?
  183. >You chose this life, and it's not like you had to sacrifice all of your enjoyment. You can still do things... kinda.
  184. >It's just not what you expected. But maybe you shouldn't have held such high, unreachable expectations.
  185. >This was going to happen either way. Kids or not. Just because.
  186. >Just be happy, god damn it.
  187. >It take a tiny bit of restraint to not curse in front of the children when you drop the last egg and have to go buy a new dozen.
  188. >You'd walk to the store and sneak some exercise in, but that would take too long. Stay on the ball.
  189. >Even your kids know how pudgy you're getting. You're a wimpy skinnyfat man now, but you kind of were before. Just not this much.
  190. >Most of your meals involve microwaveable, pre-prepared stuff. Not very healthy, but it's more efficient. Cheaper too.
  191. >But still, life goes on.
  192. >And on, and on, and on.
  193. >And you bite the pillow hard and take it like a man.
  194. >Staying loyal to the choice you made.
  195. >You love Sunset. You love your kids.
  196. >You love your family.
  197. >...
  198. >So much time later.
  199. >Your kids finally grew up and eventually moved on to college and moved out of the house.
  200. >Finally don't have to pay child support anymore.
  201. >You have told your kids that they too will soon get married and start a family.
  202. >When they were younger, they said it will never happened. But puberty changed their minds.
  203. >You're a grandpa now. And your kids can feel some EMPATHY for you and Sunset.
  204. >More years pass, and you get health problems from the lifestyle of slowing down and taking care of kids while working.
  205. >More time passes, and you get older. Everyone naturally does.
  206. >Get more health problems as an old man visiting the hospital more frequently.
  207. >Get great grandchildren some time later. At least that was all because of you.
  208. >You were doing great until life hit you like a cannon ball. From which you never truly recovered.
  209. >And you only allowed yourself to realize it once you draw your final breaths on your death bed. Wondering if you'd be on a death bed right now had you stayed active and healthy. And... not a father.
  210. >But until then, you just convinced yourself that you made the right choice. Because this is what you wanted, whether you knew what it brought or not.
  211. >You die, though that always happens in the end anyway.
  212. End.
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