Thoughts about 2018 to 2019 and Goals

At the time of starting this Pastebin, it is currently 4 hours into 2019 and still thinking about stuff I want to do this year. This is probably gonna be a long Pastebin, so I'll have a TD;LR at the bottom of the Pastebin to sum things up.

At the start of 2018, I was streaming somewhat often, but not as often and almost every day as I am now. Up until Ocarina of Time Randomizer came out and started playing it with WoodenBarrel in June, I was kinda on and off a bit with streaming as during the 1st half of the year, I was living in Canda with bad internet.

When I was living in Canada, I was going through rough IRL stuff as my dad and his old GF were starting to get into constant arguments that evolved into drama situations, loud screaming at 3 AM, my dad getting drunk and throwing stuff in the pool room, locking the doors so that my dad couldn't come in from the pool room to where my room was during the night, etc. While living in Canada and while going through all of this, I was having thoughts of suicide since I wanted all of this to end. Whenever I was really thinking about killing myself although I'm pretty sure I did this twice, I would leave most Discord Servers I was in because I didn't want to hurt anyone or have anyone worry about me. I thought once I moved to Canada, the drama was over and I was dead wrong about that. The only reasons why I didn't kill myself is because of all the friends I still have that makes me happy, being able to talk to my friends on Twitch and Discord, and all of my cats. Those friends include Bizkit047, Spikevegeta, WoodenBarrel, Headstrong1290, AngelicRuby, everybody in my Discord server, and many others. At the start of September, my dad and I were able to move back into the US, which made me happy so that I didn't have to constantly feel depressed over the constant drama and so that I would be able to go to GDQs and RPG Limit Break easier.

Early on in 2018, my old PS4 started to have issues back in around March to where it would randomly crash while I was playing. It would also do that whenever one of my cats got on my PS4 and just outright crash. Once I got into OoT Randomizer, I didn't really use my PS4 too much until I got interested in BbSFM HD (Ventus) Beginner runs to make a new route. Although it wasn't really crashing while I was running it, it was in the back of my mind while running it. After I moved back to the US, it somewhat started crashing again until it was always crashing constantly in the middle of November while I was playing Spyro Reignited Trilogy to the point where it had the last straw and I had trouble booting up my PS4 and had to enter Safe Mode to reinitialize my PS4. Once it was still crashing even after reinitializing my PS4, I decided it was time to buy a new PS4 Pro before KH3 came out so that I can play KH3 when it comes out and get back into running KH games along with other stuff like Spyro Reignited Trilogy. When I did my Birthday stream and was relearning FFX HD (PC) Any% to prepare for the back-to-back run, I received a ton of support from all of my friends who was able to help me buy a new PS4 Pro and of course from WoodenBarrel for joining me in my Birthday Stream that was SonicFest.

Now for KH Union Cross... While I was living in Canada at the start of 2018, I used to pay for VIP a lot for both JP and English versions since I was getting paid about $75 CAD per week for taking care of the cats around the house. I've been sending my own money to Cyberman65, who has been helping me pay for a JP iTunes code so that I could pay for VIP on the JP version of KH Union Cross due to Play-Asia never giving me a code after paying 3 times in the past. If I remember correctly, I stopped paying for VIP sometime in July or August since that was before I started to move back to the US. Since I've moved back to the US, I've really rarely pay for VIP now. The only time I have paid for VIP since I've moved was once during the Black Friday banners because of getting half of my Jewels back per pull in November in the English version and once a week ago for JP version since Supernova - HD Xion can only be mercy pulled from a VIP Banner. Unfortunately even right now, my payment to Cyber is still pending for some reason and I hope it does get sent before the banner ends on Sunday.

Ever since Supernova medals came out back at the end of September, I've honestly been getting more and more upset with the game and unfortunately been saying bullshit/stupid shit in the Discord Server I'm in for this. Another thing that made me upset was the introduction of VIP Only banners, where you can only mercy pull a Supernova medal within 10 pulls IF you buy VIP for $15. As of right now, I currently don't have ANY Supernova medals in JP version while in NA, I only have Supernova - Elsa since I got lucky with the 1st pull of the Frozen banner and she was in a limited medal pool with only Frozen medals. I know the game is all about luck with pulling on banners, but at this point I feel like I should have gotten at least 1 that's not Elsa by now while everyone else has at least 2-3 Supernova medals.

So now that 2018 is over, I'll be talking about things and goals that I want to hopefully achieve one day in 2019.

First thing I want to talk about considering I've been streaming almost every day is that I want to be a Twitch Partner someday within 2019. My inspiration for this comes from Bizkit047 and Spikevegeta since I always like making people happy whenever I can during my streams and to be able to help them out on a potential bad day to cheer them up. Another thing that will be fun for me to look forward to is meeting new people and making new friends in 2019 like how I met many friends in 2018 like WoodenBarrel, Raikaru13, Anatomyz, iateyourpie, and most of the ZOOTR Community.

In terms of streaming games, I want to focus on running KH and play KH3 a lot now that I have a new PS4 Pro thanks to all of your support. Besides from KH, I want to play and maybe run other games as well, such as Golden Sun, OoT Randomizer Multiworld, FFIX, Spyro Reignited Trilogy, and some games that are coming out this year like Crash Team Racing Remastered. Once my Twitch money comes in, I do plan on buying a new Mic at some point, which will most likely be a Audio Technica mic and hopefully that will help.

Second thing is once it's Spring, I'm hoping I can get over my fear and learn how to drive a car, then eventually get a Driver's License so that I can drive wherever I want to go like to GDQs and RPG Limit Break. I'm also hoping to learn how to take care of myself
better and learn how to cook food at some point that's not just Pizza, Mini Ravolli, and Spaghetti and Meatballs.

This will kinda be a somewhat touchy subject for me considering I haven't really talked to almost anyone about this, but I will be planning on going through surgery on my opened stoma at some point this year where my G-Tube used to be before it got permanently got removed about 2 and a half years ago in which the hole never got closed and healed up. So because of that, my dad has been buying bandage wraps and gauze pads for me and I still need to wear them as of today. Exactly when this surgery will be this year, I'm not sure, but I am kinda scared about going through this when it does happen.

For stuff regarding KH Union Cross if JP and NA versions keep going in the direction they're heading, I can see myself quitting and stop playing the game soon, especially once KH3 comes out. I've have not been enjoying it for the most part in a while, getting really bored and tired of the game, and it's probably for the best if I drop it soon especially if I keep having stupid attitudes over continuously not getting a Supernova/new Kairi/Xion medal while everyone else does. I should be congratulating them for when they get the medal, not getting super annoyed over it to the point where I waste 3,000 Jewels -> claim that I'm happy I didn't get it, which this is definitely not a healthy mindset to have at all. If I didn't get it, then oh well, I was unlucky and move on with my day.

Last thing I want to talk about is my own Discord Server and my friends. I'm really happy that I've gotten more active and got to talk more than what I used to, and I'm really happy that I'm able to grow my own community as well. I'm happy to be able to express my feelings to all of you and not worry about it, like how I used to worry about using a mic a lot before I even used a mic due to how I talked with my left jaw being impaired since I was born. Without any of my friends, I would not be alive right now and I'm thankful for all the friends I have right now. <3 For anyone who wants to join my Discord server, here is the link: https://discord.gg/mnyhnJP

TL;DR: How I thought about 2018 was pretty much kinda bad IRL-wise until September after I moved, ok in terms of being online and streaming. Really happy that I was able to buy a new PS4 Pro and can't wait for when KH3 comes out along with possibly running new games alongside KH. KH Union Cross sucks, especially with how it's been handled as of recently and may stop playing it soon to help my mindset. Gonna go through surgery on my opened stoma soon and I'm kinda scared about going through it. I love all of my friends that have been with me throughout all of 2018 and thank you all for being my friend.

And with that, hoping I can make 2019 a better year for myself than 2018 was! Happy New Year everyone and let's make 2019 a good year! :)

- Sonicshadowsilver2