Thread 17: Stories 46-60

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>AJ
"Spike"
'Rarara'
[CELESTIA]

"Hey girls, I found some extra forms that leased out some free masonry for the rep-......Haaaaaaah....."

>Like what you see partner? Rares think we needed something to....wind down in after all o' that ruckus and paperwork.

'Oh quite, sometimes you just want....SHOW THE WORLD what you have to offer, particularly for your special....someone~

"I...I...I.....They're so......round....I....

>Do come closer, sugarcube......

'Yesss....closerrrrr~

[ACHTUNG]

">'Hwa'?"'

[EIN LEWDFINGER!.....NEIN! ZWEI-...DREI LEWDFINGER!

>Celestia...?

[DAS IST VERBOTTEN! REMOVE LEWD!]

*Celestia used Solar Beam, It was super effective!*

NON CANON
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>SA
"Guard"
~~~~

>Start by diverting all the construction supplies onto the train heading for Canterlot. We'll have to push back the expansion a bit, but making sure ponies have roofs over their heads is more important.

"Sire..."

>After that, we'll see if we can start diverting manpower. We're not going to be able to spare as much assistance as I like, but any little bit will help with this.

"Your highness..."

>After that, our biggest concern is going to be scouting. She's likely going to hide herself again, but if she ever reveals herself we need to have to ability to be notified and mobilize fast. She's a Changeling, but she seems to lack a certain... finesse. She'll show her face eventually, and when she does I do NOT intend to let her slip away again.

"MAJESTY!"

>...

"This has all already been handled. 18 and the Princess have been well on top of things in your absence, and have already taken command. Relax."

>...The... the princess?

"Yes."

>...My Princess? Pink alicorn?

"Princess Cadenza. Yes."

>...She's doing paperwork?

"Yes."

>...Something is terribly, terribly wrong, and I should probably go see to that.

"The doctor said if you move you could rupture something. Several somethings, actually."

>Still considering it...

"And I'm sure your wife will consider remarrying, eventually. Probably won't go for the ones that rush out of bed with internal bleeding, though. Fool me once and all that."

>...Okay, tell her to come see me the instant she has a moment.

"Wise choice."

>...Damn it, I knew something was wrong.

"Yes. There is a giant monster who stomps cities flat out running around in the world. Also, lots of cities are in fact, flat. Also, Canterlot is now mostly hoofprints. Also, your wife was punted into a castle. Also also, your daughter was nearly squeezed dry like a ripe melon. Also also also, you were hit so hard your heartbeat sounds like hoof-steps. That's what is wrong."

>...Smartass.

"It's what you pay me for."
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>Twilight
"SA"
~~~
>Hey, Shiny, I came to see how you were doing and bring some things from everyone.

Twilight kisses him on the forehead and begins to place random effects for Shining armor in easy to reach places or just brighten up the room.

"Oh, Twily, thank Celestia's mom you're here! Look, it sounds like the world's going topsy turvy, I need you to Twience me back to full health. Make me like Flash Sentry, even! That might be kind of cool actually."

Twilight continues throughout his speech and winces at the word 'Twience' and nearly blanches at the mention of 'Flash Sentry'

"Whoa, Twily, you okay, you don't look so good. Maybe we should switch places, heh."

>Shiny... I don't do Twience anymore. It's hurt too many.

"... THE WORLD IS ALL WRONG!"
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>Captain
"Rookie"
~~~~

If there was one thing the captain of the paltry guard stationed out in MareiLand hated more than anything, it was when one of the four rookies in his employ had a question.

"Uh, sir?"

And there it was.

>What is it, rookie?

"Have a bit of an... odd question."

>Sonny boy, I've seen things so weird and strange in this world the word 'odd' has lost all meaning. Nothing you can ask will surprise me.

"Oh, okay. Um, how do I deal with a mare who is clearly... 'mentally impaired', and is scaring ponies, but hasn't actually... done anything."

>Son, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. What makes you think she's in any way mentally deficient? Don't be an asshole.

"Okay, you see that mare over there?"

>Your vagueness is neither cute nor endearing, rookie! Talk normally or I'll take you to the stocks!

"The one that's taller than everyone else. The garishly orange and pink one."

>Oh... yeah, she kind of sticks out.

"Okay, she keeps freaking out at everything. EVERYTHING. She saw a train roll up and you'd swear it had just risen from the fires of hell in front of her. A pony showed her a watch and from the look on her face he may as well have shown her his laser-spitting birthmark. And I don't even want to START on what happened when she saw the hot air balloon."

>Uh... what the hell is she wearing?

"You know, I actually had to go get the professor for that. He says it's Saddle Arabian."

>Oh, see, why didn't you start with that? Clearly she's just a foreigner from out in the boonies who isn't used to-

"Only, no Saddle Arabian has won anything even close to that in... this many years."

>...That is a big number.

"Yeah, he had to write it down so I wouldn't forget. Point is, she's, uh, a bit off."

>Well, what does she want?

"She's mentioned looking for a library to find information on... gods, Sir."

>Well, point her at the library! Stop being so stupid!

"I did. She's looped around the town at least three times. She gets lost very, very easily. I'm pretty sure if she turned around three times she would somehow end up in another continent."

>Well... I guess we should just leave her be? She isn't hurting anyone.

"She looks like she wants to."

>Right... but she also kind of looks like she could kick our asses.

"...Sir yes sir! Standing by and waiting sir!"

>Good job, soldier! At ease!

Further away, buried in the crowd, the disguised Changeling Queen couldn't help but roll her eyes. Were it not for the staunch teachings of her mother, she would likely have lost her shit and destroyed this town by now.

'Never kill a pony unless you absolutely, positively have to while undercover,' that's what she said. Any murder, be it from a king or a pauper, leads to investigations. Investigations lead to clues. Clues could lead to them being discovered. Them being discovered could lead to...

Well, for now, they would live. But soon... once she had found a way to reach their gods, beyond the falsehoods of their precious 'sun princess', she would take their throne for herself, and ascend to a higher plain of-

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! IS THAT THING FLYING!? WHA-WHO-HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK THOSE LITTLE BLADES ARE TINY AND SPINNING DOES NOT MAKE FLYING WHAT THE FUCK!? EARTH PONIES DO NOT FLY THIS IS BULLSHIT!

FUCKING FUTURE!
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>Applejack
“Colgate”
___________

“…”
>…

“Sooooo… huh.”

>Yeah, uh… jus’ doin’ some remodelin’, you know, a little fixin’ here and there.

“Looks like a lot of fixing everywhere. Your office is missing three walls….”

>More air conditionin’, Ah say.

The two mares just stared at one another, the apple princess somehow managing to keep her face straight even as piece of destroyed wall fell in with a thud.

>Nice breeze, right?

“…”

Colgate soon shrugged and pulled a document from her saddlebag, laying it out over the heavily dented and slightly scorched desk.

“So, yeah, I have this bill that I’ve been drafting for about a year now and after much deliberation and second-checking, I think it’s just about finished and ready to get signed!”

Applejack offered a warm smile as she lifted the slip, expecting something easily doable like an increase of dentistry tools or better operating chairs.

What she read caused her eyes to widen and wings to twitch.

>…

“What do you think? Pretty good, right? With this, I can finally usher Ponyville into a brighter era of dental hygiene! Aren’t we excited?”

>…

“…You don’t look excited. Why aren’t you excited?”

>Colgate? This bill here… it makes it mandatory for everypony to brush their teeth three times a day and after every meal….

“Right! A healthier way of living!”

>We… sugar, we can’t just force ponies to do somethin’, even if it is healthy for ‘em. That’d be takin’ away their free will.

“Ah, but look further down! Put a lot of thought into this baby and in doing so, I say that error and decided to give them an alternative!”

>…‘whosoever chooses not to brush their teeth the required amount of times daily, and I’ll know if you don’t, will receive complementary gum drills on their next visit.’

Applejack looked up at Colgate’s glowing face, then slowly back down to the bill.

>Thaaaaat’s not really givin’ ‘em a choice so much as it is threatenin’ ‘em with unbridled agony. It’s still a ‘do it my way or the highway’ scenario, sugar.

“B-but teeth… I CAN’T STAND IT! Those idiot ponies never listen to me when I tell them to brush daily and floss regularly! I even give them these little goodie bags of tooth care products! They just give me those big stupid smiles and nod with a patronizing "yes ma’am" and then come right back the next visit with fucking cavities the size of whatever tore through this place! They don’t listen! THEY NEVER LISTEN! FUCK THEM AND MAY THEIR TEETH ROT IN HELL!”

When her rant was quite through and the toothpaste-maned mare had settled down, her chest heaving furiously, Applejack only tapped her desk with the bill before delicately sliding it back.

>Welcome to my life, sugarcube.
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>Celestia
"Luna"
~~~~

>So, how are you feeling?

"Wow. Everything is just... it's purple, sister. It is the best purple I have ever seen. Are you seeing this purple? Sister, this purple is... it's our best friend. It is a friend we hold most dear, and we love every second of it. Come hither, purple! Come hither and nestle within our breast!"

>... I see you have made an official royal decree in my absence.

"We sought to take charge, and command our followers!"

>Specifically, you requested... "All of the morphine." All of it. And said any who did not obey would find themselves "Freed of their far too big heads".

"Do you see this bag? It is a bag of wonders. It is magic and I wish to marry it. Sister! Perform the ceremony! We shall bed under the stars, and I shall bear it many a tiny bag of happy!"

>You do realize your immortality would fix pretty much anything, right? We're not instant healers, but this seems excessive.

"The flavor of elderberries and ice cream are forever on my tongue!"

>...Did you mix something into the bag? Most of this doesn't sound like how Morphine makes you act.

"Bartender! Another!"

>I think you've had enough.

"BITCH I WILL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
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>Batmom
“Luna”
{???}
_________

>Hey, Luna, how’re you feeling? I heard you took a nasty bump on the-

“Glimglam! Come, come! Sit with us and be merry as we enjoy all things purple!”

>Well, that answers my previous question. On a scale of one to fucked up, how high in the clouds are you?

“Peanuts!”

>Wow, you haven’t been ‘peanuts’ high since our old party days. That must be some pretty good morphine.

“Everything is just so awesome right now we feel we could rise the moon!”

>...Let’s not and say we did, okay? Because unlike most ponies who say that, you actually can. Only it’s midday, so that’d have some pretty devastating affects around the world….

“Up it goes!”

>LUNA NO!

The door to Luna’s room suddenly burst open and figure strode in looking winded.

{Moons! Moons, I-}

56 immediately paused, taking in the sight of Glimmer wrestling the delirious lunar princess in a fit of tussled covers, confusing shouts, and drunken giggles.

{…}

He left, but returned less than a second later with a chair and placed it before the door, settling into it with a wide smile.

It was quite obvious what Glimmer was trying to prevent, and in the back of his perverted mind he knew he should probably lend a hoof, but the two of mares were flipping about and waving ample rump in the air.

{This’ll fix itself soon. But for now, I enjoy.}
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>29
"Trixie"
'MM'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>Okay, steeeady....

"So... is this just what you do?"

>What, humiliate myself for the joy of fallen toddlers so that they may explode into a bright burst of light and go on to the happy place?

"...Yeah?"

>Meh, I do it on occasion.

'Will you hurry up! You are fucking heavy!'

>Lies! My figure is as sleek as the wisping waves of the river as they slide through the stones upon the ground! None are sleeker than I!

"Lies! The GREAT and BEAUTIFUL Trixie's form has been known to dazzle even the most hardened of eyes with her might of magic!"

[Such a silly thing that both of you say. To match my looks, do not even bother to pray. My hips are wide, but they are of beauty. Those around me stop and stare so often, you'd swear it was a royal duty.]

'WILL YOU ALL STOP TALKING AND FINISH!'

>Oh! Ah... Ta-daaaa!

*FLASH!*

'MY EYES!'

*THUMPTHUMPTHUMP!*

"...Is that it? Did he really just want us to pose in this weird, vaguely star shape?"

>...Ah... no, before she left, she just said she just wanted to see a couple of... clowns... before she moved on.

"...YOU CAN KISS MY GREAT AND POWERFUL ASS!"

[Though helping the young ones is something I hold quite dear. All the same, I am thinking several words I am happy none can hear.]

'Owww...'

>...Who's ready for skydiving?

"..."
'...'
[...]

>...These children have really weirdly specific last wishes.
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>Spike
"Celestia"
'Applejack'
[Rarity]
~~~
[Oh, Spikey, Applejack darling! I need some minor funding approval on making sure everyone is...]

She stares at the room and watches Celestia, Applejack, and Spike with bloodshot eyes, all of them vibrating in place and filling in forms nearly as fast as they were receiving them

'HowdyRares!Jus'putthapaperrigh'there!'

[Umm... Okay... Are you all alright?]

>Wefeelgreat! We'regettingalotofworkdone!

[Well, it's just that... you're all vibrating and talking so quic-]

"Twilightbroughtinhercustomcoffeemachineandspecialcoffee! Ihaven'tsleptindaysandfeelintopshape!"

[Is... That so?]

'Yep! Mightypowerfulstuff,thinkin'o'usin'it'feranalternativenergysource!'
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>2
"SA"
~~~~~

>W-W-W-WHADDAYA MEAN AH HAVE TA' GO BACK!?

"Well, not back to that school specifically no. That school was in the weirdly haphazard path. But you do have to go back to kindergarten, yes."

>UHBUHWHAAAA!?

"Sweetie, I know that was scary for you, but we can't live in fear of stuff like that happening. We have to go out, meet new friends, see the world! There's a whole host of ponies out there just waiting to meet you, so much knowledge out there you still have to learn."

>But...

"No buts. You certainly will get the rest of the week off, you've earned that much, but then you are going to put on your smiley face, march right up to your teacher and say "I'm ready to learn, world!", and then you are going to learn. And you are going to get smart, and be the brilliant little thing I know you can be."

>...O-okay, Shiny.

"Atta girl. And hey, if anymore monsters show up again, I'll be right there to knock them into another volcano. Won't miss this time, promise!"

The smile wasn't quite the beaming one he had hoped for, but it was there.

"Now hey, go tell Chef Glittzer I said to make an extra big marchmalley sundae, just for you!"

Now THAT was more like he was hoping for.

>Really!?

"Really really."

>C-can I bring it back here and share?

"Share with me? How could I say no!"

>Yaaaaay! Thanks Shiny!

You know, one would think you needed to flap your wings in order to fly, but there she went, floating as if she were made of helium. Leaving him alone...

"...I have about ten minutes, I better get it all out now."

The room was silent as the door was shut.

"...NNNEEEEMMMBLUUUUBBLBBL~!"

It did not stay that way.

"MMBNKMNMNMNMMM!"
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>18
"42"
_______

"Huh. Your Cadance impersonations are getting better...."

>Really? Like, really, really? You're not just saying that, are you? I haven't said anything but I've been trying super hard to get this nailed down.

"So you can nail down Shiny, I presume?"

>You know, there was once a time where I would've agreed heartily, but now... it's more about the 'role'. I know it's not... me, the one people are cheering and waving and giving thanks to but I still receive their love. It's pure, and warm, and makes me smile. And if I'm receiving their love then that means I've done something good....

"Wow. I... that was surprisingly touching, 18. So it's not about jumping into bed with Shiny then?"

>What're you, stupid? Of COURSE it is! That'll be my prime objective until the day comes where I draw my last ragged breath on this planet! It's just not, like, ALL about jumping his bones. There's more stuff now, little stuff, sprinkled here and there.

"...your ass is still too big. It bounces where it should be completely still."

>Shit, really?

"You could rebound a quarter off it straight into the ceiling."

>Oh shut up....

The two Changelings opened the door to Shining's room and, upon sighting the glorified Prince of the Empire on his side and curled up, blurbing like a foal, they both decided it best to just... not right now.

>That kinda reminds me... with Two going off to kindergarten, we really should ask Chrysalis how old Two was before... before whatever happened to her happened.

"...nah."

>Nah?"

"Nah. Two is our little heart-stoppingly cute Changeling sister who we'd move mountains for to see smile, and the adoptive daughter of the wuss bawling his eyes out in there. That's all we need to know, don't you think?"

18 glanced up in thought, then smirked.

>Hn, guess you're right.
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>DT
"Potatojack"
~~~~

>Bug monster! I need your help!

"...Mrymumuchmmeedah?"

>Because you are in fact in the same genus as an insect and share several characteristics thereof, and you are, in fact, what one would consider "Monstrous" in appearance and behavior.

"...*ptoo!* Fair enough. What did you need?"

>Daddy sent up these giant sacks of money so I could stay at the one nice hotel still standing instead of using the train home, but I can't carry them all. They're heavy.

"..."

>What? I'll tip you!

"This feels insulting, but I don't know why. It's like, there's no CONTEXT for why me carrying your bags and then you tipping me would be in some way racially insulting, and yet it feels like it should be."

>Are you going to help me carry these or not?

"How can your dad afford to do this anyway?"

>A gypsy told him to buy up most of the major construction firms around the area two months ago. Since Canterlot's local construction company had it's assets... mostly eaten, I think, they have to outsource to him and Fawntaine Industries. You'd think this would cause some kind of internal strife, right? Fawntaine isn't close enough and Daddy doesn't have as many resources, so they're fighting, right? Nope. They both just shook hooves and made some deals, and now they're both raking in pretty much all the money. Soooo.... my college fund is pretty set, yeah.

"....A... a Gypsy?"

>Long story... actually, not that long. Gypsy was behind on her house loan, asked Daddy if there was anything she could do to delay it, and then what I just said happened. I was way off, that's not long at all.

"Ah..."

>...So are you going to help me?

"You know, I will, but I'm doing this as a friend, not as a servant."

>As if I would want you as a servant!

".........I cannot decide if that is racist or not. My mind hurts."

>SHUT UP AND LIFT!
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>Chitania
"Infopony"
'Chitania's thoughts'
{???}
~~~~~~

'Okay, it's taken me four days and at least five maps, but I have finally arrived!'

>Halo, good shir, Ah' im from osser country, and woud like infamashion!

"...What about, milady?"

'Oh, okay, he bought that accent... that's... encouraging.'

>Ah would lahk ta' know vhat you use for money in zis place?

"...Equestria?"

>Sure.

"Bits. We use bits. They look like this, and come in different denominations."

'Okay, positives, I recognize that currency. Negatives, it has clearly changed in the centuries that has past.'

>Zhaaank you! Now, Ah' vould like ta' know if ya' colld shend me ta' a place where ah'd be able ta' figgur out about gods.

"Gods."

>Shose, yes.

"Uh... the library at Canterlot, I suppose?"

>Pretty sure I- I mean, someone else stepped on that.

"Stepped on... the library?"

>...

"...What happened to your accent-NGH!..."

>...

"...Hello, ma'am, how can I help you today?... actually, could you help me? Where... where am I? And why is it spring?"

'WHY DO I SUCK AT THAT SO MUCH!?'

>...Thank you for your help!

"No... problem?"

'Okay, so... that ended badly. But I shall yet prevail! Soon, I shall be victorious in my quest! The gods themselves shall tremble before my might! SOON, I SHALL-'

{Miss? Are you okay?}

>...Are... are you a griffon?

{Stand out in a crowd, don't I?}

And it's about there she noticed she had, somehow, ended up in the Griffon kingdom.

>...HOW THE FU-
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Pommel stood beneath the piercing gaze of the monolithic changeling queen. Eyes the size of boulders regarded him venomously as massive fangs grew closer. Pommel's body tensed, for too long he had let his fear rule him, he would not cower here, it was time for action!

So he screamed like a ninny and ran for the forested center of the island. Sadly a gigantic black hoof slammed down in front of him and he smacked right into it, leaving him prone and groggy on his back.

"I recognize you," Chitania growled, "You were one of the two who fell upon my nose. The mammal."

"Uh...yup, one hundred percent mammalian here, ma'am," Pommel said, trying to understand why there was suddenly two terrifying changeling queens.

Chitania glared down at him, "Not many have survived my fury, mammal, none as you have. How did you accomplish this?"

"Uh, clinging and cowering, mostly," Pommel pointed at the sailboat, "I dunno how you swallowed that but thanks."

"And the parasite?" Chitania's eyes narrowed, "You bested it as well?"

"Eh, it was more of a draw, Bob was tough but I had him in smarts. You kinda just rendered the whole thing moot," Pommel shrugged.

"..." Chitania blinked, "You named the vicious parasite within me 'Bob'?"

"Uh, yeah," Pommel said as he climbed back up to his hooves, "I knew this gryphon named Bob growing up, he was a dick, that worm was a dick, so transitive property and all that."

"..."

"Transitive property is-"

"I know what it is," Chitania cut him off, "Hear me Mammal, I will make no pretense, your existence sickens me to my very core, and I would like nothing better than to leave you a smear on sand."

Pommel gulped, cringing in anticipation of his coming demise.

"However!" Chitania boomed, "You allowed me to do away with that troublesome pest...Bob. So, I shall grant you one boon and one only."

Pommel blinked, looking up, "Seriously?"

"Would you prefer I didn't?"

"Nononono!" Pommel shook his head, "I'm decidedly pro boon, like, all about the boons here-er, boon anyway."

"Them choose wisely, pony," Chitania narrowed her eyes.

"Uhhh..." Pommel tapped his chin with his hoof.

"If you choose literally anything other than that I don't kill you, I will kill you, fair warning," Chitania smirked.

"Don'tkillme!" Pommel's eyes bulged in terror.

"Congratulations on possessing a survival instinct," Chitania crossed her legs and laid down on the beach, regarding Pommel like a cat with a mouse, "Now what do you intend to do?"

Pommel looked over at the wrecked sailboat, then back to forest, "Well unless you intend to give me a ride on your back looks like I'm going to have to make a raft and take my chances."

"So you do," Chitania's amusement was somehow more frightening than her anger.

"...you gonna move your hoof so I can?" Pommel arched an eyebrow.

"I move for no one."

Pommel grumbled to himself as he walked around her hoof, which then slammed into the ground before him again.

"...what are you, five?"

"I take amusement where I find it."

Pommel sighed, then grinned and jumped through one of the holes in her legs.

"Ha!"

Chitania snorted, "It's nice you think that accomplished something. I'm merely entertaining myself while I figure out how to escape this damned place."

"Whatever," Pommel's horn glowed as he reached the tree line, picking up two rocks from the ground he began to sharpen one on the other, "All I need to do is get a cutting edge going here and I'm in business."

FIVE HOURS LATER...

Pommel panted as he swung his makeshift blade once again into the trunk of the tree, his neck was aching and legs felt like they were going to buckle.

The bark barely had a scratch on it.

"This is pathetic," Chitania rumbled from the beach, the sun going down in the horizon.

"Aw...shaddup..."

"You would tell a Queen to be silent?"

"I'd tell cousin Coco to be silent if she was giving me crap about this."

"I will give crap about whatever I like, I'm a hundred times your size."

Pommel shook his head, "Ugh...I give up for tonight, I'll get back to it tomorrow."

He stumbled back onto the beach and flopped on his face in the sand, "Hey, Chitania."

"Yes, mammal?"

"My name is Pommel."

"I'll file that away under 'irrelevant'."

"Whatever, look, I gotta ask," He looked up at the changeling, "How'd it happen?"

"How'd what happen?" Chitania tilted her head.

"The thing in Canterlot, how'd it go down? My view at the time was kind of obstructed."

"I destroyed your pathetic city, ran rampant through the paltry defenses, tore your false gods asunder," The Changeling Queen rattled off the details matter of factly, "Pretty productive Tuesday, now that I think about it."

"Wait, all of them?" Pommel's mouth was agape.

"What? You think I missed some?"

"Luna?"

"Batted away like a gnat."

"Celestia?"

"Fell for literally the oldest trick in the book."

"Caden-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"...Chrysalis?"

"I gave that pathetic brat the beating she so richly deserved."

"Twilight?"

"...who?"

"She wasn't there?"

"Oh damn it, am I going to have to turn around?"

"So...so the whole city's destroyed? Everyone's dead!?" Pommel's face was twisted in grief.

"Wellll...that's half true, you got lucky on one thing," Chitania's eyes narrowed, "This damn unicorn managed to blast me away from the city, almost killed me with a volcano."

"Shining Armor?"

"That's the bastard. I'll give him one thing, he fared better than any of the others. Frankly YOU caused more damage to me than the pink one."

"Yeah, Shining's a rise to the occasion kind of guy, he did help beat Chrysalis."

"In what bleak universe is THAT an achievement?"

"He also helped defeat King Sombra."

"...who?"

"Oh, right, ice. Uh...robot invasion? He was pretty helpful in that."

"I fought a robot shortly after you, I was less than impressed."

"Right..." Pommel grimaced, "Hey...uh...this is gonna sound weird but, the Changeling I was with, 32, did you kill him?"

"Hm? Oh that little coward? He zoomed out of sight on his flying machine, if I killed him, I didn't notice."

Pommel breathed a sigh of relief, at least his friend may be alright. He laid his head down in the sand, and slowly sleep overtook him.

~~~~~

The days passed swiftly afterwards, Pommel awoke the next morning to find five trees cut down at the tree line. When questioned the Queen simply contended she may have sliced them with her horn while she slept. The harder work done, Pommel went about preparing supplies, lashing the logs together with vines from deeper in the jungle and salvaging what sail he could from the wreck. In a few days the guard pony stood atop his meager vessel in the shallows off the island, looking up at the as yet still stranded Queen.

"Well, guess this is goodbye, your highness," Pommel said, adjusting the sails, "I'd like to say it was fun, but you're kind of a bitch."

"The same to you, mammal," Chitania's wings fluttered, "We part ways now, but know that the mercy I've extended lasts as far as that horizon, when next we meet, your death will be swift. Assuming you don't die to myriad other things in the interim."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, how're you going to get off this island if you can't swim?"

"The same way I got here," Chitania said with utmost seriousness, "Thinking about something completely different."

"Sounds good, farewell."

With that, Pommel shoved off to put himself at the mercy of wind and tide. To journey homeward.

The massive Queen watched the speck disappear from where she stood on the shore.

"A novel distraction...I give him three days."

Then she noticed the fins following after him.

"...on second thought, make it one and a half."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Various Changelings”
‘???’
____________

>Okay, what’s so danged important that y’all bugs gotta drag me outta mah officer fer? Do ya have any idea how much paperwork has spawned thanks to yer aunts little frolic? Ah haven’t slept in three days! And then there’s all the rebuildin’, all the noise, noise, noise!

“Trust us, little WhoJack, this is some pretty trippy shit you’re about to see.”

“No kidding. I booked a double session for the crying corner.”

“You greedy ass motherfucker.”

“You’re just upset you didn’t do it first!”

“You’re mother’s upset I didn’t do HER first!”

“OOOOOOOO!”

“BURN!”

“Can we get some burn heal up in here? Damn!”

At the moment, Applejack was thankful she hadn’t bothered to learn any offensive magical spells, feeling quite certain that she would have roasted a few Changelings in the moment as they led her to the partially ruined Great Hall.

Past the wavering fires yet to be put out they walked, past the toppled beams and remnants of destroyed pictures, past the glinting fragments of precious artifacts now forever lost...

Oddly, the stained glass showcasing her inauguration into the realm of Alicorns remained untouched, one of the rare few windows still whole.

>Well, thank the goddess for that, Ah reckon….

“Hey, appleass, it’s over here!”

Sigh.

>Listen close, ya little idjit, mah name is-….

“Look at her face! Look at it, didn’t I tell you she’d freak out?”

Freak out was a bit of an overstatement. Really, it was. As Applejack stared down at the Changeling half-crushed underneath a few tons of rubble and staring up at her with barely cognizant eyes, she was actually trying to figure out how long it’d take the poor thing to die.

She glanced around at the other Changelings, all of them regarding her.

>So y’all called me out here to watch this fella die…? Ah knew Changelings were a lot of terrible things but Ah never pegged y’all for outright sadists.

“Oh, ow.”

“Right? Hey, orangebutt, that hurt!”

“We already said we had nothing to do with that big ass titan Changeling!”

“You mean Chitania.”

“Whatever! Point is, no need to be hostile towards us for something we didn’t do!”

If there was a watch around her hoof, Applejack would have glanced at it in boredom. As it stood, there wasn’t, so she only stared at her gleaming band.

>Ah started a mental counter of ten minutes when Ah left. Y’all got four minutes left. Now what is this?

“This is AJ13. Say hey, 13.”

‘H-hey….’

>Hello.

“Quite the unlucky Changeling, she is.”

>She…?

“Well, sure screamed like one when all this rubble fell.”

“No kidding, dang near deafened me. We should probably ask to make sure, though.”

“Right. Hey, 13, you a boy or girl?”

‘A g-girl… a very, v-very crushed girl…’

“Mystery solved!”

Ignoring the others, Applejack inclined her head somewhat towards the unluckily named and unluckily positioned Changeling.

>Sugar, no offense ‘r nothin’ but… why aren’t y’all dead yet?

‘Because l-life hates me….’

>Looks like it.

“We always knew she was bad luck but damn, to think she’s unlucky enough to not die even after all this. How much pain are you in, 13?"

‘A lot….’

“See? That’s got to suck.”

“Glad it’s not me!”

>So this one’s apparent immortality is what y’all wanted to show me.

“Yeah!”

‘H-help….’

>Why?

‘Because every b-breath is pain….’

>Not you, sugar, Ah mean, why’d y’all tell me?

“Because you’re the princess Chrysalis explicitly said to go to when she wasn’t around and she’s at the hospital with the armor guy!”

>…huh. Well… pull her out, Ah guess.

“Okay! Let’s hop to it, boys!”

‘Th-thank you….’

Applejack stared down at the trapped Changeling, the unlucky Changeling now giving her a tired yet sincere smile of gratitude… and she felt a touch of warmth return to her gaze. She had planned to simply go back to her office and leave them be, not really giving two apples if they succeeded or not, but now she was resting a gentle hoof over 13’s blonde mane.

>Yer welcome, sugar. Though Ah gotta ask again… how’re y’all still breathin’?

‘I dunno… I k-kinda wish I weren’t…’

A bit of shockingly scarlet liquid dribbled over her lip and Applejack wiped it away. There wasn’t a need to exercise her element to see the Changeling was being honest.

>So yer not lyin’… Ah take it yer not from the beetle’s original hive?

‘No… m-my old hive kicked me out… too p-problematic, too cursed, too frail-’

The Changelings heaving rocks nodded.

“Yeah, even by Changeling standards, she’s pretty weak.”

“And she bleeds a lot, almost at a jostle.”

“Creeps me out, actually.”

When 13 hunched up at those claims, a few more trickles of blood escaped her nostrils. Applejack wiped that away too, bypassing how the orange of her fur was turning a sickly red.

>…Are ya hungry, 13?

‘H-huh?’

>Ah asked if y’all were hungry. Food, nom nom?

‘I… yes, ma’am… I’ve been under this rubble f-for the past day now…’

>What? An’ none’a y’all bothered to come get me before now?

“Hey, we thought she was gonna die!”

“Yeah, we already dug a grave and everything, picked out some nice flowers, wrote a eulogy, the whole nine yards.”

“It was perfect, except for the fact that she didn’t die. So now all that’s gone to waste.”

‘Sorry…’

After ordering them to go faster and promising to bring 13 back some cider cake, Applejack left the Grand Hall, pausing just past the door as she tried to wrap her mind around the idea of an immortal yet physically weak hive of Changelings that had to exist somewhere. Common sense told her to hand 13 over to Twilight for some reverse engineering, namely eviscerating the unlucky Changeling to find out a way to stop its heart because Celestia as her witness they were never going to be caught unawares by the enemy again.

But then 13’s relieved smile swam over her vision… there were no lies there, no deceit, no hidden ulterior motives. That was just one extremely unlucky Changeling grateful that someone cared enough to lend a helping hoof.

Sigh.

>Second chances, Applejack… second chances. A lot of ‘em deserve that much.

And she continued towards the kitchen.

NON CANON
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