Living With Colgate: Financial Trouble Part 1

>“Item 95-B, the final item on our list tonight is a fully detailed cross-sectional model of a tooth! Completely anatomically accurate and made with only the finest materials! If you’re interested, we’re gonna open the bidding at 1800 bits! DO I hear 1800?”
>Colgate literally jumps out of her seat to place her bid. She waves her paddle in the air, too eager to see that no one is contesting her. “1900 BITS!”
>You see dollar signs in the auctioneer’s eyes. ”I heard 1900! Do I hear 2000?”
>”2000! 2000 BITS!”
“Colgate, you’re the only one bidding!”

>Attending Filthy Rich’s ‘valued items’ auction may not have been the smartest way to spend your evening.
>The way things have gone so far, it seems Filthy did some research on how to best take advantage of each attendee. Who knew Twilight and Rainbow Dash had so much to spend on all this Daring-Do merchandise? They had to be escorted out by security after a bidding war for a ‘dakimakura’ love pillow got violent.
>The auctioneer cannot hide his malicious intent, but Colgate is transfixed by the tooth statue. “I wanna hear 2500 bits! 2500, anypony?”
>Colgate makes eye contact with you. Beads of sweat roll down her face. You shake your head vigorously.
>But she breaks. “TWENTY-FIVE HUNDRED BITS!”
>”SOLD! Sold to the blue pony with the dental fetish! Enjoy your stupid tooth!”
>Colgate squees in celebration, then wraps her front legs around your chest and squeezes the breath out of you with an unnecessarily tight hug.
>The auctioneer throws up a big ‘NO REFUNDS’ sign. “All right, everyone grab your stuff and get the hell out.”


>Colgate holds her large model tooth closely as you walk home from the Ponyville auction hall. You flat-out refuse to let her teleport you anymore.
“You’re an idiot.”
>She beams. “I’m now the proud owner of an anatomically correct, high quality maxillary lateral incisor statue! This is the best purchase anyone has ever made!”
“How can you say that? It cost you 2500 bits!”
>”2500 bits well spent-“ Her smile falters for a split second. “Wait, how much? 2500?”
“2500.”
>She blinks stupidly. “Whoops. Guess I kinda got caught up in the heat of the moment.”
“Please tell me you have enough saved up to pay your share of the rent tomorrow.”
>Colgate grimaces. “Tomorrow? Um, no. No, I don’t.” She punches your shoulder playfully. “But you can cover for me this time, right Anon? I’ll pay you back!”
>Your heart stops.
“Uuuh. Well, to be honest…”
>This does not look good for Anon and Colgate. A cold wind blows, forewarning of another midwinter storm. A shiver runs down your spine.
“No. I don’t even have enough to cover my half.”
>You walk together in stark silence, while contemplating things. Maybe you should have put a bit more effort into job hunting this past month. Or any effort at all.
“We fucked up.”
>Colgate is fawning over her tooth again.
“Hey! Pay attention! We have to get that money before our landlord comes around tomorrow to collect it!”
>”Any suggestions?” she asks, absent-mindedly.
“I’m sure there are ways for me to make a few bits around here. You, on the other hand, could work overtime at the dentist office or wherever.”
>Colgate snorts.
>”You think I’m a dentist?” she shakes her head. “That might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Just because I’m obsessed with oral health, does not mean I could work as a dentist.”
“Why not? You have the know-how, and a passion for the art.”
>”Anon, I get light-headed at the mere MENTION of tooth rot. And with all the revolting sweets ponies eat around here… I wouldn’t get close to ANY of their filthy, dirty, sugary little mouths.”
>Colgate shudders.
>”Nah, I’ve been living off all the money I made during a brief stint as an exotic dancer, arms dealer, and gang leader in Manehattan.”
>She sounds like she’s joking, although you’ve seen first-hand that she’s had some experience as an ‘exotic dancer’. How far-fetched is arms dealer?

>The two of you turn and walk the short path up to your doorstep. Your charming shared, two-storied, thatched-roofed, single-bathroomed, double-bedroomed, fully-furnished home casts a long shadow over the whole front lawn. Your eyes meet with Colgate’s, and you can tell she is thinking the same thing. You may not be living in this house for much longer.

To be continued in part 2…