John Taylor's Guile

After two cosmic forces (one representing Heaven, the other representing Hell) pull John into a void in order to make demands of him, he manages to turn them against each other with nothing but words:

This time, it was my turn to stand in the spotlight. A light stabbed down from somewhere above me, brilliant and blinding, holding me in place like a bug transfixed on a pin. I felt horribly naked and exposed, as though the light showed up everything inside me, the good and the bad. All around me there was only darkness, a deep concealing darkness, and somehow I could tell it was there to protect me, because I was not worthy or strong enough to see what lay beyond my small pool of light. But I could sense that I was not alone, that to either side of me there were vast and powerful presences, two great armies assembled on an endless unseen plain. There was a feeling of restless movement, and what might have been the fluttering and flapping of wings. My mind, or more likely my soul, had been hijacked. Brought into the over-world, the boundaries of the immaterial. The over-world wasn’t Heaven or Hell, but it was said you could see them both from there.

A voice spoke to me from one side, and it was a harmony of many voices, like a crowd chanting in syncopation, a choir that sang only in descants. My skin crawled at the sound of it. I’d heard such a voice before, in St. Jude’s. It was a powerful, imperious voice, steeped in ancient, unanswerable authority.

“The dark chalice is loose once more, traveling in the world of mortal men. This cannot be permitted. It is too powerful a thing to be abandoned to merely human hands, and so it has been decided that we shall descend from the glory plains and walk in the material world again.”

A second harmonied voice spoke from the other side, rich and complex and full of discords. “Too long has the Unholy Grail wandered at random in the world of mortal men. The somber chalice, the great corrupter. It must be placed in the right hands and allowed to fulfill its purpose. Its time has come round at last. And so it has been decided that we shall ascend from the infernal plains and walk in the material world again.”

All I could think was Oh shit …

“Tell us what you know of the Unholy Grail,” said the first voice, and the second echoed, “Tell us, tell us…”

“I don’t really know anything yet,” I said. It didn’t even occur to me to lie. “I’ve only just started looking.”

“Find it for us,” said the first voice, implacable as fate, as an iceberg seeking out a ship.

“Find it for us,” said the second voice, relentless as cancer, as torture.

Both their voices were very loud now, beating about me in the darkness, but I refused to allow myself to flinch or quail. Show weakness before overbearing bastards like these, and they’d walk all over me. I was scared, but I couldn’t afford to show it. Both sides could destroy me in a moment, for any reason or none. But they wouldn’t, as long as they thought I could be of use to them. I glared out into the dark, showing impartial contempt. Angels or devils, they both spoke with the arrogance of anyone who speaks from a position of strength. But I felt pretty sure I had a question that would reveal their true position.

“If you’re so powerful,” I said, “why can’t you find the Unholy Grail for yourselves? I thought nothing was hidden from you, or your bosses?”

“We cannot see it,” said the first voice. “Its nature hides it.”

“We cannot see it,” said the second voice. “Its power hides it.”

“But you can See what is hidden.”

“So See for us.”

“I don’t work for free,” I said flatly. “And if either of you could compel me, you’d have done it by now. So stop trying to bully me, and make me a proper offer.”

There was a long pause, and the voices said together, “What would you want?”

“Information,” I said. “Tell me about my mother. My missing, mysterious mother. Tell me who and what and where she is.”

“We cannot tell you that,” said the first voice. “We only know what it is given to us to know, and some things are forbidden, even to us.”

“We cannot tell you that,” said the second voice. “We know only what is said in darkness, and some things are too awful, even for us.”

“So essentially,” I said, “you’re really nothing more than glorified messenger boys, working on a need-to-know basis. Send me back. I’ve got work to do.”

“You do not speak to us that way,” said the first voice, its harmonies rising and falling. “Defy us, and there will be punishment.”

I looked across at the other presences. “Are you going to let them get away with that? If I’m hurt or damaged, you risk losing the one person who can definitely find the Unholy Grail for you.”

“Do not touch the mortal,” the second voice said immediately.

“You do not speak to us that way!”

“We speak how we will! We always have!” There was a stirring and a disturbance in the darkness, as of two great armies readying themselves for war. There were angry voices, with vicious threats and vows, and ominous intent. And it was the easiest thing in the world for me to quietly slip away from them, and drop back into my body, which waited in the doorway in the alley outside Strangefellows. It had grown cold and stiff in my brief absence, and I groaned aloud as I made myself stretch reluctant muscles and pounded my hands together to get the circulation moving again. I closed my mind down tightly, pulling all my strongest mental shields into place. You don’t last long in the Nightside if you don’t learn a few useful tricks to guard your mind and soul from outside attack or influence. Walk around here with an open mind, and your head will end up more crowded than the underground during rush hour. -Agents of Light and Darkness

An example of John's skill when it comes to bluffing. When him and Suzie are surrounded by hostile demons, he threatens to ''summon the light of Creation'' if they don't let him go, and is so convincing in his delivery that he scares them into doing so. Even Suzie herself has no clue whether or not he was lying:

“He’ll repair himself in a minute or two,” I said quietly to Suzie, as she pumped fresh ammunition into place. The Demonz were circling us slowly now, nerving themselves up to attack. “No earthly weapon can defeat a demon.”

“In which case,” said Suzie, tracking the nearest Demonz with her gun, “this would be a really good time for the cavalry to make an appearance. Or failing that, for you to produce one of your last-minute miracle saves.”

I considered the matter thoughtfully. The Demonz were closing in. Mr. Bones sat up, holding his tattered face together with his hands, as the crimson features slowly knit themselves back together. Even Mr. Blood came out from behind his desk.

“Taylor!” said Suzie. “Anytime now would be good!”

I held up a hand and smiled. Everyone stopped moving.

“In the Beginning,” I said, “God said Let there be light, and there was. If a man could summon up that light, from the very first moments of creation, and look into it without burning out his eyes or his reason, then that man would have at his command a light that could burn away all the darkness in the world.”

For a long moment, nobody said anything. Mr. Bones stood up, glaring out of his ravaged face.

“You don’t have that kind of power!”

“Don’t I?” I said.

The Demonz looked at each other, remembering things I’d done and other things I was supposed to have done. I smiled at them easily.

“Just… get out of here,” said Mr. Bones. “Get out, and leave us alone. We don’t have your bloody Grail.”

“Then point me at someone who might.”

“Try the Fourth Reich,” Mr. Blood said quietly. “They’ve been throwing around some serious money for information on the dark chalice. If nothing else, they’ll have better information than we do.”

“See how easy it can be, when everyone acts reasonable?” I said. “There’s a lesson for us all in that, I feel. Time we were leaving. Don’t bother to show us out.” - Agents of Light and Darkness

...

Suzie looked at me suddenly. “Could you really have summoned up the light of Creation?”

I smiled. “What do you think?”

“I never know when you’re bluffing.”

“Neither does anyone else. That’s the point.”

“I notice you’re not answering the question.”

“Ah, Suzie, don’t you want a little mystery in your life?”

She sniffed. “The only mystery in my life is why I continue to put up with you.” -Agents of Light and Darkness

John manages to outsmart two temporal clones wielding probability magic, tricking them into sending each other back to their respective time periods.

"You have to Do Something about these two idiots!"

"I will. I'm thinking."

"Think faster!"

"I could still disinherit you, you know."

Fortunately, I already had an idea. The two younger Eamonns were still trying for a clear shot at Eamonn 40 while dodging attacks from each other. I waited till they were on opposite sides of my office, then I charged out from behind the desk, yelling at the top of my voice. They both turned their wands on me, I hit the deck, and two change beams hit each other head-on. The resulting clash of probabilities was too much for local causality to bear, and both Eamonns vanished, as probability decided they'd never been given the bloody wands in the first place.

The universe does like to keep itself tidy, whenever possible. -Paths Not Taken