Thread 10: Stories 76-90

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>Shiny
"2"
'Somby'

>So what exactly are you doing in here?

"Lookin' for an outfit for Somby."

'More specifically my former rainments of regality.'

>In a storage closet?

'I had several caches of attire in case they were ripped in an assassination attempt.'

"I don't see 'em in here, Somby!"

'No no, my child, you're looking for a loose stone.'

"Ohhh..."

>And you couldn't one of the others to help you with this?

'18 is doing paperwork, 42 I don't trust to not destroy them with her brutish methods, Chrysalis and I are in a blood feud, and your wife would lose a game of chess to a pillbug.'

>Oh come on, she not tha-blood feud?

'Yes, I informed her the O&O game I was running would be set in a world where magic didn't exist, thusly negating her enchantress shenanigans. She asked how she was going to seduce you, I told her to try doing so using the positive points of her personality.'

>And...

'She cursed at me and tried to smack me with an ice cream tub.'

>Sounds about right.

"Hey I think I found it!"

2 pressed her hoof to a loose brick, prompting the wall to shift and reveal a grand red cape and chrome crown.

'Excellent, I shall attend this Gala in royal appearance if not in title!'

>Sombra...I don't think you were invited...

'You say that like I care, I'm not missing this glorious orgy of chaos for anything!'
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>Guard 1
"Guard 2"
'???'
-???-
~???~

>Hey...you ever think we forgot something?

"What makes you say that?"

>Well with the Gala, the clean up from the invasion, 77's new drills to prepare us for 'The Greys', I just feel like we forgot something really important...

"Eh, I dunno, could just be something from a dream, those stupid ads linger on for a while. I mean, Luna is one of our many rulers but come on, why would I need a sleeping pill if I'm already asleep?"

>Still, something is just biting me here...I can't put my holf on it.

Meanwhile...

'SOMEONE! ANYONE, MAKE THIS TORTURE STOOOOP!'

-IT STOPPED BEING MY BIRTHDAY TWO WEEKS AGO!-

~ARE WE HAVING A SHOUT PARTY NOW!? WOOOOO!~
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>SS
"AB"
'SL'
-56-
[SB]
{BBB}
~~~~

>...What the...

"Mah sister uh... 'rented' him 'fer the day. She says a couple more robots've been poppin' up after failin' ta be disarmed, and she don't want me goin' ta' school without an armed escort."

>DT will only be gone a week.

"Tell that ta' him."

{BZZT! THERE IS A SMALL POTHOLE TO YOUR LEFT, APPLE!}

"Ah see it-"

{EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAAATE!}

'How do you exterminate a pothole!?'

-With bombs, I guess? He's pulling out the bombs.-

[Oh! I get it! If you blow up the area AROUND the hole, then it's all hole! And the holes not a hole, it's just ground! I understand this guy.]

'Because you know, I just wasn't scared enough. It was bad enough when it was just a robot with eight billion weapons, now it's a robot with eight billion weapons and THINKS LIKE SWEETIE BELLE!'

{THE POTHOLE HAS BEEN DEALT WITH!}

"Finally! Now can we move on ta'-"

{ERROR! LARGE BOULDER SIGHTED!}

"That's not even on the road!"

{EXTERMINAAAAATE!}

-HAH! USE THE LASER GUN! USE THE LASER GUUUN!-

>Don't encourage him!

'Hey, I just thought of something. If he's like this now... what's he going to do when he reaches the school?'

>...
"..."
-...-
[...Shit.]
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>Rarity
"Applejack"
'???'
[???]
~~~~~
Applejack and Rarity are facing off, the theme from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly plays

>So it's come to this, darling?

"We knew this day would come, Rares, one way 'r another."

>There's no need to be foolish and throw your life away, dear. We both know who would walk away from this match.

"Oh, no, partner, this has to happen! There's been a hell buildin' since tha day that we first met. An' ya know? Ah'm glad it's at least over somethin' like this..."

>It's just a pity you never had a chance.

A door behind them swings open

[Would you two shut up already? I already asked Spike to the Gala!]

Behind Diamond Tiara Rarity and Applejack could see a sobbing Spike in a rather uncomfortable looking suit

'Kill meee....'

instead of backing down though, Applejack and Rarity fix their glare on Diamond Tiara who meets their challenge with a rather smug smile

[And when this is over, I'm going to pick out the flowers he's going to give me. You two enjoy making out with eachother.]

The door closes and Applejack and Rarity look to eachother.

"Truce an' team up?"

>You took the words from my mouth.
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>SA
"Celestia"
'Luna'
~~~~

>I'M GONNA WIN THIS ONE!

"NO WAY, LITTLE STALLION! YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE!"

'...What in the devil are thou doing?'

>We are engaging in an epic battle, who's origins date back thousands of years!

'...Sister, we did not have that little game with the letters a thousand years ago.'

"Oh, it wasn't named Scrabble, obviously, but it existed."

'...Why are all the words-'

>We got bored doing it the normal way after time... what was it, sixty?

"At least. So we decided to handicap ourselves in weird ways."

>Last time was only using words pertaining to weaponry.

"The time before that was only naming body parts that would be fatal if punctured."

>The time before THAT was types of hats.

"And now we settled on sex positions."

'...There is no way 'hooftwister' is a position.'

>TOLD YOU!

"Just because the virgin has never heard of it, doesn't mean I didn't walk into a couple doing it a few decades ago. Strangely enough, they looked kind of like your parents. Want to double check?"

>DAMN! She got me again.

"HAH! I miss you being my royal guard, I never get enough of this."

'...Can we partake in the next round?'

>Sure!

"Ooooh, making it a threesome?"

>Oh, come now, surely you're okay with a little sisterly bonding. Besides, she had a thousand years to herself, she probably thought up all sorts of crazy things!

"You have swayed me again, Shining Armor! Bravo!"

'...Are we going to regret this?'

>"Yes."

'Just making sure the checking has been doubled.'
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>Applejack
"SA"
'Cadence'
[Server pony]
~~~~~

>Hey, Shiny?

"Yeah?"

>Ah' always wondered, why weren't ya' invited to the last GGG?

"I actually haven't been invited to one four times in a row now."

>Why?

"Err..."

~~~~~~~

[Sir, please! You two have clearly had enough wine!]

"DON' CHU TELL ME WHA' KINNA WINE AH' CAN GEH'!"

'Yeah! Ah'm a... Ah'm a prissybaloo! Ah' can eah whaevah Ah' wan!'

"AN' AH'M TAPPIN DAT!"

'He ish!'

[This is just indecent!]

"AHhhh, don' be jeloush!"

'Why wouldn't he be!?'

"Oh no, he SHOUL be... jush... don't be, ish bad ta' be jealoush. Ih shucks. Unlike you."

'Ah' tol' you, it ges in my hair!'

"Dash alright, doin' it da' normal way ish pretty great too. Like dish!"

[OH SWEET HEAVENS NO!]

"Hey man, little privachy!?"

[YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BALLROOM!]

'Sho? My auntie owns dish plash! AUNTIELESTIA! MAKE 'EM GO AWAY!'

~~~~~~

>...That's why?

"Huh? Oh, no. We fell into the cake, and Celestia said that was just a set too far."

>...So ya' didn't have ta' tell me that first part, ya' could'a just said ya' got drunk and fell in a cake.

"Yep."

>...

"...That was more for me than you, I admit."

>At least yer' honest with yer'self.
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>Celestia
"Applejack"
'Various Changelings'
~~~~~~

>...Shit.

"How the hell did we completely fer'get about these guys?"

>We're probably going to have to have the Gala somewhere else.

'What? Nonsense! We Changelings are excellent at service! Show them!'

'Dodadodododododadodododo'

'See? He juggles!'

'And I-'

'NO! BAD 55! NO FIRES!'

'What about candles?'

'Shit, we need candles. Okay, but only those-'

'MWAHAHAAH!'

'DAMN IT 55!'

'Don't tell me how to live, MOM!'

'We have no sense of family except for the royals, that expression means nothing to us!'

'But it's funny!'

'So, can I stop juggling, or...'

'NO! You are the only one not fucking up right now, continue not fucking u-DAMN IT!'

'FUCKING HOLES!'

'Why don't you just get balls to big to fit into the holes!?'

'They're expensive!'

'You could move onto chainsaws.'

'BRILLIANT!'

'See, Princess? Chainsaws! That's pretty... where'd they go?'

'They left like, two minutes in.'

'DAMN IT! My tourism plans are ruined!'

'...So can I stop juggling-'

'NO! Entertain me!'

'It's just, I'm meeting up with someone later-'

'ENTERTAIN!'
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>Luna
"Applejack"
~~~~

>Oh for the love of... really!?

"Bet 'cha thought mah dreams were gonna be filled with somethin' weird, didn't ya'?"

>We expected at LEAST a single carnal fantasy, not this! This is but a reunion of thine kin!

"Sorry, 'Ah jus' get mighty homesick sometimes. It's great an' all helpin' Equestria get back ta' where it needs ta' be, but ya' just can't beat the down home feelin' of meetin' up at a family reunion. Boy howdy, am Ah' gonna have a lot ta' talk about at the next one o' those! Wanna sit down 'fer a spell?"

>Oh, very well. Mine fun has been spoiled regardless, and our own family gatherings are a bit undercrowded.

"Heh. Figured that was why Celestia adopted so many as nieces and nephews."

>We never questioned it.

"Hey, while ya'll are here, could ya' tell me... who has the weirdest dreams?"

>Chyrsalis. It's not even a contest.

"Should'a seen that comin'. Kinda' hoped 42 was secretly nuts, though."

>We would not know, we do not venture into her dreams.

"Huh? Why?"

>She came to us and directly asked such. We would never venture where we were unwanted after they had filled out the proper paperwork.

"...All Ah' have ta' do ta' keep you out 'o mah dreams is fill out a form?"

>Indeed. Do you want one?

A swing of country music kicked in, and Applejack couldn't help but smile.

"Maybe later. C'mon, princess! Ya'll can hootinany with the best of 'em, Ah'm sure."

>Oh, alright. But if you tell anyone, I'll make up that you're having secret dreams about sleeping with Shining Armor or something.

"...Ah'll keep quiet."
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>Spike
"AJ2"
'SA'
[Twi]
~~~~~
[It was great having you stop by again.]

'Hey, no problem, Twilight! You and I both know Spike needs more friends who won't make him file forms or kill people.'

Twilight winces

'Oh, right... Sorry.'

[it's fine, I think it's time to check in on- OHSHI-!]

'What's wron- WHERETHEHELLARETHEY?!'

meanwhile, in the skies over Canterlot

"WHEEEEEEEE! I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING! I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW SHINY I'M FLYING!"

>Not yet, you are, 2! Ready to take the bars?

"HOVERBIKE!"

>I'll take that as a 'yes'.

Hoverbikes, fun for all ages.
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>SS
"AB"
'BM'
-GS-
~~~~

>Applebloom, you're not supposed to-

*FWOOSH!*

"Dang it! How do 'ah manage ta set everythin' on fire!?"

>Good question, since that was vinegar and baking soda.

-HRMP! In mah' day, we didn't have no fancy smanchy volcano projects! We just got a whippin' iffin' we didn't study right and whippin' fer' cheatin'!-

>Why'd you add that second part? Did you cheat a lot?

-Course 'ah did! We all did! This gobbledy gook didn't make a lick o' sense! Half the gal-durned thing was in another language!-

>...

"Granny says tha' princess wasn't really tha' big on oversight, even back when."

-It took us FIFTEEN miles ta' get a new book!-

>You mean fifteen years?

-Same thing.-

>No they aren't.

-Well Ah'd know that iffin' Ah' got a decent education!-

>...So is anyone going to put out that fire?

"Nah', it normally sorts itself out."

-In mah' day, we gave those fires a beatin' iffin' they got outta line.-

>...Is this why you don't talk?

'Ah' like ta' pretend Ah'm somewhere else.'

>Oh, I see, you're the me of this thing. Only sane one is a sea of crazy.

'Eeeeeyup.'
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>AJ56
"AJ29"
~~~~

>Cuz? I never got you. Why you gotta limit your options like that? There's so many plots out there! Big ones, bouncy ones, firm ones, ones that jiggle and ones that smell just amazing! Why only go after the royals?

"Because, my little cousin, the thing you must understand in this world is that value and scarcity are directly related."

>...I don't follow.

"All of that work to improve your education system, WASTED! Oh, what a fool I was to assume these blasted ponies could ever deliver on even the most basic of tutorship."

>Uh, Cuz, we didn't even have a school system before we got here. All we had were... well, basically nothing. We ate stuff, but eating stuff isn't the same as learning stuff. I know, I ate like fourteen books already, and I didn't get any smarter.

"Point is, that in this world something is more valuable the rarer it is. For instance, this jewel. It is smaller than the gem I have on the table, correct?"

>Right.

"It is also more brittle and easily broken."

>Uh-huh.

"But you see, this gem in my hoof is worth one hundred times that ones value, simply because it is a difficult to find and rare sort."

>...That's dumb.

"Perhaps, but it works the same way with... ugh 'plots', as you call them. There are many other of their type of plots in the world, are there not?"

>Yep.

"But they are attached to something that is far, far more valuable. There are but a scant few royals in all the world, and every one of them is worth a thousand peons! And I, my dear cousin, I am worth nothing less."

>...Huh... so, stuffs worth more if there isn't a lot of it?

"Now you've got it!"

>So, what'm I worth?

He got quiet after that.

"56, well... look at it like this, you're my only cousin, are you not?"

>Yeah?

"Well then, I suppose you're one of a kind."

>HAH! That's awesome! Thanks, Cuz. You maybe a funny talking guy, but you're alright with me.

"Fantastic to hear. Now, run along, you're going to be late for school."

>AWESOME! I get to hang out with the bat monsters again!

It was only long, long after he was gone that 29 sighed to himself.

"I do not talk funny."
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>Spike
"AJ2"
---------
Spike and AJ2 are flying over ponyville.
>I can show you the world
>Shining, shimmering, splendid
>Tell me, princess, now when did
>You last let your heart decide?
"Just before when i agreed to this!"

Spike and AJ2 are flying through canterlot.
>I can open your eyes
>Take you wonder by wonder
>Over, sideways and under
"WHEEEEEE!"
>On a magic hover ride

Spike and AJ2 are flying above the clouds.
>A whole new world
>A new fantastic point of view
>No one to tell us no or where to go
"THE CLOUDS LOOK LIKE GIANT MARCHMALLEYS!"
>Or say we're only dreaming

Spike and AJ2 are flying through the crystal empire
"A whole new world"
"A dazzling place I never knew"
>Dont you live here?
"But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear"
"That now I'm in a whole new world with you"

Spike and AJ2 are flying through cloudsdale
"Unbelievable sights"
>WATCH THE FACTORY!
"Indescribable feelings"
"Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling"
>KEEP HOLD OF THE HANDLEBARS!
"Through an endless diamond sky"

Spike and AJ2 are flying over froggy bottom bogg
"A whole new world"
>DONT YOU DARE CLOSE YOUR EYES, THERE'S AT LEAST ONE HYDRA DOWN THERE.
"A hundred thousand things to see"
>Hold your breath, it gets better. A lot better.


Spike and AJ2 are flying over Manehatten
"I'm like a shooting star"
"I've come so far"
"I can't go back"
>We definitely cant go back after we made that one guy fall off the building, good job he had wings.
"To where I used to be"

Spike and AJ2 are flying near Appleoosa
>A whole new world
"Every turn a surpriHEY MR BUFFALO!"
>With new horizons to pursue
"Every moment gets betteTHEY'RE THROWING PIES TO US! THAAAAANKS! "
>I'll chase them anywhere
>"There's time to spare"
>"Let me share this whole new world with you"

Spike and AJ2 are flying over the apple farm.
>A whole new world, here's something to go with those pies.
"A whole*munch* new whorld"
>That's where we'll be
"That's where we'll be"
>A thrilling chase
[{(CUTIE MARK CRUSADER THIEFCATCHERS!!!)}]
"A wondrous place"
>"For you and me"

They land back at the treehouse.
"I thought you said you didnt like kid stuff! Not-mom said that movie was for kids and that i shoulda watched one of hers instead but then shiny had to save her from an invisble bee on her face and she decided to take a nap."
>Hey! That film is a classic, i'm not a kid for liking it!
"Even if you knew the eggs act lyrics?"
>Exact, and yes even then so i'm not a kid, Nyeh.
"Are too."
>Am not."
"Are too!"
>Am not
"ARE TOO!"
>YOU'RE TWO!"
"AM NOh wait, yes i am."

-You're also in quite a bit of trouble young lady.-
>Hahaha! Busted!
+Spiiiiike.+
>Oh crud.
"Is this the part where i say it was worth it or the part where i say it was all spikes idea?"
>Hey!
-I need to stop letting you hang around with Chrysalis.-
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>AJ 29
"Discord"
~~~~~

>...w-wha...

"Like the new additions to your apartment?"

>No! I don't like any of this at all! There is a tangerine kitten with a backwards head doing a riverdance on the desecrated corpses of a thousand snarling fish!

"Quite amazing, no?"

>No! Your references to Commander Hurricane's fever dream induced paintings are neither appreciated nor desired!

"...What did you say?"

>Oh dear mercy, is that an inverted buffalo with six eyes and a hook for a left foot? Why? Of all things, why take a page from Cleverest the Orange's symbolism for the duality of a ponies life!? That's not even the right color!

"You... you studied this?"

>Hm? Of course, I was stuck in Canterlot for months with nothing to do, and I am quite the learned one, you know. Love the symbolism of the arts.

"Hmmmm...."

>...So, why me?

"Come again?"

>Why are you destroying my living space? What did I do to you?

"Oh, I just wanted to send a message that Fluttershy was not at all appreciative of your rather forward advances."

>It's kind of my thing.

"Well, I'd say make an exception, or you'll have to get a new thing."

A giant pair of scissors appeared, and then split into more scissors, and then turned into tiny saw blades, and then turned into tulips, before changing into a tiny dancing Discord, and finally back to scissors.

>...Point received.

"Oh, I am so glad to hear that!"

*SNAP!*

"Now play nice with my dear friend Fluttershy..."

>GLK!

"Or I'll turn your soul to candy corn and shove it up a hyrda's ass."

*THUMP!*

"Toodles!"

*GUITAR RIFF!*

>...Hey, Discord? You forgot to change my room back! Discord? DISCORD! YOU DICK!

*REVERSE GUITAR RIFF!*

"I know."

*BUDUMTISH!*
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>Spike
[Charity]
{Crackerjack}
~~~~

>Guess what, Charity.

[What is it, darling?]

>Applejack decided to join us on our fieldwork assignments as Crackerjack.

[Wait what!?!]

{Hey, sugarcube. Looks like we're going to be partners now.}

[Surely you can't be serious!]

>I am serious and don't call me Shirley. The airship assault made me realize that I should probably use more than one gun.

[But...but Crackerjack is an ion laser! She won't work on things other than robots!]

>Crackerjack's been modified to shoot a laser. We're calling her a lasgun now.

[A laser? But kinetic weapons are so much better and reliable Spikey.]

{Aw, c'mon Rar- I mean Charity. How about being generous and sharing Spike?}

[No...NOOOOOOOO!!!]
Rarity wakes up startled.

[... we would never, ever deliberately hurt each other. We would never, ever deliberately hurt each other]
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>AJ56
“77”
‘???’
___________

“56.”

>Yuh-huh?

“What was it I said you need to remember to do?”

>Umm… oh! Breathe!

“Correct. And what haven’t you done for the past three and a half minutes?”

>…breathe?

“Two for two, brother.”

56 could almost hear his shriveled lungs crying for joy when he inhaled.

>I was wondering why my chest was burning and everything was startin’ to get all bright and sparkly….

“You need to calm yourself.”

>Calm? CALM? I’m about two minutes away from the most dangerous mission of my life! I could die!

“That may well be true but if you allow yourself to succumb to that fear, you lose everything. You *must* keep your wits about you. Do you understand, 56?”

>Y-yeah… no, yeah, I do, I’m just….

“I know, brother, but you’ll be fine. Now, a quick run of the list. Do you have the disguise?”

>Check!

“Your tie is crooked. Let me just… there we go.”

>Thanks…

“Do you have the weapon?”

>Right here! But… I don’t know, you’re sure this’ll work?

“There is no such thing as certainty during times like this. It’s all about persistence and the will to see things through. Do you have that will?”

>I do!

“Then go get it.”

~~~Later~~~

>Okay, 56… you got this. Who got this? You got this. Now go on, knock on the door.

*kick*

>WHY DID I-

‘Who knocks on our door? Oh… ‘tis you. What do you require?’

56 felt his brain die just like that.

>Did you know that just a measly fifty jump ropes a day can shave inches off ones backside in only a month? Scientifically proven.


‘Oh, is that so? Marvelous news indeed!’

Backpedal, captain! Backpedal!

>NO! Luna, that’s- agh, that’s not what I meant! I don’t even know if that’s true!

‘Then what purpose have you coming here and dashing our hopes of a smaller rump?’

>I-I… well, I, uh, I kinda wanted to- is that a new crown?

‘Hm? Why yes, yes it is! You’re the first to notice!’

The excitement that flashed over Luna’s face made 56’s heart melt, especially when she bounced on her hooves. Damn she was cute… Too cute for him, he realized….

‘The old one was chipped and bent so we thought we’d treat ourselves. It… it doesn’t look silly, does it? We thought a new gem would work, too…’

It took a bit of effort to muster up a smile but 56 did it anyway.

>Looks beautiful, it really does.

She smiled regally, almost looking down her nose.

‘Hmph, flattery will get you nowhere, youngling, but do tell… why are you dressed in that suit? And the rose?’

56 glanced down at his ‘weapon’, a single rose handpicked and de-thorned just for the occasion.

>Well, I was gonna ask if I could be your date to this Gala thing… thought it’d be fun to dance with you and snuggle your butt in a nice dress. But now that I think about it, you probably got a thousand other better options than me lined up.

Ignoring her stunned expression, 56 reached up onto his tippy hooves and tucked the rose behind her ear.

>This was a stupid idea, dunno why I even bothered. You can keep the rose, moons, looks good there. I’ll... I'll see ya later.

He probably got three steps in before he heard the lunar princess giggle and glanced back to see her sniffing the gifted rose, those resplendent eyes of hers on him.

‘Oho… so you wished to ask us to the Gala, did you? Hmmm, it must’ve taken quite a bit of courage to approach a princess with such a request.’

>You have no idea, moons! I was pacing my room for days, couldn’t sleep a wink….

‘My, my, your dedication certainly leaves a mare feeling good. Well… we suppose if you went through all that trouble it would be unjust not to accept your offer.’

Once again, 56 forgot to keep breathing, hardly daring to believe it.

>Y-you mean…?

‘Yes, you may take us to the Gala.’

>YAHOOOO!

Luna couldn’t help but giggle at the way 56 leapt into the air and clicked his hooves. He started to ramble on about pick-up times and what they would eat beforehand and every other detail before taking off down the hall to no doubt spread the word.

She continued to stare after his retreating form, then sniffed the rose again, smiling to herself.

‘My first date… Oh… oh, horseapples, what will we wear?!’
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