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Chaotic Happenstance III

Feb 11th, 2016
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  1. >"Here's your cookie, Mr. Anon!"
  2. >You smiled as little Berry Pinch trotted over to you with a pair of cookies (which were in little bags of course) in her mouth and a smile in her eyes
  3. "Thank ya, little lass," you said, taking a cookie out of her mouth and giving her a pat on the head
  4. >You leaned back into your chair as the little earth pony hopped into the seat next to you
  5. >"Thanks for buying me a cookie, Mr. Anon," she chirped as she unwrapped her cookie and took a great big bite out of it
  6. "Yer very welcome lass."
  7. >Both you and little Pinch stared are Twilight's castle as you ate your treats
  8. >Hmmm...
  9. >Say what you will about those Cakes but fuck you if they didn't know how to bake sweets
  10. >You chewed slowly, savoring the chocolate chip cookie as best as you could
  11. >Sure, you might have had enough money to go and buy a dozen if you felt like it but you had to man the post as it were
  12. >That and you were a cheap, cheap bastard
  13. >When you had carried Eris to Twilight's house, dumped the Draconequus right at the purple princess's hooves and told her to check the frankenstein out she had been nearly chomping at the bit
  14. >Just like you Twiggles wanted to know what the fuck was going on with Dis--Eris here
  15. >But unlike you, who only wanted to make sure that your mate was alright, she wanted to know EVERYTHING
  16. >Why Discord was now Eris
  17. >How he had changed into a she
  18. >Why her breast were on her chest and not near her hoo-ha
  19. >The list went on and on and on and on
  20. >And, to both of your surprises, Eris had actually agreed to the psychological/physical examinations that Twilight had offered
  21. >The only condition being that you leave the castle and Twilight go and get her other friends so that they could be a part of the whole mess
  22. >...For some reason...
  23. >So there you were, sitting with the daughter of the mare that you bought most of your alcohol from, waiting for Twilight to tell you that it was alright to come back inside
  24.  
  25. >Was it a little creepy that a grown ass man like yourself was sitting with a random child that you had just bribed to get you food?
  26. >No
  27. >Yes
  28. >Maybe
  29. >...Yeah probably...
  30. >But fuck it
  31. >It had already been about an hour or two since you were kicked out of the castle but you were fine with sitting right in front of SugarCube Corner
  32. >Your schedule was cleared for the day and it was pretty nice outside
  33. >And you had a bag of bits that you could use to get children to buy food and drink for you because you were too lazy to get up yourself
  34. >So, like any creepy weirdo, you were ready for the long wait with this one
  35. >The looooooooong wait
  36. >"Mr. Anon?" Pinch suddenly spoke up as she licked the crumbs of her just finished cookie off her muzzle
  37. "Aye, little lass?"
  38. >"Why is Mr. Discord a girl now?
  39. >You take another bite out of your cookie, resisting the urge to close your eyes and hum
  40. >This cookie was twisting your dick in ALL the right ways...
  41. "I don't know lass. That's why I brought 'em to Twilight ta see if she could find out."
  42. >"Really? Oh," little berry said, idly kicking her back legs. "I'll have to tell momma that what she and my other momma's think is wrong..."
  43. >Your smile turns right upside down as you stare at the little horse
  44. "Oh? And what did yer momma say?"
  45. >"...You promise that you won't get mad if I tell you?"
  46. >Oh you were probably going to get mad
  47. >Knowing Berry whatever her daughter overheard probably wasn't something that she should be hearing
  48. >For fuck's sake it was probably something that YOU shouldn't be hearing...
  49. "I promise. Now tell me what yer mum said."
  50. >Berry Pinch looked away from you as if she was embarrassed about what she was about to say
  51. >"...Well, momma said that the only reason why Mr.Discord turned into a girl is because the two of you are too ugly to get marefriends yourselves so you both decided to--"
  52.  
  53. >Before she could finish you had already turned around to glare at the mother of this sweet little tike
  54. >Wine hoers was standing behind her stall with a bored look on her face, one eye on her child and the other staring at a group of stallion's that were chatting near Bonbon's stand
  55. >Or this rumps to be more exact
  56. "Oi! Berry! Yer a fuckin' git tellin yer daughter shit like that!"
  57. >Berry Punch smiled
  58. >"So what, he didn't change because of that?" she called, instantly knowing what you were talking about
  59. >Fucking Berry...
  60. "O' course that's not the fucking reason! What the 'ell kind of rumors are ya ponies saying about me?!"
  61. >"Well, the other rumor is that you liked dickgi--"
  62. "YER FUCKING KID IS RIGHT HERE YA CUNT!" you cried, quickly covering the little filly's poor, innocent ears
  63. >Hey
  64. >Don't let it be said that you were against telling children about dickgirls
  65. >When you were a young tike your old man sat you down and gave you that "talk"
  66. >But, that being said ...
  67. >"Eh, it's not like she hasn't heard shit like this before."
  68. >Feeling more than a little concerned you pulled your hands away from Berry Pinch's ears
  69. "Lass, how old are ya?"
  70. >"Seven."
  71. >Covering her ears once again you glared at a now laughing Berry
  72. "SHE'S FUCKIN' SEVEN!"
  73. >"Quit being such a prissy stallion, Nonny!"
  74. "I'LL GIVE YA FUCKING PRI--"
  75. >Out of the corner of your eye you see the door to Twilight's castle being thrown open
  76. >In the doorway was Spike, who started to wave when he saw you
  77. >...
  78. "Yer a bleedin' git of a parent, Berry."
  79. >"That's not what you father said last night!"
  80. >...
  81. >Shaking your head you once again let go of little Pinch's ears
  82. >The little filly was looking up at you with concern and more than a little irritation
  83. >"You promised that you wouldn't get mad," she said, her nose scrunching up
  84. >You couldn't help but smile at the sight, ruffling the little cutie's mane
  85. "I wasn't mad at ya, Pinchy, it's yer mum I'm mad at."
  86. >"Yeah, well you still broke your promise..."
  87.  
  88. >You stared at the little horse before nodding
  89. "Aye, I did," you admitted, reaching into your bit bag and pulling out a couple of bits. "Here, go an' get yerself a couple of cookies and we'll call it square eh?"
  90. >The little earth pony's face lit up as you dropped the bits into her hooves
  91. >"REALLY?!"
  92. >Your smile widened just a hair
  93. "Aye. Now I gotta go an see how me mate's doin' but you make sure ta get your fill of sweets alright?"
  94. >"I will! Thanks Mr. Anon!"
  95. >Without another word Berry Pinch hopped out of her seat and sprinted toward SugarCube Corner's front door
  96. >Making sure that she got in the building all right you stood up, groaning as joints popped
  97. >"Anon! Twilight wants you!"
  98. >Rolling your shoulders you start to make your way over to the little purple gecko
  99. "I'm comin', I'm comin'. Keep yer pants on."
  100. >Allowing Spike to usher you into the castle the little dragon then led you through the big fucking castle until you came upon a remarkably unremarkable door
  101. >"Twilight, I brought Anon like you asked!" Spike called, knocking on said door
  102. >"Oh, that was fast... Alright, thanks Spike! Come on in Anon, we have to talk!"
  103. >Giving you a friendly wave Spike fucked off to go and do dragon things as you opened the door and stepped inside the room
  104. >And there was Twiggles and her legion of friendship
  105. >There was brit horse: the one you didn't like because her fake, shitty accent reminded you of a bloke from Nuneaton that tried to steal your bicycle when you were little
  106. >There was farmer horse: the one that you didn't like because she was orange and she smelled faintly of pears
  107. >There was the blue one with the rainbow mane...
  108. >FUCK her
  109. >And then there was the pink one and the yellow one, both of whom were... alright you guessed
  110. >They were okay by your horse measuring standards
  111. >...But your pal was nowhere in sight
  112. >You quickly rechecked the room as the girls nervously stared back at you
  113.  
  114. "So how did the examinations go?" you asked, ready for something or someone to jump out at you. "Did ya manage to fix Discord, Twi?"
  115. >Fluttershy quietly cleared her throat
  116. >"A-Actually, she prefers t-to be called E-Eris now, Anon."
  117. >You paused mid search to look at the girls incredulously
  118. "...What are ya on about, Flutta?"
  119. >Fluttershy smiled your little nickname for her as Twilight took a step forward
  120. >"I ran every test that I could think of and I couldn't find anything wrong with Dis--Eris, Anon."
  121. >She made a face
  122. >"...Well, there wasn't anything wrong with her that I DIDN'T already expect from somepony like her..."
  123. >...She said it too...
  124. >More than once even...
  125. "...Alright, where did the bloke go then? Did he--"
  126. >"Here I am Nonny!"
  127. >You let out a grunt as Discord--
  128. >"Eris," the draconequus said, settling herself onto your back
  129. >He then--
  130. >"She."
  131. >HE THEN--
  132. >"I'm a girl now silly. If you just ask Twilight over--"
  133. >HETHENNUZZLEDTHESIDEOFYOURFUCKINGCHEEKWITHHER'S!
  134. >GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!!!!!
  135. >You tried to reach behind your back to grab the little git and peel her off you but she leaned back just out of reach, giggling like a mad women
  136. "Why the FUCK are you still a women?" you demanded, staring at Twilight. "What the 'ell did ya do, Sparkle? Just fap around this room with your horn up your arse?"
  137. >The little horse bristled
  138. >"I already told that I did everything that I could think of to see if Eris--"
  139. "Discord!"
  140. >"Eris," Dizzy murmured, pressing her breasts against your back
  141. >"--But she checked out!"
  142. >Walking over Rarity gave your knee a pat
  143. >"Why don't you have a seat dear?" she asked, summoning a chair behind you. "All of this stress is going to give you crow's feet."
  144. "I don't want ta fucking sit down, I want ya to fix me mate!" you snapped. "There's somethin' wrong with 'em and yer--"
  145. >You nearly lost your balance as Eris twisted around so that she was face-to-face with you
  146. >You stopped mid rant to stare at him--
  147. >"Her you silly filly."
  148.  
  149. >You were knocked backwards as the draconequus tackled you into a hug, both of you falling heavily into the chair
  150. >"I thought that we had the whole him-her thing figured out this morning."
  151. >You squirmed as your mate wrapped her tail around you and her paw pushed you into her chest
  152. >The smell of chocolate invaded your senses as you let out a grunt
  153. "Get the fuck off me!" you cried through a mountain of tit flesh
  154. >"I'll let you go as soon as you calm down, my little human," the draconequus said as she began to gently rock you back and forth in the chair
  155. "THIS ISN'T GONNA FUCKIN' CALM ME!"
  156. >"Oh? I have a permanent marker that says otherwise."
  157. >If this nigga TOUCHED you with a marker you were gonna LOSE IT
  158. >You'd lose it harder than that--
  159. >You freeze as you hear a marker being uncapped
  160. >"So what do you want me to draw on your face?" The draconequus asked. "I was thinking of drawing glasses, but I could color your teeth if you like."
  161. >...
  162. >Letting your arms fall to your sides you let your cunt of a mate rock you back and forth, her body pressed tightly against you
  163. >"There's a good Nonny," Eris purred, placing her head on top of yours
  164. >"...I don't know, Twi, this is pretty weird..."
  165. >"Maybe, but Di--Eris is our friend, Rainbow. If he wants to be a she now then as her friends we have to accept it."
  166. >"But look at how big her freakin' teats are! And why are they on her chest?!"
  167. >"W-Well, maybe that's where E-Eris's species just h-has them, Rainbow."
  168. >"Species? Discord doesn't have a species! He's just a bunch of different--"
  169. >You slowly tune out to what the little horses--that hadn't FUCKING HELPED you for some reason-- were saying and just relax under Eris's gentle swaying
  170. >The frankenstein was running her claw through your hair, humming what sounded like a lullaby
  171. >Her body was soft and warm, her touch was gentle and caring, and though you knew that this was a fucking GUY straddling you you were finding it difficult to keep your eyes open
  172.  
  173. >"Ahem. Eris, Anon looks relaxed enough. Maybe you could get off of him so that I can ACTUALLY explain to him what's going on?"
  174. >"Just give it a little longer, Twilight."
  175. >Your eyes, which had been slowly closing , snapped open when you felt Discord's tail brush up against your thigh
  176. >"You might learn som--eep!"
  177. >With a mighty heave you tossed the prick off you and toward Rainbow
  178. >"Omph!"
  179. >Sitting up fully, you watched as your mate crashed into the rainbow-maned cunt in a heap
  180. >You were gonna fucking kill 'em
  181. >You didn't care if he looked like a women now
  182. >You were gonna tear him a new--
  183. >As you started to rise in the chair Twilight's horn flashed, forcing you right back into the chair
  184. >"Anon... calm down. Take a few deep breaths. Trust me, it helps."
  185. >Huffing, you crossed arms and did as the princess asked
  186. >In...
  187. >And out...
  188. >In...
  189. >And out...
  190. >Twiggles smiled
  191. >"There, do you feel a little bit better now?"
  192. >No
  193. "Just tell me what the fucks goin' on here, Sparkle."
  194. >You gestured toward Eris, who was having one hell of a time untangling herself from Rainbow
  195. >And you meant that literary; Eris's limbs were knotted all around the little pegasus
  196. "Why the 'ell are ya calling Dizzy a girl an' why to ya keep saying that nothing's wrong with 'im?"
  197. >"I didn't say there was nothing wrong with him, Anon, I said that there wasn't anything wrong with him that I wasn't expecting
  198. >You made a face
  199. >Fucking smart arse little horse...
  200. >"..."
  201. "..."
  202. >"..."
  203. "..."
  204.  
  205. >"Well," Twilight said, clearing her throat. "Like I said I did my best to check Eris here out, but even with all of my tests I couldn't find anything off about her that would make her want to change her form like this. So the girls and I sat Eris down and we asked her why she changed."
  206. >"It was a lovely get together," Eris commented, helping Rainbow in no way as the pegasus tried in vain to free herself. "We had tea and those little lemon cakes and a jar of mayonnaise..."
  207. >"Get... the buck... off me... Celestia... damnit..." Rainbow grunted, trying to struggle to her hooves
  208. >"Oh it was so very lovely," Fluttershy said, a dreamy look on her face.
  209. >Rarity nodded
  210. >"Yes, yes it was," she said with a nod. "And with our tea and cakes we listened to what Eris had to say."
  211. >"Yep, we did," Appul pone said with a flick of her hat. "An' when she wasn't spoutin' nonsense Eris here had some right good things ta say."
  212. >...
  213. >Weren't farmers supposed to be conservation racists?
  214. >Why wasn't this little horse getting all fired up about a bloke turning into a lass?
  215. >Why did you have to be the man out in this situation?!
  216. >"Because LOVE is in the air, Anonymous!" Eris cried, suddenly appearing right next to you
  217. >You let out a curse as the ninny pulled you to your feet and started dancing around with you in tow
  218. "The 'ell are ya on about?!"
  219. >You swear you could see Eris's eyes lighting up like a roman candle
  220. >"LOVE! Passion, devotion, intimacy, fellow feeling! That warmth in your chest and you see somepony that brings the best out of you!"
  221. "I ain't a pony ya cunt," you said, desperately trying to get out of the loony's death grip
  222. >"Exactly! You aren't a pony!"
  223. >Your world is a blur as Eris spins you around
  224. >"You aren't some namby pamby stallion!"
  225.  
  226. >One minute the draconequus had you over her head, the next you were spinning around like you were hanging onto a fucking windmill
  227. >"You're an other, an outsider, a weirdo just like myself!
  228. >With no warning, Eris just up and lets go of you
  229. >Twilight and her friends watched in fear and amusement as you went flying through the air and toward the giant bean bag chair that just appeared out of thin air
  230. >...The cunts
  231. >Dizzy as all hell and as worm's cock away from puking your guts out you tried to get up onto your feet only for Eris to come slamming into your lap
  232. >MUHFUCKINBOYZ!
  233. >Groaning in pain, you sink back into the bean bag as Eris threw her hands up into the air
  234. >"And since the two of us have spent months and months being the chummiest of chums I decided to see if we could take the next step in our relationship!"
  235. "You... fucking... sodding... bugger..."
  236. >"That's right! I made you into muh waifu, Anonymous the human!"
  237. >You closed your eyes as confetti fired off all around you
  238. >Just...
  239. >Just lie back lad
  240. >Lie back and think of jolly old England
  241. >Though you don't want to, like REALLY don't want to, you open your eyes and look around the room
  242. >Raincunt and Appul look like they're about to bust out into a laughing fit
  243. >Pink horse was giggling and mumbling something about parties
  244. >As she was wont to do
  245. >Rarity had a sparkle in her eyes that you didn't like
  246. >Twilight was just... smiling
  247. >And you liked that even less
  248. >And, to your confusion and relief, Fluttershy was staring him/her with disapproval
  249. >Was she going to tell Discord to go and fuck off?...
  250. >"Waifu's for girls, Discord," she said matter-of-factly. "Anon would be a husban..."
  251. >She tapered off, her eyes widening
  252. >"I-I mean, I h-have no idea what a w-waifu is... Nope, n-not even a little bit..."
  253. >...
  254.  
  255. >Fucking Flutta...
  256. >Eris's grin widened to impossible lengths as she stared down at you
  257. >You stared right back at her
  258. >You don't scream
  259. >You don't shove her off
  260. >You just... stare
  261. >Staring...
  262. "...Alright. So let me get this straight."
  263. >You pointed at your mate, who just became the bane of your existence
  264. "Not only are ya NOT changing back into Discord, me mate, YOU fuckers--"
  265. >You pointed at the useless six
  266. "--Are encouraging him to..."
  267. >"Begin my immediate quest to win your heart with my feminine willies so that we can be together forever and ever?" Eris said, like this was something that she just fucking did ALL THE FUCKIN' TIME! "Yes. And I'm a HER now, monkey boy."
  268. >"She's a her now, Anon," Twilight added in. "I made sure to thoroughly check her out to see if... everything was where it was supposed to be."
  269. >Eris giggled once more, leaning forward until your noses were nearly touching
  270. >"But don't worry," she purred. "I'm still pure for my innocent virgin husbando~"
  271. >...
  272. >...
  273. >...
  274. >You were supposed to go to work today
  275. >You were supposed to go and make money for yourself so you could keep living in your house and buy food and beer
  276. >Placing your hands under the frankenstein's armpits you picked her up and sat her down next to you
  277. >With a small frown you stood up, dusted yourself off, and made your way toward the door
  278. >"Anon, I'm sure that if you just sit down and let Eris explain all of this to you just like she did us--"
  279. "Fuck off."
  280. >"But if you just heard WHY--"
  281. "Fuck you.Ya purple wanker."
  282. >"We're just trying to--"
  283. >You stopped as your hand touched the doorknob and looked at everyone in the room
  284. >...Nope
  285. >This was just too surreal for you to deal with
  286. >You weren't adult enough for this
  287. >NO ONE was adult enough for this SHIT
  288. >"I'm an adult," Eris suddenly pipped up
  289. "No you ain't," you said, twisting the doorknob and opening the door. "No you fucking ain't..."
  290. >Berry better have stocked up this morning
  291.  
  292. >Cause all of... THIS was getting forgotten via alcohol consumption
  293. >A lot of it
  294. >"Don't you worry, Nonny!" Eris called as you stepped into the hallway. "You might be a tsundere right now but with a little wooing the two of us will be together forever!"
  295. "Fuck off ya fuckin' nabber!"
  296. >"That's the spirit!"
  297. >Though you couldn't see it Eris looked at the other girls as you slammed the door behind you
  298. >The only one to give her any encouragement was Flutta, who gave her a hooves (fucking horses...) up
  299. >"Well I think that that went very, very well," she said with a nod, flicking her tail as she levitated into the air.
  300. "If I see ya in my fuckin' bed tomorrow mornin' yer dead, Dizzy! I swear on me fuckin' mum!"
  301. >The girls, Eris included, flinched
  302. >"...Maybe not VERY well but good enough. I'd give it a seven point eleven out of ten..."
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