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Just one bullet

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Nov 11th, 2019
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  1. John: Good morning! Welcome to the Tabbernacle artillery emporium. Can I help you find what you're looking for?
  2.  
  3. Eric: 'Morning. Yes, yes. I'm looking to buy ammunition for my gun. \*Places revolver on the counter\*
  4.  
  5. John: \*Lifts the gun\* Ah yes, the Smoth and Wester .468 Trojan. In nice condition too.
  6.  
  7. Eric: Thank you. It was a gift from my mother.
  8.  
  9. John: Your mother?
  10.  
  11. Eric: Yes, she insisted I have something to protect myself in case the Guatemalans decide to invade. She's quite worried about that.
  12.  
  13. John: Yes... quite. \*Sets gun back down onto counter\* Well, we have two brands of .468 ammunition available. One from Rembrandtington, and one from Worcester. They're marked at the same price right now. Any preference?
  14.  
  15. Eric: I don't really know. Is one any better than the other?
  16.  
  17. John: Well, Rembrandtington has a lower lead content, so it could be good if you plan to shoot anything to eat. Worcester, though, tends to be a bit more reliable.
  18.  
  19. Eric: Well I don't intend to be eating afterwards, so the Worcester will do.
  20.  
  21. John: Alright. One box coming up.
  22.  
  23. Eric: Just the one please.
  24.  
  25. John: \*confused\* Yes... One box.
  26.  
  27. Eric: No, no. Just one bullet.
  28.  
  29. John: Well I'm sorry sir, but I can't just sell you one bullet. What would I do with all the others?
  30.  
  31. Eric: Presumably sell them to other people looking to acquire lone bullets.
  32.  
  33. John: Sir, in my twenty-three years behind this counter, you are the first person to ever ask for a single bullet.
  34.  
  35. Eric: Well there are what, fifty bullets per box? At one per twenty-three years, your family could sell them all out in little over a millennium.
  36.  
  37. John: \*stares blankly\*
  38.  
  39. Eric: \*stares expectantly\*
  40.  
  41. John: No.
  42.  
  43. Eric: \*flabergasted\* Well why not?
  44.  
  45. John: What do you even want a single bullet for?
  46.  
  47. Eric: I hardly see how that's any of your business!
  48.  
  49. John: If you want me to sell you bullets, then it bloody well is my business.
  50.  
  51. Eric: Bullet. Just one.
  52.  
  53. John: \*stares frustrated\*
  54.  
  55. Eric: If you must know, I'm a collector. I want to collect one of each bullet in the world.
  56.  
  57. John: And you're only now getting to the .468?
  58.  
  59. Eric: It's a new collection.
  60.  
  61. John: Alright, buddy. You can either buy an entire box or nothing.
  62.  
  63. Eric: Fine, fine. Give me the bloody bullets.
  64.  
  65. John: Good. One box of fifty Worcester .468 bullets. That'll be $26.99.
  66.  
  67. Eric: \*hands over cash\*
  68.  
  69. John: \*hands back change, and also the box of bullets with a receipt\*
  70.  
  71. Eric: Thank you.
  72.  
  73. John: Have a good one.
  74.  
  75. Eric: \*leaves the store\*
  76.  
  77. \*a short time passes\*
  78.  
  79. Eric: \*enters the store\*
  80.  
  81. John: \*looking down at some paperwork, bringing his eyes up as he speaks\* Good morning! Welcome to the... oh you're back. Is there something else I can help you with?
  82.  
  83. Eric: Yes, I'd like to return this box of bullets.
  84.  
  85. John: This is the same box you just bought. What could possibly be the problem with it?
  86.  
  87. Eric: Well it says right on the box that it contains fifty bullets, but I just opened it and found only fourty-nine.
  88.  
  89. John: Let me see. \*taking the box from Eric, opening it, and clearly seeing an empty spot for a fiftieth bullet\* Well isn't that just convenient?
  90.  
  91. Eric: I dare say not. In what sense would getting less than you paid for be convenient?
  92.  
  93. John: It just seems rather interesting to me that you only wanted one bullet, left with fifty, then came to return fourty-nine.
  94.  
  95. Eric: Are you accusing me of something?
  96.  
  97. John: You know very well that I am.
  98.  
  99. Eric: Just let me return the bloody bullets and I'll be on my way.
  100.  
  101. John: Not until you return that bullet you stole!
  102.  
  103. Eric: Stole? Stole?! How can one steal their own property?
  104.  
  105. John: You can steal it if you intend to return it.
  106.  
  107. Eric: But if I return it, then it was more like I borrowed it, than properly stole it.
  108.  
  109. John: So you're saying you'll return the one bullet?
  110.  
  111. Eric: I don't know what you're talking about. Now I have my receipt and the product as I received it, and I demand you honor your return policy or I'll be forced to call for the police!
  112.  
  113. John: Fine, fine. Here's your money \*returning the money from earlier\*. I don't want you returning here though. Your business is more trouble than it's worth. \*taking a polaroid photo of Eric and pinning it to a do-not-serve board\*
  114.  
  115. Eric: I dare say I have no intentions of returning anyways. Good day.
  116.  
  117. John: Good day.
  118.  
  119. Eric: \*leaves the store\*
  120.  
  121. \*a short time passes\*
  122.  
  123. \*a gunshot rings out\*
  124.  
  125. John: \*runs to the door and peaks out. Returning inside, he shrugs, walks over to the do-not-serve board, and removes Eric's polaroid\*
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