ammayToday at 8:05 PM
Sorry, mom’s being difficult in getting out of the car and back to the room
I'm sorry I haven't been able to convey that you're head and valued and loved, because I do.
For me, I think, the problem arises b/c the things that I want from you are things that I don't think are fair to ask to be compromised on completely -- I shouldn't have to be asked to compromised on feeling included, that my opinions are valid and welcomed even if they differ, and that I am respected as an adult with adult feelings and adult decisions.
But it feels like all of those things are things that I am asking too much of you, and if that's the case then I am sorry, but I don't think this friendship is going to work out.
I understand that this may seem like I'm unwilling to compromise, but just as I can try and work on making sure you know how much I care for you and love you and value you as a person, I sincerely need yo to work on those things. Because it hasn't felt like they're of any importance to you, as much as you'd no doubt say that you haven't felt like your feelings and thoughts and person have been of importance to me.
I have been callous and dismissive, and I apologize for that.

teslatricityToday at 8:49 PM
This is what I mean when I say it's the same horse in a different rodeo. We are on this carousel where I say I'm hurt and you say I am not doing enough. You apologize for things you say and do, but I never see any changes. It feels like a betrayal every time you apologize for hurting me, only to go on and hurt me again and then turn it back on me and accuse me of not doing enough to accomodate you. That's why I have such trouble trusting your apologies now, because I haven't seen them backed up by a lot of action to change the behaviors that precipitate them and it just starts the cycle again. You know the things you do that hurt me, but it seems like you're unwilling to take steps to actually work on those things while expecting me to do this heavy lifting. And until these changes are made--changes I am working on in therapy, by the way--I don't know if I can go on this ride again.

ammayToday at 8:52 PM
What do you want me to do?
It feels like I'm beating my head against a wall continually because I don't know what to do that will make this ride stop.
I suppose, in short, I could say this:
I am reluctant to change, to move forward, because I no longer trust you.
This isn't meant to hurt you, so please don't assume that I'm going to start this ride again, I'm just explaining things from my end.
I don't want to change because I don't see any reason to, nor believe that me changing my behavior will in any way, shape, or form change things.
Nothing I have seen, nothing that has been said, nothing that has been done at all indicates that forward motion is something that can be achieved, and therefore I get resentful and stubborn and dig my heels in because like hell I'm going to be the only one changing in this scenario.
I am sorry that I've hurt you, and I'm sorry this is where we're at.
And I'm sorry I have difficulty moving past this point where I don't think things CAN change.