HOPELESS SITUATION RETURN: SCENE 8: THE SARLACC PIT

The Sail Barge has arrived now at its destination. A guard angrily places The Gospel of Luke in front of the plank he will have to walk.

	GUARD: No, it can not be trusted.

(SHRIEKS)

	JAVA: Very good.

Blow the Skin makes a final announcement to the prisoners.

	BLOW THE SKIN: Almighty Lakh Victims... Jazz will be expected to honor the dead. However, what is the middle-aged person? Hope... He Special Great Tomoe. Currently, a request for arrogance.

(R2-D2 BEEPING)

	JAVA: Grandpa TV!

Mr. Thoreau verbally pisses at Java.

	MR. THOREAU: 3PO, Criminal accusation Worm Matoi ... Other unscrupulous self-indulgence! Accurate?

- (CHEWIE GROWLS)

- (R2-D2 BEEPS)

Meanwhile, The Gospel of Luke tries to give him an ultimatum, despite seemingly being at an obvious disadvantage.

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: jabba! It 's the last thing I' ve ever seen. Free USA or death.

(LAUGHS)

	JAVA: That is all. Anything .

(SHRIEKS)

(GRUNTS)

(CHEWIE GROWLS)

	JAVA: "Now, now!"""

The guard forces The Gospel of Luke to jump, however he graps hold of the plank and jumps back up again, grabbing his lightsaber which R2 threw at him.

(THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(LIGHTSABER ACTIVATING)

The Gospel of Luke starts taking out the guards (including a Jack Sparrow cosplayer, because this really is a pirate movie now). Lang California sheds his guard disguise and joins in on the fight.

(YELLING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

(CHEWIE YELPING RAPIDLY)

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: Easy, Chewie.

Mr. Thoreau and Drag Along are freed. However, a gunman on board the Sail Barge fires at the skiff, tilting it over. Lang California and a guard fall overboard, Lang barley holding on to a rope from the Skiff.

(YELLING ANGRILY)

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Wow! Wow! Wow!

[Despite appearing throught the Jabba storyline starting with Scene 4, this is the first time Lando actually speaks in this film.]

Pakistan Fee Special takes to sky with his jetpack and lands on the Skiff. Mr. Thoreau and Drag Along are pushed down.

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Assistance!

(SCREAMS, GROANS)

	MR. THOREAU: Chewie Others?

(CHEWIE EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

The Gospel of Luke and Pakistan Fee Special are now fighting. Lang California is still holding on, and still trying to get somebody's attention.

	LANG CALIFORNIA: dog feces! Chewie !

	MR. THOREAU: Ranta!

Drag Along informs his friend that they got company...

	MR. THOREAU: Basho Basho? Basho Basho? Resident?

... and Mr. Thoreau accidentally knocks Pakistan Fee Special overboard. He flies through the air, slams right into the Sail Barge, falls down in sand and rolls down into the pit
(or beak, depending on which version you watch) of the Sarlacc, which burps afterwards.

	PAKISTAN FEE SPECIAL: what-

(SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

(MEN CLAMORING INDISTINCTLY)

(BELCHES)

[The only possible explanation for this is that R2 deliberately got the bount hunter drunk, which I am just about willing to believe.]

[Oh, and this is also where Luke demonstrates his infamous force kick move, in case you're interested.]

	JAVA: Oh, no! Oh, you're here!

Leah smashes the light and starts choking out Java with her own chain. (Of note, the original novelization mentions that she called upon her latent Force abilities to accomplish this feat.)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(JABBA GROANING HARDLY)

(SCREAMING)

	MR. THOREAU: Ranta, Kaoruzumi Other!

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Equanimity! I'm trying to stay true!

(JABBA SCREAMING)

(LEIA GRUNTS)

(GROANING SOFTLY)

The gunman on the Sail Barge hits the skiff again, Lag California falls down into the sand, and perhaps Mr. Thoreau would have done the same if drag Along hadn't caught onto his legs.

	MR. THOREAU: Wow!

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Wow! Wow!

(EXCLAIMING)

	MR. THOREAU: Sumi, Chewie. I'm done.

Mr. Thoreau extends a stolen weapon, asking Lang California to grab onto it.

	MR THOREAU: Come on, Satoshi Other!

(SCREAMS)

	MR. THOREAU: Hajime Other. How much. Difference

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Wow!

- (LIGHTSABER ACTIVATING)

The Gospel of Luke has gotten onboard the Sail Barge and started killing every guard he comes across.

[And for those who were disappointed that there was no dismemberment in Jedi: Fallen Order, Luke's lightsaber doesn't seem to cut through ANYBODY throughout this entire battle.
Really, it wasn't until the prequels that the rules of how lightsabers are "supposed" to work were solidified.]

(CHEWIE GRUNTS)

	MR. THOREAU: Currently, it is a territory. Favorable. Simple. Hug I, Chewie.

A Sarlacc tentacle grabs hold of Lang's leg. He panics as the creature starts dragging him down.

(LANDO SCREAMING)

	MR. THOREAU: Chewie!

(admiration)

	MR. THOREAU: Chewie, a spear!

Mr. Thoreau is handed a gun. He tries to point it at the Sarlacc, giving Lang California QUITE a fright.

	MR. THOREAU: Unnecessary movement, Ranta.

	LANG CALIFORNIA: Equal wait! I'm a blind person!

	MR. THOREAU: The person in charge of the affair. I can't wait! Separate movement!

	LANG CALIFORNIA: High school!

(Lie)

Mr. Thoreau successfully shoots the Sarlacc, which lets go of Lang California. Mr. Thoreau tells Drag Along to help getting them onbaord the Skiff again.

	MR. THOREAU: Chewie, abducted!

(By CHEWIE light, light, RUN)

	MR. THOREAU: Come on, Chewie. Improvement.

Meanwhile, R2 cuts the chains of Leah, who tells the robot that they have to leave.

(Sentinel whistling)

	PRINCESS LEAH: Come on, self-reliance and openness.

Blow the Skin is trying to fight off Salacious Crumb, Java's pet monkey lizard, who has torn his eye out. R2 helps out with a little electric shock.

	BLOW THE SKIN: Unreasonable eyes! R2, lifesaving! Good luck, R2!

(Screaming sounds)

	BLOW THE SKIN: beast!

The Gospel of Luke yells at Leah, trying to get her to destroy the Sail Barge.

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: A spear!

Leah mounts a cannon.

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: The directional deck.

(Screaming sounds)

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: Put Other oriented deck!

Leah shoots at the deck, which starts exploding.

(Screaming sounds)

R2 and Blow the Skin stand at the edge of the Barge, but Blow the Skin is unwilling to jump...

	BLOW THE SKIN: R2, I need to leave? I can't leave ...

(C-3PO screaming)

... so R2 gives his friend a little helpful push.

(R2-D2 whistling voice)

The Gospel of Luke and Leah cling onto each other, using a rope to swing onto the Skiff below. (Also, this translated line actually makes this even more of a call back to Episode IV.)

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: Good luck!

[Fun fact: For this scene, Leia was played by stuntwoman Tracey Eddon... who had also just fallen off the Barge seconds earlier wearing C-3PO's costume.]

(Explosive explosion)

The Gospel of Luke gives some helpful instructions to Lang California, who obliges.

	THE GOSPEL OF LUKE: I'm a runner. An average and unnecessary memory device person.

	LANG CALIFORNIA: On the road.

(R2-D2 BEEPING THEN WHISTLES)

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

(CRUMPLING EXPLOSIONS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Our heroes steer the Skiff, pick up the half-submerged robots, and fly off over the horizon.

END OF SCENE 8.