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- >Wake up
- >Be Anon
- >Do the Tri-
- Heyhey! Knock first, asshole!
- Sorry!
- >You shut the door to the master bathroom and head downstairs to use the guest toilet
- >As you pass by the kitchen, a voice calls out to you
- Hey Anon, I'm making eggs. You want some?
- >You shrug
- Sure, thanks. I'll set up the coffee when I get off the john.
- Thanks! I don't know what you do to it, but something about your coffee is magical.
- You know me, it's just what I do.
- >You scratch your ass and head into the bathroom
- >From upstairs, you hear Anon stomp on the floor
- WHY DON'T I GET OFFERED ANY EGGS?!
- BECAUSE DR. STABLE SAID YOU'RE A FAT FUCK! YOU CAN EAT YOUR SWEET-A-BIX OR FUCK OFF!
- >You chuckle as you hear Anon and Anon argue in the other room
- Like an old married couple, those two.
- 1/
- >Having done the Triple-S, you head back into the kitchen
- >Anon is reading the paper, grimacing as he gingerly places a spoonful of cereal on his tongue
- I don't get it! I shouldn't have to eat this damn goat food.
- >Anon brings the pan of eggs to the table and sets it on a potholder
- Hey man, maybe next time don't gorge on hayburgers the week before you have to see the doctor.
- I told you that was Twilight's fault! Not my fault she only ever eats at Burger Princess.
- >You heap grounds into the coffee filter and turn on the pot
- Dude, she's a pony. Just pick her up and walk away.
- >Anon jams his spoon into the bowl
- She's heavier than she looks!
- Wasn't that why you started dating her in the first place?
- Okay you lo-
- >A quick, soft knock comes from the door
- >You and Anon stare at each other, then at Anon
- Fine! I'll get it. And for your information, I like her for her BRAINS. Not just her sweet curves.
- >Anon walks backwards toward the door, miming a coke-bottle shape with his hands as he goes
- I don't know what she sees in him.
- Me neither.
- 2/
- >Be Anon
- >Not that Anon
- >Before you hit the door, you spin around and grab the handle
- And for your information, Anon, Twi loves me for me.
- >You turn the handle and swing the door open
- >A small yellow pony stands on your porch, carrying saddlebags and smiling warmly
- >"G-good morning Anon."
- >Fluttershy beams at you in her usual, awkward puppy-dog way
- Hey there, Flutters. What's up?
- >"O-oh, I was just wondering...are walkies your fetish?"
- >She opens a flap on her saddlebag and pulls out leash, dropping it at your feet
- >The other end of the leash is attached to a collar on her neck
- Yeah no, I think you're looking for Anon. HEY ANON, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND DEAL WITH THIS.
- >Anon and Anon are both focused on their eggs, pretending not to hear you
- Hey, you want to go hang out with Anon and Anon later?
- HEY!
- >You feel a rubbing on your leg as Fluttershy nuzzles her snout into your shin
- >"I-i'm not hearing a no."
- >You back up and slam the door with a THUD and an "Eek!"
- Damn crazy mare.
- >Today's just gonna be one of those days.
- *ROLL CREDITS*
- [Making your way in the world today
- Takes everything you've got;
- 'Cause you live with tiny horses
- Who find you kind of hot.
- And there's five more of you, too.]
- [(There is no ticket home!)
- And there's nothing you can do!
- That Fluttershy, she wants your goo!
- And everypony knows your name
- And his, and those guys too
- You're gonna find existence is a pain.]
- https://youtu.be/o7U3lo80YrQ
- 3/3
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