Oh no, she's gonna realize what she's done, even if she doesn't want to.

Right after the breakup, Slash is in a really bad spot. To get over it, she starts
distancing herself from Anarki every way she can. After all, it's his fault that
she's stuck in the arena, and he was the one who convinced her that her nightmares
were somehow worth chasing. He's an awful person, and she can't believe she ever
listened to him.

As time goes on, this turns into blaming Anarki for all the bad things she's done,
and convincing herself that before he came around, she was doing alright. She was
finally getting to grips with the visions inside her head (so she thinks), she was
fixing herself up, and if Anarki hadn't come around and spun his tall tale, it
would've worked out. It's all his fault. All the corpses along the way? All the
robberies, all the researchers silenced? That was him. He had the gun. He convinced
her that it was justified. If she had her way, they'd still be alive.

This is a complete lie that she's trying her hardest to believe. The old ones
notice this, and decide to take advantage of the situation.

One day, Slash starts hearing a voice in her head - her own, disgusted at how
blatantly she's lying to herself, trying to convince herself she's somehow a
good person. It starts tearing her apart for her past, grinding her into the
dirt for every single last bad thing Slash has done, beating it into her head
that it's all her fault. Not Anarki's. Her's. She's worthless, she's bottom of
the barrel filth, the world would've been better without her, and she will never
get the chance to forget it.

At first, Slash objects to this, telling the voice that it's wrong about everything
(and it is lying to some extent, to make it hurt more). But the voice just keeps
going, beating her sins into her head, until eventually her will is completely
broken and all she can do is lie on the ground, curled up and weeping, bergging
the voice to stop.

And as much as I'd like to see a happy ending, the story probably ends here.
Either she shuts off her emotions entirely and becomes the perfect arena combatant,
or gets so busted up that she can't muster the will to fight anymore, and is left
to wander the Dreamlands forever, with only her guilt and madness to keep her company.


-------


You really are a piece of shit, aren't you? Pin everything bad you've done on
your ex because you're too much of a pussy to own up to it? Try to make yourself
look like the good girl, the innocent little angel that just took the wrong turn
and ended up in a dark alley with the big bad Anarki?

What a fucking joke. I was there, you know. I watched you the entire time, and I
remember exactly what was going through your head. Do you remember? Cuz you're
about to.

You remember your childhood? Remember all the people you drove insane with your
babbling about spiders crawling out of the walls and eating people up? Most people
would've learned to shut up about that shit after the first time, but not you!
Nope, just keep talking about that shit to everyone! Real smart idea tattooing
that shit on your arm, by the way. I bet you totally didn't see the consequences
of that one coming.

And how many mental wards did you break out of, even though you knew you were crazy?
They might've been able to help you if you gave them the chance, you know. And
how many stores did you rob so you could get your next fix? How many people did
you carve away at like a goddamn pumpkin? Was Anarki there for all of that?!

Y'know what? Doesn't even matter. Even when he was around, you still didn't fucking
care. You never believed his bullshit about this nightmare being some form of
transcendence; at least you got that one right. But that didn't matter to you,
did it? Doesn't matter that you knew it was a lie. He made you feel good, he gave
you drugs to make the pain go away, and all you had to do was help him kill
everyone who got in his way! Perfect deal in your fucked up head, right?

And how did you feel when Anarki splattered that truck driver's brains all over
his windshield? How did you feel when he held those poor researchers at gunpoint?
How did you feel when he snuffed them out so they didn't talk? Did you feel shame?
Remorse? Did you feel bad in the slightest?

No. You didn't feel shit. You just let it happen.

Do you really think good people just don't fucking care about people getting
murdered right next to them? Do you really think good people let their friends
kill innocent people? Do you really think any of this is even slightly fucking okay?!

You are not a good person. You were not getting better. You were, are, and always
will be, a worthless, psychotic piece of shit, who should've been shot and tossed
into a dumpster a long, long time ago. And since you have a hard time remembering
that, I'm gonna remind you. I'm gonna keep reminding you until you can never, ever
forget it again.