Thread 38: Stories 16-30

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>Flash
"Fizzle"

>...

"..."

>...Damn

"...Faust....DAMN"
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>Chrysalis
"18"
'42'
[Mane-Iac]
{Poindexter}
~~~~

>WHOA WHOA WHOA! Nobody told me it was going to be THAT kind of game, HAH! GO SHINY'S MOM!

"That was rather... intense, yeah."

'Meh. Their form was sloppy. You can tell they have not been in a straight battle for likely over a decade now.'

[AHHHHAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!... Why didn't anyone say we were getting superhero fights!? I LOOOOOOVE TO WATCH THOSE FOOLISH SUPERHEROES ENGAGE IN BATTLE!]

{They weren't supposed to, Maney.}

[Oh... AHAHAHAHAHAH! GLOOOORIOUS IMPROVISATION! I GIVE IT THIRTY TENDRILS UP!]

>Shiny's mom does have some moves, I've got to give her that. HAH! Guess she has to be awesome, though. Can't have a kid like Shiny if you're not at least on par of awesome with that.

"So did anyone else see his dad just... get heartbroken when that happened?"

'Hm? Oh no, I was watching that one frown.'

"...Nuh uh..."

'...'

[AHHHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT IT SOUND GLOOOORIOUS!]

>HAH! Never change, Maney.

{Seconded.}

>Shut up, Poindexter.
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>Rekulk
"Vekir"

>...

"Haha, the matrons wrestle like pups!"

>...

"Such fun, such silliness! Oh the surface is a great place!"

>...

"...brother?"

>...

"Brooootherrrrr~? Hallooooo~?"

CLUNK!

"EEK I AM TRAPPED!"
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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~

>AVERT THINE GAZE!

"Really, Niney?"

>Not thou, instead I speak to the one so young!... Who just goes right through my hooves, because the time when the material held him down has long since past...

"Oh, yeah, okay. Was about to call you silly. I mean, really, who hasn't gotten into a jello wrestling competition in their life?"

>...

'...She's not wrong, you know. One time I got a little hammered and had fun at a show.'

[HOW ABHORRENT! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie would never stoop to such lows!]

"It's not a low, it's fun!"

'Indeed, sloshing around while pinning your foe is such a thrill! Magical friend of mine, you need to learn to chill.'

"See? She knows. Getting in there, trying to grab hold with all of that stuff moving around, barely able to stay upright, WOO! It was fun back in the day."

'Ahhh, the follies of youth at a time so long ago. Battling back and forth with jello flying to and fro.'

"Hey, it wasn't that long ago! Come on, we aren't that old."

'Mmm, perhaps you are right, I simply feel older than I am. Maybe one day I'll try it again just to have the joy of giving someone a slam.'

"We should!"

>...Huh... That's a.... weird feeling...

"...So are we just pretending we believe Trixie?"

[HEY!]

'It is what you would do, should a friendship be true.'

[SCREW YOU GUYS! Trixie never wrestled in jello!]

"What about mud?"

[...NOT THAT EITHER!]

"..."

[THAT PAUSE WAS COMPLETELY ACCIDENTAL SHUT UP!]

"Suuuuree..."
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>DT
"SS"
'Cheerilee'
-77-

>Ha, I've heard 'my mom can beat up your mom' before, but this is the first time I've seen someone commit!

"I...wow...uh..."

-That...erm...yes, an interesting bit of combat, to be sure.-

'Meh, Velvet should have gone for the Neighvada shuffle towards the start, that would have distracted her long enough to take her out.'

>...the what?

'The Neighvada shuffle, a unicorn lights their horn up to make it look like they're going to do a spell, but then pounces when the other pony gets distracted. You wouldn't believe how many times I fell for that.'

>"-...-"

'...what?'

"Not us what, you what!"

'I'll have you know that summer in Las Haygus was one of the best of my life, I still have pictures...and my old costume...aaaaand a championship belt that I should have pawned some time ago...'

-...-

>77?

-...I have the weirdest b- -

>Oh Faust damn it!
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>DT
"SS"
'77'
[Cheerliee]
~~~

>I don't get it.

"Yeah, why's everyone freaking out?"

>Is it because they're old? Because they are that, I guess. Kind of impressive they can still fight without breaking their hips or something.

"Little impressive."

>But I mean, they're both parents of world savers, is it really that impressive?

"Guess so, everyone was all slack jawed. A couple guys even ran off."

>Sissies.

'...'
[...]

>...What!?

'Nothing, nothing at all.'

[Do they sell inflatable pools here? I know they sell jello.]

'Sweet Wall-breaker I hope so.'

>You guys are weird.
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>DT
"SS"
'77'
[Cheerliee]
{???}
-???-
--------

>"'[ACHOO!]'"

>"'[....]'"

"All in favor of blaming the headache and feeling of Deja vu on Pinkie?"

>Agreed

'Aye'

[Yep.]

"Motion passed."

>KICK HER ASS TWILIGHT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Hey Fluttershy, thanks for getting the popcorn.}
-Oh, it was no trouble.-
Were Dash not momentarily engrossed with her new snack, she might have seen a relief filled glance at the unharmed group of spectators suddenly cheering for her favorite egghead.
-No trouble at all.-
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>Twilight
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>Sooo... this was unexpected.

The earth pony next to her did not answer, just continuing to ride her unicycle and balance an egg on her nose. Undeterred, despite being in a similar situation, Twilight continued.

>This specifically, I mean. To be honest, I would have preferred a brawl or something at this point. Where did this feud come from? Did my mom even know you guys before now?

"I don't know! This is crazy!"

>Yeah, kind of weird... but hey, we get to spend time together, right? Right? This is fun. This is... it's real fun. I could be having a worse time, you know. But I'm not, because this is fun.

"Twilight? Gonna be frank here, even I don't buy that enthusiasm."

>...I'm trying, you know?

"And as your friend and premier party pony in all of Equestria, I'd normally be all onboard with this, but you know what? Just this once, I'm not into it."

>Yeah, bit bitter. Though on the whole, it's not so bad. They're not demanding we not be friends or something.

"That would be kind of dumb since we need to be a team to save the world."

>Oh yeah no, could you imagine?

"Sorry, sweetie, I know you need to go be the legendary hero of Equestria, but I'm just so angry at this one pony I'd rather plunge the world into darkness!"

>Yeah...

"Hey, can they hear us?"

>Doesn't look like it, and we're talking low enough that the sound pressure waves shouldn't carry, why?

"...Your brother once fucked Chrysalis in the a-"

>PINKIE WHATEWEWEWEWEW-

*SPLAT!*

>...

"Hey, just cause I think this is silly doesn't mean I don't want to win."
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>Cheese
"Pinky"
[IR]
(???)

>Now for our next competition, um, where was that note card. Oh, here. 'Just push the button' Eh, ok.

From the floor rose an enormous cauldron of sauerkraut. The scent wafted about the amphitheater, causing many in attendance to gag.

>...

"Daddy! You didn't!

[The eating of the kraut is one of our oldest traditions, my daughter. It would be unseemly to omit it.

"No, you don't understand!"

Meanwhile Cheese Sandwich merely looks on the big bowl of fermented cabbage like a cow looking into an oncoming train.

****Twenty years earlier****

>Mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?

(It's good for you.)

And Cheese's mother then shoved a giant funnel in his mouth and force fed him sauerkraut until he was twenty-six and a half.

****Present Day****

"And that's why there wasn't supposed to be any in the whole park."

[That hardly seems ...]

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

A screaming Cheese fried the kraut with a flamethrower while flinging grenades at it while executing the *smash* protocol on the park ejection arms for good measure. After pot was reduced to charred bits and the former vegetable to ash, he wrapped the wrecked dinnerware in a plaid and Hawaiian flower print sheet and flung the vomitous mass over the horizon.

>I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT!

[Perhaps we can omit the event this one time.]
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>Cadence
"Limestone"
~~~

>I'm going to be perfectly honest here, I have no earthly idea what is going on.

The mare just rolled her eyes and cocked her hoof back before tossing a pie right at the target in front of her.

"Uh huh..."

Bullseye.

>I mean...

CHUCK!

...

Not even in the same postal code.

>When I married into the family, I thought I'D be the one bringing baggage, you know?

"Right."

Dead center!

>Cause you know, my aunt is Princess Celestia, I'm an immortal alicorn who's powers lie in the very concept of love, and the moment after we got married we got whisked off to a new kingdom we had to protect and save. Our honeymoon was over practically as soon as it started! He went from guard to running a kingdom in a snap.

Well, that guy in the audience is probably pissed. Not that he could have seen it coming, what with being in the back row.

"Sounds like a lot."

She wasn't even looking anymore, and still hit the center.

>It is! But he soldiered through it, and now I know why.

And now Cadence owed Pinkie for taking out her light.

In the next room.

>Because they're all freaking crazy! I have to be a breath of normal air to him, I swear!

"Riiiight."

>...So did you win or what?

She just stared.

"You know, I've heard first wives are the 'practice round' for some ponies, but with you I can't help but think he was just setting the bar so low nobody could possible do worse."

>...

".."

>...HEY!

"You know, my parents think divorce is one of the worst things you can do, but give them another twenty minutes and they might reconsider..."
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>Marble
"2"
~IR~
-SA-
~~~~

>This is so unfair!

~Daughter, your grousing is unbefitting our family.~

>But dad! SHE'S SO SMALL AND FAST!

~Then you will just have to have better aim.~

>She's not even throwing them back!

-Two, sweetie, I'll say it again, the point of dodgeball is to toss the ball and hit the other player.-

"Then why'ya callin' it dodgeball? That's not dodgin'! That's hittin!"

-Because YOU are the one who has to dodge her and then retaliate.-

"But this is more fun!"

-I know it is, and I'm glad you're having fun, but this has been going on for a very long time now.-

"Yeah, I'm the best dodger!"

>MY FORELEG IS SO SORE!

~Aim where she is going, daughter! Not where she is!~

>How am I supposed to predict her!? It's like looking at Pinkie after she fell face first into the sugar pot and had to eat her way out! SHE'S EVERYWHERE AT ONCE!

-Two, really, honey, it's been so long I beg of you, toss it back.-

"NU UH!"

-...Oh look, she tossed the ball at you again!-

>PILE OF CRUMBLY GRANITE IN THE NETHERS!

"WEE!"

-Uh oh, that was her special ball!-

"Wait, what!?"

-Yep, super special ball to her. It's like, her favorite. Every moment she doesn't have that has got to be terrible.-

"OH NO!"

-Toss it back! Quick quick quick, before she panics!-

"I GOT IT DON'T GET SCARED AH'M SORRY!"

>NO NO NO WAIT-

*CRASH!*

-...-

"...Too hard?"

-Maybe a little.-

"I broke the wall... with her head."

-...Okay, more than a little.-

~Daughter, do you still breath?~

>WHY THANK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY! I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER DASH OF PEPPER FOR THIS PILE OF ROCKS, YES I WOULD!

~She is fine.~

"..."
-...-

~...She's fine.~

>WHY HELLO LITTLE BIRD! ARE YOU HERE TO GIVE ME MY TICKET TO FAIRYLAND!?... SCREW YOU THE SERVICE THERE SUCKS! FREAKING BIRDS!
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This is out of order chronologically, but I realized there was no story where the rest of the Gun Club meets up.

Canon Debatable

>DT
"SS"
'Spike'
{77}
(42)
~~~~
>Hey, check out the neckbeard on that one. Hey fatso! Trim your beard! Captain Reynolds doesn't look like a hobo!

"I thought you were bored of this?"

>I am, but I'm doing them a public service by telling them the truth. I'm sacrificing my time to do this. They should be thanking me...where's Spike?

"Uh...he left a while back."

>Seriously!?! What the hell did I tell him about waiting? I swear to Celestia when he gets back I'm going to punch him in his stupid face.

"You know, you've been really hard on Spike lately. Maybe you should cut him some slack? He has a lot on his plate."

>Like Tartarus, I will. He's been such a dense idiot lately that only a good hit on the nose will knock the stupid out of him. Couldn't even remember a simple anniversary. I bet he's not even going to come back once he finds his dumb princesses.

'Uh...hey'

DT raises an eyebrow.
>...you actually came back.

'Uh, yeah. I found the others. A fight kind of broke out between between Twilight's and Pinkie Pie's folks though, but I'm still hoping to share the anniversary with them and the others once it's over.'

>Good luck trying to get Punchbug with us. She's attached to her adopted family and I doubt she'd-

{Doubt she'd what?}

42 is standing next to him and waves.
(Hey everyone. It's been one heck of a day. Good to see us all together.)

>...Hm.
Punches Spike on the nose.

'OW! What was that for!'

>Just keeping a promise. Let's go watch the show.
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~

>WHAT!? Ah, come on, don't make that guy dive! I want to see Shiny go in the goo! MAKE SHINY GO IN THE GOO! I don't care about his dad!

"You know, it's more customary to say 'go team go' or something."

>Meh, I'm torn. On the one hand, Team A has Shiny and Twi, but their parents are less than thrilled about me. Team B has Pinkie's parents, who are pretty cool. You know? Both sides have ones I don't want to see lose.

"Admirable."

>...and it also has ones I want to see drown in goo.

"That's more like the you I know."

>Did you want something?

"Oh, I'm just seeing how you are. You looked quite irate last I saw you."

>Pffft! Like I'm going to stay like that?

"I suppose you're right. You're back to bouncing and carefree without an issue in the world... but then again, I've never seen anything keep you morose for long."

>Celly Celly Celly, the only thing that can get me down for an extended period is Shiny, and that's only if he asks nicely.

"Or asks at all."

>Meh, he doesn't have to verbalize it, I guess. Could just make thrusting motions and point at my ass.

"..."

>Didn't say he would, just clarifying. Doesn't seem like a Shiny MO, I admit.

"Indeed not. He has too much class for something like that."

>...You're bummed he's not going to be fighting in the goo too, aren't you?

"Me? Certainly not. From the look on his face when he did his strength training in the mud, it looks unpleasant. Got into all sorts of cracks and crevices."

>...

"Oh? Don't believe me? Well then, I suppose I won't share my pictures."

>...Share...

"Mmm...maybe later."

>HAH! Knew you had a briby side to you. I'll get some stuff for a trade.

"Sounds like a plan."

>...Hn, you know, someone might think it's weird you can bounce back to friendly like this.

"Whatever do you mean?"

>...Heh, nothing, Celly. Nothing at all.
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>Nightlight
“Igneous”
[Maud]
{SA}
~~~~~

>So, just out of curiosity, the purpose of this game is to dive into this... I'm going to be nice and call it purple slop. Diving into this purple slop and seeing how many rings you can come back up with? This thick, choking liquid that would no doubt make it very difficult to breath in and very likely to drown within?

“That is correct.”

>...So is anyone else worried this is getting out of hoof-

“No.”

>Right, fine, just checking.

[Parents, do remember that wrestling is not a part of this event.]

{Do you really have to tell them that?}

[I neglected to inform my mother, and she misunderstood. I have decided to err on the side of caution. I do not wish to see my father make the same mistake and wrestle with yours in the slime.]

{Fair enough?}

[I hope so. I am trying to be.]

>So, just out of curiosity, how did this all start?

“In ancient times, it was tar.”

>Ah. Wouldn't that have a fairly high death rate?

“It did. This event was known as the 'weeding' event. It's when annoying in laws were likely to be 'dealt with'. Conversely, a father doing the event was a sign of love to say he would be willing to take the greatest risk, as all others were to precious to put on the line.”

>Aw. That's kind of sweet.

“Admittedly, we all were shocked to see you step forward. We thought you would send the pink one in your stead.”

>Uh... she's kind of immortal, so even back in the day this wouldn't really have been an issue.

“...I am so sorry.”

>For what?

“Nothing. Prepare to dive.”

>Right... just out of curiosity, there are no other events that involve wrestling, right?

“None that would involve you or I.”

>Ah.

“...Your wife requested you asked, didn't she?”

>She did. Yours?

“Requested we invent an event for the purpose.”

>Heh... wives.

“...Indeed.”

{DIVE!}

>GAH!

"Right!"

*SPLASH*

{...All over my freaking...}
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>Cheese
"SA"
'Pinkie'
[???]
~~~~~

>AND FOR THE NEXT GAME! We have... PLINKOOOOO!

"...Plinko?"

>Yes, Plinko.

"As in, the little 'put a disk in the thing and watch it go down and hope it reaches the right area' Plinko?"

>That's the one.

"..."

'You might think it's weird, but as it turns out this is really popular with grandmothers, it's like the moment they get grandkids they suddenly love this game.'

"That's a load of-"

[OH MY GOODNESS! PLINKO! PLINKOPLINKOPLINKOOOOOYAAAY!]

>Misses Velvet? Could you please sit down?

[WOOOOOO!]

"..."

'Told you so.'
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