A Gamer and his Fluffies 4: Cawac'tew cweate'n.

>After a long day at work, you are finally ready to sit down and play with your fluffy ponies.
>You only adopted them last night, three poor, starving waifs who fell into your lap, proverbially, after your best friends all ditched the game session you went to great lengths to schedule and prepare for...
>...and your asshole friends all summarily ditched, in spite of swearing up and down that they wouldn't miss it.
>"No gaming is better than bad gaming", Just repeat that mantra.
>Still, you just adopted yourself a trio of the cute and cuddly vermin, mostly out of pity and loneliness.
>Honestly, you just really want someone to play with.
>But you have to choose the game very carefully...
"Now Fluffies, we're playing heroes tonight! So we each have to get a character!"
>"Yayy! Peghis wan' pway!" "Jush Wah-hows wan pway baww?" "Wha cawac'tew?"
>You give each of them ear scratchies, which makes them giggle and coo.
"I can't make characters with all of you at the same time, so Warhorse, I want you to come with me. Pegasis and Unicorn, you can stay here and play with any toy you like."
>Cheers, and a happy bouncing from all fluffies involved.
>Gently, you scoop up the Pink-and-Blonde earth fluffy (whose masculinity you may never question) and carry him into the kitchen, away from his playing friends.
"This is a fun game Warhorse, but we have to make you ready for it first!"
>"Jush Wah-hows weady! Wan pway wif daddy!"
"Soon. Just sit here on the table for a minute."
>"Otay!"
>Years and years ago, when you were in college, you purchased a "introductory box" for a controversial edition of D&D.
>But after scanning the contents, you could never see a need for it.
>You and all your friends were already well versed in the game, why would you need this?
>But you just shelved it, leaving the big red box to gather dust in a closet.
>Even after you moved out of your parents place, the box just came along to gather dust in a new closet, in a new place.
>You haven't played that edition in almost a decade now, but today you realized that this is exactly what your fluffy ponies need.
>Brushing a thick layer of dust off it's bright red surface, you gaze appreciably at the classic artwork: a lone, muscular hero, clearly inspired by some Boris Vallejo art, charging into the fanged maw of a red dragon.
>Yeah, pure adolescent power fantasy, this will be good for the little balls of fur.
>Back in the kitchen, Warhorse is still sitting on your table, albiet he's fidgeting quite a bit.
>You're grinning from ear to ear, but you know a warning sign when you see one.
"Warhorse, do you have to make poopies?"
>He thinks for a moment before affirming your suspicions.
"Allright, let me take you to your new litterbox, then we can get started.
---
>One very necessary trip to the tiny sandbox later, You have warhorse sitting on your table again.
"Alright Warhorse, we're going to play heroes. I'm going to tell you a story, this will be a story about you Warhorse!"
>"Jush Wah-hows wike stowy!"
"Good! Like I said, this is a story about YOU Warhorse, so sometimes, I'll ask you what YOU would do! When I ask, you tell me what you would do in the story, do you understand?"
>"Dis Jush Wah-hows stowy?"
"Yes, this is Your story!"
>You flip open the character creation guide, which is laid out like a "choose your own adventure" book.
"Now, where should I begin?"
>"Wunse oppon ah tyme.."
"Once upon a ti-" you chuckle, then scan the starting entry.
>Almost none of this will translate well into Fluffy Pony.
>undeterred, you start again, but do your best to translate.
"Once upon a time, you are traveling with a small herd..."
>"Wike famiwy?"
"Yes, like a family. But these fluffies aren't your family, you are a stranger who just met these peo-, er, fluffies in the last 'safe place'. So now you are all traveling together.."
>"Ooohhh... Jush Wah-hows miss famiwy. Whea' dis famiwy go?"
>There's that tragic past stuff again... time to lighten the mood.
"You're going to Winterhaven! A place where Traevus, the Dwa- er, Earth Fluffy merchant wishes to trade his war- Nummies and Toys with other good fluffies."
>Okay, not everything parses well, still, you push on.
"The sun is low in the sky, but you should reach Fallcrest before nightfall.
>"Wai Fwuffy famiwy go Fawwcwes? Yuu jush sai dat famiwy go Winta'hafen!"
>You are briefly stunned that he noticed the discrepancy.
"Fallcrest is on the way to Winterhaven."
>"Oohhh... Go Fawwcwess.
"Yes. You are going to Fallcrest, it's a safe place. But back to the story, To your left, the moon hills stretch off southwards, and reach up into the darkening sky, the autumn air grows cooler as night approaches."
>"Wha' awtum?"
"Autumn, when the leaves change color and start to fall off the trees, the time before Winter."
>"Weafs faww fwum twees? Weafs gud nummies..."
"I assure you, you don't need to eat now, you have to move on to Fallcrest, it'll be dark soon."
>"Nu wike dawk time, Jush Wahows go fasta foh Fawwcwess!"
>Ahh, getting to the good part of the story now.
"You hurry along. Suddenly, noise catches your attention! The... er..."
>How the hell will you explain a bowstring's twang to a fluffy pony?
"The shriek of another fluffy! Traevus cries out in pain as a... pointy, sharp, sorry-stick hits his shoulder!"
>"Nuuu! Twafis! Nuu wan' sowwy stick! Nuu huwty Twafis sowwy stick!"
>Warhorse is looking around desperately.
"Don't be afraid Warhorse, there's no sorry stick here.
"With a shrill cry, a pack of goblins, short, ugly creatures with green skin and fang-filled mouths-run towards your herd! They've got sorry sticks!"
>More fluffy pony paraphrasing.
"You see another goblin pulling a sorry-stick out and preparing it, ready to hurt another fluffy, these creatures mean to... er... steal the nummies and toys, and that's going to mean killing you and Traevus first!"
>The little pink and blonde earth fluffy stands, and puffs out his cheeks.
>"Gobwins go 'way! Jush Wah-hows gif Gobwins Big owwies!"
>You never thought hearing those words would make you happy, or proud.
>It's actually kind of confusing, but it brings a tear to your eye, seeing a new gamer created.
"How would you like to give the goblins 'owwies'?"
>Warhorse unpuffs his cheeks, and stares at you.
>"Wha?"
"Well, if you could have a sorry stick of your own, would you use it on the goblins? Or would you use magic on them?"
>His eyes go wide.
>"Jush Wah-hows can haf sowwy stick?"
"Yes, you can have a sorry stick of your own, to use against mean nasty goblins."
>"Dis sowwy stick nuu huwt Jush Wah-hows?"
>You briefly consider house ruling in critical fumbles, but decide against it.
>After all, you are a merciful game master.
"No, but you can use this sorry stick to hurt others, like monsters and... er... other mean things."
>"Jush Wah-hows wan dat sowwy stick."
"Alright Warhorse... so you pick up YOUR PERSONAL sorry stick, erm... in your mouth, I guess... You know, drawing a weapon and leaping into battle sounds like something a Fighter would do..."
>He stares at you, expectantly.
>"Fighters are strong... fluffies, who... are tough, and use sorry-sticks with great skill... do you want to be a fighter?"
>"Jush Wah-hows wan be fite-ah!" he bounces up into a sitting position, waving his little forehoves around to emphasize his point.
>On a little piece of printed paper, you fill in the blank line next to "Class:", smiling the whole time...
---
>"Oon'cawn wuv magic! Wook! Mae' spawks!"
>You honestly thought that this was an urban myth, but here you are, sitting across the table from a Fluffy pony who is, with great effort, making her horn fizz and pop like a sparkler, occasionally, a little puff of buzzing static leaps from her horn up into the air, where it dissipates harmlessly.
>You have absolutely no idea what the hell it is made out of, but it's definitely cute in an awesome way.
>"Spawks mae meanie gobwins go 'way!"
"That's great Unicorn! Wow! You know, Casting a spell to blast the goblins is something that a wizard would do..."
>She stops making sparks, it looks like all that cheek-puffing necessary to do the trick took a bit out of her.
>"Wha Wissad?"
"A Wizard uses pow- BIG magic, not like sorry-sticks... but wizards aren't really tough, they are sma-"
>You hesitate to use the "Smart" word.
"Really, really... intelligent though. Do you want to learn more magic and be a wizard?"
>"OON'CAWN WAN MOAH MAGIC!" She bounces forward. "Daddeh teash Oon'cawn magic?"
"Sure honey, Now sit down, you're not done with the story yet, you have a lot to learn..."
---
>"Pehgus nuu wike munstahs... Pehgus hide, munstas nuu find Pehgus."
>He's bright blue, and only covering his eyes with his hooves.
"Pegasus, we're playing heroes! It's a story, there aren't any monsters here."
>"Pehgus wike pway... wike stowwy, nuu wike gobwin munstahs wif sowwy-sticks."
"Okay Pegasus, you're safe here, but, you have to be brave too."
>You reach over and gently pet the cowering fluffy, he, hesitantly, looks out from behind his hooves.
"No monsters here, not now. Pegasus, hiding from danger isn't the sort of thing that heroes do! And we're playing heroes! Though you might think you can hide from the goblins, they will look everywhere, and they would find you... and if they find you they'd... use their sorry-sticks on you."
>"Nuu wike sowwy stick munstas..."
"But you're a hero! You are a brave fluffy! And brave fluffies stand up to monsters with sorry sticks."
>"Munstas wif sowwy-sticks mae mummeh go fowevah sweep..."
>Damnit! No more tragic back stories!
"Well, now you could give the monsters with sorry sticks forever sleep!"
>This concept seems to intrigue him.
>"Peghus wan... wan mae BIGGEST ouchies! Gif munstahs fowevah sweep!" He snorts, but then catches himself. "Buh... nuu wan munstahs fin' Pehgus... Pehgus Nuu wike munstahs..."
>Ahh... maybe there's an angle to work here.
"Would you like sneak up on the golbins? Use the... rocks, to keep them from seeing you? Then you could use a little quiet sorry-stick of your own to give them forever sleep?"
>"Pehgus can haf Sowwy Stick? Nuu wike sowwy sticks..."
"Just a little one. Something you could hide in your fluff."
>He considers this.
>"How Pehgus hide fwum munstah gobwins?"
"You use the rock as cover... like, where you can see them, but they can't see you behind the rock... then you sneak up behind them, and use your sorry stick on them from behind!"
>"Gif biggest owwies! Owwies in poopie-pwace!"
>He giggles maniacly, which kind of gives you the creeps, except yoiu've done the same damn thing from both sides of the GM screen, so it's all fair.
>"Pehgus wike dis! Wan gif gobwins hidey-owwies!"
"You know... giving... "hidey-owwies" is somethign a rogue would do..."
>"Pehgus wan be wogue." He says, with a grin that looks positively evil on a fluffy pony. "Pehgus be bess wogue eva."
>You smile, and write "Rogue" down on his character sheet.
---
>Seven minutes later, the trio of fluffies is reunited, and comparing fluffy notes.
>"Den Jush Wah-hows gif gobwin BIGGEST owwies! Buck gobwin ovah high pwace!"
>"Oon'cawn mae FIAH! An gobwins awww go buwn!"
>"Pehgus besh hewo EVAH! gif BIGGEST owwies! Gobwin not know wai fowevah sweep!"
>You, meanwhile, are staring at the plush d20 you let them use with awe.
>Not a single roll below 17.
>Apparently, dice like fluffy ponies.
>Who knew?