All the handholds of the tree are familiar. I don’t even have to
knock on the second story window. It opens. He’s been waiting for
me. The first time, I had to force him. The second time I had to beg.
I’m relieved I don’t have to do that anymore, but part of me hates him
for not resisting.
“I need more,” I say.
“Ok…ok,” he says. “I can stay home sick tomorrow. I hate algebra
anyway.”
This part is always awkward. I take off my college letterman jacket,
and we both sit on his bed, a body’s width apart. Silence. Then we lean
in clumsily, moving in the wrong directions — neck? wrist? somewhere
else? — smiling politely like the people who keep cutting each other off,
trying to pass in a cramped hall.
Neck. Teeth. Then all awkwardness drains away. It’s so good.
He moans in my ear. I muffle a moan that vibrates his throat.
He breathes heavily. He holds on to me to keep from falling, and
I gently lay us down. I can feel him stiffening. A flailing hand
unintentionally clutches my breast, grasping and kneading, and
the nipple stiffens, and my body never reacts like that anymore,
except in this moment, and it’s so, so sweet. I drink, and we gently
grind against each other, because what else can you do to keep
from floating away? He gasps and shudders — a little death, just
a little death — and I press his face against my shoulder to keep
it quiet. I could drink down all of him, but I stop.
We’re lying parallel on the bed, both breathing. Both warm
and smiling and any troubles are a million light-years away. Then
the mood cools and congeals into something sticky. We both
startle and jump up, like we’ve just been caught in the bathroom.
I’ve got my jacket on.
“Also…” I say. “I need…”
He opens a wallet with Spider-Man on it, and hands me
his last ten spot. It breaks my heart, even more than the blood,
because what the hell else could I possibly take from him?
“This is the last time,” I say. It’s such a pretty lie. I jump
up on the windowsill, the air feels good and I need to get
outside. I don’t turn back. “Tell mom and dad I said hi.”