914 Very Fine 9

He decided at length that the machine was not, in fact, the pestilence, and dropped the shoe to search his robe pockets for something. Producing a small metallic toy with a deceptive grin, he held it aloft with one hand, cackling villainously. His laughter was interrupted by the object in its hand, which squirmed and commanded, "Unhand me, birdbrain! I spell your doom!"

[...]

The intruder stood, chin in hand, in quiet contemplation of the controls before him. The dial was set to "1:1", and no amount of activating the machine did anything to halt the amount and vehemence of the complaints and threats from the small metal man within. Sure, it changed the voice around, and even the language a couple times, but this didn't seem to be getting him anywhere.

[...]

His eyes continued their journey over the controls. "A very fine idea indeed. I'm glad we agree on this." His hand twisted the knob into the most agreeable position, to the far right, until the knob snapped off in his hand. Sweat began forming on his brow, eyes darting to and fro, ensuring that no witnesses had shown up, before stowing the knob in his sleeve. In his panicked fumbling, his elbow came into swift contact with the activation button.

A curtain of searing, white light shone out from the thin crack between the machine's compartment doors. A heavenly choir sang. The anomalous fool was flung clear of the machine, arm shielding his eyes weakly as its compartment door slid open, a blinding wash of brilliance filling the room.

The small robot levitated slowly down to the ground, optical sensors taking in the newfound articulation in its newfound fingers. As the tips of its now-sleek feet touched down on the ground, the robot's automatic threat removal routines activated, sending out an intense burst of energy at a quantum level, sufficient to pop the guards attempting to cut down the door like overripe fruit.

***
Cack Hard 2: Revengeance: Reloaded

[Note: The text "small metallic toy with a deceptive grin" links to SCP-1370's article]