SciTwi & Anon Part 3

>A wise man once said that truth is stranger than fiction.
>Half an hour ago, you would have called him a pretentious little shit.
>But now, you see that maybe he has a point.
"What kind of place is this?"
>"A planet hundreds of light years away from home. Relatively close, and rather scenic if you're a nature-freak."
>Or a fan of dinosaurs for that matter. These prehistoric-looking creatures probably could easily demolish a building.
>Steven Spielberg would probably mess his pants if he saw this.
>Twilight puts down a metallic box with an antenna sticking out.
>"This," she indicates, "is our door back home. If we get separated for whatever reason, then come back here unless I say otherwise."
>Yes sir, er, ma'am.
>"Comms working?"
"Uh, I guess so."
>"Good. Now let's get moving."
>Aiming her rifle at the ground, Twilight fires a spike attached to some sort of cable deep into the dirt.
>She then hops over the ledge without any hesitation.
>Wait a minute.
>You crawl over to the ledge like a pussy and look down.
>It's a massive drop down. You'd most definitely die if you jumped.
>But then again, they say that if you fall in a dream and don't wake up before you hit the ground, then you die in real life.
>Is that a myth you want to test? Maybe not.
"Hey Twi? How am I supposed to get down?"
>"Did you get a grapple?" her voice crackles in your helmet.
"Was I supposed to?"
>"Ugh. Just use your hands."
>Her body is now the size of an ant as she continues to smoothly descend the cliff.
"Just my hands? Doesn't that seem a little, I don't know, unsafe?"
>"Don't worry, if you fall, then I'll catch you. Simple as that."
>Simple as that, huh?
>Well, Anon. Time to prove your masculinity.
>You grip the cable as if your life depended on it and slowly moved your body over the cliff.
>As your last foot slides off the ledge, your entire weight shifts downwards, causing you to slide down a bit and scream like a little bitch, er, give a war cry.
>"Can you keep it down?" Twilight screams in your ear. "I'm trying not to get killed here!"
>Then that makes the two of you.
>After some struggling, you finally manage to wrap your legs around the cable, just like they taught in gym class.
>Remember, Anon. You're doing this for your cancer. If you don't die now, you'll likely die not soon after.
>That thought gave you a little courage, and you begin to inch your way downwards.
>You can do this.
>Right?

>You later find out that you were, in fact, wrong.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"
>You crash face-first into the dirt below, arms and legs spread out as if you attempted flight like an idiot.
>Fortunately, the ground is rather soft, meaning that you hopefully didn't break anything too serious.
>"Oh, didn't see you there," Twilight's voice says in your still functioning helmet.
>You slowly pull yourself up into a sitting position, mud covering the front of your suit. At least your helmet's not broken, although it's completely caked in the brown stuff.
"You said you were going to catch me!" you snap as soon as you suck some air back into your lungs.
>"Oh, sorry about that. I turned off the comms while you were descending."
>You wipe some mud off your helmet so that you can see her stupid face.
"WHAT?"
>Twilight shrugs.
>"You were screaming too much. Started to give me a headache."
"I could have died!"
>"Don't be so selfish, Anon. You could have landed on me, and I would have died."
>Before you can respond, Twilight taps your shoulder and points to a cave in the distance.
>"See that? I need you to go in there and lure out a yellow-eyed charger."
"A what?"
>"You'll know it when you see it."
"And then what?"
>"Then you lure it out. Your very presence should be enough to draw it out, since the things are a bit territorial."
"I don't know, Twi," you say with a furrowed brow. "A yellow-eyed charger sounds dangerous."
>Your partner blows a raspberry.
>"Please. yellow-eyed chargers are harmless. They only look scary, that is, unless they're with young. But I checked the calendar, and you're more likely to suddenly explode than find a family of them at this time."
"And what will you be doing?"
>Twilight taps her rifle.
>"Gonna take the high ground over there," she says, pointing to a large rock quite a distance from the cave. "And as soon as that thing rears its ugly head, I'm going to knock it out with a tranquilizer."
"For what purpose?"
>"Bile."
"Bile? Is that supposed to cure me?"
>Your only response is a shove towards the cave.
>"Less talking, more walking. Clock's ticking."

>You cautiously traverse the dark cave, the flashlight on your helmet shining white light into the pitch darkness.
>"Making good progress," Twilight's voice says. "Just watch your step."
"Thanks, Dad," you reply. "I was just about to trip all over the place."
>The sound of various small rocks crunching under your feet echoes through the vast cave.
"How deep do these things usually live?"
>"It shouldn't take more than a couple minutes, tops. Yellow-eyed chargers still want to see the light during the daytime."
>You turn around and see that the entrance is about the size of a dime. If one's here, you're probably close.
>But all you see are just rocks, rocks, and more rocks.
"I don't think one's here, Twi, completely emp--"
>A cracking noise meets your ears, and you feel as if you stepped in some sort of goo.
>You look down to see what appears to be a broken rock with a creamy inside and a...yolk?
>Turning your heard around, you find several more of these rocks, all of them unbroken, and somewhat all perfectly shaped.
>Sort of like...
"Uh, Twi? Are you sure that these things don't have offspring during this time?"
>"Unless I'm wrong, which almost never happens, then yes. Why?"
>Your body freezes up as you find yourself facing a giant, glowing yellow eye, a dark slit running down the center.
"I think I just killed one."

>You give a scre--, no , war cry as you run out of the cave.
>The ground shakes as the charger rushes towards you, bellowing the angriest noise you ever heard an animal make.
>"WHAT DID YOU DO?" a voice screams in your helmet as you make it out into the open.
>Your reply comes in the form of the charger that rushes out of her home in pursuit of one of her children's killers.
>Fuck this. Fuck everything. You didn't sign up for this just so that you can die before the cancer can.
>"Oh for Pete's--- dodge to your left!"
>You obey and roll to the side.
>No sooner had you done so than does the raging animal rush past you, the ground trembling with its every step.
>It then slows down and turns towards you.
>The thing was massive. Probably twice the size of a rhino. It had horns lined up its nose and out its mouth. And it did not look happy.
>The mother charger starts to slowly advance towards you, as if sizing her victim up.
>You slowly back away. Your heart is probably going to beat out of your chest at this point. Hopefully your rapid breathing isn't depleting too much of your oxygen supply, if that's how this suit worked.
>"Try to keep it still," Twilight instructs.
"Are you crazy?"
>"Just do it!"
>You ignore her and continue to back up until your back hits a large rock, different from the one Twilight's nested in.
>The charger stops, then starts digging at the ground with a hoof, aiming its massive horns in your direction. If these things were like the animals back home, it's about to charge you. Hard.
>"Steady..."
>Twilight pulls the trigger, and a dart flies straight for the charger.
>The projective hits it square in the neck, then...bounces off.
>"Huh, that's not supposed to happen."
"WHAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?"
>"I don't remember their necks being reinforced like that."
"HUH?"
>"Today's just not my day, I guess," she casually admits. "You won't tell anyone about this, right?"
>Wait a minute, you have a gun.
>You draw the weapon and aim at your soon to be murderer.
"EAT THIS!" you shout as you pull the trigger.
>What would come out the other end? A bullet? A death ray of sorts?
>A weak stream of water splashes off the charger's face.
"WHAT KIND OF GUN IS THIS?"
>"A water gun."
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A WATER GUN?"
>"To cool off in the summers."
>The charger decides that enough was enough, and begins to sprint towards you at breathtaking speed.
"Aw, fuck this!"
>You throw the useless weapon in the animal's direction as you leap out of the way.
>Chunks of rock fly around you as the beast destroys a good part of the giant rock. Fortunately, none of it hits you.
>You waste no time in getting up and running in the opposite direction.
"Tell me you have a Plan B."
>"Shut up and let me think."
>Twilight examines the charger through her scope.
>"Now where is this thing the weakest? Aha! Anon!"
"What?"
>"I found a weak point. At the top, right behind the neck. Your utility belt should have a knife."
>You look around your waist and find a handle. As you're running, you pull it out, causing a blade to extend outward.
"Okay, and?"
>"Get on top of it and hit its weak spot."
"I don't know about you, but getting on that thing doesn't seem to be the easiest thing right now."
>As you're bickering, the charger recovered from its impact, and its hate-filled eyes once again find you.
>Its roars catch your attention.
"Does that gun have anything more lethal?"
>"It does, but it's against the law here to kill these things with firearms."
"WHAT? And killing it with a knife ISN'T?"
>You see Twilight shrug on her stupid rock.
>"It's a stupid law, but what can you do? The bureaucrats made that law, not me."
"What about my LIFE?"
>"Don't be such a drama queen."
>The shaking ground warns you that the thing is once again charging in your direction.
>"Stand still," Twilight says. "I have a plan."
>It's not as if you have many other options.
>You turn to face the incoming animal and say your prayers.
>This life has been fun. At least if you die, your parents can brag about the badass way you went to heaven.
>Suddenly, the bottom of your oxygen tank makes a beeping noise and opens up. Gas emits from the tank with such a large force that you're launched into the air.
>Your arms flail as you go up, then down towards the charger that is moving too fast to stop.
>"Use the blade!"
>On command, you hold out your knife and aim it towards the predator turned prey.
>Everything seems to be going in slow motion as you fall.
>And before you know it, you land on the animal's back.
>The wind gets completely knocked out of you, but you still hold onto the knife's handle.
>You look up to see that you can't see the blade anymore.
>It's inside the charger.
>"Now fry it!"
>You push down on the trigger located near the end of the handle, and thousands of volts of electricity shoot through the beast's body.
>Its pained howls boom through the landscape as it comes crashing down into the earth. Dirt and plants fly everywhere.
>However, the sudden stop in momentum sends you flying off the creature's back.
>And you somersault directly into a boulder, which causes your helmet to shatter and break open.

>You're relaxing on a nice little beach. The sun is shining brightly. Bikini-clad girls are playing volleyball as they innocently laugh amongst one another.
"Now this is nice," you say with a deep breath and take a sip of your margarita.
>Where are you? No clue.
>How did you get here? Who cares?
>What matters is that you don't have to worry about anything at all. Except maybe getting another drink as soon as you--
>Someone smacks you hard across the face.
"Ow! What the fuck?"
>One of the girls is towering over you with a rather nasty look on her face.
"Is there a problem?"
>"Get up you idiot. I'm not dragging you back home."
"Home?"
>You scoff and take another sip.
"I'm not going anywhere."
>The rather attractive girl raises a hand and gives you a generous portion of her backhand, this time even harder.
>Your eyes shoot open.
>Twilight's kneeling over you, looking rather annoyed.
>What happened?
>Oh, right.
>You crushed an egg, then killed a giant monster thing, and then you crashed into a rock and your helmet broke.
>Your helmet broke.
"Fuck! My helmet! Twi!"
>She slaps you again.
>"Relax, ding dong. This atmosphere is oxygen rich."
>It then catches your attention that Twilight's not wearing her helmet.
"B-but I thought that--"
>"Today's your lucky day, Anon. I was wrong yet again."
>She takes out a scanner and shows it to you.
>"See here?"
>You nod, even though you have no idea what anything on the screen means.
>"Since I've last been here, this planet moved forward by a couple million years. That explains why the charger had thicker skin, and why the air is evidently suitable for humans."
"A couple...million?"
>"Yep. I guess time does travel differently according to location. Well, of course I knew that already, but..."
>Twilight shakes her head and pinches her nose.
>"I swear, Anon. Being around you is making me retarded by some sort of intellectual diffusion. Now come on. We have some unfinished business."
>The formerly-ferocious, now dead beast lies motionless not too far away.
>You can see the trail it created as it crashed and skidded against the ground.
>The thing must have weighed a ton.
>Twilight gets there first and feels around its abdomen.
>She pulls out a rather large syringe and jabs it into the soft underbelly. A yellow liquid pours into the tube.
>"She's a pretty one, huh Anon? Probably one of the more motherly types. Such a shame that her children are now going to grow up in a broken home. You're a monster, Anon."
>You don't respond, but instead walk around the charger. It's hard to believe that not too long ago this thing almost killed you.
"What about the father?"
>"Oh, he's dead."
"How do you know?"
>"Check the back."
"What?"
>"It'll answer your question."
"Okay..."
>You go to the...back of the charger and what you see is enough to make your balls shrivel up.
"Are those...?"
>Lo and behold, on each side of the thing's reproductive lips is a row of sharp fangs.
>"Yep. As soon as the male completes copulation, the female removes his junk with her teeth. The vagina then absorbs it and uses the nutrients to nurture the developing eggs. The male don't make it long enough to see his kids, of course."
>You shudder.
>How horrifying.
>Twilight removes the syringe and puts it away.
>"Hey, Anon, give me a hand with this, will ya?"
>You go around and meet her at the front. She takes out a handle and activates it. The handle then splits in two with a saw blade in between.
"What are you doing?"
>"Collecting its horn, duh. Do you have any idea how much these are worth on the black market?"
>At this point, you don't even care anymore.
>You traveled to another world.
>You killed an animal that you never thought existed.
>And you have cancer.
>What's a little extra illegal activity to you?
"Alright."
>You sigh and grab the other end of the saw. Together you start working away at the largest horn.
"So what's prison like out here?"
>Twilight laughs.
>"Trust me. You don't want to know."

>With a flash of light, you materialize back at Twilight's lab. You don't know how well her machine usually works, because your stomach feels like it's been flipped upside down.
"You have a sink?"
>"Over there."
>You cover your mouth and run over to it. You barely make it before your body purges itself of everything you ate today.
>Let's travel to another world, she said.
>It's only rough the first time, she said.
>A sharp pain hits your shoulder as you're leaning over the sink.
"Ow!"
>"There you go. Cancer free."
"Uh, thanks?" you say, rubbing where she poked you. Your eyes wander over to a table where she put the horn. Next to it is...the bile?
"What about the bile?"
>"What about it?"
>Your mouth hangs agape as the realization hits you.
"Wait, so you had the cure the ENTIRE TIME?"
>"Made it this morning, actually. Just for you. You're welcome."
"But...but..."
>She duped you. Hard.
"But the bile!"
>"Yeah. It's nice, isn't it? It's definitely going to help my research."
"You said that it would cure me!"
>"No, I only said that I'll fix it. Do you even know what bile does? Not cure cancer. That's what."
>Twilight puts the now cure-less syringe on a nearby table.
>"Oh, and I forgot to tell you, the cure has some shark DNA in it. You know, because sharks can be pretty resistant to cancer. So congrats. You're part shark now. If that doesn't scream alpha male, then I don't know what does."
"Wait a minute. Is it really that easy to cure cancer?"
>"I'd say it's pretty feasible."
"Then why don't you release this to the public? You could save countless lives!"
>"Don't be so naive, Anon. The public would never approve of it if they knew what you need to do to a shark in order to make the thing. Besides, even if they did, it would be decades before it gets government approval. Not to mention that the drug companies would do pretty much everything short of a nuclear holocaust to make sure it never reaches the shelves. One man's disease is another man's retirement fund."
>You throw up your hands and head for the exit.
"You're crazy, Twi. I need to go home and reconsider my life."
>"See you at school."