Thread 61: Stories 61-69

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Non-canon
>Pinkie
"Sombra"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but thankfully non-canons can be used any time! Now for our main guest...Sombra!!!

"Charmed."

>Eloquent, now the question I have for you is what are the writers going to do to fill in the gap of you being away?

"I admit it has-"

>and that's all folks! Thanks for joining us, Sombra. I can't believe you even made an appearance after so long! I was beginning to think you were in some kind of accident and got trapped in some kind of metal suit.

"That sounds a little like Full Metal-"

>42 needs help.
Sombra wakes up to the sound of 42 falling from high up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCDKJQ3Z8bU

"...she needs to stop forgetting she can fly."

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>18
"SA"
'Cadence'
~~~~~

The plan had been simple. Go to restaurant, have nice evening talking, then move on to some nice desert, then perhaps catch a nice show at the theater where they would all sit together and be happy, then finally go for a moonlit walk in the luxurious crystal park, then... something. Something was supposed to happen right there, and it was supposed to be magical and amazing and feel like binge-eating on all of the love then all of this was going to make sense and it would be the happiest moment of her life and everything would be perfect!

...Then reality happened! And, as it turns out, reality is one of those really mean guys at a fast food restaurant who takes your order for a double hay burger with extra ketchup and no salt and then decides that clearly it knows best and gives you a single with all of the salt and maybe just a hint of ketchup. Reality knows best, obviously, and who are you to argue with an abstract concept?

"I'm sure this is just a coincidence."

Oh, optimism. Truly, it was one of Shining Armor's finest traits, along with his loving heart, driven motivation and one hell of an ass. However, there was always an occasion when that loving heart lead him to spare a giant killer bug monster, that unbreakable motivation leads him to drive everyone bonkers looking for some wings, and that ass lets off one terrible... a-hem.

Point is, as she looked at the "Closed due to unforeseen circumstances" sign outside of the massive theater she could not help but feel his optimism was about as authentic as a piece of moldy bread trying to convince everyone it was really a tasty plant.

'It is a pretty odd coincidence...'

"Look, the kitchen fire was started by someone leaving a wash rag on the burner, it wasn't some sinister plot."

'Yeah, but the whole kitchen burned down.'

"They just weren't up to the new code. They hadn't updated their fire safety since they had been sealed up one thousand years ago. Not exactly a time of fire safety Renaissance."

'Oh, we should get to work on that.'

"Oh yeah, we should definitely hire some inspectors. What do you think, Eighteen?"

>I'll get to work on it when I get home.

Now, normally she said things like that with a chipper, upbeat voice. Helping the Empire! Making it a happier, more magical place! Making her HOME a better place! This was the thing she lived for!

But that time? That was less "Let's do this team!" and more "Yeah, I'll get right back inside my dungeon, Mr prison guard. No, I'm sorry I got so much sunshine, I know it's bad for me and you know best."

Emotional bloodhound he was, she knew Shining Armor would pick up on it fairly quickly.

"Hey! So! I bet the parks pretty empty this time of night, you wanted to go there, right? Sure, we're a little ahead of schedule, but that just means we get to spend more time with the ducks... I like the ducks."

Right on time! Knew there was a reason she had a poster of him over her bed!

...Knew there was ANOTHER reason she had a poster of him over her bed.

Ooooo~ and maybe she wouldn't have to look at a fake version-

>YES GOOD IDEA LET'S GO!

Forcing the matter was, very likely, bad date etiquette. This showed she was not working in tandem as a team, and was regrettable.

However, who the fuck cared, she needed to hurry up before the universe decided to screw with her some more. There was only one pony allowed to screw with her, and he was right behind her!

...Wait. Should... oh, fuck. How was sex going to work? Would she have to... invite Cadence too? How the fuck was she going to convince miss 'Vanilla has too much flavor" that she should have a threesome?

....Burn that bridge when they get there!... Wait!

>THAT IS NOT A CHALLENGE!

"What isn't?"

>...J-just... just didn't want you guys to think I was trying to race you!

"Oh... I didn't think that."

'Me either.'

>Better safe than sorry? I mean, who races on a date? That's just not done, and I don't want to give that impression.

"Fair enough."

'That makes sense.'

>...

'...Your eyes are really darty right now.'

>I'm making sure there are no ninjas around.

"...is... is that a concern?"

>You should always be concerned about ninjas.

'I've never seen a ninja before.'

>EXACTLY.

'Wha?.... Oooooohhhh.... huh. Oh my gosh! That makes so much sense! So... are there any?'

Is she seriously looking under the street lamp?

...Roll with it.

>Nope. And Changelings can detect ninjas, it's a thing.

'Wow! That sounds so useful!'

>Only when there are ninjas.

'Oh yeah, that would be bad... it's only useful if a band of early millennia assassins are in the immediate area.'

>There's the probelem.

'But no ninjas?'

>No ninjas.

'Great! Let's go to the park, then!... Keep looking for them, I don't like this tingle in the back of my neck now.'

>I'll keep my ninja detection at maximum.

'Great! Thanks Eighteen!'

...She's making fun of me.

She has to be making fun of- nope. Skipping off without a care.

"...Really?"

>Are you going to correct her?

"...Wait for me!"

Okay, so, dinner ended badly, no desert, no show, but she can still salvage this! She can still make this happen!

THIS CAN WORK!

Fuck, she can hear the universe laughing.

...or was that a ninja...

>...WAIT FOR ME!

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NC
<???>
~~~
<Hehehe... Oh, Eighteen, your love affair will never work!>

Said the off-duty ninja watching a sci-fi comedy show about a robot in love with her master.

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NC

>Chrysalis
"41"
~~~
>So... all's well that ends' well.

"Thank you, your majesty."

>Yeah... Seriously, don't do that again. Or I'll kill you.

"Uhh... Yes your majesty."

>Naw, broseph, you don't get it: I will kill you soooo hard, it will kill everyone related to you.

"Umm... Wouldn't-"

>Yes! Me too! That is how serious I am, I will kill you so hard it will kill me in the aftermath!

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NC
>AJ
"Celly"
'???'
____

"Dear, why... why are you rubbing your hooves together?"

>'Cause Ah'm prayin' to Faust above that 41 slips up again. Ah want to see this happen like a perfect harvest.

'Seconded.'

"Spike!"

'...Are you really surprised?'

"Point."

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NC
[???]
~~~~

[...]

>...Er...

[No no, continue.]

>...It ain't like Ah' want YOU ta' die, Forty Two!

[...]

>Ah' mean, she said that, but-OH NO!

[PUNCHBUG ATTACK!]

'...Should we help?'

"You want to rush to her rescue and be the big hero, go right ahead."

>ACK!*WHAM!*JUST A JOKE!*WHAM!*JUST A JOKE AH' DIDN'T MEAN IT*WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM*

[FORTY TWO SMASH!]

'...I'm good.'

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NC (Talking about the appearance of Sunset Shimmer)
>AJ
"Celestia"
_____

> Y'all must hate me. That's it, ain't it?

"Whaaaat? Me? No, never! What would make you even suggest such a thing?"

>Ya done saddled me with this mare that keeps makin' all sorts've of things that wreck the castle! An' y'all expect ME to deal with it!

"Welcome to the big leagues, Applejack, we've been expecting you. Better have Spike oil up those massaging claws of his, you're going to need it."

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>AJ
"Pinkie"
~~~~~

>Hey, Pinkie? Got a question.

"OH NO! SHE'S BROKEN! Soon the questions will consume her, and she will be nothing more than a question spouting machine destined to drive everyone to suicide to cull the pony race! THIS IS OUR APOCALYPSE!"

>...

"...I mean, what's up?"

>It's just... remember that story ya' told us? Bout when ya' got yer' cutie mark?

"Yeeeeaaahhhh?"

>Well, ya' mentioned ya' never had smiles or fun.

"Right?"

>Well... yer' folks don't seem that bad, were they really that mean?

"...What? No, silly!"

>Then what was that 'no smiles, no laughter' stuff?

"...Because I worked on a rock farm. It wasn't fun. Is this complicated? I move and broke rocks when I was a filly. What's funny about that?"

>Oh... well, Ah' mean, ya' didn't joke around none?

"I tried with Maud and my parents, but they never laughed. They're just not laughy ponies. So, growing up like that, yeah, no smiles and laughs. But that's okay! They did it on the inside."

>...

"...What?'

>Figured there was gonna be some crazy explanation.

"Nope! Just wasn't very fun to do nothing but manual labor and my folks aren't the laughy type."

>Huh.

"...."

>... Okay.

"Her thirst is sated! YAY!"

>Ah'm gonna leave now.

"AND THAT'S HOW I SAVED EQUESTRIA!

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 >41
"Punch"

>You know in hindsight, getting these masks from the Santoat marathon was a great idea, the Queen'll never recognize me in this!

"..."

>...

"Wouldn't having an accessory make you more noticeabl-"

>Shut up.

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