Chapter 5

Blossomforth lay in bed, thinking about the crazy day she had yesterday and wondered about her purpose.  She was able to single-hoofedly save her entire weather team from the violence of a supercell storm.  She was still reeling from the implications, but she let them slide out of her mind as she entered the meditative state she took when she started stretching.  As she began her stretch she artificially stiffened the muscles in the thighs of her hind legs and Gluteus Maximus just so she could feel the stretch like she used to.  Slowly but surely she extended her right hind leg forward in an active stretch until her pointed hoof tip reached and softly touched her snout.  Her forelegs reached spread-eagle, reaching in opposite directions and pointed her hooves.  She slowly returned her hind leg back to the bed and slowly stretched her other hind leg until her pointed hoof touched her nose.  Finally, she brought up her other hoof up and touched her snout with them both, pointing her hoofs as far as they would go and reaching in opposite directions with her forelegs.

Blossomforth could have easily started with the advanced position without warmup given her new powers but the value of a relaxing yoga stretch was priceless to her mental health.  She was beginning to appreciate the wise saying: “Success is the journey, not the destination.”

Blossomforth maintained the mediative pose, slowly releasing the stress in her muscles and mind.

With her cleared mind she pondered her predicament and philosophized.

Whether she wanted it or not, it was now clear that she was absolute master over her own biology and even over others if she so chose.  This premise lead her mind to some darker but logical conclusions.  She could now do whatever she wanted and no pony could stop her.  If she let herself go, she might even be able to assimilate all life and biological information on the planet into herself.  What was morality anyway?  Was it a learned concept, defined by the mightiest?  Or was it something more profound and natural, an unspoken law that all instinctively knew?  What was the value of morality?  Is it simply an evolutionary trait or is it something that can give true satisfaction and purpose?

The only evidence she had to answer these questions was her own experience.  Thankfully for the sentient life in Equestria, she came to the conclusion that it would be detrimental to shape all life to her bidding for a few reasons.  Firstly, she was still part pony and could empathize with being a pony and allowed her to respect the sanctity of individuality.  Secondly, she was open to the possibility that her ideas might not be the best there is and that other sentient life would be capable of shaping new creative ideas better than she would, which could improve the world in ways she had not imagined.  Thirdly, she had some of her most satisfying experiences interacting with others.

While the Thing’s almost psychopathic instinct demanded that she assimilate all sentient life, she was able to hold it back, convincing it that it would be better for herself and the world itself if she practiced restraint.

As Blossomforth rolled out of bed to face the new day, she came to the sudden realization of her cold, calculating thoughts.  She shuddered, she needed someone to share her struggles with.  Thingpone might slowly be turning her into a real monster.  She needed others to keep her sane.  She needed friends.


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Sometimes I still wonder if I am in a fucking coma.  Perhaps the government kidnapped me, and drugged me to study the effects of the extended use of LSD.

Twilight still looks ashamed whenever I mention my predicament.  I had apparently been sucked into this dimension with her experimentation in devising a permanent portal from Equestira to Earth.

Oh well, there are not many people who can say they experienced living in two different dimensions before.  The ponies seemed to regularly break the laws of physics with their flight, magic, and squishy bodies.

After living like a bum for a couple of months in Twilight’s castle I finally decided I wanted my independence and privacy.  I discovered that despite all of the incredible things ponies could do they could not perform a massage quite as good as old fashioned hands could.  With a startup loan from Filthy Rich I was able to rent a nice location for my new massage parlor and a cosy apartment on the second floor.  Apparently the laws of supply and demand transcend dimensions because I suddenly had a monopoly on hand massages.

The job was nice and satisfying.  Mares always seemed to like to talk and gossip a lot which can make the job interesting and the time pass more quickly.  They must have had some good gossip about me because word spread and more ponies started to book sessions until there were enough for a full time occupation.  The ponies just loved the massages, especially the mares.  Some were weird about it but Lyra was by far the worst.  I suspect that she has some sort of hand fetish.  I always strive to keep everything professional but sometimes after she leaves I spot a slightly moist spot on the massage table.  Before this happens she always has something she suddenly has to do and quickly leaves stuttering excuses as she goes.

Another regular is Blossomforth.  She is quite an interesting one.  Something I immediately noticed about her is that her muscles are more malleable than the average pony.  Also her body temperature always seems to be warm as if she had just done a workout.  I eventually found out she did come for a massage right after a specific type of workout.

Before I keep going, something to know about me is that I have a secret hobby.  This is one of the reasons I wanted to move out of the castle and why I am so knowledgeable about massage techniques.  I love to practice flexibility training and want to eventually become a contortionist.  It is a long process and I have been getting steady progress.  This is a little embarrassing as I think it might look weird to others seeing a male practicing stretches.  The problem is that, in the castle there is a lack of privacy.  The floor creaks and trying to practice in the guest bedroom at night produces somewhat of a racket that keeps others awake.  I also suspect that Twilight secretly wanted to stalk and study me like the alien sentient species I am and made it hard for me to find time and privacy to practice.

This is one of the main reasons I wanted to get my own place.  Imagine my surprise when I walked in on Blossomforth doing the most beautiful backbend bridge(>>788157 in derpibooru) stretch in the lobby as I came to get her for her appointment.  I stared for a few seconds at how amazingly flexible and graceful her form looked.  Her spine was curved in a deep bend, all four hooves were on the ground and her belly and rib cage protruded upwards like a white, furry peach.  Her eyes were closed in concentration so she did not even notice me.  I then slowly tip-toed out of the room to give her some privacy.  My mind raced, there was another contortionist in Ponyville and she was much better than me!  Perhaps she could coach me, would that be weird?  Who knows, maybe I can warm up to her.  About a minute later after I gathered my wits, I peeked past the door to see her sitting on the couch reading a magazine and called her in for her appointment.

Being the incredible autistic, anti-social I am I make the situation more awkward in my mind by clamming up in silence as I massaged her back.

“So, what hobbies do you have anon?”

I could have said a great many things.  Running, hiking, camping, stargazing, reading fiction, political debates.  But no, all I could think of were the sexy curve her back made in that stupid sexy bridge.

“Err, yoga?”

SMOOOTH, she must think you are a stalker now just happening to talk about what she just-

“COOL! -I mean I kinda do some of that.”

I saw the tip of her ear get the slightest bit redder and thank goodness she was face down or she would have seen my rosy cheeks and ears.  My beta, anti-social behavior took over and I tried to focus on my massage in silence.

She was a real regular and every time she came the flesh that I kneaded was warm with the signs of a workout.  I could just feel the muscles become more supple as I massaged them undoubtably fresh from a stretch session.  She even sighed and groaned in pleasure as the tenseness melted away.  I could tell she was making progress, the muscles were getting progressively toned and malleable.  To my shame and embarrassment, I had to concentrate very hard to keep a boner from forming.  I must keep this professional!

To make matters worse, one day she started dropping hints like she was probing me if I had interest in contortion.  My beta nature and embarrassment of gender stereotypes concerning yoga and contortion took over.  I would off handedly comment in response instead of responding back with my intimate knowledge and experience.  I tried not to think about it but in the back of my mind I suspected that she knew that I was practicing contortion.

It was time to drop the beta attitude and start making friends and putting myself out there.  I needed to find friends that had the same interests as me.  Summoning the courage I resolved to tell Blossom about my interests in flexibility and contortion the next time she came in for a massage.

Just like that, the universe decided to put me in my place.  Blossomforth suddenly decided to stop coming for her massages.  Probably got too uncomfortable finding out my contortion hobby.  I bet she thinks I stalk her and only started to impress her.  Who was I to upset the natural balance?  I was always destined to be a beta antisocial loser.  I was not meant to have friends and the universe hated me so much that it made sure that I would never breed, placing me in this alternate universe of happy rainbow ponies.  Perhaps I should just finish the job the universe started and kill myself.


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Blossomforth could not stop thinking about Anon.  He might be the perfect candidate to confide in!  Before the meteor she loved his massages.  The massages would relax her muscles after a stretch and melt away the soreness which worked out the kinks and sped up her progress.  She would go often after every stretching session, it felt like heaven and she could really see her flexibility improving.  She even suspected he had similar interests practicing yoga and whatnot.  He seemed to be a loner so there was a lesser chance that he would divulge her secret.  I mean, who would believe the hairless monkey from another dimension if he suddenly started saying crazy things?  He was from a different dimension so he might even be used to shapeshifting monsters for all she knew or at least be open to new things for all of the things he has experienced in two dimensions.

She would have to learn more about Anon before she could decide whether to trust him or not.  Before the meteor incident she was almost coming to get a massage from him every day but she stopped because she did not want to risk him discovering her secret by massaging too hard.  She was even beginning to like him, he seemed to know the perfect places to massage to maximize her backbend capacity.  Bloss had a sneaking suspicion that he might be into some sort of yoga like she was.  Either way, Anon was a bit of a mystery and she needed more information.  There was only one logical course of action: begin Operation Big Sister Stalker.  It was time to intrusively learn all about Anon’s private things, this was going to be interesting and fun!