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Twi-Swap: R9K/Sperg Crossover

Aug 23rd, 2015
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  1. >What an odd dream...
  2. >Your eyes flutter open and you sit up in your bed
  3. "Fuck!"
  4. >It feels like you just woke up from a beating
  5. >You hop out of bed and—
  6. "Wait, what the..."
  7. >This isn't your room...
  8. >You start hyperventilating
  9. >THIS ISN'T YOUR ROOM
  10. >W-What happened?!
  11. >Did Discord drug you or something?
  12. >Did you get super high with Treehugger?
  13. >You start tugging at your pajamas, which you've never seen before
  14. >Why did you have two shirts on?
  15. >And WHY was one of them a fucking capeshit shirt?
  16. >Pulling up your clothes, you see that there's slight bruising on your body, though it looks a few days old...
  17. >What?
  18. >Maybe you had a crazy night you couldn't remember, MAYBE, but DAYS?!
  19. >You look around the room, and things just continue to make less and less sense
  20. >There was a... Death Star made of LEGO on a desk
  21. >Some sort of... Big machine-thing
  22. >Bookshelf filled with actual books, mostly, unlike your manga-focused shit
  23. >It also doesn't smell like stale Pop-Tarts in here, and it isn't locked down in perpetual dark...
  24. >A phone buzzes, and you pick it up
  25. >It's not yours, but... You couldn't mistake this text for anyone else
  26. >"[eghd we stl on 4 l8r?]"
  27. "[When's "later"? I don't remember setting anything up.]"
  28. >"[lolwut we jus tlkd bout it dud il cm soon k me n sunset r gona get u gota shw me how to mke 1 of thse SICK lego dth strs sumday eghd :) ]"
  29. >Sunset?
  30. >And show her what?
  31. >What the fuck was going on?
  32. "[Okay...]"
  33. >"[sick c u soon]"
  34. >You put the phone down and crept to the bedroom door
  35. >There was something in the air... The smell of pancakes...
  36. >You open the door into a hallway
  37. >Man, this place was nice
  38. >Heading towards the smell, you happen upon the kitchen and...
  39. >"Twilight! Just in time, though, I didn't hear you using the shower. Breaking routine?"
  40. "M-Mom?"
  41.  
  42. >What an odd dream...
  43. >Your eyes flutter open and you sit up in your bed
  44.  
  45. >The left side of your body is engulfed in warmth, and you notice that Spike is sleeping next to you, but...
  46. >There's no way he could've gained this much weight in one night
  47. >It was hard to see in the dark—your room smelled of stale Pop-Tarts and faintly of urine, and an open desktop monitor was the only source of light
  48. >That's not where your desk was...
  49. >Looking down at your body, you realize you're not wearing your usual pajamas
  50. >In fact, you went to sleep in your clothes
  51. >In fact, you went to sleep in clothes that weren't your clothes
  52. >In fact, you went to sleep in clothes that weren't your clothes that didn't cover up the cut marks on your arms that you didn't have
  53. >It was at this point that you began to freak out
  54. >Not only did you fail to follow your nightly routine last night—somehow—but you've also woken up in someone else's room
  55. >Spike was here, out of shape as heck...
  56. >Maybe... Maybe you went to some crazy party?
  57. >Maybe this was one of the girls' bedrooms?
  58. >That didn't sound like you...
  59. >Oh, what if this was Sugar Coat's doing?
  60. >But how would she get rid of your cut marks, and why?
  61. >Can money do that?
  62. >You shuffle out of your bed, feeling listless and in low energy, like you suddenly started eating like shit constantly for a few years
  63. >And your breasts got slightly smaller...
  64. >What the hell was going on?
  65. >Nothing... Nothing was making sense!
  66. >You rubbed at your eye
  67. >No scar
  68. >Just... Maybe this is a dream
  69. >That's your only explanation
  70. >This bedroom—whoever's it is—is pretty small and cluttered
  71. >Being in here is going to trigger your OCD...
  72. >You head out the door, thinking that you might be able to make more sense of things
  73. >Get out of here and find your house, or wake up
  74. >Heading downstairs, you find your father sitting at a table, drinking coffee
  75. "D-Dad? W-What are you doing here?"
  76. >"Twilight? You're up early."
  77. "W-Where are we?"
  78.  
  79. >Your mother eyes you with concern, then smiles and approaches you for a hug
  80. >Instead of accepting, you flinch and push her away
  81. >"Twilight?"
  82. "W-Why... Why are you here?!"
  83. >"Why am I here? Twilight, what's wrong?"
  84. >This doesn't make any sense
  85. >Why was your Mom here?
  86. >And why was she... Being NICE to you?!
  87. >And... Why were you in a nice kitchen?
  88. >This place looked like an actual house...
  89. "Mom... H-How... How did I get here? I went to sleep in my bed, and now... How did I get here?!"
  90. >You grip at your head
  91. >"I... I assume you woke up in your bed and came downstairs?"
  92. "Then why are YOU here?!"
  93. >Your mother tries to reach out for you, but you flinch once more
  94. >"Is... Oh, I know I usually go to work today, but I was able to get this day off for your brother's game. Is that what's getting you worked up?"
  95. "Why would... Why would THAT be what's working me up? What? D-Did you come back into my life to just, fuck, what's even happening!"
  96. >Twilight Velvet moves for you again, pulling you into a hug despite your protests
  97. >"Twilight, it's okay... I-I'm sorry if breaking routine made you so angry... I... Did your therapist and your father put you on something without telling me? Is that what's wrong?"
  98. >Therapist?!
  99. "Why would I go to a therapist?! And why would I care about 'breaking routine'?! What do you think I am? AUTISTIC?!"
  100. >"But... Twilight, you've been going to Dr. Placebo for your Asperger's... Is there medication I don't know about? Please, Twilight, you have to tell me what's going on."
  101. >What
  102. >WHAT?!
  103. "I... No, th-that's not true... I'm not autistic... Th-This isn't my house! Y-You're not my mom!"
  104. >"Did you want to talk about the evolution of literary didacticism in Britain's Early Modern Period? Would that make you feel better?"
  105. "HOW WOULD..."
  106. >You give up and slump against your mother
  107. >You... You don't remember a therapist, or any medication, or this house, or this life...
  108. >What... Was everything just a dream?
  109. >Was it all some autistic fantasy?!
  110.  
  111. >Concern floods your father's weary face, far more wrinkled and disheveled than you've ever seen it before
  112. >"We're... We're at home, Twilight."
  113. "Home? But... Where's Mom? Where's Shining? This isn't our house."
  114. >He's shaking now
  115. >"Oh Twilight... Did... Did you do drugs with that Treehugger girl again? You have to stop, Twilight!"
  116. >Drugs?
  117. >With Shining's ex?
  118. >Your father wasn't making any sense!
  119. "Dad, I'm not doing drugs. I—"
  120. >"Twilight, you REEK of drugs. You can lie to me, but... If you're lying to yourself... Twi, you're my little girl, and... I just can't see you like this."
  121. >You take a breath, and immediately begin hacking as a thick, smoky odor fills your lungs
  122. >W-What the...
  123. "But... I don't do drugs! I'd never do drugs! W-Where's Mom?"
  124. >"Twilight, are you so out of it that you don't remember?"
  125. >Your heart sinks
  126. >What is happening?
  127. >Oh God please let this be a dream
  128. "Just tell me where Mom is," you say with a wavering voice
  129. >"Twilight... She left. When you were just a kid."
  130. >If it wasn't for the fact that your father was telling you this, and with such a solemn tone, you'd never even consider it
  131. >But what he said terrified you
  132. "Th-That's not true... Y-You're an engineer. Mom's a college professor. This isn't our house..."
  133. >"Twilight, you have to stop doing drugs..."
  134. "BUT I DON'T DO DRUGS!"
  135. >Your father looks at you for a moment, and you expect him to move to you for an embrace
  136. >Instead, he shrugs and his eyes drift from yours
  137. "D-Dad?"
  138. >He sighs and begins to drink his coffee once more
  139. >You stumble backwards a few steps
  140. >This was all wrong
  141. >This must be some sort of weird Twilight Zone thing
  142. >A horrible dream, a nightmare
  143. >Something goes off in your pocket
  144. >Your phone... Not your phone, but you guess it couldn't be anyone else's
  145. >"[Fluttershy's coming to pick you up :^) ]"
  146. >Fluttershy!
  147. >She's always been nice, so you know that you can tell her about what's been going on
  148. "[Great!]"
  149. >Keep calm
  150. >Don't freak out
  151. >Just be cool, Twilight
  152.  
  153. >"Do you remember now?" your mother asks, after having given you a rundown of 'your' life
  154. >The answer was a definite NO
  155. >None of this made sense to you
  156. >Crystal Prep?
  157. >Sure, maybe you were smart enough to get in, but your work ethic was utter shit
  158. >No way you could get a scholarship
  159. >And you'd fucking remember if you had LITERAL autism
  160. >But you don't want to make this weird shit anymore awkward than it needs to be
  161. "I think I remember... Sorry, I just... I don't know what happened. Of course I remember."
  162. >Your mother smiles warmly at you, teary eyed over thinking her daughter had just lost her marbles, and embraces you
  163. >It takes everything you have not to squirm from her grip
  164. >This was going to take some getting used to
  165. >"You should go take a shower and get ready. You said your friends were coming to pick you up in, oh, about a half hour from now, right?"
  166. "Y-Yeah."
  167. >You smile artificially and head back upstairs
  168. >There HAD to be an explanation for this...
  169. >Maybe you were just SUPER high and at Treehugger's right now
  170. >And this was some sort of 'showing you all your deepest desires' metaphorical trip where your mom doesn't scoff every time she looks at your face
  171. >And you had money
  172. >But then why the autism?
  173. >Whatever... Just get dressed and play along with the trip, Twilight
  174. >You open up doors until you find the bathroom
  175. >Fuck this place was so much nicer than your real house
  176. >Closing the door behind you, you take a look at yourself in the mirror
  177. >The heavy bags under your eyes are gone, though you had a scar above one eye
  178. >Made you look badass
  179. >There was a somewhat feminine curve to you now, which was great, and...
  180. >Holy SHIT
  181. >How did you not notice that you had actual (small) breasts?
  182. >Is that how it works?
  183. >Autism = Hot body?
  184. >Works like that for Trixie
  185. >You might be in for a long shower...
  186. >Ripping your clothes off giddily, you prepare for some imaginary masturbation
  187. >That's when you see the numerous cut marks all along both of your arms
  188. "What the fuck..."
  189.  
  190. >A car pulls up outside
  191. >Must be Fluttershy!
  192. "Bye Dad!"
  193. >Your father frowns
  194. >"Just be safe, Twilight..."
  195. >Jesus, what happened to your father?!
  196. >He's so... Depressing
  197. >That's nothing like him
  198. >This really must be a dream
  199. >It couldn't be that your life was just some drug-induced hallucination, could it?
  200. >No, that was crazy
  201. >Walking outside the house, you wave to Fluttershy, who you can see in the driver's side of a large Pizza N Play van
  202. >Did she work at a Pizza N Play?
  203. >You didn't know that
  204. >And she seems to be glowering pretty hard
  205. >You weren't the greatest with body language, but even YOU could tell Fluttershy wasn't happy
  206. >Hopping into the passenger's seat, you give her a beaming smile
  207. "Hey, Fluttershy!"
  208. >The yellow girl turns towards you slowly, wearing a chilling stare
  209. >"'Hey, Fluttershy'?"
  210. "D-Did I say something wrong? You look mad..."
  211. >Putting the car in reverse, Fluttershy grunts
  212. >"Don't fuck with me, Twilight," she says as she begins to drive off to your destination
  213. "W-What?"
  214. >This...
  215. >This was nothing like Fluttershy!
  216. >Sure, you didn't know her very well, but this was so out of character!
  217. "Fluttershy, if something is wrong... I know I have Asperger's, and it makes it hard for me to connect with people, but I want to be there for you if you need a friend!"
  218. >"Twilight, do you really want to be fucking with me right now?"
  219. "Fuck with you? But I'm not into girls!"
  220. >"W-What?!"
  221. >Fluttershy grips the steering wheel, turning her knuckles white
  222. >"Can you keep the 'clever' shit to yourself for once? Why does he make me drive you around like I'm some fucking chauffeur? If Discord knew how you really were, he'd let me carve you up like a pig."
  223. "I-Is... Is that a simile that means something less mean than it sounds?"
  224. >"NO! SHUT UP, NO! OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!"
  225. >At this point, she begins screaming for what seems to be a good ten seconds
  226. >Fluttershy seems really mad, and you're screwing up talking to her
  227. >Might as well 'shut up'
  228. >And who's this 'Discord' person?
  229.  
  230. >You run your finger along the rigid scar tissue
  231. >Jesus, this is a lot of cutting...
  232. >This...
  233. >This COULDN'T be real
  234. >You knew that now
  235. >There's no way you'd ever be this edgy
  236. >Cutting your wrists and shit?
  237. >Literally Reddit: Self-harming
  238. >It felt so real, though...
  239. >And your mom told you about your therapist...
  240. >And all the pictures seemed so real...
  241. >This all seems so real...
  242. >But if it was real, then that would mean your actual life was a lie
  243. >Which, actually, would be sort-of fine with you
  244. >If this was a trip, then it meant that you'd be having an amazing, sex-filled, wacky romp
  245. >If it was real, hey... You fucked up your 'real life' to the point where a reset might be good
  246. >It would mean that all those lives you'd ruined had never been ruined
  247. >Dealing with autism was a fine enough trade-off
  248. >And you certainly didn't FEEL like you had Asperger's right now
  249. >In fact, your mind didn't feel different at all
  250. >Wait, if this you has autism, and you don't feel any different...
  251. >No, no, there's no way you're autistic
  252. >Right now, you just had to take a shower...
  253. >After ogling your body for a while as water hit your body, you went to get dressed
  254. >You enter your room with a towel around your body, and rummage through your wardrobe
  255. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!"
  256. >Every single article of clothing 'you' owned was a fucking Reddit meme!
  257. >No... This was no dream life!
  258. >THIS WAS A NIGHTMARE
  259. >You... You must be a Redditor
  260. >Oh god
  261. >Oh god you're literally going to vomit
  262. >The door to your room bursts open, your mother entering the room looking scared
  263. >"What's wrong?"
  264. "I'M A REDDITOR!"
  265. >"W-What?!"
  266. "IT'S ALL MEMES! ALL MEMES! WAKE ME UP (CAN'T WAKE UP)!"
  267. >You let your towel fall to the floor, giving up
  268. >No need to hide your shame in front of an illusory mother
  269. >Velvet shields her eyes, muttering about psychoactive medication
  270. >Your eyes hit the bookshelf and you spot the kind of pseudo-patrician garbage you'd make fun of on /lit/ (you didn't read, but still)
  271. >And you screamed
  272.  
  273. >You exit Fluttershy's van in front of a rundown Pizza N Play
  274. "Is this where you work? Did you know that the Pizza N Play franchise started out in in 1977, by the very same man who invented Pong?! Originally, Pizza N Play was two separate companies that—"
  275. >"SHUT UP! OH MY GOD! YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN USUAL!"
  276. >W-Worse than usual?
  277. >Were you really that bad?
  278. >Fluttershy is almost hyperventilating at this point
  279. >"Just... Just follow me, okay?"
  280. "Okay."
  281. >You followed her through the empty pizza arcade, and into a back area
  282. >There were a lot of gruff looking men back here, the criminal-looking type
  283. >This didn't feel right...
  284. >Why would Fluttershy bring you here?
  285. >She approached a door at the end of the hall and pushed it open
  286. >A strange-looking man sat in a throne at the other end of the room, fingers steepled
  287. >"TWILIGHT! I've been expecting you!"
  288. >That's so cliche that this has to be a dream
  289. >The man chuckles
  290. >"I know I use that one too much, but you would too if you could! It's fun."
  291. >He motions for you to come inside
  292. >Fluttershy skips up to him and pulls him into a hug
  293. >"I did what you asked, Discord!"
  294. >"Thank you, Fluttershy. Now the three of us can have some fun! Uncle Discord and the girls!"
  295. >Discord seemed really nice
  296. >You don't remember him being your uncle, but like you've been thinking, you must be in some weird dream
  297. >Judging by the snazzy set up he had here—which was sperg PARADISE, amazing battlestation, weapon collection, HUGE TV, the list goes on and on—this guy had the be the owner of this place
  298. >And who could a guy who owned a pizza arcade be a bad dude?
  299. >"I was thinking we could play some video games. What do you say, Twilight?"
  300. "Yeah!" you said with a cheer
  301. >He smiles
  302. >"I've never seen you so pepped for some game time, before, Twilight! I like this new spunk of yours!"
  303. "Th-Thanks!"
  304. >A compliment!
  305. >The three of you hurried off, and Discord pulled out a Dreamcast
  306. >Oh boy!
  307.  
  308. >After another freak out, you finally get dressed
  309. >Some autistic Star Wars T, with a shirt underneath to hide the scars, and some skinny jeans
  310. >At least you looked good in them
  311. >"[REDY EGHD?!]"
  312. "[Coming down.]"
  313. >You mentally prepare yourself for whatever shitty metalcore Rainbow's blaring and head out of the house
  314. >"Have a good time with your friends, Twilight!"
  315. "Will do!"
  316. >You exited the house and...
  317. >Nothing
  318. >Not NOTHING, but no music!
  319. >Dash's car is here and everything!
  320. >Well, no, that's a different car, you think
  321. >And... Sunny really is here!
  322. >Holy shit, this trip is going to be awesome
  323. >Even if you have to suffer through some Rainbow Dash
  324. >They wave you over and you enter the backseat of the car, where Sunset is also sitting
  325. >"Dude!" Dash says, turning around in her seat. "You ready?!"
  326. "Sure, whatever," you say dismissively
  327. >No need to pay any attention to something that isn't even real
  328. >You turn to Sunset
  329. >Hot as ever
  330. >Hips
  331. >Thighs
  332. >Breasts
  333. >"T-Twilight?"
  334. >Can you control your trip? Or dream? Or whatever this is?
  335. >You put your fingers on your temples and begin imagining Sunny naked, staring luridly at her body while giggling to yourself
  336. >"T-Twilight, what are you... What are you doing?"
  337. "It's not working?! But..."
  338. >"Dude, what are you even..."
  339. >Eyes are barreling down on you
  340. >Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
  341. >Th-This isn't working!
  342. >YOU'RE SPAGHETTI'ING
  343. >Timidly, you reach out a hand and poke Sunny in the stomach
  344. "Is this real life?"
  345. >Sunny and Rainbow exchange looks
  346. >"What's up with Egghead?" Dash whispers loudly
  347. >"I... I don't know..."
  348. >Maybe if you just explain everything...
  349. "Look, guys, you have to believe me. Whoever you think I am, I'm NOT. This... My name is Twilight Sparkle. I go to CHS. I think I might be super high right now... If you're my trip, please get naked."
  350. >Dash squints
  351. >"Is this an Asperger's thing?"
  352. "I DON'T HAVE ASPERGER'S! NOTHING ABOUT ME IS AUTISTIC!"
  353.  
  354. >Man, Uncle Discord is amazing!
  355. >AMAZING!
  356. >It's like he has everything here!
  357. >After a couple hours playing games on the Dreamcast, you all started watching Terminator!
  358. >And he even listened to you sperg all about it—the cast, the crew, the lore (both official and Word of God), the time paradox stuff...
  359. >He laughed, listened, and even chimed in with a lot of his own stuff that you'd never even heard before!
  360. >His film collection was massive, and apparently his computer was a MONSTER
  361. >Had some program on it that would download every single new television show, movie, or video game as it came out from some pirating websites—and he had enough storage to do such a thing
  362. >PC MASTER RACE FOREVER
  363. >In fact, it seemed he knew a lot about computers—way more than you—and you nodded along as he spoke, completely engrossed
  364. >Hours passed by in his Fun Bunker, and much laughing and hugging and HYPE was had
  365. >Though, Fluttershy was getting redder and redder as time went on
  366. >Something must be really wrong at home for her or something, for her to be so mad when you and Discord were having SUCH a great time!
  367. >"...And my employees NEVER seem to get ANY of my anime references! I give them hand-outs on what I find to be REQUIRED viewing—I make sure people understand these are potentially life-changing animes—but it seems like they just brush it all off!"
  368. "That sucks, but I've gotten all of your anime references! I could tell you exactly what episode every quote was from, even!"
  369. >Discord sighed
  370. >"We should go to Canter Con again next year. That would be fun, wouldn't it?"
  371. >Canter Con?
  372. >There'd be so many people there...
  373. "It just makes me a little nervous to think about, I guess."
  374. >Discord pinches your cheeks
  375. >"When did you get so CUTE?"
  376. >You giggle, but the sound is pierced by a shriek
  377. >"I'VE HAD IT! DISCORD, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?! THIS IS AN ACT! SHE'S TRYING TO APPEAL TO YOUR STUPID NERD SHIT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!"
  378.  
  379. >"Twilight, calm down, please! What are you talking about?!"
  380. >"Dude, I think she's having some sort of autistic meltdown or something."
  381. >"Dash, that's not a thing!"
  382. >"Look at her! She's not even talking now!"
  383. >The illusions continue bickering with each other, with the unreal Sunset shaking you by the shoulders
  384. >It feels so real, but there's no way it could be
  385. >This HAS to be a crazy trip that... That isn't all insane for some reason
  386. >Or you died and this is hell, punished for all eternity to be a literal sperg because God is a normie
  387. >The voices begin to fade back in
  388. >"—to snap out of this! Twilight!"
  389. "Are you sure you guys aren't, you know, hallucinations?" you say dimly
  390. >Rainbow sucks air through her teeth
  391. >"Dude, she's totally lost it..."
  392. >Even when she wasn't real she still grated on your nerves
  393. "I don't have to justify myself to fucking hallucinations! Go back and listen to your shitty metalcore boybands! Why is your normie ass even in my hallucination?!"
  394. >Rainbow squinches her eyes
  395. >"Since when have listened to metalcore together? And what music is so great then, dick?"
  396. >Sunset shoots Dash a harsh look
  397. >"WHAT?!"
  398. "I don't listen to music unironically like some fag or whatever! If you guys... If you won't get naked I'll just wait until I wake up."
  399. >"Egghead, you're acting REALLY weird. And since when are you into girls?"
  400. >God, what is your brain even up to right now?
  401. >Who are you, your own Dr. Phil or some shit?
  402. "I... I just like what I like and I don't want to think about it! God, if I'm high right now, why isn't anything cool happening! Everything feels so real, but it can't be! Th-That would mean my whole life was a fucking dream or some shit! It... I ain't about that life, fam!"
  403. >Dash scratches her chin
  404. >"Sunset, what if she really isn't our Twilight? Listen to the way she talks!"
  405. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WAY I TALK YOU CUNT?!"
  406. >"It... You know, you talk like you're in some fucking mumblecore indie movie, or whatever and shit."
  407. "SH-SHUT UP."
  408.  
  409. >Discord's jovial expression turns sour as Fluttershy points an accusatory finger at you, standing between you and the TV
  410. >Why is she acting like this?!
  411. "Fluttershy, what's gotten into you? You've always been so kind and quiet! I mean, 'shy' is in your name!"
  412. >The yellow girl shrieks in psychopathic rage, and you huddle against Discord
  413. >"Stop being so fucking sarcastic! You never come over until Discord asks, and when you do, you're always trying to leave! Now, ALL OF A SUDDEN, you're both talking about stupid garbage for HOURS?! You're just trying to become his favorite!"
  414. >"Fluttershy, I'd advise you to calm down..." Discord says, his voice a low simmer
  415. >You wonder why dream-Fluttershy is acting so weird, but then realize you can perfectly remember everything you've done since you've woken up
  416. >If this were a dream, even a particularly strong one, it shouldn't work like that, should it?
  417. >Not to mention all the movies and games working properly...
  418. >In your investigations of lucid dreaming, there were certain things, you'd found, that dreams had a hard time sustaining or doing at all
  419. >"—EVEN LISTENING?!"
  420. "S-Sorry, I was just thinking. You can say it again, I'm sorry for being rude. I've already told you that my Asperger's affects my social abilities."
  421. >Discord breaks out in laughter, his guffaws thrumming through your own small frame
  422. >"Asperger's?! Twilight, when did you get so funny?!"
  423. >Fluttershy begins to rifle through her pockets for something
  424. >"FLUTTERSHY!"
  425. >She stops, hand still in her skirt, and begins crying
  426. >"Get out of here if you're going to be like that. Git! Git! Shoo!"
  427. >You're sad to see her run out sobbing like this, but it might be better for her to be alone if something's causing her this much trouble
  428. >"I'm sorry about all that, Twilight. But really, when did you get so fun and cute?! Look at those cheeks!"
  429. >You giggle as he pinches your cheeks
  430. >"I think it's time for a Bring Twilight to Work Day."
  431. >A whole day at Pizza N Play?!
  432. "Woo!"
  433.  
  434. >Dash and Sunset whispered to one another for a while before nodding in a seeming agreement
  435. >"Twilight, it's possible you're not OUR Twilight," Sunset says
  436. >You squint
  437. "Okay..."
  438. >"If you're not our Twilight, then you should be able to tell us about where you REALLY came from. Spare no details. Otherwise... Maybe you really are just having an 'autistic' meltdown..."
  439. >SO, she wants your life story, huh?
  440. >It's a LONG story, but, eventually, you get done with it
  441. >You wish you could've left out the more awkward/cringe/feels/violent shit, but you feel it's best not to
  442. >What's the worst that could happen by telling a bunch of hallucinations shit?
  443. >"Egghead... What the fuck? You got raped?!"
  444. "IT WASN'T RAPE! Ugh, is stupid Rainbow Dashes like a universal constant or something?"
  445. >Dash sticks her tongue out at you
  446. >"I don't like this one! Let's get our old Twilight back. In fact, let's get our OLD old Twilight back!"
  447. >"DASH!"
  448. >Sunset facepalms
  449. >"Look, Twilight, I believe you're not our Twilight. Even afflicted with any human disorders, there's no way she could become... THIS in a day."
  450. "What's that supposed to mean!"
  451. >"Okay, just hear me out, Twilight..."
  452. >She goes on to tell you about parallel dimensions
  453. >About the fact that she is a horse
  454. >And that there is a horse version of you who is the embodiment of magic and also a princess of friendship
  455. >And then she tells you all about the Twilight you're supposed to be, and it lines up with what your 'mom' told you
  456. >And it all sounds exactly like the crazy kind of shit that would confirm that, yup, this was a trip that just started out a bit rocky
  457. >"I think that covers it all. Any ques—"
  458. >You place your hands on Sunset's breasts
  459. "Woah, these feel so real!"
  460. >"Twilight, get your hands off of my chest."
  461. "These feel so real... How would I know what breasts feel like? The threesome was hazy and... OH GOD."
  462. >You rip your hands from Sunset's body
  463. "OH GOD. THIS IS REAL, ISN'T IT?! OH GOD. OH GOD."
  464. >"Dude, THAT'S what got you?"
  465.  
  466. >"...and this is the van they use to transport the meth!"
  467. >Discord's been giving you a tour of his complex, and...
  468. >Well, judging from your knowledge of narcotics (which really only comes from television), this is a pretty hefty set up
  469. >He doesn't keep anything in the Pizza N Play, for obvious reasons, and everything has been compartmentalized through various other organizations under him
  470. >At first, you thought this was another one of those jokes that you didn't get, but more and more it's seeming like that'd be a pretty expensive and pointless joke
  471. >And apparently he's had his eyes on you to take over the family business
  472. >Somehow his logic involves the fact that you like the same animes and movies he does, and don't leave your room a lot, and aren't 'normal'
  473. "This has to be a dream..."
  474. >Discord smiles widely, putting his hands to his cheeks
  475. >"That was the best possible thing you could have said! Twilight, I KNEW you'd come around eventually. I just had to show you the way! And after today, well..."
  476. >He exhales in a deep and contented sigh, and kneels down to you
  477. >"It took a while, but I've found a real friend. People like us, we're so rare, Twilight. Everything the light touches is our kingdom."
  478. "I got that reference!"
  479. >Discord does a little dance before pulling you into a hug
  480. >This was a very strange drea—No, you've established that it would be very unlikely this is a dream
  481. >Wait...
  482. >You've just been so preoccupied with having fun that you've forgotten your situation
  483. >Oh GOD, none of this is making any sense!
  484. >What if this is real?
  485. >Your life you thought you had was just a dream instead?
  486. >But it doesn't feel like a dream—you remember it far too well for a dream
  487. >"Twilight, are you okay?"
  488. "I-I..."
  489. >Discords pats you on the shoulder
  490. >"How about we go to the arcade? Would you like that?"
  491. "Would I?!"
  492. >It's been FOREVER since you've just run around an arcade
  493. >"Did you know that the Pizza N Play started out in 1977 by the very same man who invented Pong?"
  494.  
  495. >Sunset asks Rainbow to bring you to CHS, because there's a 'portal' there to 'Equestria'
  496. >Apparently there's a whole fuckton of universes out there in the 'multiverse'
  497. >Still can't believe any of this is real...
  498. >And that you spaghetti'd SO fucking hard
  499. >"I'm sure we can find a way to get you back in your old body."
  500. "What? I don't want that!"
  501. >Sunset balks
  502. >"Why wouldn't you want that? That's the whole point of why we're going to Equestria!"
  503. "I mean, c'mon, look at these," you say, cupping your breasts. "I have boobs in this body!"
  504. >"Dude, oh my God, what does the real you look like? A boy?"
  505. >Dash chuckles as she drives
  506. "NO. I'm just extremely flat and not as curvy."
  507. >Dash laughs more
  508. >The laughter is broken through by Sunset's groaning
  509. >"Look! You can't just go around in another Twilight's body for the rest of your life! We have to make things right!"
  510. "You heard my life story! Why would I want that back? Just let me grab my friends and pull them out of their shit lives, and we can live in fantasy horse land!"
  511. >"IT'S CALLED EQUESTRIA!"
  512. >You shrug
  513. "Whatever. Look, Sunny, please, you can't bring me back! I can't go back!"
  514. >"Ugh, you're starting to sound like you're in ISIS."
  515. "What?"
  516. >She shakes her head
  517. >"Nothing. Twilight, I don't know what happened, but people from your universe can't just be pulled out. There's a Prime Directive and everything. Equestria has access to the multiverse, but THIS universe doesn't, and neither does yours. We have to keep things in their place."
  518. "BULL. SHIT. I'm not going back! My whole life I've been turning to escapism, and now escapism has become REAL! Why would you want to send me back to my shithole of a universe?!"
  519. >Sunset groans
  520. >"At the very least, we have to switch your minds back. No negotiations on that."
  521. >You cross your arms
  522. >This Sunny sucks
  523. "So... What's the sex like in Equestria? Horses have pretty long—"
  524. >"You're HUMAN, why would you even be interested in—"
  525. "I-I'm just curious! Sheesh..."
  526.  
  527. >This Pizza N Play isn't like most of the others you've been to
  528. >The focus on 'ticket games' is a lot lower, and it has some quality cabinets
  529. >Lots of shmups and fighting games, all the House of the Dead games...
  530. >Even some of your old favorite Star Wars arcade games are in here
  531. >After a couple hours of gaming in the arcade with Discord, both of you end up at a booth together, pooped, eating—what else—pizza
  532. "Today has been awesome."
  533. >"Twilight, it warms my heart to hear that, it really does."
  534. >You and Discord keep eating away at your pizza, already about halfway through
  535. >Letting yourself just hang out with someone who actually likes your more spergy qualities, and who seems to even share them, has been fun
  536. >Maybe just going along with all this has allowed you to not have to actually think about what was really going on
  537. >But...
  538. >Now that you're having down time for the first time since you've woken up, that same fright that took you in the morning was resurfacing
  539. >There was no sense to be made in waking up in a new house, in a new body, in a world filled with new people
  540. >Everything was similar, but wildly different...
  541. >"Is something wrong?"
  542. >Would he think you're crazy if you tell him?
  543. >Or would it even matter if this is some kind of crazy Twilight Zone stuff?
  544. >Great show, by the way, the original run at least, since it really—
  545. >Not the time for that, Twilight
  546. "Something IS wrong. Everyone's acting like I've known them forever, when I'm sure they don't know me at all. They might think they know me, but it's some other me! The life I'm living right now isn't real. It might sound crazy, but I woke up today a different person from the me I was yesterday! The Twilight sitting in front of you isn't the Twilight you think she is!"
  547. >Discord nods along as you talk, and pauses for a while once you finish
  548. >He takes another bite of pizza
  549. >"Someone's been reading too many philosophy books. I'm up for discussing that sort of thing, though, if you want."
  550. "W-What?"
  551.  
  552. >Once Rainbow dropped you and Sunset off at CHS, you entered a portal through the statue right outside of the school
  553. >You'll get to the horse thing, but, what the fuck?
  554. >HOW did no one find this before?
  555. >Maybe your universe had a portal in it this whole time...
  556. >Anyways, you were a purple unicorn right now, and finding it somewhat difficult to walk on all fours like this
  557. >The sun was shining, the colors of the world were popping, and you could hear a musical number going on in the distance somewhere
  558. >This place almost made you want to vomit
  559. >Sure, the almost universal nudity was kind of interesting, but you weren't 100% sure you were into the pony thing right now—plus, YOU were naked
  560. >Hugging your tail against your backside was getting you odd looks, but it was better than not covering up
  561. >Or maybe it was because you looked exactly like the Twilight who was royalty here (what a lucky cunt)
  562. >"...and that's how we'll get Twilight to figure out how to put Twilight back in her body and YOU back in yours."
  563. "R-Right... Sure."
  564. >Sunset stops in front of you
  565. >"You weren't listening, were you?"
  566. "I'm sorry, but, well, I'm having a hard time accepting all of this. I... This is just super messed up. And I really don't want to switch back, or go back."
  567. >"Well, we'll see what happens. If they let you leave your universe, it won't matter what body you start with. You could be a cyborg if you wanted."
  568. >Cyborg?
  569. >Why the FUCK would Twilights not pull other Twilights out of their universes?!
  570. >Who doesn't want to be a cyborg?!
  571. >Leaving people to rot in their universes is a god damn crime
  572. >You and Sunset approach a large, crystal, tree-like palace
  573. >"Okay, this is where Twilight lives. She'll be able to help you and the Twilight whose body you're inhabiting."
  574. "Sunny, can I ask you a question?"
  575. >Sunset turns to face you
  576. >"Sure."
  577. "If retarded Dashes are a common thread, is, you know... US being a thing a common thread?"
  578. >She groans and heads into the castle
  579.  
  580. >Despite your best efforts to pull the conversation to reality—get across the severity of the situation—Discord seems to take all your LITERAL comments as metaphorical statements of existence and personal authenticity
  581. >"...and how can one even tell if they're doing what they would 'really' do, anyways? How can one ever even be inauthentic? That's what I don't like about Sartre, and it's a flaw that, if I remember correctly, he admits to. Whatever it is that you do, that's what 'you would do', so you can't ever be doing something you wouldn't do! That's the whole point of radical freedom as a concept! Radical freedom necessitates the impossibility of inauthenticity, doesn't it? Oh, I don't know, it's been forever since I've read any of that stuff and—"
  582. "Discord! Please, you're sperging out."
  583. >He seems taken aback
  584. >"I'm what?"
  585. "If it were anytime else, I would be perfectly fine with discussing philosophy, history, literature... Anything! But I'm being completely literal. I woke up today as another person. Like this is some kind of alternate reality! This literally isn't my body!"
  586. >Discord cocks his head and takes a small nip at his pizza
  587. >"Are you high right now? Did you take something when you went to the bathroom?"
  588. "Why is everyone asking if I'm high?! No, I don't do drugs. I'd never do drugs!"
  589. >"That's not what Fluttershy tells me."
  590. >What?
  591. >The Twilight you are right now maybe does drugs, but YOU don't
  592. "Let me just try to prove to you that, up until today, I've been living a completely different life."
  593. >You talk about your family life, your childhood, your school, your bullies, everything
  594. >Even the cutting and the beatings at Sugar Coat's hands
  595. >In the most succinct way you possibly can
  596. "...and that's that. I know it doesn't make sense, but I've concluded that this can't be a dream."
  597. >"It's hard to believe, but I've seen some animes like that... Despite the Asperger's, you've been a complete TREASURE, Twilight. I might have to reevaluate things..."
  598.  
  599. >This place is fucking HUGE
  600. >It doesn't look so big on the outside, but on the inside, this place is fucking palacial!
  601. >Which makes sense, get it, because...
  602. >Yeah
  603. >Sunset doesn't seem to be entirely happy talking to you, but isn't NOT talking to you, so
  604. >"Sure, there are quite a few Sunset/Twilight relationships out there. More than a lot of other kinds, but less than some others."
  605. "But, like, I don't know, you're SORT OF attracted to me, right, then? The Sunny/Twilight thing must be some kind of 'thing', right?"
  606. >Sunny groans again
  607. >"This conversation is making me a little uncomfortable. Could we drop it?"
  608. "I'm sorry, but I'm just new to this... Whole... You know, alternate universes thing! Plus, we've already kissed like three times, and now we've seen each other naked, so—"
  609. >"THAT WAS A DIFFERENT ME!"
  610. >Her voice echoes heavily through the crystal halls
  611. "Okay, okay..."
  612. >Usually, you'd be feeling more spaghetti about this, and definitely less forward about things, but...
  613. >You don't know, knowing that there's an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of the people you know, AND yourself?
  614. >Kind of made it seem like things had fewer consequences
  615. >Hell, it made it kind of feel like it wasn't real
  616. >Like this was still some kind of trip or dream or something
  617. >This wasn't real life, so you didn't have to worry about being haunted forever by saying something weird to someone
  618. >There's no way you're going to let yourself be trapped in your old universe...
  619. >Not when you know that there's a WHOLE multiverse out there where you can escape your shit life and become awesome and happy
  620. >"Okay, here we are. DON'T. BE. WEIRD. None of that 'now neither of us will be virgins' shit."
  621. "Why would you even... Why bring that up, even?"
  622. >"I think I know you well enough now to assume what you're thinking."
  623. >You mutter to yourself as Sunset leads you into the throne room
  624. >"Sunset! And... Me. Welcome!"
  625. >Huh, she had wings
  626. >You like you without wings more, honestly
  627.  
  628. >It might sound crazy, because it is, but Discord actually believes you
  629. >The two of you had headed back to his nerd-palace a few hours ago, and had written down everything you could think to solve the situation
  630. >With both of your extremely autismal grip on pop culture, you went through everything that could possible help you get you back in your body
  631. >"Maybe my Twilight made a wish while the stars were aligning, or on a shooting star, to have another life, and part of that meant that you'd end up as her for a day. Do you remember making a wish at night time to a shooting star or something?"
  632. "No."
  633. >"And you definitely didn't get struck by lightning while fighting over a fortune cookie or something..."
  634. >You sighed
  635. "Well, if it has to do with solving our personal problems, maybe I have to make friends or something before we can switch back."
  636. >Discord yawned on the couch
  637. >"Am I not enough of a friend?"
  638. "Hm..."
  639. >Discord seemed like a really nice guy, and the two of you DID just spend a WHOLE day hanging out and having tons of fun
  640. "No, I'd consider you an awesome friend. So, it must not be friends. Maybe it's true love's kiss or something?"
  641. >Discord pretends to gag
  642. >"If that's it, then you might as well stick around here than give into a universe with poor taste in tropes. 'True love's kiss', humbug!"
  643. >He chuckles
  644. >You kind of agreed
  645. >That wasn't something that would even make sense, really
  646. >If you got true love's kiss, then you'd be transported back to your reality, away from your 'true love'
  647. >"Maybe it's just this one night, and when you go to sleep—"
  648. "No, because I already took a nap earlier."
  649. >You both lean back on the couch
  650. "I can't abandon my old life. My parents and friends... I can't imagine how they'd feel once they found out what happened. Do you think your Twilight would fit in well in my life? If we're stuck in each other's universes, I'd at least want her to be happy."
  651. >"Both of you are great girls. I'm sure she's doing fine."
  652.  
  653. >Sunset explains your situation to... The pony princess version of you
  654. >Princess Twilight nods as Sunset finishes
  655. >First, she looks to the floor, sighing, holding a solemn pose for a few moments
  656. >Then, she looks up to you, looking glum
  657. >Like she was about to tell you you had bladder cancer or something
  658. >"Twilight, I'm sorry, but... You don't have a universe code, and there's no way we could possibly find where you came from. There's an infinite number of universes and..."
  659. >Sunset Shimmer is standing next to you, mouth agape
  660. >Should you... Act sad?
  661. >You want to try and act sad, but can't help but smile
  662. "So... So I don't have to go back?!"
  663. >"H-Have to? Don't you want to go back and see all the people you—"
  664. "I mean, some of them I'm going to miss, sure, but this is AMAZING! Sunny said I'd be forced to stay in my universe!"
  665. >Princess Twilight shrugs
  666. >"If we could put you back, you would be kept there, yes. That's just how things work."
  667. >You laugh
  668. >Now you can have amazing space adventures, and who knows, maybe you can be some immortal cyborg or some shit!
  669. >And have even more of a female shape with the power of bio-modification or something!
  670. >"B-But, Twilight, what about the Twilight from my human world?! We have to get her back! Y-You don't know what kind of terrible universe THIS Twilight came from! She won't be able to handle it! Twilight's in danger!"
  671. >Princess Twilight consoles Sunny, placing a hoof on her shoulder
  672. >"There's nothing we can do. This sort of thing can just... Happen, sometimes. It's an infinite multiverse. Anything and nothing is possible."
  673. >"B-B-But... T-Twilight... She..."
  674. >Sunset begins to sob for her lost friend, who, yeah, a Sperg wouldn't last a DAY in your shoes, but who fucking cares?
  675. >"Sunset, could you leave me and Twilight for a moment?"
  676. >"O-Of course..."
  677. >Once Sunset exits, Twilight's eyes dart from side to side nervously
  678. >"So... You a virgin?"
  679. "No," you say, proudly
  680. >"O-Oh... I thought we could... Not be v—"
  681. "It was rape."
  682.  
  683. >You and Discord watch one final movie together, called Miami Connection
  684. >Never seen it before, but man, it's definitely one of those 'so bad it's good' flicks
  685. >Laughed the whole way through!
  686. >And Discord sperged out about how the film was rediscovered and all that stuff
  687. >The film ends, and Discord sighs
  688. >"Twilight, you know, the other Twilight... I held her in a somewhat precarious position. Threatening the lives of her family and friends and that sort of thing. You know how the drug trafficking game is."
  689. >Woah, wait, what?
  690. >He didn't seem like the kind of person who'd—
  691. >"But you're a different Twilight, so... I'm not going to hold those weights over YOUR head."
  692. >That's a relief
  693. "Th-Thanks..."
  694. >"On one condition," he says, grinning madly
  695. >For some reason—despite the fact that you hadn't seen a mean bone in his body this whole day—his smile frightened you
  696. >His occupation is now starting to dawn on you and you sweat
  697. >W-What could his one condition be?
  698. "What do you want?"
  699. >Discord inches his face towards yours, his face now a deathly deadpan
  700. "Ah!"
  701. >He pinches your cheeks
  702. >"You have to keep being CUTE! And hang out every once in a while. That's two things, but still!"
  703. >Oh god, now he's tickling you!
  704. "S-Stop it!"
  705. >After a few moments, he stops, laughing
  706. >"Think you can handle my requests?"
  707. "Yeah! I mean, why WOULDN'T I want to come here? But..."
  708. >You let out a wistful sigh
  709. "I just want to see my family again..."
  710. >Discord nods
  711. >"Twilight, you seem like a smart girl. You can ask anything of me. I mean, if we KNOW alternate universes are real... Why not build a stargate?!"
  712. "D-Do you think we could?!"
  713. >He nuggies you
  714. >"I know we could! It has to be possible, don't you think?"
  715. "Thanks so much, Discord... You're the best!"
  716. >"Hey, who doesn't want to be caught up in sci-fi hijinks?"
  717. >Discord stands up from the couch and offers you his hand
  718. >"Now, let's put the cherry on top of the day and go kill some dudes!"
  719. "W-What?"
  720.  
  721. THE END
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