Smile

>You get up like you always do.
>Fortunately, Scootaloo makes time in her busy schedule to have breakfast with you.
>As she digs in, she looks at you and asks. “Are you ok dad? you look kind of tired.”
>It still makes you smile everytime she calls you ‘dad’
>”Yeah sweety, I’m fine.” You lie.
>The truth is you slept like shit. You dreamt of The Stand-off in the Wild and the Battle of Trottingham.
>The sights, the sounds, the memories.... the ghosts.
>You quickly change the subject. “I’m going to see Pinkie Pie today.”
>She just nods, “That’s good, We went to say ‘hi’ last weeks.”
>You’re happy Scoots is hanging out with her friends more.
>You too make small talk. You two are doing better, but it’s still hard sometimes.
>You tell her you’d like to walk her to school tomorrow if she wanted. She smiles and accepts.
>Yeah, doing a lot better.
>You tell her to have a nice day, clean up, and get ready.
>When you get out of the shower, Rainbow and Applejack are waiting for you.
>”Hey bro, you ready?” Rainbow asks, tossing you your jacket.
>You toss it over your shoulders and smile. “I’m always ready for Pinkie Pie.”

>As you three walk, AJ pulls up next to you. You take the time to ask her something you’ve been thinking about.
>”Do you sometimes remember stuff... from the war?”
>You hear her sigh. “Yeah, sometimes.”
>You take in the cool fall breeze on your face. “Do you sometimes remember when you don’t want to?”
>She looks up to you, concern in her voice. “Once ‘er twice.... Is ther somthin’ on yer mind?”
>You don’t know, you don’t want to think about it.
>You’ve heard of a disorder that Vietnam vets had... But that’s because they were the losers right?
>You won, you kicked ass.
>Why do you still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes then? Or feel your heart race when more than 5 p0nies run across a stone path? Or see the faces of ghosts sometimes when you close your eyes?
>The rest of the walk is spent with your eyes on the trail. Focused on your thoughts.
>Rainbow snaps you out of it. “Here we are,” She calls.
>Yup.
>The marble statue captures her perpetual enthusiasm.
>You drop to your knees before it and run your hand over the etching in the base.
>”In memoriam of Pinkamena Diane Pie: Who taught us the easiest way to enjoy life, smile.

>You clutch the ground. “I’m sorry Pinkie.... I’m so sorry.”
>AJ, puts a hoof on your shoulder. “Ya did what ya had to Anon, we all know that.”
>Did you? Was it?
>You’ve gone over that day over and over.
>Hold the line, or save a friend.
>What was that old quote? The good of the many outweigh the good of the few?
>You feel like that’s something people say to cope with a hard decision.
>”If you’da run off on a foolish rescue mission, that whole front woulda collapsed and Trottin’ham woulda burnt ta tha ground.” Damnit Applejack, you know... Still doesn’t feel right.
>You look over to her and put your hand on her hoof. “I know, thank you.”
>The wind blows and you get ready to fight the tears... They don’t come.
>You’ve become uncomfortably numb all of a sudden.
>You sit back and just look at the statue.
>”Hey,” Rainbow pipes up. “Remember that time she peeled the roof off your house just to have an ‘outdoor indoor party’?”
>You chuckle. “Or that time she fired herself out of her Party Cannon to get you out of your cloud?”
>Rainbow rolls on the ground. “Yeah! It was like a horror movie. She yanked me out through the floor!”
>You smile... honestly smile.
>Damn, even when she’s not around, Pinkie still finds a way.

>The next day you take Scootaloo to school. You’re so happy she let you do it.
>Kinda makes you feel like a family again.
>You had the dreams again. You saw all of them that didn’t make it. Obsidian, Moonroller, Pinkie... Too many to count in your opinion.
>You try not to let it show.
>Have to keep a strong face for her.
>You talk about how Applebloom and Sweetie Belle are starting to warm back up and that they’ll be out late today.
>You hear the school bell ring.
>It fades.
>Your ears fill with the clip-cloping of dozens of hooves.
>You see a field.
>Gold armored p0nies out for blood.
>A voice calls out to you. It’s distant at first, but starts calling out to you, bringing you back.
>”...ad.... Dad!” Scootaloo? What happened... You’re shaking.
>You chuckle to try and hide whatever just happened.
>”Must have spaced out there for a second.” You shove your hands in your pockets to hide them. “Have a nice day at school. I’ll see you when you get home. Sundown curfew....”
>She looks at you with a concerned expression. “I know dad, I’ll probably be home earlier then that though.”
>She gives you a hug and heads inside.

>You find a nice secluded area to lean against a tree and start breathing hard.
>What the fuck was that brain?
>Hey man, I’m just as surprised as you dude.
>You will the rest of your body to calm down.
>Shit, you really need to talk to Applejack. She’ll help.
>You compose yourself and head out.
>Like always, everyp0ny in town waves and greets you. You wear a smile you don’t own.
>A voice catches your attention.
>Oh not her, not now please.
>”Hey bro, what’s up?” Rainbow Dash calls from above you.
>You glance up to the cloud floating above you. “Uh not too much. Have to talk to Applejack.”
>She gives a grunt of disapproval. “Why are you spending so much time with her? I thought we were bros?”
>You stop in your tracks. “I need to talk to her, it’s personal.”
>Rainbow jumps from her cloud, angry as hell. “Why can’t you talk to me? Why does it have to be her? You two an item or something after you got back?”
>Your blood starts boiling a bit. “No, that’s not it Dash... I have to talk to her because you weren.....”
>”What man?” She’s getting a bit loud. “Why does it have to be here? Why not me?”
>In the middle of town you lose your temper. “BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T THERE!”
>You see the hurt look in Rainbow’s eyes before looking away. Everyp0ny around is staring at you and your little outburst.
>You just hang your head and walk away.

>As you leave town and walk to the orchard, you realize you’re being followed.
>You stop and sigh. “Dash, I’m sorry... It’s been really hard coming back.
>No answer.
>You start walking again. “Fine.”
>You come up to the farmhouse. That’s odd, AJ’s not out in the field.
>Granny Smith answers the door. She’s not her usual eccentric cheery self.... Oh no.
>She leads you in the house. “I’m so glad yer here. I can’t get through ta her.”
>Dash follows behind.
>You’re starting to get panicked. “What’s wrong? what happened?”
>”She won’t get outta bed, won’t talk ta me, hadn’t eaten til yesterdey morn’.” Up the stairs you all go. “I din’t want ta tell poor Applebloom.”
>You get to Applejacks room. Big Mac sits dutifully outside her door. He just gives you a nod as you let yourself in.
>The room’s dark and the curtains are drawn. “Hey, AJ?”
>You hear her shuffling from under the covers followed by “Please go ‘way Sir.”
>You know something’s wrong. She never called you just ‘Sir’.
>You approach the bed as she says. “I don’ want ya ta see me like this.”
>Despite her pleas, you sit on the edge of her bed. “Damn, AJ... I thought I was doing bad.”

>She’s not crying, hell she doesn’t even sound that sad. What she sounds like hurts you way more.
>She sounds dead to the world. Like nothing she says, or anything anyp0ny says matters.
>”AJ,” you say, putting a hand on her. “What the hell happened?”
>She doesn’t look at you. Just stares at the wall. “What happened? I lived.... Why?”
>You mull it over. The thought hit you a few times. By all rights, you both shouldn’t be here. Yet here you both are.
>”We’re just lucky I guess.” Damn, what kind of shrink are you?
>Finally, she shows some emotion. Granted, it’s sorrow but at least it’s something.
>”Hate to think luck’s so indi-scriminate.” She says in almost a whisper.
>You lean in. “AJ, you can wish you were dead all you want, but the fact is you’re alive and there are those that need you right now.”
>Her eyes meet yours. “I jus... jus’ don’ know how to get by.”
>You put a hand on the back of her head and touch your forehead to hers. “Just like we did out there. One day at a time and together. I’ll be just downstairs. Let me know when you want to help me in the field.”
>Granny Smith thanks you, Big Mac nods tearfully, and Rainbow just stares at you for a while.
>”What the hell happened out there?” She asks with genuine concern.
>You try to form a response, but you’re distracted by AJ coming down the stairs.
>”Hey Sugarcube,” She shouts. “Thanks.”
>”You looked after me plenty, just returning the favor is all.”
>She looks at you, and smiles.