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Coworker rap

a guest Sep 23rd, 2019 66 Never
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  1. I write cleaner code than the air you breathe,
  2. When I review your PR, there’s no reprieve
  3. Like an iOS developer, I’ve got tricks up my Steve
  4. Oops - autocorrect, I meant up my sleeve
  5.  
  6. You’re stuck in an endless for-loop of writing bad code
  7. You have a hard time separating the root from the left most node,
  8. I spin circles around your excuse for an 8 hour workday,
  9. I leave your old ass in the AOL days - oh look you’ve got mail! Happy birthday!
  10.  
  11. As a matter of fact, your name isn’t even worth saying,
  12. I’d rather you be garbage collected rather than in my memory staying,
  13. I drop the mic harder than your failed whiteboard interview
  14. You’ve got two screens but your failure is always center view
  15.  
  16. Like a lost dog in a park, chasing its tail, you’re preoccupied with delusion,
  17. Please don’t send me more code review emails - please, no more confusion!
  18. You’re the Jackie Chan confused meme, and you better Bruce Leave me alone,
  19. I’ll drop the ban hammer quicker than your eyes can follow it, call me sprint 7 Stallone
  20.  
  21. But it doesn’t matter to you, you make excuses and you move on,
  22. You got your editor and command line tricks, and you think you’ve got your groove on,
  23. But you’re not Austin powers bitch, you don’t have any developer moxie,
  24. The deplorable git commit messages you create absolutely shock me
  25.  
  26. They say cleanliness is next to godliness, so judging by your code you must be the devil,
  27. Using new lines at the end of files and leaving commented code here and there, aren’t you a rebel?
  28. No wonder you can’t focus, no wonder shit breaks easily,
  29. No wonder you can’t grasp what documented endpoints mean to me,
  30.  
  31. Speaking of endpoints, your skills page seems to have returned a 404,
  32. Which wasn’t that surprising, even though you claim to be learning more and more,
  33. I’ll leave you with this - just go back to recruiting and leave development to the big boys,
  34. Go back to playing Counter strike source in windowed mode - will you check out his gaming rig, boys?
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