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- Narrator]
- There are gajillions of stories...
- of mischief and fun,
- but to keep things simple,
- let's start with just one...
- about a mom and two kids...
- and a house and a hat...
- that, oddly enough,
- was worn by a cat.
- But soon enough
- we will get to all that.
- In the valley that stretches
- from this hill to that hill,
- a city is nestled...
- that city is Anville.
- - [Kid] Hurry up!
- We'll miss the movie!
- - Any more tutti-frutti?
- I'll check.
- Thanks!
- [NarratorContinues]
- It's a town that's not huge,
- but quite big enough...
- for buyers and sellers
- to sell and buy stuff,
- from shoes and shirts...
- and elongated ladders...
- to sailboats and gibble-grated
- berry-juice bladders.
- [Horn Honks]
- So ourstory begins
- at the corner
- ofMain and Montroob...
- in the spotless
- real estate offiice...
- run by Hank Humberfloob.
- [Woman]
- Humberfloob Real Estate. How can
- we make yourdreams come true?
- [People Chattering]
- What do you mean,
- you're leaving?
- You're a babysitter.
- Babysitters don't leave. They sit.
- Baby-leavers leave.
- I'm sorry. I really
- gotta go, Miss Walden.
- Well, I need to come home
- right away.
- All right.
- Thank you, Amy.
- Sorry.
- [Sighs]
- Attention, everyone!
- It's 9:02.
- Staff meeting!
- Staff meeting!
- [All Gasping, Murmuring]
- Look alive, everyone.!
- First I'd like to
- welcome aboard...
- our newest member
- of the Humberfloob family,
- Jim McFlinnagan!
- - Mr. Humberfloob,
- I wanted to thank you...
- - [All Gasping]
- Fired.
- I beg your pardon?
- Fired.
- B-But l...
- Fired!
- One, two, three,
- four, fiive, six, seven,
- eight, nine, 10!
- As you know, tonight is
- our bimonthly"meet and greet" party.
- Tonight's host is...
- Joan Walden.
- This is where people can
- meet our real estate agents...
- in an informal,
- yet hygienic setting.
- Mr. Humberfloob,
- I have to get home to my kids.
- Ah, yes.
- Your children.
- Joan, let me make this
- perfectly clear.
- If your house
- is as messy as last time,
- you're fiired!
- [Employees Gasping,
- Murmuring]
- That's pretty clear,
- Mr. Humberfloob.
- Don't worry. I promise.
- My kids'll be
- on their best behavior.
- Great.
- [Phone Rings]
- [Woman]
- Humberfloob Real Estate.
- How can we make
- yourdreams come true?
- Please hold.
- [Narrator]
- Lfyou leave Humberfloob's
- and turn left onto Main,
- three miles down
- you'll fiind Lipplapper Lane,
- a pleasant-enough street
- in a pleasant-enough way...
- where a neighbor greeted neighbor
- with a neighborly"Hey.!"
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Here the hedges were hedged,
- the weeds were all weeded,
- and lawns were mowed daily,
- twice daily ifneeded.
- And at the end
- ofthis street,
- in a house like any other,
- something magical
- would happen...
- to a sisterand her brother.
- [Barking]
- [Barks]
- Shh! Nevins!
- Stealth mode.
- Today's to-do list.
- Number one:
- Make to-do list.
- Number two:
- Practice coloring.
- Number three:
- Research graduate schools.
- Number four:
- Be spontaneous.
- Number fiive:
- Create lasting
- childhood memories.
- And numbersix:
- Amend will.
- What is he doing?
- [Sighs]
- [Whines]
- [Beeps]
- Number 10:
- Make tomorrow's to-do list.
- Ladies and gentlemen!
- [Nevins Barking]
- Nevins,
- your attention, please.
- You are about to witness
- the third most spectacular stunt...
- ever performed
- under this roof!
- Do you know how hard it's getting
- to tell people that we're related?
- Relax.
- I'll put everything back.
- [Whining]
- And now,
- for the indoor stair luge!
- Indoor stair luge?
- I'll have to add this one
- to my list.
- Go have no fun
- somewhere else.
- It... is... showtime.!
- - [Whimpers]
- - [Grunts]
- Whoa.!
- [Yelling]
- - Aah!
- - Yeah!
- [Groans]
- - [Woman] Oh, my word.!
- - [Nevins Barking]
- Nevins!
- Nevins, come back.!
- Hey, Mom. What's up?
- You are so lucky
- you didn't ruin this dress.
- Mom, I know
- you're angry,
- but there's something
- you need to know.
- This was all Sally's fault.
- Oh, really?
- And how, exactly,
- was it Sally's fault?
- Give me a minute.
- I'm workin' on it.
- Save it, Conrad.
- Why today? Why did you
- have to pick today
- to destroy the house?
- You know
- what's happening today.
- I tried to tell him, Mom.
- "Mom's throwing
- a very important party," I said.
- "All ofher important
- clients will be here."
- But he went right ahead
- and wrecked the house
- and let Nevins get away.
- Now, again, I hope
- you're going to ground him.
- Yes, Sally, for a week, but
- that's none of your business.
- Aweek?
- Come on. Two days.
- I asked you to do
- one thing today, Conrad...
- keep the house
- clean.
- Do you know how frustrating it is
- that you're always doing
- the exact opposite of what I say?
- Knock, knock, knock.
- [Growling]
- Someone lose a dog?
- I found him next door...
- in my yard... again.
- You are a saint.
- And here I thought
- you were only dating me
- for my good looks.
- Lucky us.
- Larry Quinn is here.
- Hey-a, sport.
- Call me Lawrence.
- Okay?
- You rescued Nevins!
- Thanks, Lawrence!
- It was my pleasure, Sally.
- Anything for my little princess.
- Oh, I don't wanna be a princess.
- In a constitutional monarchy
- parliament has all the real power.
- I see.
- Okay, that's great.
- Uh, look, pal, be a sport.
- Why don't you go
- tidy up the living room.
- Okay...dude?
- I don't have to listen to you, Larry.
- Conrad,
- do what Lawrence says.
- Have you given some thought
- about the Wilhelm Academy?
- You mean the Colonel Wilhelm
- Military Academy forTroubled Youth?
- That's the one, Joan.
- I'm not sure
- it's right for Conrad.
- Oh, Joan, Joan.
- Joan, Joan, Joan.
- I have so much respect
- foryou, Joan.
- Single mother, careerwoman,
- raising two children on your own,
- and still fiinding time
- to be the best darned
- real estate agent in town.
- I know how hard it is, Joan.
- It is hard.
- Oh... I know.
- And I know
- how hard you're trying.
- This is a once-in-a-lifetime
- proposition,
- and you must act now.
- The Colonel Wilhelm
- Military Academy
- forTroubled Youth...
- is what we call in the sales game
- a win-win scenario.
- A top-flight military school,
- and it's only... eight hours away.
- [Phone Rings]
- Oh, the phone.
- [Phone Rings]
- I heard what you said.
- I'm not going to military school, Larry.
- Look, buddy,
- I know I'm not your dad...
- and this is probably
- really strange foryou...
- your neighbor's
- dating your mom.
- But here's the thing, son.
- Come here.
- I don't like you either.
- But I'm gonna
- marry your mom.
- And if it was up to me,
- you'd be at military school today.
- I'm not going
- to military school.
- Ohh!
- I think you're gonna love it.
- It's just like summer camp,
- except with brutal forced marches...
- and soul-crushing discipline.
- And one more thing...
- It's Lawrence,
- you snot-nosed son of a...
- wonderful woman
- who I'm absolutely crazy about!
- [Grunting] Oww!
- Gosh, I love children!
- Oh, Joan,
- I didn't see you there.
- Would you be a doll
- and help me bring up chairs
- from the basement?
- Nothing would give me
- more pleasure, Joan,
- but I do have to run.
- I have a very important
- sales conference downtown.
- Oh. Okay.
- - Well, I'll see you at the party tonight.
- - Sure.
- Mom, that guy's a total phony.
- You can't let Larry...
- It's Lawrence, Conrad.
- [Doorbell Rings]
- Kate's Catering.
- I'm here to do your party tonight.
- Oh, hi.
- Where's Kate?
- I'm Kate.
- Oh. Okay.
- Right this way, Kate.
- Mom, you've gotta
- listen to me...
- [Phone Ringing]
- Quiet!
- Two weeks ago
- you said you would...
- [Joan Screams]
- I "specialed" it.
- See?
- Quiet!
- Nevins!
- [Ringing Continues]
- I said quiet!
- [Ringing]
- Joan Walden Real Estate.
- Be it ever so humble,
- there's no place likeJoan.
- This is Mr. Humberfloob.
- - Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.
- - Joan, I need you to come back to the offiice.
- - Today?
- - Yes, Joan.
- - No problem?
- - No problem at all.
- Great!
- - [Gasps]
- - What's going on, Mommy?
- Mommy has to go
- back to the offiice.
- Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwan
- can babysit.
- - Not Mrs. Kwan!
- - [Doorbell Rings]
- Oh!
- Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
- Hi.
- I'm running late.
- Thanks for babysitting
- on such short notice.
- Mmm, yeah.
- Okay, Mrs. Kwan.
- Oh-oh-oh!
- I'll be back
- in a couple ofhours.
- Hi.
- Conrad's grounded,
- so no video games.
- Sally?
- Last chance.
- If you wanna make cupcakes,
- I can take you to
- your friend Ginny's house.
- - [Growling]
- - Ginny's not my friend anymore.
- Last time we made cupcakes
- she wanted to be the head chef.
- I'm the head chef.
- What about Denise, then?
- She talked back to me,
- so I ordered her
- not to speak to me anymore.
- - And you don't like bossy?
- - I won't tolerate it.
- Right.
- Well, if you're both staying,
- remember the rules.
- Conrad: No playing ball
- in the house, no fiighting,
- no answering the phone,
- "City morgue."
- Mommy,
- can't I have some rules?
- No chewing tobacco.
- Thanks, Mom.
- You have my word.
- And absolutely no one
- sets foot in the living room, or else.
- Orelse what?
- You're gonna do what Larry said
- and send me to military school?
- Maybe if you'd just behave,
- I wouldn't have to consider military school.
- I wish I could trust you.
- I wish I had a different mom.
- Well, sometimes
- I wish the same thing.
- [DoorOpens]
- [DoorSlams]
- Mmm.
- Good luck with your meeting.
- [Car DoorCloses]
- [Grunting]
- Children, would you like
- to watch television with me?
- - We don't have to tell your mother.
- - [TV: Channel Changing]
- - [Speaking Chinese]
- - [Yelling]
- [Together]
- Taiwanese parliament.
- [TV: Yelling, Blows Landing]
- You tell them, Kwi-Chang!
- No more big government!
- [TV: Karate Yells]
- Rip his heart out.!
- [TV: Blows Landing,
- Yelling Continue]
- [Snoring]
- [Whimpers]
- Hit me!
- [Sighs]
- [Narrator]
- So they slumped in theirchairs,
- too glum to complain,
- and to make matters worse,
- it started to rain.
- [Butterfly Yelps]
- They sat in the house...
- on that cold, cold, wet day...
- with no fun to have...
- and no games to play.
- They couldjust
- stare out the window...
- or perhaps get a nap in,
- and hope that something,
- anything might happen.
- Quit bothering
- the fiish.
- I know.
- Quit bothering the fiish.
- Spit hand!
- Oh, gross!
- Get that away from me!
- Get it away!
- [Loud Bump]
- [Narrator]
- Then something went bump.
- - What was that?
- - [Barks]
- How that bump
- made themjump.
- [Nevins Continues Barking]
- [Loud Bumping Continues]
- I think it came
- from the closet.
- [Loud Crash]
- [Grunts]
- Conrad?
- Conrad.
- Come on, Conrad.
- [Screams]
- [Laughing]
- You shouldn't scare people.
- You should've seen
- the look on your face.
- It was like you saw a monster...
- A monster? Where?
- That could've gone better.
- [Wheezing Laugh]
- [Both Screaming]
- [Sally]
- What was that?
- [Conrad] I don't know.
- Looked like
- a humongous cat.
- "Humongous"?
- I prefer the term "big-boned" or"jolly."
- Now, what are we hiding from?
- [Chortling]
- [Both Screaming]
- Thatwas a giant cat.
- But that's impossible,
- isn't it?
- It's entirely
- impossible.
- You know,
- I like this hiding place
- a lot better.
- They'll never
- fiind us here.
- Scream and run.
- [Both Screaming]
- And there they go.
- Who are you?
- Who? Me?
- Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat.
- There's no doubt about that.
- I'm a "super-fun-diferous" feline...
- who's here to make sure
- that you're...
- Meeline? Key lime?
- Turpentine?
- I got nothin'.
- I'm not so good with the rhyming.
- Not really, no.
- Look, I'm a cat
- that can talk.
- That should be enough
- foryou people!
- [Muttering]
- I can talk.!
- I'm a cat.! Yes.!
- [Chortling]
- Where did you come from?
- Hmm, how do I put this?
- When a mommy cat and a daddy cat
- love each othervery much,
- they decide that...
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Where did you come from?
- My place!
- Where do you think?
- [Snickering]
- No, how did you get here?
- I drove!
- Look, I've been here two whole minutes,
- and no one has offered me a drink.
- Harumph!
- - Sorry, Mr. Cat.
- Would you like some milk?
- - Milk? Ecch! No!
- Lactose intolerant.
- Gums up the works. Oy.
- You'll thank me later.
- [Wheezing, Chortling]
- - [Singer Laughing]
- Wipeout.!
- - Hello!
- @¤@¤[SurfRock]
- Surf s up!
- [Chuckles] Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Yee-hee-hee!
- Nice spread you got here.
- Homina-homina-homina-homina!
- Who is this?
- Ohh!
- That's my mom.
- Awkward, yeah.
- Yes, this place will do
- quite nicely, actually. Yeah.
- Although those drapes
- are a train wreck.
- [Chortling]
- [Snoring]
- And this is the lumpiest couch
- I ever sat on.
- Who is this dreadfully
- uncomfortable woman?
- Get offher.
- That's our babysitter.
- What the... Babysitter?
- You don't need one of those,
- do ya?
- Let me get this straight.
- You pay this woman...
- to sit on babies?
- That's disgusting!
- I'd do it for nothing!
- [Laughing Loudly]
- Hmm!
- Now, let's see
- what the old "phunometer"
- has to say.
- - "Phunometer"?
- - Yeah. It measures
- how fun you are.
- [Chortling]
- Hi.
- [Bell Dings]
- Huh?
- Ohh.
- Ah. Control freak.
- Yeah.
- Now you.
- [Whispers]
- Hi. How are ya?
- - [Bell Dings]
- - Whoa!
- [Whimpering]
- Oh.
- Tap it.
- Listen, kid,
- you can tap it with a hammer,
- it ain't gonna change.
- Just as I suspected.
- You guys are both out of whack.
- You're a control freak,
- and you're a rule-breaker.
- That'll be $700.
- Who's your insurance carrier?
- - So, what do we do?
- - Well, there are two treatments
- I'd recommend.
- One is a series of painful shots
- injected into your abdomen and kneecap.
- And the other...
- involves a musical number!
- @¤@¤[Orchestra:Fanfare]
- @ Me-Me-Me-Meow @
- How many shots?
- [Wheezing]
- "How many shots?"
- Aren't you precious?
- [Gasps]
- Maestro!
- @¤@¤[Orchestra:Introduction]
- @ I know it is wet @
- @ And the sun is not sunny @
- [Thunderclap]
- @ But we can have lots of
- good fun that is funny @
- [Both Groan]
- @ It's fun to have fun @
- @ But you got to know how @
- [Gagging]
- - [Vomits, Liquid Splatters]
- - [Both Gasp, Groan]
- Hair ball.
- @ I know lots of good tricks
- and I'll... @
- Stop this right now.!
- Huh?
- - Who said that?
- - Me!
- Remember? The fiish?
- Came home in a Baggie,
- loved me for two weeks, and then nothing!
- - The fiish is talking!
- - Well, sure, he can talk.
- But is he saying anything?
- No, not really. No.
- [Fish]
- Hey, Socks, can it.!
- This cat should not be here.
- He should not be about.
- He should not be here
- when your mother is out.
- Come on, kids!
- You gonna listen to him?
- He drinks where he pees!
- @¤@¤[Salsa]
- @There was this cat I knew
- back home where I was bred @
- @ He never listened to
- a single thing his mother said @
- @¤He never used the litter box
- He made a mess in the hall @¤
- @That's why they sent him
- to a vet @
- @To cut offboth his ba... @
- ba... ba...
- @ Boy, that wasn't
- fun, fun, fun @
- @ He never learns
- You can have fun, fun, fun @
- But less is more!
- @They may ship you off to school
- so rein it in a little @
- @ We can't spell "fun"
- without "U" in the middle @
- Human, this cat is currently in violation
- of... 17 ofyour mother's rules.!
- [Rings]
- City morgue!
- - Eighteen!
- - [Laughing]
- [Crowd Cheering,
- Applauding]
- - Olé!
- - [Bull Growling]
- Ooh!
- [Screaming]
- @ You can juggle work and play
- but you have to know the way @
- @ You can keep afloat a wish
- like the way I do this fiish @
- @¤ You can be a happy fella
- Someone throw me that umbrella @¤
- @ And that rake, that cake
- Life's what you make it @
- @ So have fun, fun, fun @
- @ Go insane and have
- some fun, fun, fun @
- @Just look at me
- Fun, fun, fun @
- @ No more rain
- Look, it's the sun, sun, sun @
- @ So can't you see
- I'm as happy as a clam
- I'm as fiit as a fiiddle @
- @ Yeah, the dogs
- may bark about you @
- @ And the purebred chaps
- may doubt you @
- [Fish]
- Getting motion sickness.!
- Milk? Big mistake.
- @ But remember this
- You can't have fun without "U" @
- I can't breathe!
- Ohh!
- Whoa!
- I knew that milk would
- come back to haunt me.
- Help! Help!
- - [Loud Burp]
- - [Groaning]
- [Yelling]
- [Grunting]
- @"U" in the middle @@
- [Gulps]
- [Panting, Chuckling]
- - Bravo, Cat.
- - Huh?
- These children are smart enough
- not to fall foryour MTV-style flash...
- at the expense of content
- and moral values.
- That was wicked cool!
- Do it again!
- I'd love to, but Shamu is right...
- I really should be going.
- - No, don't go!
- - No, I should go.
- I should let you and the fiish
- have all your fun conjugating verbs,
- cleaning your room,
- doing long division.
- No, you have to stay!
- All right, I'll stay.
- Oh, yeah!
- [Conrad] Yeah.!
- But if I'm gonna stay,
- there's something I wanna show you.
- Something magical...
- and full of wonder.
- - It's called a contract.
- - You want us to sign this?
- - Just a formality, really. Yeah.
- - Who are they?
- Magical time-traveling elves.
- [Chortling]
- Yeah. Magic.
- Okay, they're my lawyers.
- Liability issues, litigious society,
- frivolous lawsuits.
- You understand.
- Basically, this contract guarantees
- you can have all the fun you want...
- and nothing bad's
- ever gonna happen.
- - All the fun we want?
- - Uh-yeah!
- - Nothing bad will happen?
- - Uh-no!
- Come on, Sal,
- for once in your life
- try something spontaneous.
- It goes against
- my better instincts, but...
- fiine.
- Beautiful.
- Initial here.
- And here. And here.
- Not here!
- [Wheezes]
- Turn it over.
- This is nothing.
- [Clears Throat]
- Scratch this.
- Smell that!
- Terrifiic.
- Yadee-yadee-yadee.
- Sign the bottom.
- [Pencil Scratching On Paper]
- You're it!
- Okay, gimme fiive!
- Four.
- [Chortling]
- Let's get this party
- started! Uh-huh!
- Hey, check out this room!
- [Laughing]
- What now?
- Mom says we're not
- allowed in the living room
- today, or else.
- She's worried we'll mess up the couches
- byjumpin'on 'em orsomethin;
- And she's right.
- You can't jump on these.
- Not like this.
- They need some adjustment.
- Yee-haw!
- [Chuckling]
- Let's take a look
- under the hood.
- [Spits] Yeah.
- [Chuckles]
- Just doin' my job.
- [Fart]
- Sorry.
- What have we got here?
- Whew.
- Here we go.
- [Chortles]
- It's oversized.
- That's unusual.
- Here it is.
- [Grunts]
- [Elephant Trumpets]
- Down, Simba!
- Down, Simba!
- Get outta here!
- Spray me, would ya?
- You...
- [Whimpering]
- [Trumpeting Continues]
- [Choking]
- [Blows Landing]
- [Elephant Whimpering]
- [Panting]
- - [Elephant Trumpets]
- - Thanks for the help.
- Back in a second.
- Who's your couch mechanic?
- You oughta call
- Mr. Catwrench.
- [Grinding, Rumbling]
- Oww! My fur!
- My fur! My fur!
- [Groaning, Shouting]
- That oughta do it.
- Whoo!
- [Chortling]
- [Laughing]
- Come on, kids.
- I could use a little company.
- What about Mom's party?
- What about it?
- We signed the contract.
- Wha-hoo!
- [Laughing] Yeah!
- One cushion left,
- Sally.
- She'll never do it.
- She doesn't know
- how to have fun.
- Fun? Sally,
- you're betterthan fun.
- Fun is beneath you.
- Remember
- what your mother told you...
- No one sets foot
- in the living room...
- [Conrad Shouting]
- You know what?
- Let's just watch some flashbacks.
- [Voice Slowed Down]
- Absolutely no one sets foot
- in the living room, or else.
- You're fiired... fiired... fiired...
- fiired... fiired... fiired...
- [Takes Deep Breath]
- Fiired... fiired... fiired... fiired...
- And that's why...
- [Groans]
- Oww!
- This is where
- they buried my brother.!
- [Cat Laughing]
- [Conrad]
- Yeah.!
- [All Laughing]
- Yippee!
- Oh, yeah!
- This is amazing!
- Like being
- in the circus!
- Yeah, but without
- those tortured animals...
- or drunken clowns
- that have hepatitis.
- See, kids, I told you
- we could have fun!
- [Laughing Continues]
- [Conrad] The best thing is,
- no one will ever...
- know.
- Judas Priest!
- I can't believe what I'm seeing!
- Oh, Mr. Quinn,
- I was just telling Conrad
- to get off the couch.
- Bad, Conrad!
- Bad!
- Sally,
- baby, angel, princess,
- I'm gonna let you in
- on a little secret, okay?
- Nobody likes a suck-up!
- [Quinn Laughing]
- Where's the cat?
- I don't know.
- [Burps]
- Ohh!
- Good bread.
- What are you two
- lookin' at?
- [Sneezing]
- Is there a cat in here?
- [Sneezing Continues]
- I'm gonna...
- You're gonna...
- I have to...
- [Sneezes]
- [Sneezes]
- Get out ofhere.
- [Sneezes Twice]
- [Both Laughing]
- See, kids, I told you.
- Stick with me, it'll all work out.
- [Sneezes]
- Oh, no! Ohh!
- [Chortling]
- Little-known fact...
- cats always land on their tushy.
- - I thought they always
- landed on their feet.
- - Oh, sure, now you tell me.
- Harumph!
- [Chortling]
- - So, kiddo, what do you
- want to do for fun?
- - I wanna make cupcakes!
- Cupcakes? Oh, yeah!
- [Chortling]
- To the kitchen!
- [Announcer]
- Live from the kitchen,
- the following is
- a paid commercial announcement
- forAstounding Products.
- Hi! Welcome to
- Astounding Products.
- [Laughing]
- I'm your host,
- the guy in the sweaterwho asks
- all the obvious questions.
- [Studio Audience
- Laughing]
- Now, here to tell us
- about his astounding product
- for making cupcakes,
- all the way
- from Cheshire, England,
- please welcome...
- Me! Hello!
- [Chuckling]
- Now... Hello!
- I'm so excited!
- Do you love
- making cupcakes,
- but hate all
- the hard cupcake work?
- I know I do!
- Well, forget
- everything you know
- about making cupcakes...
- and say hello...
- to the amazing Kupkake-inator.
- - I'm so excited!
- - [Audience Chuckling]
- Cupcake-a-what?
- [Cat, Audience]
- Kupkake-inator!
- Oh, this amazing device
- can instantly make cupcakes...
- out of anything that
- you have in the kitchen.
- - Wait a minute.
- Did you say"anything"?
- - Anything.
- Anything?
- Yes, anything.
- Anything?
- Anything.
- - Anything?
- - I'll get you, and it'll look
- like a bloody accident.
- - [Audience Tittering]
- - Anything.
- Now, take off the lid.
- You can put in, I don't know,
- a carton of eggs.
- What?
- How about
- a pack ofhot dogs?
- That's incredible!
- Why not some ketchup?
- Yeah, why not?
- How about...
- I know what you're thinkin'.
- Even a fiire extinguisher.
- There we go.
- Hmm?
- Now, close the lid
- and Bob's your flippin' uncle!
- What an
- astounding product!
- [Audience Applauding]
- Oh, yeah!
- Open the drawer,
- [Bell Dings,
- Motor Whirring]
- Fiill the patented
- Kupkake-inator tray,
- [Audience Gasping]
- - Close the drawer,
- - [Audience Continues Gasping]
- Then place it
- in a conventional oven.
- [Audience Laughing,
- Applauding]
- Delicious cupcakes
- are just minutes away.
- Did you just say
- "minutes away"?
- [Host, Audience]
- That's impossible!
- You're not just wrong,
- you're stupid.
- Now, wait just a minute...
- And you're ugly,
- just like your mum.
- [Audience Gasping]
- Did you just call
- my mother ugly?
- Shut up! I mean it!
- I will end you!
- - [Grunts]
- - [Audience, Cat Gasping, Groaning]
- Um, Cat.
- Your tail.
- What about it?
- Oh, I see! I've chopped it off.
- That's interesting, because...
- Son of a bi...
- [Beep]
- @¤@¤[Whistling
- "The Girl From Ipanema"]
- Look, I'm not saying
- we're going to sue.
- I'm just saying
- we have a case.
- We'll talk later.
- Lxnay, ixnay.
- [Wheezes]
- Hi.
- Cat, is the oven
- supposed to be
- making that sound?
- Huh?
- Of course. That means
- they're almost done, Conrack.
- - Conrad.
- - That's what I said, Condor.
- - Cat!
- - Now, that's my name!
- [Oven Whirring, Rumbling]
- [Timer Bell Dings]
- Yep!
- They're done!
- Oh, man!
- There's nothing
- to worry about.
- I'm sure
- they still taste fiine.
- Yecch!
- They're horrible!
- Who wants some?
- Come on, come on!
- [Chortling]
- Oh... my... cod.
- Ohh! Aah!
- Cat, you need to
- clean this mess up pronto.
- We have a contract.
- All right, I'll try.
- You don't try. You do.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Right away, ma'am.
- [Coughs]
- I'll be right back.
- Whoa!
- [Crash]
- [Chortling]
- [Snoring]
- Hi.
- How are ya?
- Okay.
- [Chortling]
- Look. I'm a girl.
- [Giggling, Purring]
- Stop! That's...
- [Together]
- Mom's dress!
- [Gasps]
- This fiilthy thing?
- She was gonna wear that tonight,
- and you ruined it.
- Honey, it was ruined
- when she bought it.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- I told you
- all this would happen.!
- - But no one listens to a fiish!
- - Oy.
- A dog goes "woof-woof"
- and everybody knows that
- little Timmy's trapped undera log.
- But a fiish speaks
- in plain English...
- All right, everyone,
- let's just take a deep breath
- and calm down.
- [Inhaling, Exhaling]
- You know who's gonna solve it?
- Me. I am.
- I will personally
- take care of everything.
- And I know
- just the guys to do it.
- [Wheezing]
- [Chortling]
- In this box are two Things.
- I will show them to you.
- Two Things, and I call them
- Thing One and Thing Two.
- These Things will not bite you.
- They want to have fun.
- So without further ado,
- meet Thing Two
- and Thing One!
- [Whooping, Babbling]
- @Ta-da @
- Oh, yeah!
- [Chortles]
- Thing One, Conrad, Sally.
- Conrad, Sally, Thing One.
- Thing Two, Conrad, Sally.
- Conrad, Sally, Thing Two.
- Thing One, Thing Two.
- Thing Two, Thing One.
- Conrad, Sally. Sally, Conrad.
- I am the Cat.
- Don't belittle me.
- Ah, yes, of course.
- Thing Two would like to
- clarify that just because
- he wears the number two...
- does not imply in any way
- that he's inferior to Thing One.
- And all of the above.
- He says you may feel free
- to call him Thing "A," if you like.
- He will also accept SuperThing,
- Thing King, Kid Dynamite,
- Chocolate Thun-Da...
- or Ben.
- [Chuckles] Ben!
- [Thing OneJabbering]
- Thing One says
- he's Thing One for a reason,
- and some people
- should just get used to it.
- It's a Thing thing.
- You wouldn't understand.
- [ThingsJabbering,
- Arguing]
- Okay, enough!
- You are quickly turning into
- one of my least favorite Things.
- Listen, Convex,
- you probably don't
- wanna do that.
- Why not?
- It's just a crate.
- This isn't just any old crate.
- It's the Trans-dimensional
- Transportolator.
- It's kinda like a doorway
- which leads from this world
- to my world.
- But it says,
- "Made in the Philippines."
- Yes, but not this Philippines.
- Look, now,
- I'm not usually a rules guy,
- but this is a biggie.
- No opening the crate.
- No lookee, no touchee.
- Got it?
- [Thing]
- Mekka-dekka we should
- settle ourdifferences.
- [Jabbering]
- [Cat]
- Things, front and center.!
- Cool.
- All right, Things,
- I'm not paying you to
- stand around and look pretty.
- Here's Mom's dress.
- [Thing Cackling]
- Oh.! Mommy's dress.!
- [BothJabbering, Giggling]
- - [Gasp]
- - [Gasp]
- - What about the couch?
- - Which couch?
- The clean one,
- orthe horribly stained one?
- - [Wheezing]
- - [Jabbering Continues]
- Ho!
- [Chortling]
- Mekka-dekka
- don't worry!
- Incoming!
- Cat, they're wrecking
- the whole house.!
- [Snoring]
- [Groans,
- Continues Snoring]
- [Jabbering, Giggling Continue]
- - Conrad, help!
- - Help yourself!
- Look at me!
- Come and get it!
- [ContinuesJabbering]
- [Grunts]
- Whoa! Ooh, yeah! Whoa!
- [Giggles]
- That tickles!
- [Jabbering]
- Geronimo!
- [Jabbering, Grunting]
- [Crab Lock]
- Mine, mine, mine!
- Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
- Ride 'em, cowboy!
- Yee-hee-hee! Ho-ho-ho! Whee!
- [Snoring]
- [Continues Snoring]
- If this were my house,
- I'd be furious.
- [Laughing]
- Hey! Klondike!
- Do you have any idea
- what happened to the lock
- on this crate?
- - It's on Nevins's collar.
- - Nevins?
- [Sally]
- Nevins? Nevins.!
- Put the dog down!
- I said, put the dog down!
- Why won't they
- listen to me?
- Oh. I don't know if this helps,
- but the Things always do
- the opposite of what you say.
- Why do they always
- do the opposite?
- That's so annoying!
- Remind you of anyone,
- Conrad?
- Zinga!
- [Things Cackling]
- Zinga! Zinga!
- Blue! 41! Set!
- Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
- Hey, Thing,
- don't let go of that dog!
- Let go!
- [Conrad] Catch him...
- I mean, don't catch him.!
- [Screams]
- [Crab Lock Chuckles]
- [Barks]
- Well, this is just great, Conrad.
- The whole house is destroyed,
- the party is ruined,
- and now Nevins is gone.
- Sally, Kojak,
- that's nothing compared
- to what's gonna happen
- if we don't lock this crate.
- Take a look.
- It's already leaking.
- [Grunting]
- - It won't stay shut.
- - Not without the lock.
- Look, if we don't get that lock off of Nevins
- and put it back on this crate,
- we're gonna be staring down
- the business end
- of the mother of all messes.
- [Grunting]
- We've gotta go out
- and fiind Nevins.
- [Grunts]
- Impossible! Sally!
- There's only four hours
- till the party.
- The Fish is right.
- We should call Mom
- and tell herwhat happened.
- Look at this house!
- There's no way we could
- explain this to Mom.
- We gotta get Nevins back
- and lock the crate!
- We're staying and calling Mom.
- We're going and getting the dog.
- [Sinister Voice]
- There is a third option.
- @¤@¤[Organ:Dramatic]
- There is?
- Yes. It involves...
- murder!
- @@ [Dramatic Chords]
- - That's your option?
- - No.
- But you guys both had options.
- I just wanted to have one too.
- [Chuckling]
- Or did I?
- - Cat, you're not helping!
- - Come on. Let's go get that dog.
- Now, wejust need
- a heavy, inanimate object
- to weigh down this crate.
- [Kids Grunting]
- [Grumbling]
- There. That oughta
- buy us some time.
- Come on, kids!
- Let's go, go, go!
- [Wheezing Laugh]
- [Grunting, Sighing]
- [Man On TV]
- Identical sister Mitzy...
- [Sighs]
- [Man #2 On TV]
- That's right.
- [Grunts]
- - [Knocking]
- - Yeah!
- What do you want now?
- Repo.
- You're repossessing my TV?
- I'm sure I made a payment.
- If it's about that bounced check,
- let me give you a credit card.
- That one's expired.
- Huh? Oh, come on!
- [Woman On TVGrunting]
- [Narrator]
- With the lock on his collar,
- Nevins kept running,
- unaware ofhis part...
- in the evil Quinn's cunning.
- [Ringing]
- Joan Walden Real Estate.
- Be it ever so humble, there's no...
- Oh, hi, Joan.
- The kids let the dog
- out again.
- You're kidding.
- Don't worry. I'll go get him,
- then we'll have a conversation
- vis-a-vis military school.
- I don't know.
- Conrad's like you, Lawrence.
- He's very... sensitive.
- Uh-huh.
- [Sighs]
- But I suppose it's something
- I should consider.
- I'll get the dog.
- I'll be right over.
- [Dial Tone Hums]
- [Sighs]
- [Groaning]
- - [Barking]
- - [Conrad]
- Okay, there's Nevins.
- Stay out of sight.
- [Barks, Growls]
- @¤@¤[Violin Strings Plucking]
- @@ [Plucking Continues]
- I thought the moment
- needed something.
- Oh, what will become of us?
- Your motherwill lose her job,
- and we'll have to...
- live on the street!
- [Sobbing]
- I can't! Don't make me go...
- [Groans]
- I don't know this world.!
- It's dry! It's like...
- I can't... It's too...
- Fish!
- It's too much!
- Would you like to go back
- in the toilet?
- On second thought,
- it's such a beautiful day.
- Why spend it indoors?
- - Thank you!
- - [Gasps]
- Okay, kids.
- Get out of my way.
- This fence is no match
- for my cat-like grace and reflexes.
- Here we go.
- [Neck Muscles,
- Knuckles Cracking]
- [Exhales]
- Ow. Okay.
- Watch me fly, kids.
- [Wheezing Laugh]
- [Loud Crash]
- [Grunting]
- Ow!
- I don't think
- the little girl's even trying.
- What about your
- cat-like... reflexes?
- What about showing a little effort,
- shrimp boat? Now, push!
- Whaa!
- All right, Nevins.
- Time to die.
- - [Whimpering]
- - Cat, you scared him away!
- Dirty hoe.
- I'm sorry, baby.
- I love you. Hmm.
- [Conrad]
- Come on, Cat.!
- [Yipping]
- There he is!
- [Children Shouting]
- [Man]
- Happy birthday, Denise.
- [Sally]
- Denise?
- Everyone I know
- is there.
- There's Ginny and Alan.
- How come Denise didn't
- invite me to her birthday?
- Don't worry. Let'sjust
- get Nevins and go.
- - [Woman] Okay, kids.
- Everyone outside.!
- - [Kids Screaming]
- [Yelling]
- Aaah!
- Nevins.
- Cat, get down!
- They're gonna see you!
- Hide.!
- [Excited Shouting]
- [Chanting]
- Piñata! Piñata! Piñata!
- Piñata! Piñata!
- Piñata.! Piñata.!
- [Nervous Grumbling]
- - [Groans]
- - Everybody join in!
- [Girl]
- It's breaking!
- Step out of my way.
- This cannot end well.
- - Piñata! Piñata!
- - [Howling]
- @¤I'm easy @¤
- @¤Ah, ah, ah, ah @¤
- [Whinnying]
- @¤I'm easy
- like Sunday morning @¤@¤
- - [Howling]
- - [Both Groaning]
- [Howling Continues]
- Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!
- - Oh.! Whoo-hoo.!
- - I got an idea.
- [Conrad]
- Candy.!
- Candy!
- [Growls]
- [Both]
- No!
- Get back!
- Cat!
- [Cat Grunts]
- I'll get you!
- [Sighs]
- [Phone Rings]
- [Gasping]
- I'd love to buy some.
- Hello, Mrs. Kwan.
- It'sJoan Walden.
- I just called
- to check on the kids.
- Are they okay?
- [Chuckles]
- Those aren't children.
- They're little angels.
- [All Laughing]
- That's sweet.
- Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan.
- I'll be home as soon as I can.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- [Things Babbling]
- [Sighs]
- [Groans, Snores]
- [Excited Chortling]
- [Cat]
- All right, soldier.
- Our bogey is in range.
- Commence
- search and destroy.
- - What?
- - Search and rescue.
- I meant search and rescue.
- Come on!
- I can't believe I wasn't
- invited to that party.
- Hey!
- You're a lone wolf.
- [Whispering]
- Live alone, die alone.
- Yeah.
- - Can we please get the dog?
- - [Mocking]
- Can we please get the dog?
- Can we please get the dog?
- Boo!
- [Conrad]
- Oh, no.! Oh, man.!
- Hello, Nevins.
- Good-bye, Conrad.
- Not so tough now,
- are you?
- [Barks]
- [Sinister Laughing]
- [Hooting Laugh]
- We're dead.
- We're never gonna get
- that crate shut.
- And I'm getting shipped off
- to Colonel Von Kronk's School
- for Wayward Boys!
- Why don't we
- take my car?
- You have a car?
- Yeah, sure.
- [CarAlarm Chirps]
- [Engine Starts,
- Tires Screech]
- Wow.
- That is so cool.
- That's just
- the dust cover.
- Here she is, the Super Luxurious
- Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger.
- Or S.L.O.W. For short.
- S.L.O.W.?
- Yeah, SLOW.
- It's better than the last name we had.
- Super Hydraulic
- Instantaneous Transporter.
- - Oh, you mean...
- - Ohh! Quick, to the SLOW.
- [Chortling]
- [Grunts]
- Buckle up, kids.
- We're on a mission to get that dog,
- and we will not rest
- until we fiind and destroy it.
- Rescue it!
- Rescue it! Of course
- I meant rescue it.
- Whatever. Remember, kids,
- there's nothing faster than SLOW.
- That's backwards!
- It makes no sense.
- Look at you! Argh!
- Okay, here we go.
- G.P. S... check.
- DVD, CD... check.
- Someone from Czechoslovakia
- is a... Czech.
- [Chortling]
- Siren!
- What are you...
- What...
- Siren?
- [Screaming]
- Let's go!
- Whoo-whoa-ho-ho!
- [Hooting]
- Hi there!
- How are you? Yeah!
- [Giggling]
- [Engine Backfiiring]
- [Laughing]
- [All Yelling]
- @ I'm sending Conrad away @
- - Oh! Oh!
- - [Barking]
- [Sniffs]
- Oh!
- [Barks]
- I can't believe you whizzed
- on my taco!
- [Barking Continues]
- Wait tillJoan
- gets a load of you!
- [Laughing]
- [Barking]
- - There they are!
- - [Fish] Red light, red light,
- red light, red light.!
- Red light!
- [All Screaming]
- - Someone else should drive.
- - All right. You win.
- Concrete,
- you drive.
- Are you serious?
- I don't know.
- A little voice inside of me
- is saying, "This is a bad idea,"
- but I can barely hear
- that little voice...
- because an even louder
- little voice is screaming,
- "Let the 12-year-old drive!"
- Now, punch it!
- [Imitating Engine]
- [Grunts]
- This is awesome.!
- [Gagging]
- - [Retching]
- - [Groans]
- - I want to drive.
- - I think that's a great idea.
- [Chuckling]
- Wait!
- Two people can't drive
- at the same time.
- You're right.
- We should all drive.
- [Chortling]
- [Tires Screeching]
- [Yelling]
- - Cat.! Where are the brakes?
- - I'll get them.
- I think there's something wrong
- with your brakes. When's the
- last time you had them checked?
- [Chortling]
- Bad brake.!
- [Screaming]
- One-way street, one-way street,
- one-way street, one-way street.!
- - [Gasping, Screaming]
- - [Truck Horn Honking]
- Hey, Rhode Island license plate.
- You never see those.
- [Horn Honking]
- Om. Om.
- [Loud Clanging]
- Air bag. Standard.
- [Panting]
- I think... I wet... my jar.
- Can we do that again?
- [Alarm Chirps]
- [Gasps]
- Hey, there he is!
- [Conrad] Oh, no.!
- He's going into Mom's offiice.!
- Come on, Cat!
- [Whistles]
- You know, Nevins,
- whenJoan fiinds out
- you've escaped again,
- Conrad will be moving out,
- and I'll be moving in.
- [Conrad] We've gotta get
- Nevins and that lock back.
- [Sally] What are we gonna do?
- Don't worry.
- I have three plans.
- Plan "A": "Mess up
- a perfectly clean house."
- Done that. Plan "B":
- "Cut your losses and ditch the kids."
- - That could work.
- - What about that one?
- Plan "C": "Trick Mom's boyfriend
- into handing over dog and lock."
- I don't know.
- I still like Plan "B."
- - [Both] Cat!
- - Okay, okay. Plan "C."
- Look at you. Argh!
- [Whining]
- Excuse me, sir.
- I'd like you to sign
- my petition. Yeah.
- Get out of my way,
- you hippie freak.
- Are you aware of the senseless,
- wholesale slaughter...
- of the flatulating,
- acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?
- What will it take
- to get you out of my face?
- Just sign my petition...
- with this large, oversized pen
- that requires two hands.
- I see.
- [Loud Click]
- - Will you hold my dog?
- - Yes!
- Okay, I have a problem
- with the word "dog."
- I don't use the "D" word per se
- 'cause I think it's really, really wrong.
- Yeah. But I will happily
- hold yourCanine-American.
- - I'm more comfortable
- with that really, yeah.
- - [Giggling]
- @ How much is that Canine-American
- in the window @
- [Both]
- Cat! Come on!
- - [Nevins Barking]
- - Hey, what the...
- [Cat] Go, go, go.!
- Come back here!
- I'm on to you kids!
- - Nothing to see here.
- Keep moving! Go!
- - [Panting]
- [Whistle Blows]
- Come on! Let's go.
- Ah, get in, get in!
- Come on, let's go.
- Get in! Hi, hi.
- Get in! Get in!
- @¤@¤[Dance]
- Look out below!
- Oh! Sorry. Over there.
- [Hooting]
- Hey! Hey, hey!
- Hey, hey!
- [Feet Screeching]
- Ohh!
- Oh!
- [Laughing]
- I got you!
- Here he comes!
- [Both]
- Cat!
- [Yelling]
- - [Woman Screams]
- - Where's my hat? Oh! Go! Go, go!
- Go! Let's go!
- My tail, my tail.
- Come on, Cat!
- [Grunts]
- I'm walking here!
- [Angry Whimpering]
- [Horn Honking]
- Joan. Joan!
- [Whimpering]
- - I think we lost him.
- - Not the pocket. Not the pocket!
- - We got the lock back.
- Now let's get home.
- - Relax, kid. I'm all over it.
- [Wheezing Laugh]
- Hey.
- What's wrong?
- This.
- This is not my hat.
- I must have picked up
- the wrong hat back there.
- - So?
- - So...
- without my hat,
- I'm just your garden-variety
- six-foot-tall talking cat.
- Joan, yourchildren
- are running around town
- like complete maniacs.
- Yes, they are.
- With some weird,
- hairy man in a big hat.
- Uh-huh.
- You're gonna believe everything
- I'm telling you once we get to
- your house, okay? Come on.
- We're doomed!
- We're dead. This is all my fault.
- I'm such an idiot.
- Why do I always have to do
- the opposite of what I'm supposed to?
- Wait a second.
- That's it! The opposite!
- Hey, Things!
- Don't help us!
- Do not show up and help us
- get home right now!
- - We're goin' on a road trip!
- - Larry's car?
- How'd you get so smart?
- [Chortling]
- [Narrator]
- So the race was on
- to get back home fiirst.
- [Conrad]
- Hang on! We gotta beat
- Mom and Quinn home!
- [Narrator]
- But back at their home,
- things werejust getting worse.
- There's Mom and Larry!
- Step on it, Joan.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
- Oh, Things, do not do anything
- to slow down my mom.
- [Things]
- Slow down Mom.!
- [Whooping]
- [Chattering]
- [Quinn]
- Look, Joan, they don't
- beat them every day.
- [Siren Wailing]
- Oh, great.
- [Siren Continues]
- [Clears Throat]
- I'm sorry, Offiicer.
- Was I speeding?
- Mekka dekka license,
- appa registration.
- Mekka dekka,
- you're one hot mama.
- Hey, that's my car.
- Joan, we better go right away!
- Please let me handle this.
- Sorry, I guess I was
- in a hurry to get home.
- - I'm not gonna let them
- get away with this!
- - [Babbling]
- [Yelling]
- [Siren Wailing]
- Meet me at the house!
- Not so fast,
- you little maggots!
- Ha-ha!
- Oh, you are so busted.
- Now get inside.
- You don't want to go in there.
- It's going to be a total...
- Aah!
- What?
- Sally, what happened?
- What about the mother
- ofall messes?
- I don't know.
- [Sneezes]
- Why am I sneezing?
- That'd be me. Boo!
- You're a giant...
- [Sneezing]
- Cat!
- [Screaming]
- Judas Priest!
- Ooh.
- Mama mia.
- What happened
- to our house?
- It's the mother
- of all messes.
- Yup!
- Pure, unadulterated fun
- without any good sense or judgment.
- See, Corn Dog,
- this is why I warned you...
- not to open the crate.
- - [Birds Honking]
- - Although, on the plus side,
- I think people will be
- talking about tonight's party
- for the rest of their lives.
- - [Nevins Whines]
- - [Groans]
- - We gotta shut the crate! Come on!
- - Okay.
- [Cat Chuckling]
- Let's take the front hall carpet.
- [Chortling]
- - This can't be the front hall.
- - This is what happens when you
- mix yourworld and my world.
- Oh, and when you eat
- bad shellfiish.
- Let's go! Oh, yeah!
- Cat, how do we
- fiind the crate?
- Beats me.
- This hat is worthless,
- and it makes me look fat.
- - Where's Mrs. Kwan?
- - Oh-ho-ho!
- Here she comes,
- right on schedule.
- - Oh, yeah!
- - We're going to ride Mrs. Kwan?
- Sure.! It's the only way
- to the crate. Hop on.!
- Oh, this is gonna be good!
- Please keep your hands and feet
- in the Kwan at all times!
- Enjoy the ride!
- [Chortling]
- Ladies and gentlemen,
- the dining room. Ohh.!
- [Laughing]
- [Sally]
- This is the dining room?
- [Clock Cuckooing]
- Hey, look.
- Chandelier!
- [Chuckling]
- [Conrad]
- Is that the bathroom?
- You might want to
- hold it for a while.
- Something like that
- really burns my...
- [All]
- Aaah!
- This is amazing!
- It's like a ride
- at an amusement park!
- You mean, like at...
- Universal Studios.
- [Laughing]
- Cha-ching.
- Whoa!
- [All Screaming]
- - [Cat] Whoa!
- - [Grumbling]
- Please exit the Kwan to your left.
- Have a nice day!
- This is ridiculous.
- I have to get home.
- [Grunting]
- Police brutality!
- Illegal choke hold!
- Where are we?
- The living room,
- I think.
- Ah, man!
- My eyes are closed.
- If there's no line, could we
- go back and do that again?
- There's the crate!
- Oh!
- [Chortling]
- If we shut the crate,
- the house will go back to normal.
- You have the lock?
- Got it!
- Come on! Let's go!
- Sally!
- [Both Grunting]
- - Come on!
- - It won't shut!
- Sally! Everything
- is disappearing up there!
- - Help!
- - Sally!
- - Oh! Oh!
- - Sal... Aaah!
- - Help me, Conrad!
- - Sally!
- Help me!
- I can't hold on!
- Hang on!
- Help me, Conrad!
- Help.!
- Sally, I can't reach
- the lock!
- - No!
- - I can't save you
- unless you let go!
- Okay.
- [Screaming]
- Help me!
- - [Lock] Yes!
- - [Screaming]
- [Crashing, Groaning]
- [Birds Chirping]
- [Yelling]
- [Gurgling]
- Ugh!
- I did it!
- I did it!
- I did it.! I did it.!
- I did it.!
- [Laughing]
- I did it! I did it!
- Okay, "we" did it.
- I don't think
- we did anything.
- The place is still a wreck.
- You said if we shut the crate,
- everything would be okay!
- But it's not.
- It's a complete disaster!
- Well, what are you
- gonna do?
- Tennis, anyone?
- [Metal Popping]
- [Balls Rolling]
- [Sniffiing]
- Ooh!
- [Purring]
- Love that new ball smell.
- Yeah.
- - Hey, your hat... it's magic again?
- - Oops.
- Well, now that the cat's out of the bag,
- to use an archaic
- and cruel-sounding metaphor,
- why don't you serve fiirst?
- You had your real hat
- this whole time?
- Uh-yup.
- I planned the whole day.
- [Wheezing Laugh]
- - What do you mean,
- you planned the whole day? All of it?
- - Uh-yup.
- - The house getting trashed?
- - Uh-yup.
- - Quinn taking Nevins?
- - Uh-yup.
- - Cutting off your tail?
- - Uh-nope. No.
- You even knew
- I'd open the crate?
- Why do you think I made it my one rule?
- I knew you couldn't resist.
- Now, who's up for a game
- of Canadian doubles?
- [Loud Crashing]
- Cat, you said nothing bad
- would happen.
- Cat, you need to get out.
- I don't know that game.
- It's not a game.
- None of this is a game!
- - But I thought you two
- wanted to have fun today.
- - Look around, Cat.
- You were right.
- It's fun to have fun,
- but you have to know how.
- You don't know
- when enough is enough.
- Now, go!
- Suzy.
- Cromwell.
- Please.
- [Both]
- Out!
- Out!
- [Sparking]
- Good riddance!
- Now, this may not be the time
- for"I told you so," but...
- Like I said,
- not the time.
- I'll get the mop
- and bucket.
- Conrad, you might want
- to get out ofhere until Mom
- has a chance to calm down.
- No. This was my fault.
- I'll take the blame.
- Look, Mom will be home any second.
- Why don't you go upstairs?
- I'm not going upstairs.
- I'm staying with you.
- Really? Why?
- Two reasons.
- One, the stairs are destroyed.
- Two, this is just as much
- my fault as yours.
- We should share the blame.
- Thanks, Sally.
- By the way,
- you're a pretty good brother.
- Glad you think that.
- Maybe we can room together
- at military school.
- Well, here goes.
- [Chortling]
- @ Bet you thought I'd gone
- Bet you felt a sting @
- @¤Bet you neverthought
- I'd have anothersong to sing @¤
- @ But now that you've learned your lesson
- Allow me to blow your mind @
- @ By reading to you the small print
- of the contract that you signed @@
- Okay, section eight,
- article 93, subparagraph 834.
- Right by the chili stain.
- [Chuckles]
- It reads, "If Conrad, a.k.a. Concrete,
- should open the crate...
- "and we know he will...
- the contract shall be null and void.
- "However,
- if Sally and Conrad
- should learn from their mistakes,
- the contract shall be reinstated."
- I think you two have satisfiied
- the legal burden oflearning.
- [Both]
- Yeah!
- So there's just one last game to play.
- It's called "Clean Up The House."
- Kids, meet the Dynamic Industrial
- Renovating Tractormajigger.
- [Both]
- D-l-R-T?
- That's right!
- [Chortling]
- @¤It's getting better
- all the time @¤
- @¤I used to get mad
- at my school @¤
- Ta-da!
- @¤ The teachers who taught me
- weren't cool @¤
- @¤ You're holding me down @¤
- @¤ Turning me 'round @¤
- @¤Filling me up
- with your rules @¤
- @¤Ooh-ooh @¤
- @¤I've got to admit
- it's getting better@¤
- @¤Better@¤
- @¤A little better
- all the time @¤
- @¤It can't get no worse @¤
- @¤I have to admit
- it's getting better@¤
- @¤Better@¤
- @¤A little better
- since you've been mine @¤
- - [Cat Chortling]
- - Hee-hee!
- [Babbling]
- @¤Me used to be
- an angry young man @¤
- @¤Me hiding my head
- in the sand @¤
- [Horn Honks]
- @¤ You gave me the word
- I fiinally heard @¤
- @¤I'm doing the best
- that I can,yeah @¤
- @¤I've got to admit
- it's getting better@¤
- @¤Better@¤
- @¤A little better
- all the time @¤
- @¤Can't get no worse @¤
- @¤I have to admit
- it's getting better@¤
- @¤Better@¤
- @¤It's getting better@¤
- @¤Since you've been mine @¤
- Oh, yeah!
- @¤Getting so much better@¤
- These drapes are so out,
- @¤All the time @¤
- they're in!
- @¤It's getting better
- all the time @¤
- [Chortling] Yeah!
- - @¤Better, better, better@¤
- - Spin! Spin!
- @¤It's getting better
- all the time @¤
- @¤Better, better, better@¤
- [Blubbering]
- [Chortling]
- Ooh! Ooh!
- @¤I have to admit
- it's getting better@¤
- @¤A little better
- all the time @¤
- [Barking]
- @¤It can't get no worse @¤
- @¤ Yes, I admit
- it's getting better@¤
- - @¤It's getting better@¤
- - Bye!
- @¤Since you've been mine @¤
- @¤Getting so much better
- all the time @¤@¤
- Okay, we had some good times.
- We cleaned up the house.
- We even managed to work in
- an up-tempo pop tune for the sound track.
- That's important.
- I guess there's just one
- last thing to check.
- [Gurgling]
- Huh?
- [Dings]
- [Dings]
- Looks like everything's
- in balance,
- but you're still smoking
- way too many cigars.
- - And you... lay offthe sauce.!
- - [Chuckles]
- Cat,
- this day has been...
- amazing.
- Thank you, Cat.
- For everything.
- Conrad?
- Sally?
- Adieu.
- - [Sally]
- Cat.!
- - Cat!
- - Huh?
- - Wait, Cat.
- - Don't go!
- [Chuckles]
- Uh-oh!
- [Chortling]
- All right, kids.
- This place better not be a mess.
- I'm... home?
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mom.
- Miss Walden, home so soon?
- The children were angels.
- - Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.
- - Hello, Joan.
- [Gasps]
- Lawrence, what happened to you?
- They... happened to me.
- Your demonic children.
- [Panting]
- They destroyed your house.!
- Uh...
- [Quinn]
- The house was alive.
- The wall was made ofpaper.
- I fell off the cliff.
- And the giant cat...
- The giant cat!
- [Whispers]
- Tell her.
- Larry, Larry.
- You look terrible,
- and my mom
- thinks you're insane.
- This is what we in sales
- call "a win-win scenario."
- Joan, you are passing up
- the opportunity of a lifetime.
- You know what kind ofkid
- your boy is.
- I mean, who are you
- going to believe?
- You're right. I do know
- what kind ofkid Conrad is.
- He can be irresponsible.
- Yes!
- He makes bad choices.
- Sometimes he makes me
- want to tear my hair out.
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- But he's a good kid,
- and I believe in him.
- Now, I'd like you
- to leave.
- Wha... Joan. Joan.
- Joan. Joan.
- Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan!
- [Crying]
- [Sneezes]
- [Groaning]
- - Will you marry me, Joan?
- - [Groans]
- Oh, Joan, Joan,
- Joan, Joan.
- [Sobbing]
- [Squeals]
- Yes!
- Yeah!
- [Both Laughing]
- [Conrad]
- Yeah.!
- Oh, that's nice.
- [Snoring]
- [People Chattering]
- Mr. Humberfloob?
- Whoa-ho-ho!
- Almost got me again.
- Enjoy the party.
- Mr. Humberfloob.
- Joan, the party's a hit
- and the house is immaculate.
- Congratulations.
- [Woman]
- Miss Walden. Uh, Miss Walden.
- Chicka-ow, chicka-ow,
- chica-yee-haw!
- Hi, Mom!
- Honey, yourcupcakes
- are a huge hit.
- What did you put in them?
- Mom, you can make cupcakes
- out of anything.
- Are you telling me
- you can make cupcakes
- out ofanything?
- - Anything.
- - Anything?
- So what did you kids
- do today, huh?
- [Narrator]
- Well, what would you do
- ifyour motherasked you?
- The family was whole,
- all thanks to the Cat,
- who was dashing and charming,
- no doubt about that.
- He was witty and cultured...
- and, well, very endearing...
- and tremendously attractive,
- but in a sort of real way.
- You know, kind of
- an approachable way that I think
- you don't see these days...
- [Normal Voice]
- Oh! Hello! I was just, uh...
- I really should be going.
- [Chuckles]
- How'd they get so smart?
- [Whooping]
- [Chortling]
- [All Laughing]
- Oh, yeah!
- Whoo!
- [Chortling]
- Come on, Things!
- Let's go!
- What's on my schedule
- for tomorrow?
- What do you say
- we go on vacation?
- [Chortling]
- How 'bout Hawaii?
- I like Hawaii.
- I should warn you,
- there are certain places that
- don't allow certain Things.
- [Chuckling]
- Oh, Things are complicated.
- Subrip By PrimeEvil
- Fixed By Pacman
- @¤ Things are getting weird
- Things are getting tough @¤
- @¤Nothing's making sense
- but you keep on looking up @¤
- @¤ They tell you to be true
- You're trying every day @¤
- @¤ To keep it on the real
- Still you gotta fiind a way @¤
- @¤ To make your mama happy
- To make your papa proud @¤
- @¤ You wanna turn it up
- but all you hear is "tone it down"@¤
- @¤So gather'round
- I'm here to say @¤
- @¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
- @¤But while you're around
- you might as well @¤
- @¤Catch the tiger by its tail @¤
- @¤And hang on
- hang on, hang on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust get on
- get on, get on @¤
- @¤Get started
- and go on, go on, go on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
- @¤Sometimes I wanna cry
- orthrow the towel in @¤
- @¤ You try to bring me down
- but I'll take it on the chin @¤
- @¤And everywhere I go
- the people are the same @¤
- @¤ Theyjust want to know
- that everything will be okay @¤
- @¤ When things are getting rough
- they turn it back around @¤
- @¤ You gotta turn it up
- when they tell you "tone it down"@¤
- @¤So gather'round
- I'm here to say @¤
- @¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
- @¤But while you're around
- you might as well @¤
- @¤Catch the tiger by its tail @¤
- @¤And hang on
- hang on, hang on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust
- get on, get on, get on @¤
- @¤Get started
- and go on, go on, go on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
- @¤Just hang on @¤
- @¤So gather'round
- I'm here to say @¤
- @¤ You'll never make everybody's day @¤
- @¤But while you're around
- you might as well @¤
- @¤Catch a tiger by its tail @¤
- @¤And hang on
- hang on, hang on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust
- get on, get on, get on @¤
- @¤Get started
- and go on, go on, go on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
- @¤Hang on, hang on, hang on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust
- get on, get on, get on @¤
- @¤Get started
- and go on, go on, go on @¤
- @¤Everybodyjust hold on @¤
- @¤Just hang on @¤@¤
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